Nobody Sees Me Wishing
by solitaireclay07
Summary: Ivy Bennett was that girl eyeing Sirius Black during their Defense Against the Dark Arts exam. She didn't mean to do it - in fact, she doesn't even like Sirius in that way. She was glad that he never noticed her. Well, in a way...
1. Exams

_"Sirius was lounging in his chair at his ease, tilting it back on two legs. He was very good-looking; his dark hair fell into his eyes with a sort of casual elegance neither James' nor Harry's could ever have achieved, and a girl sitting behind him was eyeing him hopefully, though he didn't seem to have noticed." (Snape's Worst Memory)_

I caught myself staring at him today.

It was an accident that it even happened in the first place. I had finished with my Defense Against the Dark Arts exam early; I had nothing else to do! I began to daydream, imagining myself in another place, another time...and then I realized I was staring at him.

Not even staring.

More like eyeing him hopefully, like he would notice me or something.

Truth be told, I don't want him to notice me. I'm not one of those girls who like to fawn and fall over him at all; it was a mistake that I even looked at him. I blame my imagination – it was getting the better of me. I just happened to look over, and he was there, leaning back on his chair. His dark hair falling ever so gracefully in his gray eyes – and there I go! I'm doing it again!

I'm not like those other girls! The reason being that I don't want him to notice me back. I don't want him to look at me like I'm perfect for him or something. The very thought sends a shiver down my spine. I can't even fathom it.

We're not even good for each other. I'd go crazy if I ever dived into a relationship with him. We're opposites. I'm quiet; he's loud. I'm shy; he's outgoing. I'm as innocent as can be and he's...well, not. We'd probably have nothing to talk about, nothing in common, nothing to keep us together. We're just not compatible as a couple.

Not that it matters. He'd never look my way in the first place. There's nothing special about me that would get him to notice my presence. To him, I'm probably just that Gryffindor that sits behind him in class. I don't even try to get the seat behind him; it just sort of happens sometimes. I'll be walking into class and there'll be that nice open seat right in the middle of the room. And I'll sit there and then, five minutes later, he'll walk in with his group of friends and sit _right in front of me_.

One day, I even tried to convince myself that he sat in front of me because, just maybe, he fancied me. Every little thing he did furthered my conclusion. When he looked in my general direction, smiled my way, even when he blinked facing me. And then I'd start to worry that the stuff I did would start to drive him away. During one class, I grew anxious that maybe he didn't like it when girls wore their hair up. Almost guiltily, I withdrew the rubber band from my hair. And then the next day, I realized it was all my imagination. He still had no clue who I was.

Maybe I just like looking at him. Maybe I like imagining how we would be if we were together. Maybe I just like to pretend – but never act. That's why I find myself eying him in the middle of a daydream.

But there's nothing I can do about it. I would never want to be with a guy like Sirius Black.


	2. Dreams

_6__th__ Year_

Second night in a row.

Dreams weren't supposed to connect from each night to the next. They were supposed to be random – open to interpretation. However, the last two nights featured the same person...

The first night he was only mentioned briefly. I was running away from home and the only person I could think to stay with was him. I'm not sure why but it was only a dream, and in this dream, he knew me. I quickly looked for a way to contact him but halfway through my search, suddenly, I had decided to give up. There was no way I would get to him in enough time.

The dream reminded me that no matter how much I tried, he would never notice me. It was true – reiterating a fact I already knew.

It was unnerving the next morning, waking up from a dream about Sirius Black. Because I wasn't like those other girls who would gossip about the dreams and fantasies they had about him. I just wanted to keep it at what it was – a dream.

And then, I dreamt about him the second night, except, in this one, he became the center of my dream. I was at a party at my house; my whole family was there, including my cousins. I was sitting in a chair in the corner, waiting for the party to start and everyone to arrive. My older cousin was talking to me about how my life was. I was partially listening, but really, I was observing my surroundings.

And then, he walked in.

But he wasn't alone. Latched onto his arm, a pretty blonde girl smiled up at him. I bit my lip in confusion and jealously. It was _my_ party! Why did he have to invite a girlfriend? That was just rude.

I spent the rest of the night watching them through narrowed eyes, seething.

When I finally woke up, I groaned, rolled over, and told myself not to dream about him again. I finally began to drift off, and then his name floated across my mind.

And here I am now, sitting on my bed, trying not to fall asleep again.

I don't understand why I have to dream about him. I don't even like him in that way. I don't _want_ to like a guy like him.

Like my second dream showed, he spent most of his time with different numerous girls. And I would never be one of those girls. I'm just too – plain. And I don't want to even think about him again.

However, every time I tried to fall asleep, he entered my dreams. He was the reason I couldn't even close my eyes! And now, I was fretting over my sleepless night because of one boy. One boy who didn't even know I existed. I guess I was never going to get to sleep again.

Some time later (I don't even know how long), I was shaken by one of my roommates, Lily. "Come on, Ivy, wake up..." Blinking a couple times, I realized that I couldn't remember dozing off or falling asleep at all.

The first question that came to mind was: Did I dream about him again?

I racked my thoughts but came up with nothing. I couldn't remember what I had dreamed...

With a sigh, I untangled myself from my covers. At least _not_ remembering was better than dreaming about _him_.


	3. Notice

It was breakfast on a slightly cloudy Saturday morning. There was a scheduled Hogsmeade trip today, so there was a definite buzz of excitement in the Great Hall through the entire meal.

I lazily chewed on the end of a piece of bacon, observing the entire table through wide eyes.

Strangely enough, a group of four boys which included a certain Sirius Black were sitting next to me. Well, Lily was sitting next to them, and I was sitting next to Lily.

I didn't say anything throughout the entire meal, and instead, stuck to myself, watching them talk about their upcoming trip to Hogsmeade. Lily was sitting next to Remus to talk about their prefect duties; that was the only reason why she was sitting there. Out of habit, I had sat next to her, not paying attention to who was with.

It was awkward. I had to make a mental note not to do anything stupid.

Sirius and James were throwing biscuits at each other from across the table. Peter watched on with excitement; I watched on curiously. Remus wasn't part of the food fight, for he was still talking to Lily.

"We'll get together on the 22nd, then?" Remus was asking Lily.

I wasn't listening in, I swear. I just had nothing else to do. I wasn't about to eye Sirius hopefully like before. From where he was sitting, he could definitely see me staring at him. I wasn't going to totally humiliate myself. I already do that enough.

"That sounds great," Lily agreed with a smile.

I sighed, twirling a piece of dark blonde hair around my finger. I would give anything to be anywhere else.

While Remus asked Lily about Hogsmeade, I secretively snuck a glance at the other three boys.

Peter Pettigrew – well, he's sweet, I guess. I don't know much about him really, other than he's a very quiet, slightly chubby boy. I suppose he has some hidden qualities I don't know about. Why else would the other boys include him in their group?

James Potter – slightly arrogant, but I do know he has some sincerity behind it all. He really likes Lily, except he just doesn't know how to portray it. I like him, only as a friend though. He hasn't really said more than two words to me in the past.

And then there was Sirius Black. I think I've said enough about him. Lately, I've just been waiting for him to give me a glance, talk to me, do something. I hate how he doesn't even know who I am. I just want to be _noticed_ by him, even if it just happened once.

"Ivy."

It would be nice. Wait, did I just hear my name? Did Lily say it? No, it was masculine voice.

Could it be-?

Trying not to show any enthusiasm, I turned to where I heard the voice.

Oh, it was Remus. Not that that's a bad thing! He's really nice. I do like him - I just really wanted it to be – oh, nevermind.

My voice came out in a breathy gasp of a yes. I inwardly groaned at the sound of my response. I sounded like an idiot.

"You're coming to Hogsmeade, right?" Remus asked politely.

I couldn't believe it. One of his _friends_ was talking to me, and yet, he still didn't even flinch or move or anything to recognize my presence or my voice. How thick could he be?!

"I'm planning on it," I answered, raising my voice so he could hear. I watched him out of the corner of my eye, but he didn't move. He was just too enthralled with his piece of toast in his grasp. I tried not to roll my eyes.

"You should meet up with us at The Three Broomsticks around noon."

I bit my lip and asked, "With who?" I hoped it seemed like an innocent question. I didn't want to insinuate anything.

And then he answered.

With everyone.

And by everyone, I mean, _him_.

I blinked. "Um...I guess..." Great, I really sounded like I appreciated his invite with my hesitant answer. But he only smiled, returning back to his conversation with Lily.

I couldn't even think straight. The only thing that ran through my mind was the question of why Remus talked to me. Why was he the one to talk to me when I wanted it to be someone else? And that someone else sitting only a seat away from him.

And why couldn't Sirius Black even hear me?


	4. Look

I always wondered what it would look like if a group of people tried to get a table in the couple-dominated Madame Puddifoot's. Crammed into a corner of the shop, three tables jammed together awkwardly with chairs placed so closely to each other that when filled, there was absolutely no breathing room.

Awkward – it's a good word. It fits the situation.

Thirty minutes before, I made my way toward The Three Broomsticks to see it packed with students. There was no more room for anyone to go in, and Lily and my other roommate Marlene had seemed to notice this as they were standing outside the door.

I stopped in front of them without a word.

A few seconds later, the group of boys squeezed their way through the crowded door. "There's no way we're going to fit seven people in there," James announced.

My mind wandered again as everyone started to discuss the predicament. My traitorous eyes once again fell on him. He was standing with his hands in his pockets, slightly rocking back and forth on his feet, showing his impatience at the situation. He'd probably much rather be off on a date. I could see exactly what was going through his mind.

"Do you think they'd have room at Madame Puddifoot's?" Marlene asked with a shrug. She obviously didn't know what consequences of what she had just said.

So we're here now, jammed into this little corner. I took a seat at the end, squeezing myself in the tiny space. Instead of taking off my coat like the others (even though it was only October, the weather had gotten alarmingly cold), I kept it on and stared down at the table.

It was almost as if I saw it in slow motion.

Sirius quickly eyed the first seat he saw and, after hopping over the other chair to get it, took a seat in it. It was the one on my right. Next to me. Right next to me. His left leg was practically touching mine. My eyes widened but I didn't say a word.

Marlene took the seat on the left and Lily sat next to her. Then Remus, Peter, James, and Sirius completed the rest of the semi-circle we made.

Everyone immediately began to engage in some idle chatter; I watched as I usually did. I would have joined in, but I had nothing to say that was worth interest.

When we ordered our drinks, I realized that it was the first thing I had said the entire time. And Sirius didn't even look at me when I said it. He just stared ahead, out of the window, at the students walking past.

He was right there. I could definitely get just a glance today.

I vaguely asked myself why I wanted one so bad, and came up with the conclusion that I just wanted to be noticed. I wanted someone like Sirius Black to recognize me, for once. I wanted to feel _special_.

It didn't take long for the subject of our setting to be brought up.

"It's almost as if they should start singing love songs to each other." Marlene grimaced, watching the couple only a few feet away from us.

"They can always start quoting some Shakespeare to each other," James remarked with a grin. "That's very romantic. Just ask Sirius – his last girlfriend made him learn some just to recite it her every night."

I watched Sirius's lips twitch into a small smile. "I still have them all memorized."

Marlene leaned forever excitedly and I had to lean back to stay out of her way. "You should recite one, here, right now."

I would have a heart attack if he did that, I swear. Not because Sirius would be reciting poetry, no, but because I have a thing for Shakespeare. It's my guilty pleasure. Sirius had nothing to do with it.

It didn't take much convincing for Sirius to stand on his chair and clear his throat loudly. The whole place turned toward him. But, because he was standing almost in front of me, it looked as though they were staring at me.

Not good.

Maybe if I just stared up at Sirius and not at the people. They weren't there if I couldn't see them.

Sirius began to speak, in a loud, clear voice. It was the most recognized Shakespeare monologue – Romeo's speech to Juliet. I was kind of hoping it would be something more creative, but Shakespeare was Shakespeare. I watched inventively, partly because of all the people watching and partly because he spoke with such dignity. He really did the monologue justice.

His eyes were skimming the room, playing up the part to random people in the audience.

"See how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!"

I looked down briefly to take a sip of my drink and tilted my head up to see a pair of gray eyes sparkling back down at me. My heart skipped a beat and I immediately looked back down again.

Was it just me or did he just look at me? While reciting poetry? Love poetry while looking at _me? _Was I overreacting? Did it really happen? I had to be imagining it. No, his eyes were permanently etched into my brain. He saw me, he looked at me, he _noticed_ me.

Or maybe he was looking at someone behind me. It couldn't be me.

But the prospect of Sirius Black looking at me while reciting Shakespeare was too perfect to just throw away.

I needed to get away.


	5. Story

Everyone was still at Hogsmeade when I got back to the dormitory. For the first time in the school year, it was completely empty, and I welcomed it.

I brought out my black journal, some ink, and a quill from under my bed and then sat down. Laying everything in front of me, I hesitated and stopped to listen to the frantic beating of my heart.

Slowly, I took deep breath and asked myself why I was getting so worked up over what had happened. It was nothing – probably not even meant for me.

I should just forget it.

But, instead, I dipped my quill in the ink and began to scribble down the story. I didn't use his name, I didn't use mine, instead, I changed everything. It became an entirely different tale based on what happened to me.

He was my new story.

Suddenly, I knew why I wanted that glance so bad. I wanted a good plot.

It had absolutely nothing to do with his entrancing eyes, his dark silky hair, his brilliant smile...

Or maybe it did have something to do with it.

I bit my lip in partial annoyance – at myself. I didn't want to fancy Sirius Black. He was a git – crude, loud, too handsome really. I would never get him to really notice me; it would just end in failure.

I wasn't going to fawn over him. I wasn't going to reduce myself to that.

And the heroine of my story wasn't going to demean herself for the boy either.

It was almost as if Sirius was trying to prove his point the next day. There he was, in the common room, sitting on the couch in between two girls. His arms were thrown around them and he was lounging back, clearly pleased with himself.

I intently watched him from a chair on the opposite side of the room. I forced myself not to start chewing on the end of my quill in frustration.

How could he treat girls like that?! Two at a time – really! That was just too much.

The point of my quill accidentally made a huge tear in the parchment paper. I guess I was pressing down too hard. I ripped out the ruined page and glanced back up at him.

The girl on his left was now snuggling up to him. Snuggling! Her hand was on his chest and she gazed up at him like he was the epitome of perfection.

Oh, but he wasn't perfection.

He murmured something in the other girl's ear and she laughed. Probably a joke or something that wasn't funny at all but the girl wanted to humor him. And she did. I could see his smirk all the way from over here.

Why did I have to maybe-but-maybe-not fancy him?

I found myself wishing that whatever Sirius had whispered in the girl's ear he would say to me. And it would be just for me. My own little phrase of words, emotions, and feelings.

But, no, the girl on the right had it. I had nothing.

I quickly wrote down a few sentences of my story – where the heroine, Anne, watched while Sebastian, the man she was secretly in love with, flirted shamelessly with other girls at the dance.

Sebastian – the dark-haired, light-eyed man who was breaking poor Anne's heart.

I found the words came naturally to me.

* * *

I'm finally adding an author note to say thank you for all the reviews and alerts.

I'm also going to set the rules for this story:  
- Each chapter has to be between 500-1000 words. All my other stories have around 3,000 words for each chapter, so this one is my short story.  
- I have been posting every day. This is bound to change soon. But it will have quick updates since each chapter is so short.  
- Sirius and Ivy will have interaction. I'm not saying if it will be soon though.  
- I appreciate everyone's positive reactions to Ivy. I really like her - she's based on me a lot.

Thanks again for everything!


	6. Couple

Of course, the subject of a certain group of boys had to be brought up in the dormitory later that night.

"James really isn't that bad, Lily," Marlene was trying to convince the girl who was giving everyone an exasperated look.

But she wouldn't hear any of it. "Yeah, because bullying other people and being arrogant are _great_ qualities." Lily's really excellent at sarcasm. It's her forte.

"Oh, but that Sirius Black," Mary sighed dramatically.

My eye twitched at his name, but I said nothing. Marlene and Dorcas agreed with her while Lily, instead, stayed quiet, but her nose wrinkled in disgust.

Mary giggled. "He's perfect, you know. Gorgeous, funny..."

She continued with a list of adjectives to describe him and all I could think of were the advertisements in the back of Witch Weekly. 'Single man looking for soul mate. Good sense of humor, intellectual, enjoys long walks on the beach.' I grimaced at the thought. Looking back up at the other girls, I saw them all staring at me.

I froze and just stared back at them.

Lily noticed and said, "So, you don't think that you and Remus would make a cute couple?"

A couple?

What?!

"What do you mean?" I asked, trying to seem nonchalant. But, actually, my insides squirmed and I felt restless.

Mary leaned forward on her bed, her eyes bright. "You're just perfect for each other. The way you write, the way he studies, just the thought of you two together – it's perfect."

Was that true? Did Remus and I look good together? Are we compatible? I thought it over quickly. He shares many of my interests, he likes writing, he's very nice, very polite, a bit quiet. But I didn't like him like that! Not when I liked his friend.

Didn't anyone see that I was pining over someone else?

"But I just can't see Remus like that," I tried to explain, but it sounded weak. I suddenly hoped they wouldn't get the wrong idea and conclude that I was lying. I was just confused.

They definitely thought I wasn't telling the truth. They all looked at each other with knowing grins. The only problem was that they knew nothing.

"Is that why you agreed to meet him at Hogsmeade?" Lily asked me. I could see that she was trying to figure out all the facts before forming a conclusion.

I shook my head. "No, I just...I didn't...you were there too!" I weakly defended myself.

Mary grinned. "You two are just too perfect. It's way too cute."

I didn't understand! I didn't say anything about Remus to make them think that! All I said was that I agreed to meet with him in Hogsmeade. It wasn't even just him. I was only going because Lily was going and Sirius would be there. If they were thinking straight, they would have seen the other possibilities.

In silent anger, I closed my writing book (Anne was being bombarded with questions by everyone in the room) and said good night. I noticed Lily was giving me a sympathetic look as I closed the curtains around the four-poster.

I only hoped my sleep would be peaceful tonight. And maybe my dreams would be about _him_, to give me another idea for Sebastian and Anne's story.

* * *

Three things:  
- This chapter is dedicated to our favorite werewolf. Happy birthday Remus!  
- The story that Ivy is writing will be explained in full detail in a later chapter.  
- The chapters will be getting longer.

Thanks for everyone's reviews!


	7. Fancy

I jinxed myself.

Well, figuratively. Not with an actual jinx. I didn't even have my wand on me at the time. No, I jinxed myself with words.

All I asked for was a peaceful sleep. A sleep involving a certain Gryffindor boy. I did dream – it was about a Gryffindor boy – but it wasn't the right one.

I had a dream about Remus Lupin.

Just to clarify, I have absolutely nothing against Remus. I really like him – but as a friend. I just can't think of him romantically. He's attractive, but not to me. I shouldn't have been so angry that I had a dream about him but I couldn't help myself.

It was a normal dream - just like a day at Hogwarts. I was talking to a couple people in the common room, and one of my friends mentioned that she was in trouble with her parents. And then, out of nowhere, Remus suddenly was sitting next to me and he said, in a whisper, "I'm in trouble too."

I remember staring at him with a confused expression. And that was it. That's all the dream consisted of. And it lasted throughout the entire night. I'm not sure if that meant the dream moved that slowly in real time, or if there was more.

Maybe Remus explained why he was in trouble. But why would he tell _me_? It's not like we talk all the time. He would never trust me with his secrets.

I skipped breakfast that morning, and instead, hid myself in the deserted common room. I tried to sit still in one of the chairs, but I kept leaping up, pacing back and forth, and chewing impatiently on my fingernails.

Why was I getting so anxious about this innocent dream?

Dreams weren't supposed to be taken literally. Maybe it meant that Remus didn't fancy me through warning me he was trouble.

But I was just so angry! I didn't want to dream about Remus. It made it oh-so-more complicated. I don't even like Remus in that way! I shouldn't be having _dreams_ about the boy.

I wanted, needed, no, _craved_ dreams about Sirius Black. It was the only time he ever acknowledged me. Through knowing him in the first dream to him coming to my party in the second. They weren't happy dreams but I were all I had. I wanted those dreams...

Or maybe I wanted him.

But I didn't want to be like those other girls. I just wanted to be that quiet Gryffindor who writes stories and lives in her own world. I didn't want to be a Sirius fangirl that practically faints at the mere sight of him. It was a lost cause anyway.

But what if I wasn't like the other girls? What if I was different? Could I fancy Sirius Black without being like every other girl?

Wasn't that what I was doing this whole time?

My eyes widened and I stopped pacing as I realized. I had been complaining and refusing, even though the entire time I was already what I was refusing to be.

I fancied Sirius Black, in my own way. I think I could deal with that. And Remus – I didn't have feelings for him but he was a good friend. That's what I could tell everyone.

Suddenly, my whole outrage at my dream seemed frivolous. It was only a dream and dreams didn't proclaim how to live your life.

Opening my journal, I made a quick note in the corner to add that in. I had a great idea for Sebastian and Anne's story.

Anne was going to have an epiphany.

* * *

You'll want to read the next chapter. But it may not be out until later tomorrow night... 


	8. Name

I sat down at the first empty table in the library. It was quiet and I could finally write some more of my story in peace. Anne still had yet to have her epiphany.

Throwing my bookbag on the table, I started rummaging through it for my journal. There was my ink bottle and quill. I had scrolls and scrolls of parchment I needed to get rid of. I really didn't need to carry it around with me all day.

But where was my journal? Did I leave it in the dormitory? No, I walked down into the common room with it. I set it on a table to find a quill and...never picked it up.

With a groan, I realized it was still there. I really didn't feel like walking all the way back to the common room, but I had to. What if someone stole it?

I picked up my pace at the thought of some random first year hiding my journal in the depths of his room. I would never see it again. Sebastian and Anne's story would never be told! I flew up the stairs and, slightly out of breath, gave the password to the Fat Lady, and hurried inside.

The common room was very busy and I had to weave a way through mountains of people. Yes, mountains. After almost tripping over a leg (that came out of nowhere!), I finally got to the table where it was still sitting.

Relief washed through me as I picked it up and held it protectively to myself. I cannot believe I had just left it there. I would have never forgave myself if I would have lost it. But here it was, safe in my hands.

I turned around to leave but I heard something behind me. A voice.

...A masculine voice.

And it wasn't Remus's.

"How's the story coming along?" That's what I heard. I swear it. I wasn't dreaming it. Or was I? Was this a dream? I pinched myself with shaking hands, and experienced a brief moment of pain. Oh, it wasn't dream.

There was only one thing to do. I turned around to see if he really was there.

Lounging on the couch across from the table, Sirius Black was staring at me. His eyes were locked into mine. And he was alone, no girls on either side of him giggling. It was just him and he was talking to me.

And he asked me a question.

I swallowed nervously and fidgeted with the journal in my hands. "What?" That's all I could say. I didn't even say "hello" or anything intelligent. Just a stupid "what".

He grinned. _Grinned_. Because of something I said. "Your story," he repeated.

How did he know about it? It had just left it here and -

No.

He _read_ it. He opened up my journal and looked at it. He read my words. He read my personal story. Did he know it was about him? What if he did?

I wanted to yell at him. No one read my story. Absolutely no one.

Instead, I came up with a weak "You read it?". It almost came out a whisper. My voice was rebelling against me.

And he continued to grin that stupid grin that I adore. He leaned forward and said, "Skimmed it really. I was just wondering who it belonged to." But my name wasn't in it. How did he know? "Lily came by and told me it was your's." It was almost as if he was reading my thoughts.

I blinked, trying to form one sentence to say to him. I wanted to say _something_. "Uh..." I hesitated and said, in a jumble of words, "Oh, well, okay." It sounded like I said one word and I was mortified. It was then I realized I was chewing on my fingernails and I hurriedly withdrew, probably blushing a shade of scarlet.

He only continued to grin, of course. He got up from his seat on the couch and walked toward me.

I stopped breathing.

He brushed by me, turned around, and said, with a charming smile, "Well, I'll see you later..." I watched as he paused, and added, "Ivy Bennett."

I cannot express in words how amazing it is to hear him say my name.


	9. Walk

It was a week after the incident. I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe I thought that directly after noticing me, he would declare his undying devotion. This was not the case.

Instead, I was sitting at the breakfast table, absentmindedly scraping the crumbs off my toast, while watching everyone else talk around me. Lily was listening to Remus's plan of nighttime patrols, while my other roommates were sitting on the opposite side of the table, talking about something I couldn't hear. James was explaining to Peter why Quidditch was the best sport in the history of the world, and Sirius was adding onto James's comments.

I set down my toast and thought about what class was next. Potions. Well, that wouldn't be too bad.

Quickly packing up my things, I made to leave alone. Except everyone around me also stood up and we ended up leaving the Great Hall together.

I began to think about Sirius on the way to class. Maybe he had forgotten about that day a week ago.

"Ivy!"

I have a love-hate relationship with how he says my name. First, I absolutely adore the way his voice accents the two syllables. And I love how he just knows it, almost as if he's known it his entire life. But, on the other hand, every time I hear him say it, I want it to be something more. The hope that it brings crushes me. I hate how he can say it and have my name mean absolutely nothing to him, but it means everything to me.

But I still turned around to face him.

"Hi," I said, surprised that it was slightly louder than a whisper.

We continued walking with the rest of the group as he said, "Remember when I found your story?"  
Of course, that was our only interaction...ever. I stopped myself from saying that out loud and instead settled on a nod.

The corners of his mouth twitched upward. I mentally sighed in relief. If he would have grinned again, I would probably be sprawled out on the floor, dizzy at the sight of it. "What's it about?"

I could tell that he tried to ask innocently. But it was anything but. He had asked about my work of fiction – my work that I spent hours scheming and drawing out the plot for. My work that was secretly about him. "Oh, it's nothing. Just a story," I found myself saying.

He almost grinned again. I died inside. "Well, who's it about?"

That time I did stop breathing. Did he know it was about him? What if he did? What would I say to redeem myself? "Uh, no one really." I tried to calm my shaking hands but it wasn't working.

And he grinned. But I steadied myself and was able to stay standing. "Is it about me?" The use of a teasing tone was almost lost on me as my heart skipped a beat.

He knew.

He had to know now. Why would he say that if he didn't? My life was over. I would have to transfer to another school. Beauxbatons with their French cuisine and customs. I didn't know anything French! And I would never be able to look at Sebastian and Anne's story ever again. Opening the very journal would send me into a tornado of regret. I would never write anything ever again.

"Wh-" I choked out as he began to laugh. I stopped my frantic thoughts and stared at him incredulously.

"You," he said, still laughing, "-your face. Sorry, I was just joking. Don't be so horrified at the idea."

I finally could breathe again. He thought I was horrified. He thought I was repulsed by the very idea of him.

If only he knew.


	10. Prank

Reason why this chapter is late:  
I had a choir concert and then fell down a flight of stairs. (For Twilight fans: There was no Edward or Jacob to save me.)

* * *

I didn't keep track of the days since Sirius had talked to me last. I wrote about it in Anne's story, but I couldn't remember the exact date. All I knew was that more than a week passed since then. And that was the last time he had talked to me. 

It was not like I expected him to acknowledge me everyday. I was no one to acknowledge. Sure, he had asked about my story, but he couldn't be _that_ interested in it. But still, I waited for the day he would say more than a 'hello' to me at breakfast.

Sebastian and Anne's story was on hold. I had nothing to write about. I officially had run out of plots and ideas since that day. I needed another encounter with him.

Well, it looked like it wasn't going to happen soon. Sirius was too busy hanging out with the rest of his friends. He wasn't even in the common room every night.

It wasn't like I was expecting anything. I just wanted something to happen.

I was walking back from dinner one night to find myself walking a couple paces behind a group of people. A group of Marauders, to be more specific.

"Just a little drop into Snivellus's potion," I could hear Sirius's low whisper.

I immediately realized they were talking about their newest prank. I hoped it wouldn't be too awful.

Remus was shaking his head. "But what if it has a side effect? We didn't check on that."

Always the rational one, that Remus. I knew that he badly wanted to tell his friends to lay off, but he didn't have the heart to ruin their latest prank. And, maybe, a little bit of him wanted to do it.

"But won't he see?" Peter asked, his watery eyes wide with questions.

James grinned and shrugged. "Not if we do it discreetly."

"Exactly," Sirius agreed, a look of absolute excitement on his face. "Now, we'll slip the potion into Snivellus's goblet tomorrow morning at breakfast. It'll work almost instantly."

James quickly added, "And remember, don't tell anyone."

Then, Peter turned just enough to see me walking behind them. I almost felt like sprinting down the corridor and hiding behind a tapestry. Peter tapped (no, poked) Sirius and I watched as Sirius turned to look at me. Remus and James followed his questioning gaze.

I stopped in my tracks and reminding myself to breathe. It would have made more sense if could breathe around him now, but I still had trouble.

They exchanged glances and then James nodded at Sirius. Sirius looked back over at me and started to walk my way.

Okay, breathe, Ivy. In, out, in, out. You've talked to him before. This was no different. But I couldn't ignore the fact that he looked so _good_ walking toward me.

"Hey, Ivy..." He wasn't greeting me, no, it was the beginning of something else. I nodded in response, never taking my eyes off of him. He leaned in (in, out, in, out) and whispered, "Can you, um, keep what you just heard a secret? We don't want anyone to find out and then go to tell a professor." I was about to respond when he added, "So, just keep it between us, okay? Promise?"

I bit my lip and nodded slowly. Almost immediately after, I decided it wasn't enough and added a "yes, promise".

He grinned, still close to me. I hated it when he grinned at me. It was a miracle I still haven't fainted at the sight of it. He was just too charming.

"Thanks, Ivy," he said, no, breathed. And that was it. Just a second later, he was gone. Turned the corner of the corridor and out of sight.

I briefly wondered if he knew what sort of power he wielded over me. He could probably get me to agree to anything with just that grin of his. Well, I wouldn't have told anyone about their prank anyway.

Who did I have to tell?

His secret, _our _secret, was safe with me.


	11. Class

Transfiguration was never an awful class for me. I didn't struggle with it like some other students, but I wasn't exceptional at the class either. Usually, the class involved some notes, some practice, and then it was over. Dorcas sat by me, and she was always my partner. It was a nice constant in my life.

Except it was all changed during one class in late November.

I walked in, like usual, and sat next to Dorcas, who smiled at me. I began to sort through my books, taking them out of my bookbag and setting them in front of me on the desk. I took out some quills, a jar of ink, and my wand, of course. I was ready for another easy day of learning.

However, Professor McGonagall had other plans.

"For your benefit, I have a new seating arrangement."

Honestly, what was the point of new partners? There was only one house in Transfiguration unlike the other classes. Only eight of us. There were only two that decided not to continue for their NEWT in Transfiguration, so there was only eight in the whole classroom! There wasn't any reason to mess up our seating arrangements. 

I half-listened to McGonagall explain that, in the "real world", we'll need to know how to work with other people. I know how to work with other people. I just didn't want to get someone new.

There weren't many choices. I could either be paired up with Lily, Mary, Marlene, James, Remus, or...Sirius. 

What if she picked me to work with Sirius? How would I be able to work with him sitting right next to me? Talking to me? Working with me? I wouldn't even be able to breathe. I hoped that McGonagall at least had sympathy for me. But how was she to know that I wouldn't be able to work with him?

It wasn't like there was a huge possibility it was going to be him. There were other options. I took a deep breath, and set my shaking hands down in front of me.

"Evans, Lupin." I saw Lily let out a relieved sigh. I knew she was expecting James's name to be after her's.

"Potter, McKinnon." 

It was torture that she wasn't even going in alphabetical order. If she had been, I would have known my fate by now.

"Bennett, Black."

I was pretty sure there was a look of pure horror on my face from the way Lily gave me a sympathetic look. All of the other girls looked a bit jealous. I didn't dare to look over at Sirius. I would have probably started blushing. 

There was a movement next to me and I quickly glanced over. He was grinning at me. My heart skipped a beat. Before letting my face go completely red, I looked back at McGonagall. 

"Today we will work on duplicating an object. You can use your textbook to practice and, after you have successfully completed the duplication, you and your partner will inspect the duplicated book and look for any errors. The spell is 'Geminio' with a downward swish of the wand."

I steadied myself and then looked over at Sirius. He was still grinning but because I braced myself for it, it didn't affect me as much. "Ladies first." He motioned toward me and I weakly let out a chuckle.

Picking up my wand, I pointed it at my book and said, "Geminio!" Another book appeared beside it. 

I watched as Sirius bent over to look at it and began to laugh.

I loved his laugh. It was almost like a bark, joyful and full. Quickly, I took myself out of those thoughts and looked at him strangely. "What?"

"Look." He lifted up the duplicated book and I clearly saw the words 'Guide to Advanced Transfiguhhh'. 

My cheeks grew hot. "Oh," I softly exclaimed.

He only grinned. "It's only the first time." He repeated the spell on his book, and his duplicated copy read 'Guide to Advanced Transjulk'. And he laughed again.

I smiled sheepishly and tried again. This time the book read 'Guide to Advanced Transfiguruq'. Sirius and I continued this back and forth game of misspelled book titles. When I had finally gotten close (Guide to Advanced Transfiguratios), he turned to me with a inquisitive look on his face.

I immediately stopped what I was doing.

"You never told me what you were writing about," he pointed out, leaning carelessly against the table.

He still wanted to know about my story. I couldn't just tell him. What would I say? 'I'm writing a romance and you might inspire the entire thing'. That wasn't about to happen.

My cheeks were still warm when I answered, "It's a fiction work."

He raised an eyebrow at me and I noticed he had completely forgotten about our Transfiguration work. "You're writing a novel?"  
I looked back down at the table, not able to stay lost in his eyes anymore. "Sort of."

"An actual novel?" 

He sounded surprised. I forced myself to look at him again. "Yes," I answered.

Sirius nodded, looking impressed. "What's it about then? Adventure, fantasy, romance?"

You, I had to stop myself from saying. I shrugged, tucking a stray piece of hair back with shaking hands. "Uh, it's an adventure romance, I guess. And it's kind of historical. The setting is in the 16th century."

Sirius was about to answer when I noticed Professor McGonagall heading our way. I quickly got back to working, leaving Sirius to look at me with a confused expression. 

"Get to work, Mr. Black," McGongall's stern voice said directly behind him. He leaned back forward and turned to look at me.

I could tell he was grinning without looking.


	12. Curious

I could tell there was something hovering behind me. 

It was a late Wednesday night, only two weeks before Christmas break, and I was trying to write. It became increasingly harder when I noticed I had someone watching me.

At first, I thought it would be Remus. I didn't know why exactly I thought it would be him– it just seemed like he would be the one interested in what I was writing. 

I almost had a heart attack when I turned to see a pair of gray eyes staring into my own. I let out a shaking breath and said, as calmly as I could, "What are you doing?"

A fifth-year girl passed by and gave me a dirty look. I suppose it was because she was either jealous or she didn't like the way I talked to him.

I didn't dare look at his grin. Instead, I went back to my journal. He answered anyway. "Trying to read over your shoulder."

My eyes widened and I turned the book so that he wouldn't be able to read it. "What did you read?" I tried to ask, but it came out more like 'Whhadidured?'. He probably thought I couldn't speak right.

"Care to repeat?" he asked, amusement in his voice.

I held the journal to my chest and said, slowly, "What did you read?"

"Well-" he began, and climbed over the back of the couch to sit next to me. I just stared at him, my heart racing a mile a minute. "Some chick named Anne was talking to some other person about a guy named Sebastian."

I gave him a blank look. "Um, well, there's more to it than that."

Sirius's eyes sparkled. "Exactly. That's why you should give me a recap of what's going on."

I couldn't just tell him about my story. It was only meant for my eyes – no one else's. If he read it, then everything would be ruined. Ruined, ruined, ruined...

"Why do you care so much?" I whispered, voicing my concerns in that manner. Sirius Black shouldn't care about some quiet girl's fiction work. He should be caring about snogging some girl in a broomcloset and pulling pranks on Slytherins – not me.

He casually shrugged. "It just seems interesting."

So, it wasn't about me. Of course it wouldn't have been about me. He just wanted a good story. 

"I don't think you'd be interested in it," I told him, holding onto my journal so tightly to keep from shaking.

"Try me." It was a challenge: his eyes were wide and boring into mine with a determined look. My stomach was now full of butterflies. And I hated the feeling. 

I brought my journal back down and turned back a couple pages. "Well, uh – it's about Anne who is a weaver's daughter in a small village. She starts off with denying her growing affection for...um, Sebastian, the blacksmith's apprentice." I looked back up at Sirius, to see if he had uncovered any hidden meaning, but he just nodded, his eyes devoid of any recognition. "It takes awhile for Anne to, you know, admit that she does in fact fancy Sebastian. But they've never formally met and, since he's relatively good-looking, he basically could have any girl in the village. When they finally do meet, Anne has no idea what to say to him, but he's nice to her and...well, that's all I have so far."

The way he was staring at me made me sure he had figured it out.

"Anne and Sebastian, huh?" he inquired, looking directly at me.

He knew. What was I going to say? What could I do? Beauxbatons was still my only choice. But I still didn't know any French!  
"I like the names. They flow..." 

Oh, so maybe he didn't know. I nodded in response. 

"Very interesting story, Ivy," he exclaimed with a grin.

I thought that would be the last time he would ask me about it. I was wrong.


	13. Letter

It had been happening for two weeks now.

Every night, no matter where I was or what I was doing, he would find me and ask how the story was coming along. It didn't matter if I was hiding in a corner or trying to make my way up the girls' staircase. He always seemed to know exactly where I was and made it his duty to ask.

After the fourth time of this happening, I began to anticipate it. Sirius Black wanted to talk to me – lowly Ivy Bennett. I had his attention. He went out of his way to ask me the same question everyday. He became my new constant.

"Any new improvements?" I didn't even look up as I felt a weight next to me on the couch. 

I shrugged, finishing my sentence on the paper. "Anne is wondering why Sebastian suddenly has an interest in her." 

The first couple days he asked me about the story, I tried to keep it vague. I thought he would definitely see the parallels. But he never did. I began to trust that he would never get the hidden meaning. I was telling him everything.

Sirius leaned forward and looked over my shoulder at the page. "Maybe Sebastian finally noticed how wonderful Anne is."

The first couple days when he replied like that, I always thought it was directed to me. But, it soon became evident that he was just talking about the story. 

"Why don't you just read the story instead of making me summarize?" I chastised him, finally looking up for the first time.

He wrinkled his nose in disgust. "I don't like to read novels. They're too long." 

It surprised even me that I offered to let him read it. What was I thinking? I could only let out of a breath of relief when he refused.

I just shrugged indifferently and then added, as a joke, "What will you do over break when you can't ask me about my story everyday?" I had only meant it as a joke. I didn't even know where the joke had come from. I don't usually joke. And with Sirius? It was a miracle I was still speaking coherently.

He grinned (my heart began to beat wildly) and said, "You just wait."

I opened my mouth to ask him what he meant but James came by and whisked Sirius away. 

What was I supposed to wait for?

Three days into break, I was sitting on my bed, cross-legged, trying to read the tiny script of Pride and Prejudiced late into the night. It was my mother's old worn copy; she was a muggle and had been brought up on books by Jane Austen. When she had met my father, the joke was that she only married him because his last name was Bennett. I was almost named Elizabeth, but thankfully, my father had convinced my mother to change my name to Ivy and keep Elizabeth as my middle name. I particularly enjoyed being named after a famous fictional character.

I was pulled from my thoughts by a loud rapping noise at my window. I turned to look but couldn't see a thing. Reluctantly, I got up and surveyed the window closer. There was a black form outside, floating...

An owl.

Cautiously, I opened the window and the midnight colored owl swooped inside, placing a letter on my bed. The owl then waited, perched on my dresser.

I opened the letter and read the parchment to myself.

_How's the story going? -S_

I took a few moments to just stare at the message, my mind unable to wrap itself around the fact that Sirius Black had sent me something.

"_Haven't written anything new lately. Writer's block. -I" _I wrote back to him truthfully. Hopefully, he wouldn't be too disappointed. After all, it was only a story. _My_ story. The owl took the letter before I even said anything and flew off into the dark night.

The next morning a new note was waiting for me.

_My favorite writer cannot have writer's block! -S_

I had to make sure I was still breathing. I was his favorite. I was his something. And that was better than nothing.


	14. Break

Just wanted to tell you all that I won't be updating until Monday because I'm going down to Ohio to wrock out at Whomp the House. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

* * *

_How can you have a favorite author when you don't even read any novels? -I_

I decided to send that as a response. I spent the rest of that day outside, in the snow, looking out at the horizon for any sign of black. It took a couple hours for an answer.

_And that's why you're my favorite. -S_

So, because I was the only person he knew that wrote a novel, I was a default for his favorite. My heart sank a little.

_Well, maybe you should start reading so you can have a new favorite. -I_

I felt a pang of regret after I sent the last message. I really didn't want him to read any other novels. Then he would figure out I wasn't even that good. 

His response took even less time than before. I looked over at the owl and began to stroke its feathers, feeling sorry that it had to keep traveling back and forth.

_I don't want to read anything else. You're the best. -S_

_Don't you have anything better to do than send me messages? -I_

I wrote my note before thinking. As soon as I sent it, my eyes widened in shock. He was going to take it the wrong way. He was going to think that I didn't appreciate his messages. I appreciated them more than he'd ever know. I was planning on saving them under my bed in a box. He was going to think I _hated_ him.

_Not really. I'm at the Potter's and we're not really doing anything today. Going to Diagon Alley tomorrow. You should meet us there._

Did Sirius Black actually invite me to Diagon Alley? I groaned when I realized that I had to watch my little sister and wouldn't be able to make it. Sirius Black had finally invited me somewhere and I couldn't even go!

Then, suddenly, I was relieved. I wouldn't have had anything to say to him anyway. Maybe it was a good thing that I had plans. Then I wouldn't have had to embarrass myself and stutter throughout the entire outing.

_Can't. Watching my little sister. _

I was about to end my message there when I noticed he said he was at James's. Did that mean that James knew Sirius was owling me? What did James think? 

_How's James? -I _

I quickly added that phrase and sent it on its way. It was getting cold outside, but I didn't care, and just bundled up in my coat and scarf. I vaguely wondered if I should cut my hair since it was always getting caught in the zipper. 

_Pining over Lily. Excited about Christmas. The usual. How about you? -S_

I hesitated on my next message. I really wanted to be blunt about what I thought. But would he take it the wrong way? I hastily scribbled my question anyway.

_What made you want to send messages to me? -I_

It was getting dark. I made a note to go inside after I got the next message.

_So many questions. I told you I was going to ask about your story over break. You should have saw this coming. -S_

Well, yes, I knew he was going to ask about my story, but this was almost like a conversation between friends. At least I couldn't stutter in writing. I would have had a heart attack if this conversation was happening face-to-face.

_Sorry about letting you down. Writer's block...don't know what to write next. -I_

I made my way upstairs, grabbed something to eat, and headed back into my room. Taking a bite of my apple, I waited.

When the next message came, I almost dropped my fruit.

_Well, I was thinking about trying to read your novel after break. Siriusly. (Sorry, bad pun...got to admit it's pretty funny though, right?) Maybe I could give you some ideas. Help you and such. -S_

My answer was immediate.

_Why? -I_

It felt like his response took longer than the others.

_Why not? -S_

I was reminded of why I hated being hopeful. Sirius only thought of it as a new project, nothing more. Just a fun activity. Something to keep him preoccupied. 

It would never be anything more.


	15. Sick

It was the first day back from break. I was sitting in the common room, as usual, writing a new section of the novel. Or, at least, trying to. I kept changing and rewriting everything I had scribbled down on the page.

The couch sank down a bit, and I knew he was sitting next to me.

"How was break?" I asked softly, without looking up.

I didn't get an answer. After a few moments of silence, I finally looked to see Sirius staring at me with a determined look. I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Ivy," he began, and I put down my quill to listen, a million thoughts running through my head. What was he about to say? He looked very serious – but it couldn't be – no, he wasn't...I tried to keep breathing as my thoughts ran wild.

Sirius took a deep breath. "We need to talk...about us."

His voice sounded distant, as if he really wasn't right in front of me. My throat was getting dry. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. He wanted to talk about...us. I did the only thing I could – I nodded.

"And...this thing between us..."

There was a thing. He saw a thing. Was there really a thing?

He looked at me almost pleadingly. "It would never work, Ivy."

I felt like throwing up.

And he just continued. "I mean, you're, well, you. And I'm...me and we wouldn't work well together. It'd be...strange, you know. There's no chemistry. You're just not the right girl for me."

He continued on, but I couldn't hear anything. I stared ahead, my heart beating wildly against my rib cage. Everything was becoming blurry and I just continued to stare ahead, numb.

I was nothing.

I blinked and opened my eyes.

Dark walls surrounded my vision. It felt like I was lying down. Wait, I was in my bed.

The whole time, I was only dreaming. It was only a dream. I had nothing to worry about.

I tried to take a deep, calming breath but I was stopped by the feeling of my head spinning and no air going into my lungs. My nose was stuffed up and my throat was burning. I groaned, putting my hand to my head to check my temperature. My head was hot to the touch.

What a time to get sick. I had to go back to school the next day.

I sat up, trying to catch my breath and stop my head from spinning. I couldn't even breathe; how was I to get through classes tomorrow? My eyes began to well up with tears and I brushed them away. It was so easy to make me cry when I was sick.

I wondered how trivial of things would make me cry.

Classes.

My eyes welled up with tears.

Homework.

They were threatening to spill over.

Lack of sleep.

So close to bawling.

Dreams about Sirius. How the dream was right. How I would never be with Sirius Black. How we would never work.

The tears ran down my cheeks freely and I made no motion to wipe them away.


	16. Return

Usually, I didn't mind going back to school after break. But going back to school without being able to breathe didn't seem that appealing to me.

I couldn't find a single person I knew to talk to at the train station. Instead, I quickly said goodbye to my parents and my little sister, Eleanor, and found an empty compartment at the back of the train.

I wanted to write so badly, but my cold was overtaking my brain, and I couldn't think without my head pounding. I just stared at my journal in my lap and tried to empty my head of all thoughts. No such luck.

There was a loud rapping noise. I glanced up to see the compartment door opening and then James Potter grinning at me.

"Um, hi?" I greeted him, confused out of my mind. It didn't help that I couldn't even concentrate for a mere second either.

"Can we sit in here with you?" The second I nodded both James and Sirius came charging in, immediately throwing themselves into the seats. I continued to stare at them strangely. I wondered briefly where Peter and Remus were hiding – until I remembered that they had stayed at Hogwarts for break.

This was awkward.

"So, how was your break?" Sirius asked, probably trying to make conversation.

I suppressed an urge to cough and said, "It was okay." Yeah, and I had a dream about you never wanting to talk to me again, and I'm sick, so all is great. I was irritable and wanted to say that out loud more than anything. But, luckily, my rational side stopped me. "How about you?" I added.

James and Sirius looked toward each other and shrugged. "It was fine," Sirius exclaimed.

Still very awkward. Where were my friends when I needed them? I needed someone to come in and break all this awkward tension.

"Hey-" I looked up quickly at the sound of a new voice. Mary was standing in the compartment door, looking in. Finally, my pleas had worked! Mary looked around at everyone in the compartment, and then back at me. "I was just wondering if I could sit in here with you," she said, her voice softer than it was before.

I tried to smile. "Sure," I agreed, scooting down to give her some room.

She walked in and slowly sat down, as if the seats were made of hot coals and she was going to get third degree burns by sitting there. There was a faint blush on her cheeks as she did this.

I raised in eyebrow at this observation. Mary was an outgoing girl; the type that played sports (she was a chaser with James), flirted shamelessly with guys (almost a girl form of Sirius) and still managed to do fine in her studies. Suddenly, she seemed like me – the shy girl who didn't know what to say or what to do.

"Hi," Mary murmured, leaning as far back into her seat.

"Hey," both James and Sirius responded. She blushed even further.

I looked at Mary and then at the boys. "How was your break, Mary?" James asked casually.

Mary hesitated before answering, "I went to Italy and stayed two weeks there. It was really nice."

Then, it hit me. She liked James. It made sense. The blushing, the shyness, the awkwardness that still resided in the room. Mary MacDonald fancied James Potter. Lily's reaction would be priceless.

But, no, her eyes weren't on James Potter.

Her eyes were on Sirius Black.

And he was staring back.


	17. Hurt

I looked back and forth between the two, desperately trying to figure out why they were looking at each other.

Well, of course, Sirius was just trying to be nice and greet her properly. It didn't mean anything else – it couldn't mean anything else -

Who was I kidding? Was I really trying to convince myself that Mary MacDonald and Sirius Black were staring at each other because of innocent reasons? I wasn't that stupid.

I didn't know what I could do. A million thoughts raced through my mind. I could try to strike up a really interesting conversation and get them to look at me and away from each other. No, maybe that wouldn't work.

I decided that I was going to stare so intently at him that I wouldn't miss it when he finally looked my way. Because he had to look at me _sometime_.

I stared for what seemed to be forever. I didn't even blink. It would only be a matter of time before Sirius would turn to look at me. After all, he did in Madam Puddifoot's those months ago. It was likely to happen again.

My nose was itching but I didn't even dare to take my mind off the boy sitting across from me. I was having a staring contest with someone who wasn't even staring back.

My heart was beginning to beat faster and faster.

Oh, god, why wasn't he looking at me?! Look at me, Sirius Black! I shouted in my mind, willing him with all of my strength. Don't look at Mary! I'm here too!

With horror, I realized that my eyes were filled with tears. Everything was getting blurry. I couldn't even see straight. All I saw were blobs of colors and form. All I could tell was that Sirius's eyes were still not on me.

"Mary," I tried to speak, but no sound escaped from my lips. I couldn't remember how to speak! I tried for anything – a yell, a scream, something.

I was going crazy.

He was now grinning at her, a familiar spark in his eyes. I knew that spark. I knew what he was up to. I knew that he fancied Mary as much as she fancied him.

And I was going to throw up.

It was hot. My forehead was burning. My nose was stuffed up. My throat hurt. My head pounded. My stomach churned -

I suddenly found myself on the cold floor of the compartment. Somehow, I had fallen out of my seat and landed hard on the ground.

And now everyone's eyes were finally on me.

But I didn't want them to notice me now.

I didn't give them a chance to say anything before I had struggled to a standing position and threw myself out of the compartment door, slamming it behind me.

I took a moment to sink to the floor again, catching pained breaths, waiting for the sound of the door opening behind me.

Nothing.

No one was coming for me. No one wanted to know what was wrong. No one cared.

I was left there, outside, furiously wiping the hot tears off my face.

For the first time, I actually wanted to move away and go to Beauxbatons. I never wanted to see Hogwarts again. Because my stupid dream was right. I'd never have Sirius Black.


	18. Mute

The next few days passed by in a hazy blur. My cold had not relented, and I was stuck going to classes with a horrible cough and a congested head.

But that wasn't anything compared to how my story was progressing.

I hadn't written anything since the beginning of winter break. Not a single word. I had tried blaming it on writer's block but the truth was evident. I wasn't inspired anymore. Sirius Black had ceased to be my muse.

After the train ride back to school, I had decided to just forget about Sirius. Never again would I hope for a glance, a grin, a word. I didn't need him.

Except I couldn't forget about him. He was always there. Especially since he now had an evolving relationship with Mary. Mary wouldn't let any of the girls in my dormitory forget the fact that Sirius fancied her. She would keep us up into the wee hours of morning, going on about how Sirius had grinned at her (I cringed from under the safety of my covers) and flirted with her earlier in the corridor.

Four days in, it got worse.

"He kissed me!" I looked up to see an ecstatic Mary standing in the doorway. Her smile was so big it practically stretched across her entire face. "Just now!"

Dorcas let out an exclamation of surprise and happiness and went to congratulate Mary. Everyone else smiled at her and leaned forward to hear the rest of the story.

I said nothing, and pulled the hangings around my bed, shutting myself out from their conversation. I knew that they would take it the wrong way, but I couldn't bring myself to hear about him kissing another girl.

A nagging in the back of my mind told me that I should use the situation as a plot in my story. I immediately dismissed the thought. Anne and Sebastian were supposed to live happily ever after, not get caught up into a heart wrenching love triangle.

Hence, writer's block.

It was only eight, but I finally pushed the thought of Sirius away and fell into a sleep haunted with images of Sirius and Mary together.

When I woke up the next morning, it occurred to me that I had not spoke a word out loud for five days. I hadn't said 'goodbye' or 'hello' or 'how are you' to a single person. I was slowly becoming a recluse. And the thought of being a recluse didn't frighten me – no, it intrigued me.

Why did I need to speak anyway?

I rushed through my morning routine and left the dormitory before the other girls woke up. It was easy to avoid them. Now, all I had to do was avoid everyone for the rest of my life.

"Ivy!"

I cursed whoever said my name.

"Ivy, I have to talk to you."

I inwardly sighed and turned around to see Remus standing behind me. In response, I raised an eyebrow and waited for him to say something.

Remus paused, and his eyes were searching my face for something. I began to worry that something was wrong, but I had checked the mirror before I left the dormitory. "Ivy, are you okay?"  
Had he noticed? No one else had. I shrugged.

"No, say something."

I blinked in surprise. Why did he want me to voice my answer? Did he realize that I was becoming a mute? Had he come to check on me unlike James and Sirius on the train?

I cleared my throat and said, though it sounded a bit gravelly, "I'm okay."

But I could tell he wasn't convinced. "What's wrong?" he pressed on.

"Nothing, Remus," I answered. "I can handle it."

I could handle it. I was doing fine.

We rounded the corner into a new corridor where Sirius was greeting Mary a good morning with a short peck on the lips.

The way my heart sped up and throat closed up made me realize that I was wrong.

I couldn't handle this for much longer.

I was going to break.

* * *

I just want to take this time to tell you all how awesome you are. Eleven reviews for the last chapter! I never expected that much for this story! Thanks so much. Oh, and sorry there wasn't a chapter yesterday. My creative writing professor told me I couldn't write...and...well, I was mad...


	19. Library

Remus became my shadow for the next couple days. He was either really worried about me or my roommates were right – maybe he fancied me.

But it didn't make sense. The whole thing came out of nowhere; he hadn't been following me before. Why did he suddenly start this now?

It had now been a week since he had started following me. I was in the library, working on my Potions essay. I breathed in deeply, grateful that my cold had finally cleared up. I didn't feel like writing an essay at all.

I glanced to the side and saw my journal lying beside me.

Throwing my scroll to the side, I grabbed my journal and opened it to the last page that I had written on. Anne and Sebastian were still on hold; nothing was happening between them. Just like Sirius and I.

Almost as if by cue, Mary walked into the library and began to look through the books on the first shelf.

It wasn't as though I hadn't thought of adding a Mary character to my story. I was going to name the character Helen and she was going to be engaged to Sebastian. But as I thought about it, it became evident that Helen was going to be labeled a villain.

Mary was not the villain. She was one of my friends. As much as I wanted to dislike her for being with Sirius, I couldn't. I couldn't just label her negatively. The idea of Helen, consequently, was scrapped. And I was left with nothing again.

There was a loud chatter suddenly, and I looked up to see James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter enter the library, with Marlene following them and laughing at something.

Madam Pinch snapped at them and they quieted down a bit – but it wasn't much. Sirius found Mary at the bookshelves and grinned at her before bringing her into a short kiss. Madam Pinch didn't see – but I wished she had.

I watched this all from the other side of the library, leaning forward over my journal, trying to see each movement they made.

James began to complain at the couple. "Hey, you two, cut it out! Get a room if you're going to do that!" He said it all with a smile on his face; he was only joking. If only he was being serious.

Sirius laughed. I could hear his laugh a mile away. "Go stalk Lily."

Everyone laughed in response to his comment. I frowned.

It was then that Remus looked over and caught me looking at them. Probably blushing out of embarrassment, I looked down at my journal and pretended to be writing.

Remus was going to come over. I started the countdown in my head.

5...4...3...2...1-

"Slughorn's essay?"

I called it.

I sighed loudly, putting down my quill. "Why have you been following me?" And then I inwardly cringed. There were times that I thought it would be best if I had stayed a mute and this was definitely one of them. At least I had gotten to the point.

Remus looked a bit surprised at my forwardness, and then said, "Your roommates have been talking about how you've been distant lately. And you haven't been writing. You've been lifeless, Ivy."

I frowned. "So, you've been following me because-"

"I need to tell you something."

I raised an eyebrow at his comment. He looked so sincere about it. What did he want to tell me? Was it that he fancied me? It couldn't be. "What?"

"Hey, Remus! Hurry up!" I heard James shout from behind Remus. Remus looked back at him quickly and gave a signal that told him to wait a second. He then turned back to me and said, "You didn't think anyone would notice, did you?"

I just stared back at him, confused. "Notice what?"

Remus smiled. I made a mental note that he had a really nice, genuine smile. "I know your secret."

The flow of air to my lungs ceased.

* * *

Twelve reviews for the last chapter? Amazing. Thank you for every single alert, favorite, and review I've gotten on this story. I appreciate everything.

There's also a poll on my profile about this story. Right now, the results are amusing me.


	20. Secret

"I don't know what you mean," I whispered. My fingers would not stop trembling. Hopefully, he wasn't looking down to notice.

He leaned forward and I leaned back instinctively. Just when he was about to say something, I heard James shout, "Hey, Moony! We're leaving."

I thought he was finally going to leave and I would be saved. But, no, I wasn't that lucky. "I'll catch up later," Remus responded quickly. Then I saw the rest of the group leave, leaving only Remus and I. "You know what secret."

Okay, I was going to play it cool. I didn't know what he was talking about. "Um, I don't know what you're talking about."

Remus sighed. "Lily's seen it too, you know. She was going to talk to you, but I volunteered."

My eyes widened. "You were planning this?"

"Sorry." He really looked apologetic. I wanted to yell at him but found that I didn't want to when he was looking at me with that sincere look. "Anyway, it has to do with Mary, right?"

'In a way', I wanted to say to him. Instead, I just looked at him, and slightly nodded. And he had it figured out. He was about to say he knew I fancied Sirius Black. My life was over.

"You-"

I should probably start working on my French for Beauxbatons.

"-are-"

Bonjour, au revoir, fromage.

"-mad at Mary-"

I probably wouldn't have to use the word 'cheese'. I don't even like cheese that much.

"-for stealing your quill."

Mary stole my quill?! When? Where? Which one? Not my spotted one with the black feather!

Wait – he thought my secret was that I was mad at Mary. For stealing my quill (supposedly). He didn't know anything about me fancying Sirius. I was safe. I could finally breathe again.

Remus was looking at me as though he was waiting for something. I just looked at him. "Oh, um, yeah," I said. "She stole my quill and I'm mad." It didn't even sound convincing to me.

But I guess he thought it was convincing enough. "Lily was worried when she saw that you weren't talking to Mary. Or the rest of your roommates. She finally figured it out."

Really, they thought that a stolen quill would make me anti-social. It was better than them knowing my real secret. "Yeah, I'm over it though."

Lie.

I was _not_ over Mary and Sirius. However, I was over the stolen quill incident. I didn't even know what quill it was.

It was then I started laughing. The look on Remus's face was hysterical. He was looking at me as if I were crazy. "You were following me this entire time because I had my quill stolen?"

He looked sheepish. "Oh, well, I was worried about you..."

"But you don't even know me." I knew Remus was a nice guy and all, but following around someone for a whole week just to see her react to getting her quill stolen?

Remus smiled. "We Gryffindors have to stick together."

And I just smiled back. Because it felt as though I finally was included. I was not just little invisible Ivy Bennett anymore.


	21. Valentines

But I still remained invisible to _him_. I had thought that he would at least help me with the story like he had promised. With my writer's block, I really needed the help.

So, I waited for him every night in the common room. I knew that it was hopeless, but it didn't stop me from sitting on that couch everyday, just waiting.

It almost seemed as if there were a schedule.

Either he'd be with Mary (those were the worst – hour upon hour of snogging right in my line of vision), he'd be playing a game, or he'd be talking with the rest of his friends. Those three were repeated in a cycle. It seemed as though those were the only things important to him.

I continued waiting for him into February. The only day I had refused to wait was the day I knew he wouldn't be there – Valentine's Day.

It came in the middle of the week, so all the couples were forced to stay at Hogwarts. At least there would be no escapes off to Madam Puddifoot's.

When I woke up that day, I felt as though I was seeing everything through rose-colored glasses.

Everything was decorated pink. I was going to be sick.

As couples exchanged gifts and kisses, I concentrated on the only thing that got me through this day. It was officially eight days until my seventeenth birthday. All I had to do was get through this week. A day of romance and, later in the week, a Quidditch match.

At breakfast, Lily got a box of chocolates from James. I was thoroughly amused as I watched her make a show out of throwing it carelessly in her bag. I knew she was going to eat them later – even if it was a gift from James.

Sirius was _bombarded_ with gifts from the female population. Mary was trying to look impartial, but I could tell her teeth were clenched. For her gift, she had gotten a bouquet of roses and a bracelet. I was woken up early this morning by her proclamation how perfect it was when she received them.

That was all the gifts that I knew of. From what I knew, no one else had gotten anything. Not that I minded. I had gotten used to never getting anything.

It was later that day when I noticed something was...well, different.

"No, I don't want your chocolate, Sirius! That's not the point!"

There were five of us trying to fit onto the couch – me, Lily, Marlene, James, and Remus. We all looked up once we heard the commotion. I saw Mary and Sirius standing on the opposite side of the room, a good three feet between them. And Mary looked absolutely livid.

Sirius sounded frustrated. "It's not my fault that I got gifts. What am I supposed to do with them?"

Mary shook her head. "I don't know. Get rid of them! Not keep them and flaunt them in front of me and then ask if I want any!"

I felt as though I was invading their privacy by watching. I quickly looked down and pretended to be writing.

"Fine then!" I heard footsteps coming our way and glanced up to see Sirius in front of us. I just stared at him, as did everyone else on the couch.

Sirius dumped many red and pink boxes into Remus's lap. "Here, Remus, you have them. Enjoy." He spoke in a monotone that clearly said 'I don't care if you enjoy them or not'. And then he disappeared up the boys' staircase.

That left Mary glaring in our direction. She slowly walked over to the girls' staircase, never taking her eyes off of us. It seemed to take forever before she had left our sight.

"That was awkward," James announced the second she had left.

But he didn't know to what extent it was awkward. Sirius and Mary were fighting. On one hand, I was practically elated at the prospect of them breaking up. On the other, I was worried for Mary. I didn't want to see anyone break her heart.

An uncomfortable silence then fell over the five of us.

"Does anyone want a chocolate frog?" Remus suddenly asked, holding up his ton of chocolate.

Without even a moment's hesitation, we all began to sort through the chocolate loudly and with smiles on our faces. I found it somewhat unsettling that we were enjoying what made two of our other friends miserable.

* * *

No, this story is not over (...which is sort of evident because there's a new chapter). It's actually far from over. Just you wait.

Thanks again for all the reviews. You're all amazing. Vote in the poll if you haven't!

Oh, and random question: Does anyone listen to Wrock (Wizard Rock)?


	22. End

I woke up the next morning feeling euphoric. At first I didn't understand, but then I remembered the night before.

I was about to get my muse back.

Mary wasn't in her bed when I got ready for class. It seemed a little strange to me. Knowing Mary, I suspected to see her in bed the entire day, bawling her eyes out.

It didn't matter though. I put the thought to the back of my mind and continued down to the common room. There were still a few people milling around, waiting for their roommates to come down to leave for breakfast. Instead of waiting for the rest of my roommates, I went to breakfast alone.

Maybe I could write. Maybe Sirius would come and talk to me about my story. There was no Mary to distract him now.

While picking apart my toast, I looked around the Great Hall for him. He had to be somewhere. Maybe he was still in his dormitory. But, no – the rest of his friends were already eating breakfast just a few feet from me.

I looked down to meet with Remus's gaze. He just waved at me and, awkwardly, I waved back. He probably thought I was looking down there for him. The thought made me feel guilty – I hoped I wasn't giving him the wrong idea.

A sudden crash alerted me to the front of the Great Hall. And there, right in front of the teacher's table was a sight I never expected to see.

I had found Sirius – but he wasn't alone.

He had Mary in his arms, and, no exaggeration, it looked like he was snogging her as if her life depended on it.

They had made up.

My heart plummeted. I couldn't take my eyes off the awful sight. It was like it was in slow motion. I forced myself to breathe in, and out, and in...

And then, I could have sworn I saw him mouth three words. Three words that Sirius Black would never say. Because he was a ladies' man. He wasn't supposed to settle down. He wasn't supposed to..._love_ someone.

He loved Mary.

_Loved_ her.

I was no one. I was that girl in his house that wrote stories. Nothing more. Never to be anything more.

How could this be happening to me? I wasn't supposed to fancy Sirius in the first place. I knew it would end in heartbreak. Yet, here I was, about to cry because he was snogging someone in front of me. No, it wasn't because he was snogging someone. It was because he loved someone.

And that someone wasn't me.

My hands were trembling. I was trembling. I couldn't think straight anymore. All I could think about was the fact that Sirius and Mary were together. And little Ivy had no place in that equation.

Suddenly, I found myself on my feet. Without even looking at anyone or anything, I strode out of the Great Hall to collect myself.

This. Was. The. Last. Straw.

I blinked and struggled to focus my eyes. What had just happened? Where was I? I couldn't remember anything.

I took in my surroundings. I was on the grounds. How did I get out here? Wasn't I in the castle? There was a hood over my head and my wand was tightly grasped in my hand.

But why?

I glanced down and let out a gasp of shock. My throat immediately closed up as I looked upon the lifeless face of Mary MacDonald.

Someone had killed her. Murdered. One of my friends. Forever gone.

Tears threatened to fall as I looked around again. There was someone else a few feet away. The person rose to their feet shakily and looked at me with careful, frightened eyes.

"Sirius?" I choked out, my voice not working correctly.

He had a cut on his forehead and it was bleeding down the side of his face.

With wide eyes, I realized what had happened. Voldemort had been here. He had murdered Mary, hurt Sirius, and knocked me unconscious. Where was Dumbledore?

Sirius was breathing heavily, fear flashing across his face. "She was one of your friends, Ivy."

I gave him a confused look. "What?"

"And you killed her."

The wand in my hand. It had been me. I had murdered Mary MacDonald. I had killed one of my friends over a boy. "No," I cried, looking down on the ground.

Sirius took a few cautious steps forward. "Ivy..."

And I knew what I had to do. He stopped in front of me and looked at me with round eyes. "Don't do it, Ivy..." he whispered.

I could only shake my head. "I'm sorry..."

And with a burst of green light, Sirius Black crumpled in front of me.

It had been for the best.

* * *

This chapter was previously a April Fools joke, but I've now incorporated into my story. You'll see how if you read the next chapter.


	23. Scream

_Instead of replacing the last chapter like I said I would, I'm keeping it. You see how I'm keeping the April Fools chapter by reading this one._

* * *

I was screaming. Thrashing under my covers, screaming Mary's name. It was too hot in the room; I threw the weight off of me, sitting up, choking on my scream.

"Hey, Ivy! Ivy!" Someone's hand was on my arm, trying to calm me down. "Breathe, Ivy, breathe." I struggled to take a breath and then was greeted with silence. It was still stifling in the room.

I finally looked to the side to see Mary's face staring at me worriedly.

She was alive.

Another dream. No, not a dream. It was a nightmare.

I tried to blink to get rid of the spots in my vision. It didn't work very well. I took a quick glance around the room to see my other roommates sleeping. Or pretending to sleep. They had to have woken up during my screaming.

Mary sat patiently on the edge of my bed, watching me carefully. "You were saying my name," she whispered out of nowhere.

I took a deep breath. "You-" I couldn't tell her that I had killed her in my dream. It would be awful. I couldn't tell her anything.

It all seemed so real.

"You stole my quill," I finally breathed. It was the only thing I could think of to say.

Mary stared at me, her head tilted in confusion. "Oh, I thought it was mine," she said, her voice dropping to a whisper. She then let out a soft laugh and patted my bed, moving to get up. "Sorry that it was upsetting you that much," she joked, standing up.

"How are you?" The words left my mouth before I realized that I was even thinking them.

Mary looked at me strangely, and then sat back down my bed. "Oh, well, you were there last night."

I didn't want to pry – but I was just so curious. "Is he really that bad?"

Mary laughed again, but it was different. A bitter laugh. "He can be sweet sometimes, you know. He could be the perfect boyfriend. It's just all the other girls."

"It's not him, then? Just the other girls?" I asked, leaning forward interestedly.

Mary shook her head. "No, it's just as much him as the other girls. It wouldn't be a problem if he didn't enjoy it so much. He takes pleasure from the fact that the whole female population of Hogwarts is lusting over him. I can't stand the fact that he enjoys it and pretends that he still cares about me when he seems more interested in them."

He was just as bad as I thought. Why did I even like him in the first place? I knew what his record was. I knew I couldn't have a happily ever after. But I still wanted him. "I'm sorry," I whispered, and I meant it.

"I just-" Mary paused, and I noticed her eyes were filled with unshed tears. "I want to be with him. I want to stay by him. But I know I'll go crazy. I know I wouldn't be strong enough to go through this pain everyday."

I bit my lip. "Couldn't he change?"

Mary laughed her bitter laugh again. "He's Sirius Black. He'll never change."

And that was what worried me the most. I just stared at my bed cover, trying to think of something encouraging to say.

But Mary continued without my advice. "I'm breaking up with him today." I looked up at her sharply with wide eyes. "I know – he's usually the one to break up with his girlfriends. I'm doing it before he can."

"Because you're stronger than him," I added.

Mary nodded. "That's what I want to show him."

How could I fancy and hate someone at the same time? I asked myself this question over and over, but my heart couldn't find an answer.

* * *

All of the reviews I received for the last chapter were amazing. And they were so amusing to read. Thanks for all of them. And to think - I wasn't even going to post the April Fools chapter.

This story will have around...20-30 more chapters actually. So, don't be worried that it will end anytime soon.


	24. Rejection

It happened at breakfast the next morning. I had thought that Mary would want to break up with Sirius privately. But, no, she wanted an audience. She wanted everyone to see the break-up.

I was breaking apart my muffin when Mary stood up, asking Sirius to follow her. I expected them to walk out of the Great Hall and into a deserted corridor. Instead, Mary stopped in between the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff tables and turned to face Sirius.

"I want to break up," Mary said quickly, without even hesitating.

Sirius, who was facing toward me, just stared at her. "What?"

There was a short pause. "I don't want to be your girlfriend anymore, Sirius."

Most of the people seated at the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff tables had noticed the conversation. They were listening intently, but the further tables were oblivious to it. There was absolute silence on the one side of the hall.

Sirius looked confused. "But – why?"

Mary sighed. "Well, truthfully, I can't stand being around you right now. So, I think it would be best if we broke up."

Sirius opened his mouth to say something and then closed it again. The shock was evident on his face. "Um – you're kidding, right?"

I could hear Mary's scoff clearly. "No, I'm being serious."

"But, we were getting along great," Sirius said, taking a step closer to Mary and placing his hands on her arms.

She shrugged him off immediately. "Don't try anything. Nothing will change my mind, Sirius. I can't even look at you right now, so excuse me, but I have to leave." Mary ignored Sirius's last attempt (a reach for her hand) and strode out of the hall.

I watched as Sirius stared after her with a blank expression. There was no more shock or confusion on his face. I couldn't tell what he was thinking at all. I didn't know if he was hurting or not.

James was probably thinking the same thing, as he called Sirius back over as if we didn't hear the whole exchange.

"Hey, mate! You're missing breakfast!"

Sirius jumped at James's shout. Then he shook his head and walked over with a forced smile. Maybe he was hurting. Maybe he wasn't the playboy that everyone thought he was. Or maybe he was embarrassed because it was Mary who broke up with him and not the other way around.

He didn't say a word as he sat down, and just grabbed a piece of bacon. Remus and James exchanged worried looks. Peter leaned forward to take a look at Sirius's face.

It seemed as if they didn't know what to say.

"You know," Sirius finally spoke up after an awkward silence. Everyone in the vicinity looked over at him. "We need a party this weekend. After the Quidditch match."

"After we win," James added with a grin. Lily's right in a way – James did have a cocky attitude.

Sirius grinned. The grin surprised me after the blank stare that had previously graced his features. "Yeah. And I'll supply the drinks."

I cringed slightly. That meant only one thing – firewhiskey. Sirius wanted to forget what had happened to him – maybe he was hurting after all.


	25. Party

It came of no surprise to me when Gryffindor had won the game. The difference between the Gryffindor and Hufflepuffs teams was immense; there was no doubt going into the game who would win.

I was one of the first in the common room after the end of the game. Some people were milling about, waiting for the party to begin, while others decorated the room with red and gold streamers and other various items. Everyone I knew was conveniently absent; no doubt retrieving the "drinks".

My journal was left upstairs in the dormitory. I had the sudden urge to run up and get it so I would have something to do instead looking out of place. Parties weren't really my thing. I never dared to get involved with the rowdiness that always ensued.

A sudden burst of cheers caught my attention and I looked for the source. A group of people were crowded around the portrait hole, and I finally saw James squeeze himself out of the way, something in his hand that was, no doubt, firewhiskey.

I wondered briefly what would happen if McGonagall would happen to walk in. James suddenly spotted me and made his way over. "Hey, where's Lily?" he asked.

I paused. "I guess she's still up in the dormitory."

James frowned and looked momentarily thoughtful. I hoped he wouldn't try climbing the staircase or something equally stupid.

"What would happen if McGonagall walked in on the party?" I found myself asking.

James just laughed at me and I didn't know whether to be offended or not. "Where's your Gryffindor bravery?"

I bit back my retort ("at least I'm not showing any Gryffindor stupidity") and instead, just shrugged at him. He looked mildly amused and then disappeared to probably annoy Lily into coming down to the party.

I spent two hours sitting on the couch in the common room.

I sat next to twenty-two different people the entire time. Nobody stayed seated on the couch for more than a couple minutes. Everyone was too busy dancing or drinking to stay still. I watched all the action around me, all the while wondering if I should leave.

"How's the party?" I looked behind me to see Remus. He looked really tired and my first thought was to tell him to get some sleep.

"Oh, it's fine," I answered, holding back a sigh. Wait, this was Remus. I could tell him the truth. "Actually, I'm just trying to get through this week. It hasn't been the best." My nightmare came to mind, but I quickly thought of something else before I saw the images again.

"What's so bad about this week?"

I hesitated before answering, "My birthday is next week. I'm just waiting for that."

He smiled. "I'll have to get you something then." A loud crash disrupted our conversation and Remus groaned. "Sorry, have to go and fix whatever that was."

"Prefect's duties," I tried to joke. I found that I wasn't really in the mood to joke.

And then I was left on the couch in silence again. Where were all my roommates? I knew Lily was trying to avoid the whole party but where were Mary and Marlene and the rest of them? I couldn't see anyone in the crowd of people.

Another hour passed and people were practically passing out on the floor. I had to move from the couch to an armchair after I got my personal space invaded for the seventh time. I also went to get my journal – I just felt incomplete without it.

A loud, disruptive singing voice suddenly came from my right. I was startled and jumped slightly at the out-of-tune slurred words.

"W-what's all this about? Hey, yeah, don't get your way, all you do is fuss and pout..."

Sirius came stumbling out of the crowd of people, singing as loud as he could. I shrank back into my armchair because, for some reason, I was worried that he would see me.

Maybe I had a fear of drunk people.

My movement, though, caught his attention and his eyes tried to focus on me. He probably had no clue who I was at the moment. But it looked as if he was trying really hard to remember.

He soon gave up and went back to his song, singing it boisterously. "Lalala, you're the only reason I keep on coming home." I involuntarily cringed at how awful he was.

He took a few steps toward me and leaned against my armchair. "How come you're not drinking?" he asked, his words slow as if he couldn't think of them.

Sirius was talking to me again – and he was drunk. Only with my luck would that happen. I didn't even want to talk to him like this. "I don't want to," I responded.

He laughed, as if what I said was really funny. "Ah, but it's good. Makes you forget all your troubles. Your worries. You don't even have to..." he paused, a strange grin on his face. "-have to...think."

I frowned, but couldn't think of anything to say. I was extremely uncomfortable. I didn't know what to say to him. He was drunk – I didn't know what he would remember or how he would react.

"Hey, what's this?" I stared in horror at Sirius who had my journal. My breath caught in my throat. He flipped through a couple pages and started laughing again. "You know, this Sebastian guy really reminds me of someone I know."

My brain said to say 'who' but no sound came out.

Sirius grinned, throwing the book on the armchair next to me. "Reminds me of...me."

My eyes widened. I had to get out of there. I stood up, catching Sirius off-guard, and turned. I bid him a shaky goodnight, my voice going in and out.

He muttered something that sounded like 'night' and began humming the same tune he had been singing earlier. "Keep on comin' hooo-ome," he sang, dancing clumsily in front of me before spotting James and rushing over to him.

He knew. He had figured out who Sebastian was. How could I ever show my face again?

* * *

This chapter broke my 500-1000 rule by 35 words. It was shorter, but then a new idea was introduced.

Thanks for all the reviews/alerts/favorites. I'll probably tell you all thanks again if you review.


	26. Worry

"Ivy, come on, we're going down to breakfast!"

I groaned and turned in my bed, throwing the covers over my head.

There was a sigh, and someone was trying to jostle me awake. "It's a bright sunny Sunday. Now, wake up!"

I peered over my covers and saw only dark coming from the window. "No," I complained, hiding once again.

"Fine." There were some footsteps and the sound of the door closing. I was alone.

It was evident: I could never leave my dormitory again. It was the only way I didn't have to explain myself to Sirius. Just imagining a face-to-face encounter with him made me feel ill.

What would he say to me? Would he accept the fact that I use him for my story? Or found he find it stalker-ish, creepy, and never want to talk to me again?

I tried to forget about my predicament as I got ready for the day. But his reaction kept invading my thoughts. Would he be surprised, happy, angry with me? Would he never want to talk to me again?

"Ivy..." I looked up to see Lily coming through the door. I had spent an hour worrying over the boy. "There's someone that wants to see you down in the common room."

It had to be Sirius.

He wanted to talk to me about the story. He wanted to tell me that he never wanted to see my face again.

I just nodded and bit my lip, wondering if I should take the chance and go down there. Lily watched me curiously.

"Nervous?" she asked innocently.

How did she know what was going on? She didn't know anything – or did she? Had she finally caught on?

"I don't know if I should go down there," I admitted.

She smiled. She definitely knew. My secret was out. "I think you should. He is waiting, after all."

Sirius was waiting for me. My heart began to race. This was it. I saw Lily nod at me reassuringly as I opened the door and made my way down the staircase.

Where was he? I scanned the common room but didn't see any sign of him. Stopping at the end of the staircase, I looked around, confused. He wasn't there.

"Ivy, over here!"

That wasn't Sirius's voice.

I looked over to where the couch was and saw Remus waving at me. Realization hit me. It was Remus that was looking for me. Lily (and all my other roommates) still thought Remus liked me. I almost groaned out loud.

"Hey." I put on my best smile, because Remus was still my friend, and I wasn't exactly disappointed to see him.

"So, I was wondering. What do you want for your birthday?"

The question caught me off guard. I tried to think back on a time that I was asked that before, but no situations came up. Everyone just usually assumed what I liked, and then bought it for me. "Oh, umm..." I hesitated, trying to think of something. "I don't know."

"Come on, there has to be something..." Remus said.

But, really, I couldn't think of anything I wanted. "Maybe something to do with writing," I finally suggested.

Remus smiled. "That works."

His smile was contagious; I found myself feeling a lot better. But, unfortunately, I was quickly reminded of the reason I wanted to stay in my dormitory.

"Hey." I didn't have to turn around. Sirius jumped over the back of the couch and sat next to me. "What's going on?"

A feeling if nausea came over me because of his presence.

"Feeling better then?" I could have sworn I had some sarcasm in Remus's voice.

Sirius grinned, and I was reminded of how much I loved his grins. "Hangover potion, dear Moony."

Remus rolled his eyes, and I willed him to say something before Sirius did. Of course, I had no luck. "How did you like the party last night?"

He was talking to me. I knew what he was thinking. He was trying to get to the subject of my story. "Fine," I answered shortly.

Sirius laughed. "Well, at least you can remember it."

I looked at him with round eyes. Did that mean-? "You don't remember any of it?"

Remus answered for him. "Don't remember any of it? I don't think he remembers any of yesterday period."

"You don't remember going around singing?" I asked, my breathing getting easier with every answer.

An amused look passed over Sirius's face. "Did I? Must have been the best thing you've heard then."

I let out an incredulous laugh. He didn't remember any of it. None at all. He didn't remember what he had figured out about my story. He didn't remember anything about Sebastian.

He didn't know my secret.

"Well, not exactly," I started to explain, a genuine smile appearing on my face.


	27. Birthday

_I call this chapter: Super Massive Chapter That Broke All My Rules._

_Ah, well, it's Ivy's birthday. Rules are meant to be broken._

* * *

I didn't know exactly what to expect on my birthday. I went to bed the night before feeling anxious, as if something miraculous was going to happen. I knew that that was crazy talk, but I still wished for it.

When I went to breakfast, I noticed something strange.

James, Sirius, and Peter were sitting together every morning. But Remus wasn't there.

Lily noticed it too. "Where's Remus?" she asked nonchalantly in the middle of breakfast.

The boys all looked at each other before answering, "Oh, well..." James began slowly. "He's just dealing with something right now."

Dealing with something? My first thought was my present. Then I thought of how selfish that sounded. Obviously, it had nothing to do with me. Where was he?

I expected him to show up to classes at least. But he never did.

My worry for Remus overshadowed the fact that no one said 'happy birthday' to me. I didn't even care that I didn't receive even one present. I didn't care that no one even mentioned it.

Remus had made me think that this birthday would be special. But it was ending up exactly the same.

After dinner, I waited in the common room. I thought that surely Remus would show up then. There were only a couple hours left in the day.

I instead decided to focus on Sirius and finally write some of my story. He was usually in the common room after dinner, planning a prank or laughing with his friends. But as I searched the room, I realized he was nowhere to be found. And neither was James or Peter. All four of them were mysteriously absent.

"Happy birthday!" I heard suddenly. Lily stood in front of me with a grin on her face and a box in her hands.

I swallowed my worry and said, "You remembered?"

Lily laughed and sat next to me on the couch. "Of course. I just had to finish wrapping your present. Now, open it."

Even Lily's present didn't diminish the sick feeling I had in my stomach. I just knew something was wrong. Somehow. I took off the lid of the box and saw what looked like to be a textbook. On the cover, the words 'English Romantic Fiction Writers' shown brightly in gold cursive.

"I know you like Jane Austen and her books, so I thought you'd like this," Lily started to explain, as if she wasn't sure if I liked it or not.

"It's great," I exclaimed, trying to smile as best as I could. But I couldn't smile when I was still so worried.

Lily smiled back, and then wished me 'happy birthday' before going off to finish her homework.

It was getting late, but I didn't care. Opening my book to the first page, I began to read about Mary Stewart...

A sudden slam of a door jolted me to alertness. It was dark in the common room; the fire was only a few smoldering embers. And it was also deserted and absolutely quiet.

I struggled to a sitting position from where I had fallen asleep, and picked up my book from on my lap. Where had the loud noise come from?

Maybe it had been from up in the dormitories. But it had to be late; who was still awake? I checked the time – three in the morning.

I took another confused look around the room, running a hand through my hair. No one was -

Suddenly, a head appeared right in front of me.

"Mghf-" I tried to scream, but then a hand covered my mouth, muffling my scream.

"Don't be afraid." Sirius's head moved slightly and then his whole body became visible. "Okay, I'm going to move my hand, and you're not going to scream, okay?"

Oh god, oh god, oh god. My mind reeled as I tried to process this information. Sirius's head was just floating in front of me. He was _invisible_. I nodded slightly, and he moved his hand. "What-how-" My voice stopped working and I just stared at him with wide eyes.

"I'll explain it all later, but, for now, come with me-" He grabbed my hand and threw something over us.

_Invisibility Cloak!_ I suddenly remembered all about the cloak that I had read about in one of my textbooks. This was – but they were so...rare. My voice still refused to work correctly, but Sirius 'shh'ed me anyway, and led me out of the portrait.

We headed down to the third floor and toward the double doors of the hospital wing. I had that sick feeling again. I couldn't even pay attention to how Sirius was holding my hand. I just felt sick.

"He wants to see you," Sirius explained, once we got into the wing. He took the cloak off of us and stuffed it into his arms. "Over there."

I gave Sirius a confused look before heading over to where he was pointing. I saw James and Peter sitting beside the bed, half-asleep.

And Remus was in the bed, a bandage on one side of his face. With an alarmed look, I turned around to see Sirius behind me. He just looked at me, and motioned for me to do something.

But what?

"Remus?" I found myself saying. It was so quiet; my voice sounded loud even though it had barely come out as a whisper.

He stirred slightly and opened his eyes to focus on me. "Ivy..." His voice was hoarse.

I had been worrying about my birthday and here he was, hurt in the hospital wing. I felt like such a bad friend. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

Remus shook his head. "No, _I'm_ sorry. I missed your birthday."

Tears stung in my eyes but I ignored them. "It's okay, I mean, you're hurt – you have an excuse -"

He let out a soft chuckle. "You shouldn't be worried about me. It was your birthday - your day. That reminds me -" He looked over to the side table. "Happy belated birthday."

On the table was a book, wrapped in ribbon, with a new quill and ink sitting on top. I took the present carefully and looked more closely. The book wasn't a book – it was a new journal. And the ink bottle was engraved with 'Ivy' in cursive on the cap.

"Thank you," I breathed, running my fingers over the engraving. "It's amazing, Remus."

Without even thinking, I crawled onto the bed and enveloped Remus into a hug.

"Ow."

I immediately let go. "Sorry," I apologized, moving away from him. "I wasn't thinking."

But he was smiling. "It's okay."

Only two people had remembered my birthday, but that was enough for me.

* * *

Okay, a lot of you probably have questions about this chapter. For example:  
- How can Ivy know about the cloak?!  
- Why doesn't she think it's weird that Remus is randomly hurt?!  
- Why did Sirius go get her!?  
- Why did the other Marauders let Ivy into the hospital wing!?  
- Which floor is the Hospital Wing on?! (It's on, like, fifty different floors, I swear. It changes with every book.)  
- Why didn't her parents remember her birthday!?  
- Since Sirius was watching, shouldn't he know it was Ivy's birthday!? (And maybe feel guilty?)  
- Is this Remus/Ivy instead of Sirius/Ivy?

And...I have to say: Those questions will be answered in the next chapter (except the last one). I call it Birthday Pt. Deux. That won't be its official title, but that's my title.

Oh, and I have a schedule on my profile about when I will update this story.

That's it. This chapter is already like...1,300 words or something.


	28. Presents

Sirius had walked me back to the dormitory that night. He was unusually quiet the whole way back. It was very unnerving; at least on the way to the hospital wing I was preoccupied. Now, I had nothing else to think about but how close Sirius was to me underneath the cloak. And the silence didn't help much.

I was about to break the silence but I didn't need to. He suddenly spoke up. "Why didn't you tell everyone it was your birthday yesterday?"

I blinked. "I don't know."

There was another uneasy pause. "We could throw a party for you tomorrow."

I turned to look at Sirius quickly and hurt my neck. But I didn't care. "I don't want a party. I don't want everyone to know."

He looked a bit shocked. "You don't want a party? It's supposed to be your day and you don't want anyone to know?"

I shrugged (well, as much as I could with the cloak around us). "It's okay. You don't have to do anything for me."

Sirius fell silent again, but it wasn't the same silence as before. I knew he was planning something. And I didn't know whether to be grateful or just scared.

When I woke up the next morning, everything seemed normal. All of the other girls were busy getting ready for class like always. I got ready as quick as I could. I wasn't exactly sure why I was getting so anxious – I knew it could end up like the day before. It wasn't even my birthday anymore. I didn't need to be excited.

Breakfast also seemed normal. Everyone was eating, chatting, laughing...nothing out of the ordinary. James was trying to talk to Lily, Sirius and Remus were talking (Remus was looking a little bit better, except he had a scar down the side of his face), and Peter was eating his toast. Okay, I was just getting paranoid. Maybe nothing was going to happen.

Then, I went to class. And everything was not normal. Walking through the door, I saw a bundle of objects on the chair where I usually sat (behind Sirius, of course).

I approached them cautiously and took a look at the first one.

_I saved this just for you. -James_

James grinned at me as I took the small box and opened it. It was filled with Honeydukes chocolates. I almost laughed and said, "You didn't even know about my birthday."

He just shrugged. "Ah, well, I knew I was saving them for a reason. Happy birthday, Ivy."

I could tell the next present was Peter's. It was wrapped almost poorly, and I knew he did it himself. There was also no card. I took off the wrapping paper and looked at the lonesome Chocolate Frog.

The image of Peter frantically trying to find something to give me at the last second caused me to grin. "Thanks Peter," I said. And I was truly thankful for the small gift. It was better than nothing.

There was one present left and I knew who it was from.

_Happy birthday-no-__Happy belated birthday! -S_

"Hope you like it," I heard him say behind me. There was no doubt that that grin was plastered on his face.

Inside the box was a just a piece of parchment. And only three letters were written on the piece. _IOU_.

"That IOU is for anything you can possibly think of," Sirius explained.

I looked down into the box. "You didn't have to get me anything. All of you." I felt out of place. It was weird – the Marauders giving _me_ presents.

"We wanted to," James exclaimed. "And next year, we'll actually know about it ahead of time."

"And you deserve to have a great birthday," Remus added. He still looked really guilty about the fact that he missed my birthday yesterday.

Sirius just continued grinning. "Well, I also promised you that I would help you with your story. So, consider my present my debt to you."

He didn't forget about the story. My heart jumped in my chest at his words and I had to stop myself from letting a goofy grin appear on my face. "Thanks," I managed to say.

"Now, don't let this out to any of the other girls," James chimed in, dramatically lowering his voice to a whisper. "They'll be jealous you have Sirius as your love slave."

My brain promptly shut down. "What-?"

Sirius laughed from beside me. "I did say _anything_, my dear."

I let out a nervous laugh, and tried to say something but my mouth was dry, and my head was spinning.

"Don't traumatize her," Remus scolded the two. "They're just joking," he said to me.

Sirius cheekily grinned. "That's what you think, Moony."

Remus shook his head, but he looked mildly amused. I could tell by Remus's reactions that James and Sirius were clearly joking. But even the knowledge that it was only a joke couldn't stop my heart from beating wildly.

* * *

So, half of the questions from the last chapter still haven't been answered. They will be answered in time.

And there's a new poll on my profile. Just your opinions on Remus/Ivy. I'm amused at your reviews about how cute they are, so I want to know what you think.

There will probably not be a chapter tomorrow. Stupid Wednesdays...


	29. Fear

My faux birthday, as I called it, turned out better than any of my other birthdays. My parents sent me a parcel that day, proclaiming that our owl was sick and it took longer than usual to send my present.

Everything was going fine. Though, something was still bothering me.

What had exactly happened a week ago? How had Remus gotten hurt? What did the other three have to do with it? And why did they let me in that night?

I was pondering over this late one night in the library, hidden by the book shelves. Something was going on. Something dangerous if Remus had gotten hurt.

What if they were out again – in the same danger? What if all of them were hurt this time?

I had to see them.

Almost running through the corridors, I finally made my way into the common room. Suddenly, I felt foolish. There they were – right in front of me, laughing, obviously not hurt at all.

I must have looked frightened or something because Remus looked up at me and then did a double take. "What's wrong?" he asked without hesitation. The other three then took notice of me too.

I shook my head of my thoughts and said, as calmly as I could, "Nothing. I'm just...nevermind."

Remus just looked at me, as if he was reading my mind. I fidgeted nervously. "You're deathly white," he observed.

I took a breath. "I'm okay."

"Here, you need to sit down." He moved over on the couch, making room for me. I didn't know why exactly – but now I was shaking, shivering; not feeling okay at all.

I knew what they were doing.

They had gotten involved into some Dark Arts. That's why Remus had gotten hurt. That's why they were so secretive with it.

My friends were dabbling in the Dark Arts.

James - the friendly, courageous friend.

Peter – seemingly innocent, quiet one.

Remus - my new friend, the one that remembered my birthday.

Sirius - my muse, the guy I fancied.

I stared at them, unconsciously leaning back into the couch. They gave me a strange look and then James said, "Oh, and we've been meaning to tell you about last week."

This was it.

They were going to tell me their secret. Because I knew. What were they going to do now that I knew? Was I even safe anymore?

"Don't tell anyone," he finished.

I blinked and didn't say anything.

Sirius looked at me. "Promise you won't tell anyone?"

Why would I want to tell the world that the Marauders – the infamous Marauders – were secretly into the Dark Arts? Why would I tell anyone in this time – a time of war and fear?

They'd be expelled. I'd never see them again.

"I promise," I whispered, my voice threatening to crack.

Sirius grinned at me. But it wasn't like his other grins. This one scared me. I had the urge to run up to my dormitory and hide behind the locked door.

"Thanks, Ivy," Remus smiled at me.

I shuddered. Poor, innocent Remus had gotten hurt the last time. What would happen the next time?

Didn't they understand what they were getting into? The last I heard, I thought the four wanted to become aurors after school. Didn't they understand that this was the exact opposite?

Remus suddenly proclaimed that he had to go patrol the corridors and hurried out of the portrait hole. The other three said good night and left for the dormitories.

They _were_ hiding something from me.

I sat, shaking, on that couch for what seemed like hours before finally falling into an awful sleep.

* * *

It's Wednesday and there's a new (short though) chapter. Why? Because I took my laptop with me to class and ignored the lecture and wrote this. Now, if I fail my exam, I'm going to blame you all (just kidding).

And the rating will be going up to T (whoo?). It won't be because of the next chapter...but the one after that. I really want to give a sneak peek, so maybe if you bug me enough in your review I'll send you one through the reply.

Thanks again!


	30. Help

A growl.

I heard it suddenly in the midst of my sleep. Groggily opening my eyes, I took a look around the dark common room. There was nothing there.

It was probably someone under the Invisibility Cloak again. I shivered; it was freezing. Then I heard it again from behind me. Turning around, I came face to face with a pair of angry yellow eyes.

Someone was screaming; the scream echoing off the walls, filling up the room.

The animal was going to kill me.

It was then I realized I was the one screaming. I was screaming because I was going to be killed by this animal with yellow eyes. It was baring its teeth at me, ready to strike.

I scrambled to the end of the couch, my scream of help becoming increasingly louder. No one was coming to help.

And then suddenly, a black mass appeared from out of the wall and rounded on me. And then another. They kept coming from behind the walls, closing around me, waiting for the kill.

I screamed, I thrashed, I began to cry. This was it.

"Ivy!"

Tears were streaming down my face. I couldn't stop screaming to take a breath.

"Wake up, it's okay!"

But I couldn't open my eyes. I didn't want to see the animals. I then became aware of the warmth. Suddenly, it wasn't so cold anymore.

"Shh, it's okay," I heard distantly, and then I felt someone comforting me.

It wasn't okay. They were going to kill me. I wasn't safe in the room. They were going to come out of the walls and...

I held on tightly to whatever was there, and shook my head frantically. "They're going to kill me," I muttered over and over, burying my face in what felt to be fabric.

I choked on a sob as the dream played over and over in my mind. I felt like I was having a heart attack, I couldn't even breathe normally. They were going to come out of the walls. They were just waiting.

"What's going to kill you?" I heard the voice say.

But all I could do was shake my head. I couldn't think in this room. In this room, they were waiting for me. I just continued to shake my head over and over and sob. "I need...leave..." I strangled to say.

My voice wasn't working. My whole body was paralyzed. I needed out.

Suddenly, I felt as though I was flying. I wasn't on the couch anymore; I was moving. But how? I couldn't open my eyes to the horrors that awaited me. Instead, I clutched on tightly to my warmth and hid my face from the world.

And then I was on the ground again. My body landed on something soft and then the warmth left me.

I took in a shaking breath and opened my eyes. Only the dark surrounded me. I looked down to see a bed underneath me. It didn't look like my bed. Where was I?

The hangings on the right moved.

My heart skipped a beat, but then calmed down when I saw it was a familiar face.

"Drink this." Remus handed a cup of water to me. I eyed it warily, and then took a small sip.

He looked a bit uncomfortable, and then finally climbed in next to me, closing the hangings around us. "Are you okay?" he softly asked, watching me as if he was afraid I'd start screaming again.

I was going to nod, but found myself shaking my head instead. My voice still wasn't working; my throat hurt from all the screaming.

Remus didn't say anything for awhile, just watched me carefully. After a couple minutes, he whispered, "What happened?"

I coughed, trying to get rid of the pain in my throat. It didn't work. "I...had a bad dream," I struggled to say.

But Remus didn't look convinced by my answer. "What else?"

I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted to tell him that I knew what was happening. I just wanted to make sure they were safe. "What happened last week?"

He just looked at me and left the question hanging. The look in his eyes were of absolute fear. It was Dark Arts. That was why he was afraid I knew.

"I..." He tried to say, and then quickly looked away. "It's complicated..."

I took in a painful breath. "The Dark Arts?"

Remus looked up at me sharply, the answer evident in his eyes. "No, it's nothing like that. Is that what you were thinking?"

My lack of an answer was enough for him. He smiled faintly and said, "It's nothing to worry over. Don't you ever worry about me."

It wasn't Dark Arts. It was all just a misunderstanding. I sleepily duplicated Remus's smile as my eyelids slowly began to close.

* * *

Your reviews for the last chapter were really entertaining. Thanks for those.

So, now you have half of the story explaining my "sneak peek". Or maybe you don't.

A lot of things will be revealed in the next chapter (the one rated T...whoo). It should be exciting.


	31. Awkward

"Wakey wakey, eggs and bake-y..."

"Shh, Padfoot, you're going to scare her..."

Those weren't the voices of my roommates. In fact, they weren't female voices at all. I opened my eyes in shock to see two people leaning over the bed, watching me sleep.

"Wh-" I began to question, scooting backwards to get a little breathing room.

James ignored that movement and instead said, "Oh, look Sirius, she's finally awake."

Sirius grinned. "How was your _sleep_?"

I raised an eyebrow at the tone of their voices. "Uh-"

"Imagine our _shock_," James emphasized the word, looking to Sirius for agreement. Sirius nodded in return. "-when we woke up to find you in dear ol' Moony's bed."

Oh, no, they thought – Remus and I – had...

I immediately opened my mouth to tell them the truth but Sirius cut me off.

"It really was a bit of a shock. You know, we knew Remus liked you and all, but we never thought this would happen."

My roommates were right. Remus _did_ fancy me. And I had just slept in his bed. And his roommates thought I had slept with him. And he _liked_ me. Remus Lupin _liked_ me. This was a disaster.

Next thing I knew, both James and Sirius were sitting on either side of me, so I had no way out. "So, how was he?" James asked.

My eyes widened and my throat closed up so I couldn't talk.

"Oh, come on," Sirius added, a teasing grin on his face. "I've actually heard that he has some really wolf-like tendencies."

I just stared at him and tried to shake my head. They didn't believe me. "Don't try to deny it," James laughed. "We've heard stories too, you know."

I needed to say something. I couldn't let them think that Remus and I had slept together. Well, he had _slept_ together, but not together together.

"We're just friends," I tried to explain.

But that didn't even work. I could tell by the way James and Sirius looked at each other. "Friends with_ benefits_?" Sirius exclaimed incredulously. "You're going to break the poor guy's heart!"

"No-" I started to explain once again.

"Then you must be his girlfriend," James concluded.

Nothing I could say would make them believe otherwise. I sighed loudly in frustration and started again. "We-"

I suddenly heard a sound and saw Remus come out of the bathroom, fixing his tie. My sentence faded away as he looked up at the three of us on his bed.

He didn't say anything, but came over quickly, helping me out of the bed. As we were leaving the dormitory, I could hear the sleepy voice of Peter ask, "What did I miss?"

"I am _so_ sorry," Remus immediately started apologizing as we made our way down the staircase. "I didn't think they'd get up that early."

"It's okay," I immediately responded. There was an awkward silence that followed, and finally I added, "Thanks for everything Remus."

He smiled faintly. "You're welcome."

I pointed behind me at the girls' staircase. "I'm gonna go get dressed now."

Remus nodded and I quickly made my way up the other staircase into the safety of my dormitory. Finally, I could breathe.

As soon as I closed the door behind me, all of my roommates turned to look at me. I had absolutely forgot about them.

Lily was the first to reach me. "Where were you all night? I checked down in the common room and you weren't down there. We were worried!" She sounded almost frantic.

"I...uh..." I lowered my voice so that my roommates couldn't hear. "I spent the night in the boys' dormitory."

Lily gave me the strangest look. "Why?" She seemed appalled that I would have voluntarily spent the night over there. "Where exactly did you even sleep?"

And this was where it was going to get really bad. "In...umm..." I barely said the next words. "Remus's bed."

Lily's eyes widened. "You slept with Remus?!" she tried to whisper, but it was loud. Everyone else looked toward us.

"Ivy did what?" Mary asked, surprise on her face. They all started to crowd around us, asking the same questions. "What?", "when?", "how?"...it became a jumble of words.

"I didn't do anything with him!" I finally shouted over the noise. Without even waiting for them to respond, I began the story. "I had a bad dream last night. I was freaking out. He helped me. That was it."

But I don't think they believed me. They all gave me a knowing look and headed down into the common room.

Lily stopped on her way out. "He does like you, Ivy. So, even if you didn't do anything, I think you just gave him some hope."

I wanted to scream.

Nothing was working out the way I wanted it to.

Remus liked me. Sirius didn't. Sirius didn't even care that I had "slept" with his best friend. I had hoped that there would have been some jealousy issues. But, of course, who was I kidding? Sirius didn't even like me like that.

He never would.

* * *

So, there's your sneak peek incorporated in the story.

A lot of you thought Sirius would be jealous. Sadly, he was not at all. Does that mean anything for the debate of Remus/Ivy and Sirius/Ivy? We'll see.

One of my reviewers mentioned the song "All She Wrote" by Ross Copperman. It absolutely fits this story - thanks for telling me about it!

Oh, and if you got where I got the first line of this chapter from, then I'm impressed.

Thanks for the reviews/alerts/favorites!


	32. Talk

Breakfast was absolutely horrible.

All of my roommates kept giving me the same knowing looks, and then all of Remus's roommates kept glancing down at me with grins on their faces. I was going to go crazy.

I could hear that Remus was having the same trouble as me. "Guys, nothing happened!"

They still wouldn't believe him. He looked very tired and worn, as if this whole ordeal was mentally draining him.

The worst part was that Sirius thought it was all positively hilarious. "Ah, Moony," I could hear him saying. "Don't be shy. Just fess up already."

Remus, who was sitting with his head in his hands probably because of a headache from all the questions, looked up and repeated, "We. Did. Not. Do. Anything."

Lily, next to me, was watching the scenes unfold with an observant eye. "Remus looks like he's about to snap," she noted out of nowhere.

"Because he's telling the truth and no one will believe him," I answered. I knew what he was going through: I was about to scream even though I had never yelled at anyone in my entire life.

"So," Lily drew out the word, turning toward me. "What do you actually think about Remus?" I could tell that she tried to ask the question as innocently as she could, but I knew what she was thinking.

"I like him as a friend," I immediately answered.

"You didn't even put any thought in my question," Lily pointed out. She was right. But only because I didn't want to think of Remus as anything more.

"I-" I stopped myself as I had a thought. Lily was a trusted friend of mine. I could tell her my secret. She wouldn't tell anybody. I could tell her the truth. I could finally tell someone the truth.

But my throat was closing up again. I just had to say it before I couldn't speak anymore. "Imightlikesomeoneelse," I murmured quickly.

There was a short pause and then Lily's eyes lit up in realization. "You do?"

Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe I shouldn't have told her. "See where my problem is?" I groaned.

"You need to talk to Remus," Lily concluded. "That's the only way this whole thing is going to get straightened out. And I'll talk to the rest of the girls – make them stop gossiping about it."

Maybe telling Lily was the right thing. "Thanks."

All I had to do was tell Remus that I didn't like him as more than a friend. And not break his heart during it. Why was I feeling so awful about this?

I had decided to do it after dinner in the library. I knew he would be in there, and I timed my arrival perfectly – right before he was going to leave.

He was sitting at a table toward the back of the library, homework lying out in front of him. Hesitantly, I walked over. "Remus..." I greeted him.

Even though he still looked dead tired, he still managed to put on one of his contagious smiles when he saw me. "Hey," he said, moving a stack of books to see more clearly.

I sat in the chair across from him. "Listen, I...uh..." This was a lot harder than I thought it would be. "I need to talk to you about today." My hands were shaking in my lap. Not a good sign.

He almost seemed frightened by what I said. Maybe he knew what I was about to tell him. "Okay," he finally said.

"It's just – you're becoming one of my best friends. Last night was the nicest thing anyone's done for me in a long time..." My voice was audibly shaking. I took a deep breath and continued, looking down at the table because I couldn't meet his eyes. "And with everyone talking about us and all, it's a little frustrating, but it's okay. Because we both know the truth."

I glanced up to see that Remus was leaning over the table, only mere centimeters away from my face. He quickly captured me in his stare, and I could do nothing as he leaned in closer...and closer...and closer...

* * *

More cliffhangers.

New poll (again) on my profile. Because this whole Sirius/Ivy and Remus/Ivy debate is interesting to me and I want to know where everyone stands. Sort of reminds me of the whole Edward or Jacob debates in Twilight. Especially since Remus was only supposed to be a plot point and has turned into something more. (Like Jacob.)

Thanks for everything!


	33. Kitchen

His lips barely grazed mine before a loud shout of "None of that in my library!" startled me, and I jumped back so quickly that I topped over the back of my chair, landing on the floor with a loud thud.

I looked up to see Madam Pince glaring at us and Remus still leaning over the table, staring at me with round eyes.

I couldn't help it. Tears began to form in front of my eyes and I struggled to get up, refusing to look at the boy across from me. "I have to go," I excused myself with strangled words.

Remus didn't do anything as I hurried out of the library. I raced down the corridor, wiping my tears hastily on my way to the common room. I didn't want to start crying, but I couldn't stop.

This was getting too complicated. I couldn't handle it anymore.

I needed to get away. I needed to think. I needed some hot chocolate to help me drown all my problems in. I needed that warmth.

I clambered my way through the portrait hole and into the common room. My gaze stopped on someone I knew could help me. Drying my tears, I made my way over to the couch and said, in a mess of words, "You owe me a trip to the kitchens."

Sirius, who was in the middle of a conversation with James and Peter, turned to look at me. James and Peter just looked confused. "What?"

I tried to breathe in, but it was shaky, and I knew I couldn't hold my tears back for much longer. "The IOU..." I muttered, concentrating on not crying in front of them.

A look of recognition passed over Sirius's face. "Okay, let's go." He didn't even question as to why I wanted to go down to the kitchens or how I knew he could get me there. He just led the way, not even bothering with hiding or sneaking around. It was almost as if he knew he wasn't going to be caught.

It was dark in the corridors, and I was grateful – tears kept rolling down my cheeks and I couldn't stop them. I didn't even know why I was crying anymore.

We finally reached a corridor off the Great Hall where a portrait of a bowl of fruit hung on the wall. Sirius stepped forward and tickled the pear, and the portrait swung open.

The house elves immediately surrounded us. "What would you like, sir and miss?"

Sirius looked toward me, and I answered, "Hot chocolate."

"Make that two."

The house elves all scrambled off and I took a seat at the table, hiding my face in my hands. I didn't even care that Sirius was watching – all I wanted to do was cry.

There was a short silence, and the house elves brought our drinks. I let my shaking hands clasp over my drink and then stared down at the table.

"What happened?" he asked at last.

I shook my head. "Nothing." But the tears that threatened to fall said otherwise.

"Is it about this morning?" Sirius questioned. "Because, if it's hurting you, I'm sorry that I said anything. I didn't know it would bother you this much."

I was about to say that it wasn't that – but then I stopped. In a way, it did start this whole thing. I would have never gone to speak to Remus. And he would have never tried to ruin our friendship.

That's why I was crying.

My friendship with Remus was ruined. The realization made my stomach churn.

But I couldn't tell Sirius that. I couldn't just tell him that one of his friends had kissed me and it was bothering me. That was girl talk.

"It's okay," I said, looking up at him for the first time. He was looking at me in worry and with awkwardness, like he didn't know how to behave around me.

He raised an eyebrow, questioning my words. "Then what's wrong? You just don't ask to go down the kitchens for nothing."

He was truly concerned. I paused before answering, "I'm just not having a good day. I wanted some hot chocolate." Which was true.

Sirius smiled, not a grin, but a smile that showed his sympathy. "There's always tomorrow."

And that's what I was afraid of. Tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that. I would have to live with this for the rest of my life.

I wanted it all to end.

I sighed, and went through my choices. I could just let myself be with Remus, but wouldn't that be cruel? He obviously liked me more than I liked him. Or I could just forget this ever happened – but I couldn't do that. I doubted I could ever forget. And I didn't want turn him down. I didn't want to break his heart. If there was a way I could only be his friend. I didn't want to lose that friendship.

The rest of the evening was silent, but, strangely, it was a good silence. A comforting silence that allowed me to think.

When our drinks were finished and the house elves had bid us goodnight, we made our way back up to the common room.

"You know," Sirius exclaimed, breaking the silence. "You don't need an IOU to do this. I'd be happy to take you to the kitchens any time you want." He grinned and added, teasingly, "Anything for my favorite author."

I had to smile at his words. And even though my mind was still fixated on Remus, it didn't stop my heart from leaping into my throat.


	34. Apologize

In my dormitory, I was safe. Safe from the outside world, safe from any problems, and safe from any boys who wanted to talk to me. Like Remus.

What was I supposed to say? Was I just supposed to apologize that I cried and ran out on him? Or was I supposed to be mad at him? It wasn't my fault – why should I tell him sorry? He's the one that crossed the line – not me.

He obviously was thinking the same thing the morning after.

"Ivy!"

I had only stepped onto the first step of the staircase when I heard my name. I involuntarily cringed, recognizing the voice immediately.

Could I just ignore him? Walk past him and not say a word? Was I going to start crying again just by being near him?

I flew down the steps, trying to get to the portrait without him stopping me. But he was quicker, and stopped me only feet away from my escape.

Remus looked as though he didn't sleep at all during the night. There were dark circles under his eyes and he looked so tired that I was surprised he was even able to catch me. His eyes pleaded with me. "I am _so_ sorry."

Was I supposed to just apologize and forget? What was I supposed to say?

I couldn't find any words. I stared at him for a moment, and then stepped around him, continuing my exit to the portrait. He didn't try to stop me. He didn't say anything to convince me to stay and hear him out. He knew I wouldn't just forgive him.

After breakfast, he tried again.

"Ivy..." Even my name was a plea. I snuck a glance over at him, and saw those same pleading eyes. Inwardly, I groaned at the look. "I thought – I thought you were – would you please stop for a second so I can talk to you?"

With a sigh, I turned to look at him, stopping on my way to Transfiguration. "I have to get to class, Remus."

I couldn't deal with it right now.

Even though it hurt me, I looked away and continued walking to class. And with every step I took, I could feel a throbbing pain in my chest.

Transfiguration was a blur. I couldn't pay attention to anything that was being said. I just wanted to leave.

Remus, for once, was not taking notes on what McGonagall was explaining. Instead, his parchment was strewn aside, quill and ink out of sight, and he watched McGonagall with unfocused eyes.

I hated hurting him.

At the end of class, Sirius turned around in his seat and looked at me. I almost didn't even notice.

"He's dying inside, Ivy," he exclaimed, though his voice seemed very distant to me. "You have to talk to him."

I hadn't even processed what had happened until I was walking back to the common room. Did Sirius know what had happened? Did Remus tell his roommates?

A new emotion emerged – anger.

I was feeling bad for Remus this whole time and he just went and told everyone like it was no big deal? And now Sirius knew. And all he cared about was the depression his friend was feeling. He didn't care about me – or my feelings. And he didn't care about his feelings – because he had none in this situation.

I suddenly wanted to hit something.

"I...vy..." My name was drawn out and I knew he was running behind me to catch up.

I wheeled around to face him. "Yes?"

Why, oh why, did he have to have that pleading look in his eyes again? All of my anger immediately disappeared once I saw him.

"Can you just hear me out? Please?"

I really wanted to. I didn't want this thing to go on anymore. "Fine," I agreed shortly.

Remus sighed in relief. "Yesterday, I thought you were going to tell me you fancied me."

My eyes widened. "What?"

"And I was wrong. I know that now. I thought you wanted me to kiss you. I didn't know that...well, that wasn't what you wanted. I'm sorry. It never happened. I take it back."

"You want to be friends?" I asked slowly, unsure of what he wanted.

"Yes," Remus answered, still frantic with his words. "I want to be your friend, Ivy. If you want me to be your friend, then that's what I want too."

Did that mean that...he wanted something different?

He was willing to disregard his other feelings for me if he could just have me as a friend?

Once again, I couldn't find anything to say. I just stared at him, trying to think of something intelligent to say.

"You don't have to say anything here," Remus broke my thoughts. "Can you meet me at the Astronomy Tower at eight? I have something else to tell you."

He took my silence as a unspoken yes, and left with a nod.

I was frozen in the middle of the corridor. He had something else to tell me. And I had no clue what it could be.

* * *

I demand 100 reviews before I post the next chapter.

I'm kidding. I'd never force any of you to review. That's your choice. It's nice to get reviews but it's not the end of the world if I don't get any. I hate it when people demand them...

So, any ideas with what Remus is going to tell her?


	35. Tower

* * *

Ten minutes to eight, I climbed the staircase to the tower slowly, dreading each step I took. I wanted to talk to Remus, but I was somewhat afraid of what he was going to tell me.

He wasn't there when I reached the top, so I waited, drawing my cloak tightly around my shoulders for warmth.

Several minutes passed and I began to worry.

Remus was never late. What if something had happened to him? What if he decided that he never wanted to see me again?

Then there was a sound of footsteps running up the stairs, and he ran in, completely out of breath.

Something was wrong. He was trying to act like being out of breath was his only problem, but I could tell that it was something more. Inside, he was angry, and he was trying his best not to show it.

But it wouldn't work. "What happened?" I asked, knowing that he would be taken offguard by my question. He thought I wouldn't be able to tell.

Remus groaned, a glare still evident in his eyes. "I was just in a disagreement. That's all."

Remus – in a fight? I couldn't even picture it. "With who?" I asked curiously. The thought of Remus fighting with someone interested me and I had to know who had finally caused him to snap.

He just looked at me and then muttered something I couldn't hear. I gave him a confused look, and he understood, sighing loudly. "Sirius," he finally exclaimed.

I didn't know what to think. He was fighting with Sirius? But what would they have to fight about? "What? Why?"

He hesitated, opening his mouth and closing it again, as if he didn't want to say his next words. "He didn't want me to tell you my secret."

I blinked. Sirius didn't want Remus to tell me a secret of his? Was he _jealous_? Or did he just want me out of everything to do with the Marauders?

Or maybe he wanted me out of Remus's life.

Because he was secretly in love with me.

I immediately wrinkled my nose in disgust. I had been reading too many romance novels. That would never happen.

"And you wanted to tell me anyway?" I tried to conclude the story based on what I knew.

Remus sighed again, worry replacing the anger in his eyes. "He was worried that it would be too dangerous."

What could Remus possibly tell me that would be dangerous? I immediately thought back to my Dark Arts theory. He had said it wasn't true, but was he about to tell me that he had lied?

"There's no Dark Arts involved," he hurriedly added. He had probably saw the fear flash through my eyes. "I've been wanting to tell you for awhile. Ever since your birthday. I don't know..." He paused, and looked up at the dark sky. "Maybe I shouldn't even be telling you this. But I want you to know. I don't want to hide anything from you. You're smart – you'd probably find out sooner or later, and I want you to hear it from me."

I just nodded in reassurance. It looked like he was about to run away in fear. What horrible secret could _Remus Lupin_ that was potentially dangerous? He had to be exaggerating.

His eyes bore into mine. He was truly frightened. "Please, don't be frightened." He was pleading again.

Only the wind howled now.

"I'm a werewolf."

I knew what he had said, but I didn't understand. "What?" Did he just say-?

"I am a werewolf," he repeated, watching my face for my reaction.

A werewolf. Remus Lupin was a werewolf?

The animals from my dreams. The animals that had attacked me. The animals that were going to kill me.

They were werewolves.

I tried to breathe but I couldn't. My head was throbbing. "I..." I swallowed, feeling my throat burn as I did so. "I can't." And then I was fleeing down the staircase and away, far far away, to somewhere safe.

* * *

Some of you were right. Some of you were wishful thinkers (can't blame you). But why exactly did Sirius fight with Remus? And now that Ivy is afraid of werewolves, how will her and Remus's friendship survive?

Oh, and there won't be a chapter tomorrow. At all. Because I have to sign up for classes and I have a paper due. But Thursday there will definitely be an update.


	36. Care

"They were there – together!"

"No way."

"I saw them!"

"Do you think they're going out now?"

"Definitely."

I actually screamed underneath my breath.

The little fourth years were gossiping about me. About how Remus had met me in the Astronomy tower the night before. Evidently, the whole school thought of the tower as the "sex tower". Somehow, I had missed the memo.

Everyone now thought that since Remus and I had gone up there, that -

Wasn't being found in his bed bad enough?!

And now I had to live with more teasing, more taunting, and not just from Remus's roommates. Oh, no, from the whole entire school.

The fourth years must have saw me glowering at them for they scampered away quickly.

Every time I thought about the night before, a cold chill went down my spine, and then my mind would fill with horrible images and -

He was a werewolf.

How could that be possible? How did he change at school? Couldn't he hurt someone? Someone like James, Sirius, Peter...or someone like me?

Like in my dream. I suddenly felt sick again.

I had been sitting on that same couch in the common room for hours, glaring at everyone passing by. I had brought my journal with me and it was currently in my lap, getting stabbed viciously with my quill. The quill Remus had gotten me for my birthday. I dropped it immediately, letting it clatter to the floor.

I couldn't deal with something like this. I couldn't deal with one of my friends being something I was utterly afraid of.

"Ivy..."

Oh god, it was him. What would I do? What would I say? I couldn't -

I turned and instead my eye sight stopped on a dark-haired Gryffindor that was definitely not Remus.

"Sirius?" I answered cautiously. If he started teasing me...

"How are you?"

His question caused me to raise an eyebrow. I had expected a joke, not a serious question. "Wonderful." My sarcasm hopefully showed.

"He's...not doing well, Ivy," Sirius finally said, sounding a bit hesitant.

I'd take the jokes over talking about Remus. I wanted Sirius to go back to being his charming, goofy self. This just didn't seem like him.

"Well, then you were right," I said almost bitterly. "He shouldn't have told me."

Sirius stared at me. "He told you that we were talking about it?"

I suddenly wished I had another quill to stab something with. "Yes. He told me that you didn't even want him to tell me anything. Because you thought I'd tell his secret, right?"

He shook his head. "I knew you wouldn't tell anyone."

I was surprised at how bitter I sounded. "Then why?"

A long silence paused our conversation. Sirius was looking over somewhere else, and I thought he wasn't going to answer my question. "I was worried," his voice cut through the silence.

I frowned. "Because you care for Remus." His name burned on my tongue and I reminded myself not to say it out loud again.

"And for you."

I eyed him warily, expecting a stupid grin on his face. But he looked dead serious. I blinked, making sure I heard right.

Sirius Black didn't care for me. I was nobody.

"What?" I asked, out of disbelief.

He looked very uneasy, as if he didn't want to say his next words. "Because I knew it would scare you. You're so fragile. And you're so close to him – of course, I don't want Remus to lose you in his life, but I also don't want you to lose him. You open up around him."

I was silent for a moment, feeling a massive headache about to begin. "You care for me?" I just didn't understand – where was all this coming from?

"Of course. I care for all my friends."

He...cared...for...-

I was his friend. I was Sirius Black's friend. He cared for me. He was worried for me. This was entirely new for me.

But what he said next brought me crashing down to reality.

* * *

Short chapter, I know. But I have a pretty awesome cliffhanger, right?

And the Sirius/Ivy was finally there. Granted, it was only him saying he cared for her as a friend, but that's getting somewhere. And it's not overly fluffy.

And thanks to ChocolateFrog823 for that mentioning how the Astronomy Tower is the "unofficial sex tower". It gave me the beginning of this chapter.


	37. Girl

I stared at him.

"What did you just say?" My mouth was dry and it came out as one word.

Sirius chuckled (as if he thought it was funny!) and repeated the awful phrase. "I said that of course I care for Remus's girl."

His _girl_. I wasn't anybody's girl. I wasn't Remus's girl. "I'm not his girl," I snapped, surprised at how easy being mad and bitter came to me. I had never shown this much emotion to anyone; usually, it was written down in my journal.

He then shrugged (as if it was no big deal!) and said, "That's what everyone is calling you."

My mouth dropped open in shock. The whole school wasn't just making fun of me for going up to the tower with Remus – they were also giving me insinuating nicknames. "But, we're not even talking right now-" I tried to explain, to give a reason why I wasn't his girl.

I suppose it wouldn't be absolutely awful being Remus's girl. But I didn't like Remus like that. Other girls would probably kill to be in my situation. And here I was, fighting and complaining about it.

"Because you ran out on him," Sirius added.

I frowned. "I just didn't know what to say. I needed some time to think. Is that such a crime? Did he think I was just going to accept it right then and there?"

I didn't even expect an answer. It was supposed to be rhetorical. "He did, actually." I looked over at Sirius with a wide-eyed expression. "He was hoping that you were going to understand right away. He thought you would sympathize with him."

"But-" I couldn't just understand without some time. I was utterly terrified of werewolves because of my dream and I was just supposed to forget it ever happened and go along my merry way? "I have to go..." I said suddenly, standing up, catching Sirius off guard.

He didn't say anything as I rushed away, out of the portrait hole and through the corridors down to the Great Hall. Dinner was about to start in a couple minutes and it was a good excuse to get out of there.

"There she is!"

Excited whispers caught my attention. I looked around to see two younger Hufflepuffs leaning together and looking over at me.

"She's the one that everyone is talking about. Remus's girl."

I clenched my teeth and continued down to the hall, not even caring to send a glare their way.

Even though I had only ran into a couple people on the way down, all of them seemed to be talking about one common thing: me. And Remus, to be more exact.

But what bothered me the most is the number of times I heard "Remus's girl". I lost count at six, where I was so frustrated that it all became a blur to me.

Dinner was like a large-scale version of walking in the corridors. I could feel so many pairs of eyes watching me, and I felt like I was going to be sick.

Sneaking a glance down the table, I caught sight of Remus, idly moving his food around his plate. He was looking even worse than ever before.

Why was I so afraid of werewolves? Where was my Gryffindor courage when I needed it? I wanted to go and apologize to Remus, tell him everything was all right, but my legs wouldn't move. I was paralyzed.

I only spent fifteen minutes in the Great Hall before I rushed out of there, still feeling the burning of their eyes on my back.

I wanted homework to distract me, but I was distracted from it. I sat there in the common room, scrolls of parchment in front of me with absolutely nothing written on them. It was no surprise that I was failing miserably.

Remus had returned from dinner only a few minutes after I had settled down to work, and he refused to look at me as he clambered up the staircase and out of sight.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, and placed a hand on my head. There was my headache again.

I knew I would have to speak to Remus soon, but I didn't know what to say, what I could do. Was I supposed to tell him that I wasn't afraid? But that was a lie. Of course I was afraid. This was too confusing.

"You have to say something to him," I heard James suddenly say. Looking behind me, I saw Sirius and James standing there, arms crossed, like they were in some sort of intervention.

I sighed. "I will. I just need some time," I answered.

James gave me a long look, and then left up the staircase. Sirius didn't move. He probably had more to add to James's comment.

"You okay?" Okay, so that really didn't add to James's comment.

I hesitated, and then said, "You were right. About the girl comment."

Sirius looked thoughtful and then walked around the couch to sit next to me. He stared into the fire for awhile and I waited for him to respond. It grew steadily more awkward. "Sirius?" I finally prodded him.

He looked up at me, a hint of a smile beginning to appear on his face. He had some sort of plan. "So," he grinned. "where's your story?"

* * *

I'm sorry! I know it's another cliffhanger! I know I'm awful. But...you still love me, right?


	38. Time

Rushing down the steps, I stumbled on the very last one. I composed myself quickly though; no one saw my blunder.

"Here it is," I exclaimed, sitting back down on the couch.

Sirius tried to take it but I held it away. "Now, why did you want to know where it was?"

He leaned back into the couch. "People have been calling you Remus's girl because you've been seen with him everywhere you go."

I opened my mouth to protest. I didn't go everywhere with Remus -

"That's what they see, Ivy. They see you with him. It's just a stated fact."

I couldn't even argue with it. I frowned in response, crossing my arms.

He grinned at my behavior. "I promised to help you with your story awhile back. And I think I can help you with something else too."

Raising an eyebrow, I just stared at him. What was he saying? He wanted to help me with something? What was wrong with the world?

"Now, what would happen if people saw you suddenly hanging out with other people?"

I blinked. "They'd think that...Remus and I broke up?" I tried, not quite sure where he was going.

Sirius's eyes sparkled, and I knew I was right. "Exactly. And since I'm in debt to you, I can help you with that."

He wanted to help me. With stopping the rumors. With breaking off this whole thing with Remus.

"Isn't this going against Remus? You know, one of your best friends?" I asked, completely baffled.

"Trust me," Sirius exclaimed, leaning forward. "I know what I'm doing."

Was I really supposed to trust Sirius Black – playboy and trouble-maker? My head told me no, but my heart was rebelling, saying to agree.

"Um, so, I haven't written anything in awhile-"

My head groaned in annoyance as my heart won the battle.

Sirius was right – the rumors did quiet down after the first couple days. It was only the fourth day into this whole "hanging out with new people" strategy. Not only was I seen around the school with Sirius Black (which mostly caused confusion), but I also spent extra time with my roommates, played some games of Exploding Snap with James, and helped Peter with his Charms homework.

It was late one Sunday night and I was tapping my quill on the blank parchment of my journal, staring at how ink blots splattered all over the page.

Sirius had helped me a bit with the story; I now had four more pages (after editing) in which Sebastian and Anne went to a market and even though they were only a few feet away from each other, they never took notice.

Sirius also never commented on the characters. I was sure by now he would be able to guess who they were. Sebastian had so many of Sirius's traits, but he never said a word about it. He only talked about plot points and the setting.

It was fine with me; I didn't want to explain how he was my muse.

For some reason, I had a nagging feeling in the back of my head. Like, something telling me something I didn't know yet.

Sirius was very antsy too; he kept tapping his foot and looking at the time, as if he was waiting for something. Well, probably someone. He probably had a date.

"Do you think dreams are real?" I asked suddenly.

Sirius looked back to me for the first time that night. "What? Like Divination?"

I shrugged. "Maybe."

He snorted. "No. I once had a dream where I was on the run from the Ministry. Do you really think I would ever be a fugitive?"

That was true. Sirius did love his pranks, but I couldn't see him as fugitive.

"Would it be stupid if you were afraid of something because of a dream?" I questioned.

He shrugged. "You needn't be afraid of anything. You're a Gryffindor. Show it."

If only it was that easy. "Why aren't you afraid of werewolves?" I whispered, looking away as I said it.

There was a pause, but I didn't dare look at Sirius's face. "Because they're just like us," he suddenly spoke. "Because Remus didn't deserve it in the first place and he shouldn't be punished for it further."

I felt like crying. "Do you hate me?" They had to hate me for what I did to Remus. They had to hate me for not accepting the fact that Remus was a werewolf.

"No." I looked over at Sirius in surprise. "I know that you want to accept him. And I know you will, in time."

Why wasn't I accepting him? Just because of the dream I had? Remus had saved me from that dream – he didn't try to hurt me in any way.

I was an idiot.

"Listen, Ivy, I've got to cut this short," Sirius interrupted my thoughts. "Same time tomorrow, right?"

I only nodded and he hurried out of view. And I didn't even care that he had left so suddenly.

Because Remus was a werewolf.

And I finally didn't even care.

* * *

And then cue Ivy deciding to do something really stupid. You'll have to wait until the next chapter to see what.

Does anyone know what tomorrow is? If you do, then you might know what happens.

Thanks for everything...again!


	39. Moon

I knocked frantically on the door of the boys' dormitory. I had just saw Sirius go up there; someone had to answer. However, seconds passed and the door never opened.

Taking a deep breath, I said loudly, "I need to talk to Remus!"

Then there was a scuffle and hushed voices. I could make out James' hurried tones and a low growl, speaking quickly.

Finally, the door creaked open and Sirius stood looking at me. "Ivy, now is _not_ a good time."

Then it clicked. It was the 20th – a full moon. Remus had to transform tonight.

I looked beyond Sirius to see Remus looking absolutely tired and worn; impatience was also flashing through his eyes. He was watching me warily and I knew he was waiting for me to run away in fear.

But I stood my ground. "I don't care," I responded.

Every one of them looked shocked at my proclamation. Especially Remus. "What did you say?" he asked, stepping forward to meet me across the room.

"Really, Remus, we've got to go," James interrupted what was to be my answer. Remus looked over at him with a furious look, surprising me.

"I _said_," I emphasized. "-that I don't care that it's the full moon."

Sirius was inching closer to us. "Um, guys, we only have a few minutes."

Both Remus and I ignored him. "You're not-" Remus began, trailing off.

I shook my head furiously. "I've been stupid. I'm not afraid of you. It's not your fault. You're still Remus," I rambled.

"Ten minutes," Peter mumbled from in a far corner.

But Remus had no intention of letting this conversation end, and neither did I. "Why were you so afraid in the first place?" he asked.

I noticed his eyes were turning a shade of yellow. I was reminded of the black animals in my dream with their yellow eyes. Instead of being distracted by the horrors of my nightmare, I instead told him the truth. "That night in the common room – the dream, remember? These black four-legged animals with yellow eyes were going to kill me."

His eyes widened. "You never told me that."

James was standing next to us, looking back and forth with an uncomfortable expression. "Remus, you don't want to transform in the school, do you?" he finally asked.

Remus looked over at him. "I just need two minutes."

Sirius shook his head. "We don't have two minutes. Ivy, you need to leave." The phrase would have seemed rude, if I didn't see the worry in his eyes. He was just looking out for my safety.

A thought came to mind. "What about you three?"

They all shared a quick glance, and then looked back at me. "We will tell you later, Ivy, promise," James told me. "We just don't have the time right now."

I moved out of the way so they could get to the door. James gave me a reassuring smile as he rushed by me. Peter glanced at me and looked away quickly as he followed James.

Sirius just laughed as he passed by me, exclaiming, "We appreciate you finally talking to Remus but you have the worst timing."

I just stood there with a sheepish smile and he tried to push Remus out of the door. Remus, instead, turned around and said, "You're amazing, Ivy Bennett."

I had the feeling that I had made the worst day of the month his best.

* * *

Today is a full moon! No, it's not my birthday...but it was a good guess.

Sorry this chapter was so short. I have a short story due today so I had to cut down this chapter a bit. But the next chapter will be longer - promise.

And wow, the reviews for the last chapter were amazing! I got home late last night to find 44 messages in my inbox. Thank you thank you thank you. Over 500 reviews too? You guys are all just so amazing.


	40. MWPP

It was still early in the morning. I had woken when all of my roommates were still asleep and quietly made my exit.

I stopped in front of the oak doors of the hospital wing and opened one just a bit to look in. Madam Pomfrey was standing only a few feet away and she turned her head when the door creaked.

I think she was waiting for me to say something. "Um," I stuttered, not sure how to phrase my question. "Is...Remus Lupin in here?" I was pretty sure I sounded like an idiot.

Madam Pomfrey shook her head and said, "He just left. Sorry."

I murmured a thank you anyway and closed the door, making my way down to the Great Hall. Maybe he had already went to breakfast. It was still a bit early though.

Suddenly, I heard a cackle and felt something wet dripping from my hair to the floor. Startled, I glanced up to see Peeves above me, laughing insanely.

"Looky, looky, it's loony Lupin's girl...little bitty loony, loopy Lupin's girl..." he sang in the midst of his laughter, finally flying away.

With a hardened glare, I ran my fingers through my wet hair, trying to get it untangled and decent looking. It would never work.

"Hey, there you are – what happened?" I turned around to meet with not one, but all four of the Marauders. Remus was the one who spoke and was looking at me with a curious expression.

He looked a lot better considering the full moon was the night before. It must have not been that bad.

"Peeves," I answered, wringing out my hair. It really was getting too long – halfway down my back.

James only shrugged. "At least it wasn't us. We'd be more creative."

I didn't say anything as I watched Remus take out his wand and helped me dry off. "Thanks," I exclaimed. He smiled in response.

"What are you doing up this early?" Sirius asked as we started to walk down to the Hall.

I hesitated, and then said, "Well, I was going to check up on Remus, but he wasn't there, obviously."

Then I was reminded of what James had said last night. "And," I added, voice lowering to a whisper, "I want to know how you all help Remus during the full moon."

All four of them abruptly came to a stop. I had to turn around and take a few steps back to where they halted.

"Now?" Sirius asked, looking around at the empty corridor.

I nodded. They all looked a bit apprehensive. Finally, Remus sighed, opening the door to the nearest classroom.

We locked the door behind us and looked around to make sure no one was in the darkened room. It was almost creepy with the darkened shadows and lack of people.

"So..." I said, trying to move along the conversation so we could get out sooner.

Sirius looked to James who looked at Peter who glanced at Remus who nodded at Sirius. "Okay," Sirius finally spoke. "What we're about to tell you is secret. You can't tell anyone."

I nodded, expecting that. Were they all werewolves too? What else would they be hiding?

"Have you heard of the term Animagi?" James asked.

I shrugged. "Sure, it's-"

That was it. They were Animagi. They transformed into animals. They – wait.

"But...how?" Were they even _registered_?

Sirius grinned, as if being an unregistered animagus was a good thing. "We found out about Moony's little problem in second year. It took us until last year to finally successfully transform."

"You're unregistered," I stated, eyes widened.

Sirius just shrugged. "Doesn't matter."

I blinked, trying to comprehend the fact that the Marauders were unregistered Animagi that ran around at the full moon with a werewolf. But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. It would be just like them to do something this reckless, this brave, this _amazing_.

The look on my face must have changed because Sirius stepped forward, and said, "Hello, I'm Padfoot, and I've been described as a mangy old mutt." He took my hand as though we were first meeting and shook it.

"I'm Prongs," James followed, and paused for a second. "Sirius insists on calling me a pretty deer, but I prefer stag."

Peter was still standing in the back but slowly made his way to the front. "I'm Wormtail. I don't really think my tail looks like a worm..."

"It really does. The creepiest looking rat's tail I've ever seen," Sirius whispered to me, causing Peter to frown.

Remus just shrugged. "Uh, I'm Moony, and I'm...just a werewolf."

I nodded, trying to conceal my smile. "Oh, well, nice to meet you all."

And even though they had trusted me with their biggest secret, I didn't feel scared at all. Not even a little. I just felt...safe.

* * *

So now she knows their secret.

And I have a headache so I'll say --

New poll on my profile. You're going to determine which house a new character gets to be sorted into! Exciting, isn't it?


	41. Padfoot

"Hey, Ivy, want to go to Hogsmeade with me today?"

I looked up from where I was sitting on my bed to see Lily waiting for my answer. It was weird finally talking to her. It had been a couple weeks since the guys had told me their secret; from then on, I spent most of my time with them. I had barely even talked to Lily or any of my other roommates.

I bit my lip. "Um, I was thinking about just staying here instead. I wanted to write for a bit under the oak tree."

And that was the truth. Well, partially. It had been a week or so since Sirius had looked at my story; he wanted to see how far I had gotten. I wasn't about to pass up some alone time with Sirius to walk around in Hogsmeade with Lily.

But I couldn't stop the sick feeling in my stomach. Now I felt really guilty. I didn't want to ignore my other friends.

Lily just smiled. "I'll come with you then. I need to catch up on some homework anyway."

Which was just as bad. I couldn't talk to Sirius with Lily watching. It would be extremely awkward. But I didn't want to say no to her.

And so I just agreed. Sirius would have to wait.

It was right after Lily and I finally settled down under the shade of the tree that I saw someone approaching. I knew who it was immediately.

I moved back out of Lily's view and waved him away. He didn't seem to understand. Sirius was finally close enough that I could see his face and I could clearly see the weird look he was giving me.

'Not now,' I mouthed, still waving him away.

Lily turned to look at me and I quickly hid behind my journal, pretending to be reading over what I just wrote. I didn't dare look back up at Sirius; I knew I would be caught for sure.

"So, where have you been for the past couple weeks?" Lily asked, not even looking up from her essay.

I took a deep breath, calming myself and said, "I've just been with Remus and his friends."

Lily looked up at me with a confused and curious expression. "I thought you didn't like Remus."

"I don't," I confirmed. "He's my friend though. I like talking to him." Which was true. I really did like Remus as a friend. And he finally understood that it would never be any more. The barrier that had been hurting our friendship was gone.

"Then why do you hang out with the rest of his friends?" Lily's tone told me she was disgusted at the thought.

I shrugged. "They're not that bad. Really. James can be really nice sometimes and Sirius is funny. He can make everyone laugh. Peter is a bit quiet but seems alright."

I didn't even need to look at Lily; I could feel her scowl. "I still don't see it."

Lily was just stubborn. I knew she would see it in time. Instead of responding, I fell into another silence, staring blankly at my journal.

Something cold and wet was touching my arm. I let out a short scream of surprise and threw myself to the side, toppling over Lily.

Scrambling to get to a sitting position, I looked over to see what had touched me.

A dog. A large, black dog.

I stared at it with wide eyes, wondering how an animal like this had gotten onto the grounds.

Then it hit me.

_"Hello, I'm Padfoot, and I've been described as a mangy old mutt."_

He hadn't, he didn't -

'Sirius?' I mouthed quickly, shaking my head in disbelief.

The dog barked. Lily looked over at me, the same surprised expression on her face. "Where did this dog come from?"

I just shook my head. "I have no clue." I slowly moved back to my original spot, watching Sirius carefully.

"Do you think he's friendly?" Lily asked. I could tell she wasn't scared. She was just confused.

In response, Sirius began nudging my hand with his nose. I cringed at the texture of his cold wet nose and then hesitantly petted him on the head.

"I think so," I had to laugh, as he laid down next to me.

Lily smiled. "Poor thing. He just wanted some company."

I noted that Lily had called Sirius a 'poor thing'. Setting out my journal in front of me, I flipped back a couple pages to where Sirius had left off.

Sirius had been right – he was a mangy old mutt. I combed my fingers through his fur as he rested his head in front of my journal, nose barely gazing the pages.

Lily watched with interest. "It almost looks like he's reading your journal."

I just smiled. "Yeah, it does."

She went back to her essay and Sirius turned his head, looking at me with those all too familiar eyes.

I rolled my eyes at him and I could have sworn that, even though it was impossible, he grinned.

* * *

Aw, it's Padfoot!

Time will pass pretty quickly now to get to the end of 6th year. There's about three/four more chapters of 6th year left and then we'll get into 7th.

Remember to vote in the poll! It will be closing sometime this week, I think.

Thanks for everything as always.


	42. Gossip

_Ivy,  
__We're glad to hear that you are well. You should write home more often though; we haven't heard from you in forever. Eleanor keeps asking if we have any new post each morning. She misses you lots. I hope that you are getting excellent marks in every class. Write back soon.  
__Mum._

_Mum,  
__Sorry I haven't written in awhile. I've been busy with school work and getting good marks in everything. You needn't worry – I think I'm doing well in all my classes. Tell Eleanor that I'll take her to Diagon Alley during the summer. Miss you all.  
__Ivy._

I sent off an owl with my letter and watched it fly away for a few seconds. I had been surprised at breakfast that morning when I received post. It had only been three weeks since I sent my family a letter, but obviously, they thought that was forever.

I suppose it was to them. Just a few months ago, I was sending them updates every other day, just because I had no one else to talk to.

And now I was friends with the Marauders. I almost laughed out loud at the thought. It was like a joke; I still couldn't believe it myself.

I slowly made my way back to the common room. Usually, I spent my Saturday nights either watching James and Sirius play a rousing game of Gobstones, helping Peter with Charms, or just talking to Remus. But, no, my roommates had decided that I was spending too much time "hanging out with the guys" and were planning to kidnap me for some "girl time".

I had blanched when they told me, trying to find a way out of it. It was evident that there was no escape from them.

Instead of allowing them to come down and kidnap me, I walked up into the dormitory on my own accord and sat down on the edge of my bed.

They were all conversing with each other in the corner, most likely planning my demise.

Mary was the first one to turn around and notice me. Her face fell. "Oh, we were planning an elaborate kidnapping. Can you at least pretend to go down to the common room and yell about how you hate us or something?"

I had to smile. "It's not that bad, really."

Everyone but Mary made themselves comfortable on their respective beds. Mary had decided that she wanted to braid my hair.

I didn't have the heart to say no.

"So," Mary spoke first, fingers weaving through my hair. I mentally cringed. "Can you explain to me your whole relationship with Remus Lupin?"

There was a shuffle as all of the other girls leaned forward, waiting for the gossip that was to come.

"Um-" I should have expected this. I never really told the girls exactly where Remus and I stood. "We're friends. That's all."

I watched as all of the eager faces dropped. "Nothing more?" Marlene asked.

Shaking my head, I repeated, "Just friends."

Alice gave me a confused look. "Then why was everyone calling you Remus's girl?"

The nickname used to make me cringe. Now, I had grown accustomed to it. "It was just a misunderstanding. We're friends."

Everyone except me had a frown on their face. They were probably looking for something more interesting. Especially since I had been hanging out with Remus and his friends so much.

I noticed Lily's expression change into confusion. "Why have you been showing Sirius your journal?"

I guess that none of my other roommates knew that by the way their mouths dropped open. "What?" Mary asked, accidentally (I think) pulling on my hair.

Was I supposed to tell them the truth? Tell them that I was showing Sirius my story? But was that weird? Were they going to tease me? Should I lie?

"Um, it's-uh...I'm tutoring him..." Okay, so I lied.

They all stared at me. "Oh," Mary finally said, shrugging.

Tutoring must have been a boring subject because Dorcas suddenly said, "What's it like – being friends with the Marauders?"

I didn't know how to answer. It felt so strange that they wanted to know about my life. My life never was that interesting. It was always Mary or Marlene with the most exciting stories. And now they wanted to know all about what was happening to me.

"Um," I hesitated. "I guess it's just...nice?"

They laughed at me. "Of course it is," Mary responded. "They're all so charming. It must be nice just being friends with them. Being a girlfriend of a Marauder is totally different."

I blinked. "How so?"

"You haven't noticed?" Marlene asked in disbelief. "I mean, Mary went out with Sirius but did you ever just see them talking? No..."

Mary sighed, finishing my braid. "A relationship with a Marauder is not really a relationship at all. It's more of...well, snogging whenever."

Alice smiled. "You're lucky. Being friends with them has to be so much better."

I just stared at them, silent. If I finally had a chance to be in a romantic relationship with Sirius, it would never the same as being friends with him. Because I didn't just want to be his snogging partner. I wanted so much more.

* * *

Hey, it's Wednesday and I'm updating! I got out of class early, so I wrote this chapter during the extra time. I didn't respond to the reviews last chapter because I was planning on doing that today. But, instead, you get a new chapter.

Poll still on my profile. Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs are almost tied. Make sure you vote!


	43. Chat

It continued every Saturday night for the next couple weeks. The guys all thought it was hilarious – my roommates having to kidnap me for some girl time.

I didn't find it that hilarious – they didn't even need to kidnap me. If they asked nicely, of course I would "gossip" with them about whatever. However, they usually made a show of it, coming down into the common room and grabbing me in the middle of a game or a conversation.

Sirius found this amusing. "Have _fun,_" he always said. He really had no clue how much we talked about him.

I think this was the third time I had been kidnapped. Three weeks of this whole thing. And school was almost at its close.

"Any new developments?" Marlene asked, hanging upside down off of her four-poster.

I shrugged. "No, not really." That was the absolute truth. Being friends with the Marauders didn't mean I had to spend every moment with them. In fact, I hadn't really even talked to them in the past couple days. Well, Remus stopped me a couple times to chat, but James, Sirius, and Peter were off doing their own thing.

Nothing could break up the four of them. And I wasn't going to get in the middle of it.

"I heard that Sirius has been seeing that brunette in..." Marlene looked around for help. "Um...oh, yeah, Hufflepuff, 7th year."

Sylvia.

I had heard Sirius talk to James about her. But I hadn't heard directly. It wasn't as if Sirius was going to come up and tell me all about his new snogging partner. It just wouldn't make sense.

"We really don't talk about things like that," I murmured, holding my legs to my chest and hoping to hide behind them.

Alice smiled. "But I bet James talks about Lily all the time."

I looked over to see Lily giving Alice a murderous look. She turned toward me and said, "He doesn't, does he?"

James did like to ask me questions about Lily randomly. Just five days ago, during Transfiguration, he turned around and whispered, "Hey, what's Lily's favorite color?"

I stared at him in response. I believe I answered truthfully (teal) but I couldn't even remember. Situations like that didn't stick in my mind.

So, in response to Lily's question, I just shrugged. "Sometimes. Not as much as you think probably."

Lily frowned. "I wish he would stop altogether."

I knew that she secretly liked the attention James gave to her. And if she saw the James I did, I knew she wouldn't reject his advances.

Mary started giggling. "Can you imagine the little Potter babies? A baby with unruly hair and huge glasses...oh, and Lily's temper."

Lily looked like she was about to make a kill. I shrank back to save myself from the mauling that was to come. "What about the whole "not wanting to date a Marauder because it isn't really a relationship" thing?" she snapped.

"There are some exceptions," Dorcas exclaimed.

Marlene looked over at the brunette. "How would you know?"

Dorcas, obviously, didn't have an answer. She went back to reading her textbook.

"I mean, Ivy..." I looked over at Mary who called my name. "Is James really as bad as Lily makes him out to be?"

Lily's palm was against her head, as if she was trying to block us out. "Well, he can be quite arrogant at times." Lily peered over at me over her hand. "But he has a nice side that you just haven't seen, Lily." I hoped I wouldn't die because of my next words. "You should give him a chance."

There was a heavy silence. "I just don't want to talk about this," Lily finally said. "Just because James fancies me doesn't mean I have to back. Look at Ivy. Remus liked her and you didn't do this to her."

I opened my mouth to contradict her, but realized I couldn't without telling Remus's secret. Instead, I lapsed into an uneasy silence.

Mary didn't look phased by Lily's exclamation. "Remus has only liked Ivy for a bit. You've had James chasing after you since last year."

I expected Lily to respond, but she just fell silent, staring out blankly of the window. I wondered briefly if Lily was giving in, but forced the idea quickly out of my mind. That would never happen.

* * *

Reasons why this chapter was so frustrating to write:  
- I had to walk around campus during my writing time.  
- I had finally decided to write it and heard "warning, warning, there has been an emergency reported in the building..." so I had to leave.  
- There were no Marauders in it. And that's sad.

The next chapter (I believe) will be the last full moon of the school year.

And then one more chapter of 6th year. So we can finally get to 7th and meet this character you've been voting on.

Until tomorrow...


	44. Wait

"Full moon tonight," James said in hushed tones. We were in Transfiguration class, sitting in the back away from everyone else.

Remus didn't even look up from his textbook. "I think I'm well aware."

"Too bad Ivy can't come with us," Peter spoke up.

That caused Remus to finally look away from his book. He glared at Peter and said, "Great idea – putting Ivy in danger." He then looked toward me. "Don't get any ideas."

I blinked. "I'm not stupid, Remus. I'm not going to run out onto the grounds and follow you all."

But the worried look on Remus's face didn't fade. "Because I won't be able to stop myself as the werewolf. I won't know who you are and I could hurt you."

I gave him a reassuring smile. "Don't worry. I have no intentions of being reckless now."

I couldn't sleep on these nights. I couldn't sleep when I knew Remus was going through the horrible transformation and James, Sirius, and Peter were in danger. I couldn't sleep because I felt so helpless.

I stayed awake in the dormitory, staring out of the window. I knew I wouldn't be able to see anything – but I still watched.

My eyelids were closing and I couldn't stay awake for any longer. Suddenly, I saw something moving on the grounds. It was too dark to see what it was – it could have just been a stray animal.

It looked as though the object was moving toward the oak doors.

It was them.

Kicking off my covers, I found my slippers and a cloak, throwing them on as I quietly slipped out of the dormitory. There was no one in the common room; the fireplace was only emitting a soft glow from the remaining embers.

Hoping that I wouldn't get caught, I went through the portrait hole and down to the hospital wing.

"I don't know what you're doing-" I could hear Madam Pomfrey behind the hospital wing's doors.

There were some more hushed voices, but I couldn't hear exactly what they were saying. The clacking of shoes were suddenly coming closer and closer.

Ducking behind a suit of armor, I watched as Madam Pomfrey came out of the wing, shaking her head. She disappeared around the corner and I took this chance to grab the door and make my way inside.

James and Peter were standing in the middle of the room. They noticed my presence and turned my way. "Did you stay up waiting for us?" James asked, and I saw worry in his eyes.

My heart skipped a beat. "What happened?" I immediately asked, not even bothering to answer his question.

James hesitated to answer. I needed to know. Why would he just tell me? Was someone hurt? "Um, Remus was acting worse than usual. And Sirius got in his way..."

My eyes widened.

James began frantically waving his hands. "No, it's not as bad as you think. Sirius just has a few cuts and bruises. That's all."

Both Sirius and Remus were hurt and Madam Pomfrey left. "Where did Madam Pomfrey go?"

James weakly smiled. "We sort of bribed her to leave for a bit."

I looked over at the beds, hangings blocking my view from the people lying in them. Before James or Peter could say anything, I headed to the first one, pulling back the curtains to see Sirius staring back at me. He was conscious and that was good. James was right – he did was numerous cuts and bruises down the side of his face, and, even though the covers were blocking my view, I could see that they continued even further down.

He actually laughed when he saw me.

"Hey, Ivy," he said. His voice was still strong. "Should you be in bed?"

I must have had a horrified look on my face. "Not when you're all like this."

Sirius just shrugged and I swear I saw him wince. He didn't show any more discomfort as he said, "I'm not that bad. You should check up on Remus – he's worse and he wants to see you. And you don't want to talk to me..."

How wrong he was. "Why wouldn't I want to talk to you?" I hoped I wasn't pushing the boundaries on this.

Sirius chuckled. "Just go see Remus, Ivy."

He didn't even give me an answer. I didn't understand. Pulling the hangings back around his bed, I hesitated before seeing Remus.

Sirius still thought I had feelings for Remus. He thought that I cared more for Remus than I did for him.

I forced myself not to cry when I went to see Remus. He smiled as soon as he saw me, and his smile made me momentarily forget the ache in my heart.

* * *

7th year is coming...soon. And the new character.

Thanks for everything as always.


	45. Cheers

I stopped in front of Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop, looking inside the window. It was my favorite shop in Hogsmeade – filled with quills, parchment, and ink. It was a writer's paradise.

I pushed open the door and walked inside, lingering in front of every item. A quill that changes its color, disappearing ink, patterned parchment, ink bottles in every size. I picked up a couple different quills and began to look through the supplies of ink. I was running out of the bottle Remus had gotten me for my birthday.

"Aha, found her!" The silence of the shop was disrupted as I saw James making his way over to me, the others following.

Remus gave him a exasperated look. "Actually, I was the one that told you that she would be here."

"We're headed to the Three Broomsticks," Sirius suddenly said, cutting the argument short. "And we even had them save us a table so we wouldn't have a repeat of what happened last time. Your roommates will all be there too."

"Okay," I said, grabbing some ink off the shelf. "Just let me pay for this first and I'll be there."

They all exited the shop and disappeared up the road. I checked over my items and looked to see if there was anything else I wanted before finally going to make my purchase.

When I closed the door behind me, I was surprised to see Remus waiting for me. I had to smile, but then added, "You didn't have to wait."

He shrugged as we made our way down the road. "It's the end of the school year. I won't see you for awhile and I'm going to make the most of what I have right now," Remus wisely exclaimed.

I just laughed. "Well, that's sweet of you."

The line that separated our friendship from being a relationship was still somewhat transparent. There were times that we definitely toed the line. But Remus knew where I stood and I knew he wouldn't dare try anything – especially since it had awful consequences the first time.

Remus smiled. "I suppose."

He's too modest. We finally reached the Three Broomsticks and slipped inside the crowded pub, trying to find the table.

"We thought we lost you, mate!" I distinctly heard Sirius's shout over the noise. We turned around to see him waving us over from a corner.

"Sorry," Remus immediately said. "I decided to wait for Ivy."

I suppose to outsiders it would seem as though Remus and I actually were a couple. But if they tried to get to know us, they would understand it was something totally different. A strong friendship. He cared for me, and I cared for him.

My roommates still did not understand that. "That's adorable!" Marlene gushed.

Remus and I shared a "they'll never understand" look as we sat down at the table. Looking around at everyone, I was extremely glad that it was only the end of sixth year. I couldn't even bear the thought of leaving them forever.

We still all acted as if the end of the year was a big deal though.

"I just want to say..." Sirius spoke loudly, standing on his chair, raising his butterbeer for a toast. "-that I will miss you all...because I love you."

There was a collective rolling of the eyes from almost everyone at the table. Sirius grinned and raised his bottle. "Cheers," he said, taking a swig.

I took a sip of my drink and leaned back, amused. Suddenly, I heard my name and looked up to see everyone looking at me.

"Come on, say something," Sirius urged, still standing on his chair.

They wanted me to get up in the middle of the pub and say sentimental things about my friends? I would die of embarrassment. I could just see it now – stumbling off my chair onto the floor, cheeks burning, eyes filling with tears.

No, I wasn't going to put myself through that. I shook my head and said, "No, I don't have anything to say."

"Oh, come on," Mary begged. "Just say how much you love everyone."

"Yeah," Alice agreed. "You'll regret it if you don't."

"It'd be fun," James added.

They were all out to get me.

"Just a sentence," Lily pleaded. Even Lily was in on it!

"Loosen up a bit," Sirius exclaimed, and suddenly, he had grabbed my hands and was pulling up to try to get me out of my seat.

Finally, I sighed and struggled to stand on my chair. Everyone cheered and whistled like it was a master feat.

"Um," I said, knowing that my face was beet red. "This year was...weird." I laughed nervously. "But I made some new good friends. And..." I paused, looking at everyone's smiling faces, having absolutely no clue what to say. "I...love you all?"

There was an awkward silence. Why was there a silence-? Oh wait.

"Cheers," I exclaimed.

Everyone immediately hollered and clinked their drinks together. I carefully made my descent from the chair and safely sat back down.

"That wasn't that bad, was it?" Remus asked, leaning over to talk to me.

I held up a shaking hand. "I'm still nervous," I responded.

Without hesitation, he took my hand, holding it steady with his. He didn't even need to say anything. Here was a perfect example of the line. It may have seemed as though he was crossing it, but I felt relieved he had took the chance. I gave him a smile as he intertwined his fingers with mine.

* * *

More Remus/Ivy?

Maybe...

But, hey, that was the last official chapter of 6th year. So, maybe in 7th, we'll get some Sirius/Ivy.

Don't worry! It'll all work out.

(By the way - Lover All Alone by Clay Aiken? Absolutely Remus's theme song.)


	46. Shopping

I had lost her. She had been standing right beside me and then I turned around and she wasn't there.

I quickly made my way down Diagon Alley, looking for any sign of her. I stopped in my tracks when I noticed the book display in the window of Flourish and Blotts.

Of course.

She was sitting on the floor in the back of the store, open book on her lap. "Eleanor," I called out, and she jumped.

I was supposed to be taking her around to get everything for her first year of school. We had went to Flourish and Blotts first, and I knew as soon as we stepped inside, she wouldn't want to leave. I should have known right when she had disappeared where she went.

"Sorry," Eleanor exclaimed, standing up. She looked a lot like me, I suppose. Her light blonde hair was now longer than mine and her eyes were the same color. "I just really wanted to read this – can I get it?"

Mum and dad were going to kill me. I ran my hand through my hair, which was now considerably shorter. I had gotten a haircut over the summer; it was now more wavy and stopped right below my chin. So much easier to work with.

"It's either that...or a school pet," I compromised. Even before I said it, I knew what she would choose.

"Okay," she answered, handing me the book. My little sister was an avid reader – much like me, except she didn't write any stories.

It was August 25th and the close of the summer. Eleanor had received her letter a couple weeks earlier, and my parents had decided that since I never left the house all summer, I would be the one to take her.

Even though I never went anywhere, I still received many letters over break. From Lily, Remus, James and Sirius were usually together since Sirius had went to live with James... They were simple letters – 'how's your summer?', 'anything new?', 'are you going to be in Diagon Alley soon?'.

I had told them that I would be in Diagon Alley today. It was only a matter of time before they showed up.

Eleanor and I stopped in Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour. I was telling Eleanor about the Hogwarts staircases when I noticed her eyes were fixated on something behind me. Stopping in the middle of my explanation, I gave her a weird look.

Her eyes widened. "Oh, it was just an owl," she answered my unspoken question.

She was always transfixed by the weirdest of things. "Well, anyway..." I dived back into my speech.

Suddenly, two hands clamped over my eyes. "Guess who?"

He didn't even do a good job of disguising his voice. I laughed. "Remus," I exclaimed, taking his hands away and turning around to greet him. "How did you know it was me?"

Remus smiled. He hadn't changed a bit from sixth year. "At first, the shorter hair threw me off but your sister helped me out."

That's what she was looking at! I turned around to glare at her. "Thanks," I tried to say sarcastically, but really, I was overjoyed.

"I was heading down to Quality Quidditch Supplies. That's where everyone else is," Remus said. "Want to come?"

Eleanor would never want to come. I don't even think she likes Quidditch. I looked at her and, instead, she answered, "No, I can go," jumping down from her seat.

I smiled at Remus. "Guess so."

Eleanor seemed unreasonably cheery as we headed down the road. As we passed by the window of the store, I could see James and Sirius looking at the newest broomstick model.

They didn't notice as we entered the shop and walked over to them.

"It's the fastest broom ever made!"

"Yeah, but it costs as much as a house."

"No, it doesn't!"

Remus stepped forward and interrupted the interesting argument on the broomstick. "Um, hey," he said.

That did the trick. They both looked over at him and forgot all about their argument. "Hey, Moony! Where have you been?" Sirius asked.

"I ran into someone on the way," Remus said, motioning over to me.

They stared at me for a second, and I knew it was my short hair that threw them off. "Ivy!" Sirius finally exclaimed.

James grinned. "And little Ivy," he remarked, referring to Eleanor.

"Oh," I said, pushing her forward a bit. "This is Eleanor, my sister. She'll be starting Hogwarts this year."

Eleanor froze. "Hi?" she finally said.

Sirius grinned, thoroughly amused. "Aw, Ivy, she's just like you." He then turned his grin on her. "I'm Sirius Black. Nice to meet you."

It was no surprise that my sister couldn't resist herself from the Sirius Black charm. I held in my laughter as she just stared at him with wide eyes. Little did he know, she was more like me than he thought.

* * *

The poll on my profile is closed. It's still up there, because I'm lazy, but I've already decided on the winner.

And, hey, there's your new OC. She'll be cute and entertaining for the rest of 7th year, promise.

I have finals this week too, so if I don't post on a day or post at a random time, that's the reason why.

Thanks for reading!


	47. Train

I walked through the crowded train station, holding on tight to my sister's hand. She kept staring around at everyone and everything, causing me to have to pull her along.

It was easy to find an empty compartment; we had gotten there early. Eleanor immediately went to sit in the corner and said, "Are we going to be sitting with your friends?"

"Um, probably," I replied, not sure why she was asking.

"Oh," she said softly, picking up the novel sitting next to her. She hid herself behind the thick book and disappeared from my view.

I leaned against the window and watched the families escorting their children on the train. There was a group of people standing near the train and I immediately recognized them.

All four (James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter) were standing with two older people, who I could only guess were James's parents. I knocked on the window loudly. Eleanor appeared from behind her book and everyone standing outside looked around for the source of the noise.

James noticed me first, pointing to where I was. They all waved at me and said something to James's parents before leaving.

Suddenly, an thought came to me. "Are you okay?" I asked, leaning forward.

Eleanor peered over the book. "Yes."

She wasn't. She probably didn't like being around my friends. She was frightfully shy like me and usually hid herself behind a book. She was also very smart from reading numerous textbooks. I had a feeling she would be sorted into Ravenclaw.

"In this one!" I looked toward the compartment door to see the boys making their way in. I moved over to provide extra room and saw Eleanor curl up in a ball, almost completely hidden by her book.

James and Sirius sat on the side where Eleanor was sitting and Remus took the seat next to me.

"Finally, seventh year!" Sirius exclaimed with a grin. "You know what this means?"

Remus just shrugged.

"Pranks, of course!" He looked to James. "Right, Prongs?"

James hesitated and looked a bit uneasy. I was surprised. Sirius just stared at him, waiting for an affirmative answer. "Uh, you see, I'm trying to cut down on the pranks."

This couldn't end well. Sirius didn't say anything.

"What do you mean?" Peter asked, eyes wide in surprise.

James paused again, and then took something out of his pocket. "I'm, uh, Head Boy."

He wasn't joking. There it was – the shiny gold badge right in his hand. And it definitely didn't look like a fake. I looked up at James in shock. "You're kidding me."

Sirius blinked. "Why didn't you tell us?"

Remus looked just as shocked. "I thought Head Boy would be Timothy Jennings."

"You weren't even a prefect," I exclaimed.

James shrugged, putting the badge back in his pocket. "I don't know why Dumbledore made me prefect, but since he did, I guess I should act it. Right?"

There was an awkward pause. It was broken by the compartment door opening again. "Oh, there you are, Ivy."

I looked to see Lily standing in the doorway, looking in at us. I cleared my throat and smiled. "Lily, this is my sister, Eleanor." I motioned over to where she was still hiding.

The guys looked confused as they looked over and jumped a little when they noticed someone was sitting there. "Whoa, didn't see you there-" Sirius said.

Eleanor peered over her book again and said, softly, "Hello."

Lily greeted her in return and looked back at me. "Have you seen Timothy Jennings? I think he's Head Boy and I want to talk to him."

Did that mean what I thought it meant? Lily could not be Head Girl. But I knew she was; who else would it be? I shook my head. "No, I haven't seen him. And I'm pretty sure he's not Head Boy."

"I am," James spoke up.

Lily's eyes widened and she blinked a couple times. "What?" she managed to say.

Remus immediately jumped in to soften the blow. "It's not a joke, Lily. He really is Head Boy."

For once, I could see that Lily had nothing to say. She kept staring at James as if she wanted to yell at him but knew she couldn't. "I'm going to find Mary," she finally said, turning around and leaving without so much as a goodbye.

James sat back in his seat. "Well, this year is going to be interesting."

I only hoped that he was right.

* * *

By the way, James is right. The year is going to be pretty interesting.

I need a new poll question. Anyone have any ideas?


	48. Watch

James really did try to mature a bit. Lily, however, refused to see this. She still had to provoke a fight with him every time they were together.

"We're supposed to patrol the halls tomorrow!" I heard her say across the common room. They were so loud that I couldn't even concentrate on the conversation I was having.

Currently, I was sitting on the couch with Remus and Sirius. Peter was in the armchair facing us. We were talking about last week's sorting.

"How's your sister doing?" Remus asked, just as Lily started another rant about how James was incompetent.

I shrugged, raising my voice to be heard over Lily. "She's doing okay. I think she's lonely though since she doesn't talk to anyone in her house."

James answered Lily's rant in a calm voice, and Sirius didn't need to shout his comment. "She always has her books to entertain her."

"That's true. She loves her books more than anything," I was able to get in before Lily started yelling again.

"Like you with your writing," Remus exclaimed, gesturing to my journal.

My journal. I had written pages and pages since the ending of sixth year. Sebastian and Anne were friends and Anne was wondering where the relationship was going to go.

Lily began yelling again and I looked up to see James just watching her. He looked absolutely tired and I knew he just wanted to give up. Finally, James leaned forward and said something, and left up the staircase, leaving Lily to stand there. She looked almost shocked.

"Moony, go talk to him," Sirius spoke up. I guess I wasn't the only one watching the fight.

Remus gave Sirius a strange look. "Why me?"

"Because you're the sensitive one," Sirius answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Remus mouthed 'sensitive one' to himself in confusion and looked to me for support. However, Sirius did have a point. Remus was the most sensitive of them all. Maybe that's why he and I connected so well. So I just shrugged.

"Fine," Remus gave in, standing up. "But don't expect me to be the one that always has to sympathize with James." He made his way up the staircase as Peter hurried to follow.

"She's going to kill him before the year is over," I said, shaking my head. "Dumbledore should have saw this coming."

Sirius paused and leaned forward, staring into the fire. "You never know. She could-"

Did he really think that Lily Evans was going to give into James Potter after years of incessant bothering? She would never fall for that. "Doubt it," I muttered and then yawned.

It was late and I really wanted some sleep. But I just didn't want to leave Sirius by himself in the common room. He would have to go up to the dormitory and listen to James. And I would have to go listen to Lily.

I grabbed my journal as if packing up to go, but didn't move from the couch. Sirius looked at me. "How's the story coming along?"

I lost count of the times he asked that. "I wrote a bit over the summer. Nothing's really happened yet. Sebastian and Anne are getting to know each other though."

Sirius nodded. "You know what would be a good idea?" He paused and I shrugged. "Write some from Sebastian's point of view. I'd like to see what he's thinking."

'So would I', I really wanted to say. Instead, I just looked down at the journal and bit my lip. "It could work," I decided to say.

He yawned and I could tell he was just as tired as me. He stretched out on his side of the couch and stared up at the ceiling. I watched him, waiting for him to say something.

Several minutes passed in silence. Leaning over, I saw that his eyes were closed and his breathing had slowed. He was asleep.

I slowly opened my journal to make no sound and grabbed my quill and ink off the table. Dipping my quill in the ink, I hastily began writing, sneaking glances at the sleeping form beside me.

* * *

Sort of short, sorry. There probably won't be a chapter tomorrow. There will be one early on Thursday and Friday is a mystery. I'm moving out on Friday and I don't know if I'll be able to write.

If you still have suggestions for the poll question, I'd like to hear them.

Hey, if you have this story on your favorites or something and haven't left a review yet, I'd love for you to leave a review. I'd like to meet you all and know what you think. Thanks for everything!


	49. Late

I groaned and felt a dull pain in my neck. Slowly, I opened my eyes and blinked a couple times to get rid of the blurriness.

Turning to the side, I realized I was still sitting on the couch. Or more like leaning on the couch. I must have fallen to the side during my sleep.

I then noticed how quiet it was. Where was everybody?

Did classes already start!? I was jolted wide awake and looked around frantically.

My eyes stopped on the sleeping boy next to me. It took me a second to realize why he was there. He must have slept through the entire night. He was still sleeping deeply and I didn't want to wake him. But I had to. Even second that passed could be another second we were missing of class.

"Sirius," I whispered, poking him in the arm.

He mumbled something and turned away from me. Breathing out slowly, I nudged him. "We're going to be late for class," I said, my voice more urgent.

Sirius didn't move for a second and then his eyes snapped open. "Ivy?" he asked unsurely. Turning around a bit, his tired eyes locked with mine. "What're you doing here?" he mumbled, clearly confused.

"We need to go," I exclaimed and scrambled off the couch.

Sirius slowly sat up, watching me with unfocused eyes. As I frantically tried to get my things together (where had my journal disappeared to!?), he made no intention of moving. Instead, he just ran a hand through his messy hair and yawned.

"We're late for class and McGonagall is going to kill me!" I couldn't believe it. I hadn't missed a class for six years. I had grades to keep up – my mother would kill me if I skipped class. And if I told her the reason I had skipped class...

"Ivy-"

To hear that I had fallen asleep on the couch with a boy? She'd kill me.

"Ivy..."

My breath caught in my throat. I was pacing. Why was I pacing?

"Hey, you!" I turned around to see Sirius sitting up on the couch, looking at me with an amused look on his face. "Calm down. Sit down and take a breath."

I threw myself down on the couch next to him. But I couldn't just sit there! I moved only a bit to stand up but Sirius pushed me back down.

His hands were on my shoulders.

His hands were on _my_ shoulders.

_Sirius Black's_ hands were on my shoulders.

That wasn't possible. I was dreaming again. I had to be dreaming. Oh god, I wasn't dreaming, was I? His hands were really touching me.

I stared wide-eyed at him and I couldn't remember how to speak.

"We're not late," he said rationally, looking right into my eyes. He was so close. I could see the exact color of his eyes and how they conveyed their emotions. I loved his eyes, they were so deep- "Someone would have woken us up on the way to breakfast. It's okay."

He still hadn't moved his hands. They were so warm. I involuntarily shivered and immediately hoped he didn't notice.

Why was he so close? He was only mere centimeters away. I couldn't even blink in fear that I would wake up and find that it was all a dream.

A sudden clearing of the throat disrupted my thoughts. Sirius withdrew his hands and I whipped around to see who had saw us.

Remus.

He was standing in front of me, looking confused and embarrassed. "Um, Sirius-" His eyes moved from me to Sirius. "We were just wondering where you were."

Sirius didn't even look fazed in the least bit. "Fell asleep on the couch last night. How's James doing?"

Remus shrugged. "He really didn't want to talk about it. He's just sulking and being very depressing."

"Oh, he'll get over it."

I watched as Remus looked back over at me. "I think you should go talk to Lily. She's probably wondering where you are," he told me coldly. I cringed. He was mad at me and I couldn't blame him. He had found me on the couch with Sirius, who was known to womanize the entire female population.

As soon as Remus left through the portrait hole, I groaned and fell over onto the couch. There was a loud movement and I opened my eyes to see Sirius standing over me.

Sirius laughed and exclaimed, "Well, he'll be jealous for weeks."

How he could always find the humor in these situations? I weakly chuckled but failed miserably to see his point of view.

* * *

Poor Remus is mad...he'll get over it soon, I hope.

Things to come:  
- Ivy trying Sebastian's POV  
- Remus being mad (of course)  
- Sirius just amused  
- James and his depressed self  
- Lily and her thoughts on the situation  
- Finally learning what house Eleanor is in  
- Maybe James/Lily

New poll! I took an idea that many of you had.

Thanks for everything!


	50. Realize

Lily refused to believe that I had slept on the couch with Sirius Black.

"I'm not going to listen to you, Ivy," Lily said as we headed down to breakfast. I was, in fact, not late for classes. I had woken up early and not late like I thought.

My other roommates were very interested however.

"Where were you last night?" Alice asked. I hadn't told any of my other roommates yet. They had no clue and I wanted to keep it that way.

"I fell asleep on the couch," I answered truthfully.

We walked to the Great Hall in silence from then on. Everyone kept giving me looks as though I was going to finally break and say something. But I wasn't going to say a word. I wasn't going to give them a reason to tease me.

I could see Eleanor sitting at the end of the Ravenclaw table, eating by herself. Quickly excusing myself from the group, I made my way over to her.

"Hey," I said to her, taking a seat.

She looked up at me. "Hi," she replied, going back to her food.

Okay, she was not going to end up like me. She was not going to spend her first five years at Hogwarts as a recluse. "Come on," I sighed, standing up and pulling on her arm.

She groaned. "No, I want to stay here!"

But it didn't take much for her to follow. I led her over to my spot by Lily and sat her down. She took her seat quietly and slouched, trying to make herself invisible.

Remus was sitting diagonal from me and he wouldn't meet my gaze. Sirius looked amused at the whole ordeal and grinned at me. James was unusually silent and ate his food slowly. Lily did not even glance in James's direction.

It was strange.

Eleanor watched this all with round eyes, taking in everything. I watched as Sirius looked at her and grinned again. "How are you, Ellie?"

She blinked. I had to smile at her reaction.

Sirius just laughed. "Are you enjoying your first year here?"

Eleanor nodded slowly, looking down at the table. I had a feeling she was lying – but she wouldn't just tell Sirius that she had no friends.

Maybe Sirius caught on. "Do you like hot chocolate?"

"Yes," Eleanor finally said out loud.

He leaned forward, eyes sparkling. "We could take an adventure down to the kitchens. You, me, and Ivy."

And then suddenly, Remus stood up, and muttered a harsh statement about how he had to leave. I watched him hurry out of the hall and couldn't stop the tears burning in my eyes.

I couldn't just allow this to continue. "I'll be right back," I said quickly, standing up abruptly.

He was fast. I had to run but finally, I caught up with him in the corridor.

"Remus!"

He didn't even stop. I caught him by the shoulder and forced him to face me.

"Listen to me," I panted, trying to catch my breath. He watched me through narrowed eyes. "Nothing happened. All I did was fall asleep. I'm sorry that Sirius happened to be there but I didn't do anything-"

"Do you like him?"

I blinked, trying to process what he had just said. "What?" I asked. My heart was hammering again.

Remus looked tired suddenly. "I just need to know – do you like Sirius?"

What was I supposed to say? My voice wasn't even working. I couldn't just lie to him. All I could do was stare at Remus as he waited for my answer.

I could have sworn I saw recognition in his eyes.

And then I couldn't breathe.

* * *

Chapter fifty? Well, that's just crazy to me.

It's a short chapter, I know, but I had the whole next scene planned and then I decided to be evil and add a cliffhanger instead.

So, who thinks Remus finally caught on? And how is he going to react?


	51. Reaction

My throat burned, but I couldn't take in a breath. My chest ached and I knew, by the look he was giving me, that Remus had figured it out.

"Oh, no," he laughed in disbelief, eying me cautiously. "You can't be serious."

I opened my mouth to lie, to say something, but I just continued staring. That was all the response he needed.

"You have got to be kidding me!" He was backing away, looking at me as if I was someone completely different. "You do _not_ like Sirius."

I couldn't deny it. I knew if I tried he would be able to tell. So, instead, with tears blurring my vision, I murmured, "Sorry."

This was going to kill him.

He gave me an incredulous look. "_Sorry_? Ivy, you...you like one of my _friends_. And, not only that, but it's _Sirius_." He backed up until he was a few good feet away and began pacing. I couldn't do anything but watch as he paced back and forth, back and forth, hand on his head to probably stop himself from screaming at me.

"Please, stop," I finally found myself saying. My voice sounded weak. I couldn't stand seeing him like this anymore.

He finally wheeled around to face me, a fire in his eyes that I had never seen before. "God, Ivy, I thought you were different! I thought you weren't like those other girls. And now I find out you're exactly the same!"

Wait...what?!

"What do you mean?" I asked, my voice getting increasingly louder.

"I mean that you're like everyone else here," he tried to explain. Waving his hands frantically, trying to find the words to say, he finally added, "_Throwing _themselves at Sirius Black every waking moment."

Did he just say-?

"I have never thrown myself at him!" I retorted. "You would have noticed if I made advances on your friend! I'm not like those other girls."

"Then what are you?" Remus demanded. "I thought you were my friend, but now I see you were only using me to get to Sirius. And that's why you kept pushing me away!"

My heart dropped when I realized he didn't consider me his friend anymore. He thought I had used him as a ploy to get to Sirius. Those tears were back in my eyes again. "I am your friend," I tried, my voice cracking. "I didn't use you at all, Remus."

But he only shook his head, backing away. "I can't believe you."

The tears had finally started flowing down my cheeks. "You're my best friend," I whispered, dejected.

He stopped for a second and I thought I had finally made him understand. But he shook his head again and left without even a goodbye.

Shaking, I slid down the corridor wall and curled up into a ball, hiding my face. A bell faintly sounded, but I didn't move. I couldn't go to class. I couldn't move. I wanted to just stay here and cry.

"Ivy?"

That almost sounded like Eleanor.

I glanced up and saw my sister's face in front of mine. She looked frightened and concerned. The rest of her class passed by without even a second glance.

"What happened?" she asked, sitting next to me.

"Nothing," I mumbled. The argument was still fresh in my mind. It kept playing and playing and playing and wouldn't stop. I just wanted to forget about it.

She didn't pry. Instead, we both fell silent. I looked over to see her lean against on my arm. The act immediately comforted me.

I didn't need to tell her to get to class. I wasn't planning on going. I knew that if I was too upset to go, then she wouldn't dare leave.

She cared too much.

She was the only one who cared.

* * *

Oh, the angst.

So, I'm back home for the summer and I have to share the internet with my brother. And my parents have decided to put a time limit on the computer.

Wonderful. If there's not an update one day, that's why. If I don't respond to your review, that's why too.

Thanks for everything!


	52. Ignore

He ignored me during the rest of classes. He ignored me at lunch. He ignored me at supper. He refused to even look at me.

The others had no clue what was going on. I knew they were watching our every move, waiting for the clue that would make them understand. The only clue they were getting was the silence and tension between us.

Eleanor knew what was going on. She watched me from her table, never taking her eyes off of us. She was the only one who understood.

In the common room that night, it was even worse. Eleanor, of course, wasn't there and I was stuck alone on the couch. It was mostly my decision; I didn't want to talk to anyone. Not my roommates, not James, not Sirius, not Peter, and definitely not Remus. I wasn't going to beg for forgiveness. I had done nothing.

Remus was sitting in a chair on the opposite side of the room, acting like he was working on an essay. I knew he wasn't; his eyes were scrutinizing my every move.

So I pretended to be writing. But I wasn't either. Every few seconds, I glanced up to see him staring at me. He made no indication that he knew I was looking at him.

I resorted back to stabbing my journal with a quill. His quill, to be more exact. His stupid quill with the stupid pretty feather and the stupid ink bottle with my name. I wanted to throw that ink bottle at his head! My hand was closed over the ink bottle, clutching it so tightly it was about to break.

"What are you doing?"

I flinched. He _had_ to come and talk to me. Sirius _had_ to acknowledge me when Remus was watching.

I looked up and clenched my jaw. "Nothing," I responded with a hardened voice.

Sirius raised an eyebrow at me. I had to admit that was pretty cute – okay, now was not the time to be thinking that. Remus was probably watching everything and waiting to see what I would do.

He then sat next to me. I stared straight ahead and refused to look at him. "What happened between you and Remus?"

Of course he would like to know that. Everyone probably wanted to know. But what could I say? 'Oh, nothing really. We just fought about how I throw myself at you'. I glanced over toward Remus's way to see him glaring at me.

"He's being an idiot," I answered. Look, Remus, do you see me throwing myself at Sirius? No, of course not.

"Ivy," Sirius said softly, inching closer to me. I shivered involuntarily, grateful that Remus couldn't see that from where he was watching. I just kept staring forward. "Remus really likes you. I'm sure he didn't mean whatever he did."

I hated this. I hated how Sirius was trying to give me advice and sympathize with his friend while Remus was staring. "I doubt it."

I had the urge to look at Sirius's expression but then remembered that I had to keep staring at the random spot on the table. I was not going to look into Sirius's gray eyes and lose myself. I couldn't.

"Well, Remus will get over it. He can't stay mad at his friends for too long. He's just not like that."

I shook my head slightly. "I'm not his friend."

There was a pause. "Of course you are," Sirius finally said. He probably thought I was crazy. Someone that bought me a present, asked about me, thought about me, waited for me was not my friend? But he didn't know what had happened, what had changed.

I wasn't going to tell Sirius. I couldn't tell him. But why couldn't I? "He ended our friendship."

I couldn't hold back anymore. I turned my head slightly to see his expression. He was staring at me with a look of shock, anger, and disbelief. "What? Why would he do that?"

It was just a matter of time before Remus would tell my secret to Sirius anyway. I was going to beat him to it. I was going to tell Sirius the truth first. I was just going to say 'because I fancy you' and then run away.

Run away and transfer to Beauxbatons. I still knew how to say 'cheese' in French. That could come in handy.

All I had to do was say it.

I took a quick look over at Remus who was still watching. I then looked back at Sirius who was waiting for me to respond.

I ignored the frantic beating of my heart and finally gave him an answer.

* * *

Another cliffhanger. I never plan these; it just happens. I'm so sorry!

My schedule for updating this story is a bit different now. It depends on if I write the chapter the night before. Then it will come out around noon. If I don't, it will be around three (eastern standard time). But things are subject to change when my brother is on the computer. Which is always.

I just want to thank again everyone who has alerted, favorited, and/or reviewed this story. 800 reviews? I'm still shocked. Thanks!


	53. Rant

"I-I..." I choked on my words as my heart furiously beat a tattoo against my ribcage. "I don't know - I have to go," I stuttered out before rushing past him. I passed by Remus, who had to have noticed the distressed and frightened look on my face. But he didn't even say a word as I raced up the staircase, stumbling over each stair.

What was I thinking? I asked myself over and over, throwing open the door to the dormitory. I took advantage of the empty room and started hitting my head on the nearest wall; it helped the pain in my heart to feel less severe.

Why was I such a coward? Why couldn't I just tell him? Why couldn't I show some of that Gryffindor courage I was supposed to possess?

I didn't deserve to be in Gryffindor, I realized as I fell down on my bed. Smothering myself into my pillow, my mind continued to swirl with those depressing statements.

Could the sorting hat have made a mistake? I thought back to what the hat had said to me in first year. My memory was fuzzy but I could remember parts of the speech. Something about 'friends' and 'truth and honesty'. But that sounded like I should have been sorted into Hufflepuff. What had it said when it decided to put me into Gryffindor?

I couldn't even remember.

It probably did make a mistake. It had definitely meant to say Hufflepuff.

I was such a coward. I should have just told him. But if I would have told Sirius, what would he have said?

'Oh, that's great, Ivy. But you're Remus's girl.' or 'Well, you're just a shy unremarkable girl. I don't even like you like that.'

I shut my eyes and began hitting myself with the pillow. I might have been a coward but maybe telling Sirius a lie was the better choice.

If I would have told him the truth, the feud between me and Remus would get worse. Sirius would be involved and he would try to get in the way and it would be awful.

My thoughts were becoming rants. I stopped hitting myself with the pillow and rolled over to stare at my sheets.

Sirius would want a real answer soon. I groaned out loud at the thought and leaned over the edge of my bed to stare at the floor.

My journal was lying there, innocently waiting for me to pick it up. I rolled off of my bed and landed clumsily on the floor. Tangled in my covers, I opened the journal to the last page – what I had wrote while Sirius was asleep.

_She's not special in any way. I don't like her like that. She just intrigues me. And I think I intrigue her. __It's strange. __She has my attention and I don't even think she knows._

I had decided that Anne would have Sebastian's attention, but in a different way than she wanted.

Just like me and Sirius.

And it was always going to be like that. It was always going to be two different relationships and we were never going to see eye to eye. We were never going to look at each other in the same way.

And then my anger toward Remus turned briefly to Sirius. If he wouldn't have suggested writing from Sebastian's view, then I wouldn't have noticed this depressing fact. And I wouldn't have noticed it after Remus broke our friendship.

And I wouldn't feel as awful as I did at the moment.

It was settled. I was never going to leave this dormitory. It was Friday – I was allowed to hide in my dormitory for at least two days without leaving.

I had been worried that Eleanor was going to become a recluse when, in actuality, the warning should have been for me.

* * *

So, she didn't tell him. It's Ivy...did you really think she was?

I'm thinking of having a Q & A. If you have any questions you want me to answer, just put them in your review. (Why am I doing this? Because it's summer and I have nothing else to do!)

Oh, and anyone hear about HBP? They're basically cutting out the Remus/Tonks plot. I really hate the movies...

Anyway, you're all awesome. Thought I'd remind you.


	54. Intervention

"It's _Sunday_, Ivy!"

"No."

"But you haven't left this dorm since Friday."

"No."

"I'm not bringing up any more food."

"I don't care. I'll starve."

"Fine then. Starve."

A slam of the door told me that Lily had finally given up trying to get me out of the room. I had kept to my word and hadn't left the dormitory all week. Lily was the most frustrated out of all my roommates.

All day, I would hide underneath my covers and wait until everyone was gone to work on anything like essays. No one ever saw me doing anything but lying in bed. And I was going to keep it that way.

Lily couldn't do anything. She couldn't force me to leave. She could refuse to bring me food but I could always get it from someone else. And it was Sunday – only a day away from when classes started again. I could just wait a day for food; it was no big deal.

Yesterday, Lily had tried bringing up the subject of Remus. Since she didn't know what was happening, she was very interested in this sudden refusal to leave the room. And, somehow, she had guessed that Remus's moody behavior had something to do with it. It still amused me that Lily was so observant about things but still had no clue what the whole story was.

"Ivy, you're still here." I looked up to see who the intruder was and saw Dorcas standing in the doorway, carrying her bookbag. Probably coming back from studying.

I nodded in response, ignoring my initial response of 'of course, where else would I be?'.

Dorcas took a few steps toward her bed and then stopped to look at me again. She was thinking about something. There was another few seconds of hesitation and then Dorcas hurried over to me, sitting on the edge of my bed.

Very strange, I noted. She wasn't the one to question people or give advice.

"What happened between you and Remus?"

She wanted to know what had happened. I really should have seen that coming. "I'm fine, Dorcas. It's nothing, really."

"I mean," Dorcas paused, and I noticed how uncomfortable she was. "Remus seems really mad and I always thought he wouldn't be the type to get that angry. It's really unsettling."

I blinked. Was this conversation about me or Remus? "I guess he's just...frustrated." I didn't want Dorcas to think Remus was a bad guy. Even though he was acting the idiot, he still wasn't the bad guy.

"Oh." That's all she said. A quiet 'oh'. I didn't even know what to think of it, so I just stared at Dorcas. She finally got up and walked back over to her bed, getting her essay out of her bookbag.

A loud chatter outside the door caught my attention. Dorcas and I exchanged looks before looking back over to the door.

"I can't believe that worked."

"I can't believe you even thought of this. What were you thinking?"

"We wanted to get into the girls dormitories. Is that such a crime?"

"Why, yes. I think it is."

I definitely knew who those voices belonged to. They weren't even trying to whisper. With a loud sigh, I hid myself underneath the covers again and hoped they would go away.

I heard the door open and everyone greet Dorcas. And then I heard the footsteps getting closer to my bed.

Why couldn't this be a dream?!

"Ivy, this is an intervention," I heard Lily say softly. Something pushed me and I grumbled in response. "I brought some people who want to help."

Then I heard James speak. "We're here on behalf of our client, Remus J. Lupin."

Since when was this a court case? I groaned. "I don't care."

"Just hear them out, Ivy," Lily pleaded. "They really want to help you and Remus."

I peeked out from under my covers and glanced up. "Fine," I caved in.

The thought of James and Sirius being in the girls dormitory while I was in bed wearing nothing but my pajamas crossed my mind briefly. I immediately flushed at the thought and tried to ignore it as I sat up, running a hand through my probably disheveled hair.

"Remus is driving us insane," James spoke without a beat of hesitation. "He won't stop with the moping and the complaining. I am going bloody insane!"

"Okay?" I responded, not sure what to say to that.

"He absolutely misses you; he just doesn't want to admit it," Sirius chimed in. "He's being stubborn for once in his life. We still don't know what you did but it can't be all that bad. Just talk to each other."

He didn't tell Sirius my secret? I was frozen momentarily in shock, but then composed myself. "He doesn't want to talk to me," I said, looking down and refusing to meet their eyes.

"We'll force him. And if you won't talk, we'll steal some Veriterserum and force you two to tell all of your secrets," James exclaimed with a grin.

I flinched at the thought. "If you can get him to talk to me, then I will talk to him," I compromised.

Sirius looked relieved. "Thank you." And he sounded like he really meant it.

"Success," James proclaimed, turning to Lily with a grin.

Wait. He was grinning at Lily. What had happened to depressed James?

I must have looked really confused because Lily immediately said, "We've come to a mutual agreement. We've decided to try a friendship."

I raised an eyebrow. Sirius noticed and laughed loudly.

Lily ignored me and turned to James accusingly. "Now, about this whole staircase to the girls' dormitory thing..."

And even though Lily was berating him, James's happiness was hard to miss. Maybe if Lily and James could put aside their differences, there was still hope for Remus and I.

* * *

There is a link to my Q & A in my profile. You can still submit questions – I'll just keep updating the post.

Hope you all enjoyed the long chapter. I broke my word limit.

Well, I'm going to jam out to my new CD and think of ways to incorporate it in this story. Thanks for everything!


	55. Honesty

Monday. I had to leave the dormitory. This was not going to turn out good.

I slowly dressed that morning and actually willed myself to spend more time on my hair. Marlene sensed something was up.

"Ivy, what are you doing?" Her tone was very curious and I knew she was, as always, coming to the wrong conclusion.

I paused, which was probably not the right thing to do. "Stalling," I finally answered, posing my answer in a questioning tone.

Marlene smiled. "Oh, _stalling_." What did 'oh, stalling' mean? Was she trying for some innuendo that I wasn't getting?

I stared at her without blinking. She stared back. I slowly backed out of the room and made my way out of the door for the first time in two days.

I looked down into the common room to see James, Remus, Sirius and Peter were sitting on the couch as though they were waiting for someone. I really hoped it wasn't me.

They were whispering to each other loudly and sending glances my way. They were definitely trying for something. I stopped across the room to just watch them talk, afraid to get any closer.

"Ivy, come here!" I flinched as James beckoned me over. I couldn't do this by myself. Where was Lily when I needed her? Why wasn't she here?

I sighed and slowly walked over, stopping still a few feet away to take a look at Remus's face. He didn't look mad anymore; he just looked exhausted and frustrated. He eyed me carefully, as though he didn't want me to notice.

"This is your intervention," Sirius explained, motioning me to sit in the chair across from them.

"What about breakfast? I haven't had anything to eat since yesterday!" I tried to find a way out of it.

Almost as if on cue, Lily came through the portrait hole, carrying something. On closer inspection, I noticed it was breakfast. I groaned softly. They were going to make the whole morning of trying to get Remus and I to talk.

Lily smiled. "Don't complain, Ivy. Sit down and talk," she demanded, handing me my food on a tray.

I stumbled into the chair and fell down into it. Nervously, I glanced up at the four boys sitting across from me. All four of them. I couldn't talk to Remus in their presence.

"Here, drink." Lily handed me a goblet of some liquid. My thoughts returned to the previous night's discussion. But how did they get the Veritaserum? It was illegal. But if they put it in the drink, then I would spill all of my secrets.

I pretended to take a sip and then brought down the goblet with shaking hands. Instead of saying anything, I stared at Remus, waiting for him to start the conversation.

I could tell that he wanted this all to end. His eyes were tired of the whole situation. His posture said that he wanted it to be over with. His hesitancy to speak was because of the others in the room. He wasn't going to tell my secret to anyone else.

He glanced over at James, who gave him a confused look in return. Remus looked over at the exit to the common room.

"Well, I'm hungry!" James suddenly proclaimed, standing up. "Yeah, um, we'll just leave you two to it then."

Everyone scrambled out of the common room as fast as they could, leaving only Remus and I staring at each other.

"You didn't tell him?" I asked, voice wavering.

Remus shook his head. "I'm not that cruel."

There was an uneasy silence. I bit my lip, trying to find something to say. "I'm not like those other girls..." I finally said.

Remus wasn't looking at me. "I'd love to believe that, Ivy."

He still didn't see it. "I...I'm not going to devote my life to him. I'm not going to shower him with affection or show any romantic feelings toward him at all. I can't do that."

"Why not?" His voice was bitter. "You're friends now. He'll probably let you in."

I continued to bite my lip. "He doesn't see me like that, Remus. He's too worried about his friendship with you."

"Well, then, why are you using me?" He looked up and met my eyes. He looked truly broken.

I blinked the tears out of my eyes. "_You're_ more important to me. He doesn't notice me in that way, but you, you have always been there. I felt as though I lost a part of me when you ended our friendship because your friendship means everything to me."

He paused. "Why do you like Sirius? Why not me?"

I was trying so hard to help him, but all I was doing was hurting him. "I'm not sure exactly," I responded. "I mean, I shouldn't like him and everything, but I do. He's my muse, my inspiration." I watched the hurt flicker across Remus's face. "And you, Remus, you're the perfect guy, really. Just not the perfect guy for me."

A weak smile finally appeared on his face. "I – I'm so sorry for the way I acted."

My heart felt so much lighter and I stood up to address him. "I want, no, I _need_ a friendship with you, Remus. You can't leave me."

He chuckled softly and stood up, wrapping his arms around me without a word. I clutched onto him and held tight as he whispered in my ear, "Never."

* * *

Okay, Miss Pix, if you have the words "spewing adorable" in your review, I'm going to hunt you down.

I went to see Made of Honor and while it was a bad movie, there's still a line from it in here. If you can find it, awesome.

Remember, if you have any questions, just send them to me. Merci beaucoup!


	56. Problems

Things went back to being pretty much normal. Except for the fact that my life was far from normal. I had numerous problems to worry about – N.E.W.T.S., my little sister, my story, Sirius...

Problem number one – I never realized how stressful seventh year actually was. I needed to pass my exams, but not only that, I needed to pass them with the highest marks. That meant extra time in the library, studying and pouring over books, essays, everything.

Problem number two – Eleanor. She always looked so lonely over at the Ravenclaw table and it was hurting me to see that she had no one to talk to.

Problem number three – my story. I hadn't worked on it in awhile, ever since I wrote from Sebastian's POV. It thoroughly depressed me and I hated even looking at the journal.

Problem number four – of course, Sirius. Same problem as always; the whole not noticing me thing. But now, he had his sights set on Sylvia once again. They had broke up for the summer and he wanted her back. She, however, was resisting him and Sirius was just a bit frustrated. It pained me to watch the whole fiasco.

It was the beginning of October and Hogsmeade weekend was quickly approaching. I was planning on going with Lily to stock up on some sweets from Honeydukes.

Getting up for breakfast was such a hard task. I was so tired from all the work I was putting into my studies that I didn't want to go to classes. Falling asleep into my porridge didn't even seem like a bad idea.

"You need to stop working so hard," Remus said, catching me before I fell face first into my food.

I groaned. "I'm just tired and I need fourteen hours of sleep."

"Fourteen? Well, I don't think that's possible right now," Remus joked. I sent him a glare and he backed off, a smile still on his face.

"Hey," James suddenly spoke up from across the table. "Have you seen Sirius anywhere? We're supposed to plan something."

Remus and I shook our heads as I heard Lily say, "Plan what? A prank maybe?" It was almost as if she was interrogating him. She even had the tone.

And it was almost as if James planned it. He turned on his "charming grin" and said, "Just a little one. Nothing big. Wouldn't want to upset you."

I couldn't stop myself from rolling my eyes. I swear Remus saw because he almost broke the blank expression he was trying to convey. The corner of his mouth definitely twitched upward for a second.

Lily scoffed. I had remind myself that they actually agreed to be friends. "You're Head Boy, James." Wow, she was calling him by his first name. That was an improvement. "You have to set an example for the younger students. How will it look if you're going around pulling pranks and wreaking havoc?"

"Hmm, wreaking havoc, haven't heard that one before." James looked to Remus and Peter. "We should use that more often."

Lily looked at me in frustration. I really tried to keep the smile off my face but it wasn't working. "Fine, fine!" Lily caved. "As long as it's small." All of us must have looked really surprised because she added, "Don't expect this often."

James, however, was ecstatic. "Did I ever mention that I love you, Lily Evans?"

She looked indifferent and shrugged. "A couple times."

He just grinned. "Good." I watched as he noticed at something behind me. "Hey, there's Padfoot!"

I decided not to turn around and instead, went back to my food. "So, I have an idea-" James started excitedly.

Sirius promptly cut him off. "Sorry, mate, but I have to talk to Ivy real quick." Wait. Did I hear correctly? Did he just say he wanted to talk to me?

I glanced over at Remus who gave me a confused and questioning look in return. Ignoring my shaking hands, I turned around in my seat to see Sirius standing in front of me, waiting to say something.

"You want to talk to me?" I asked, desperately needing some clarification.

Sirius nodded. "Yes." He paused and then said a question I never thought I would hear in my life. "Do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me?"

* * *

Yes, I do realize I'm evil.

I came up with this little idea when I noticed I had no more ideas. It just came to me.

The Q and A is updated with some more questions. Link on my profile. And a new character will be coming soon. Currently nameless...I have to look that up.

So, anyone going to Wrockstock?


	57. Favor

"What?" I breathed, disbelief evident in my tone.

Did Sirius just ask me to Hogsmeade? Did he even realize it was me? Was he drunk on something? He couldn't be asking _me_ to Hogsmeade.

Sirius slid into the seat next to me. "Okay, as you know, I have a little problem."

Wait – what problem? Did I miss something? Did he have a problem with me? What could a problem have to do with asking me to Hogsmeade?

"Um-" I choked out softly.

"You and Lily are the only girls I know that aren't interested in me in, you know, _that_ way." Wrong. "And James would kill me if I asked Lily to Hogsmeade."

"Without regret," James added, resulting in a glare from Lily.

Sirius ignored James and continued. "I need you to go with me to Hogsmeade to make Sylvia jealous."

I flinched, casting my eyes downward to the floor. Of course he wouldn't want to go to Hogsmeade with me just because he wanted to. Of course he didn't like me in that way. Of course he had to break my heart in the process.

"Uh-" My voice cracked from the tears that threatened to come. "I don't know."

I looked up to see Sirius getting down on his knees in front of me. "Oh, please, Ivy. For me?" He grabbed my hands and gave me a pleading look.

Oh, god, I couldn't just give in. I couldn't agree to go to Hogsmeade with a boy I was in love with just because he wanted to make another girl jealous. I couldn't. But I couldn't say no to him.

"A favor for a friend?" he continued to plead.

I blinked away my tears and tried very hard to not look him in the eye. "I'm supposed to go with Lily." Yes, that was a good excuse. I wasn't saying no; I just had an excuse.

"You don't mind if I steal her, do you, Evans?" Lily didn't even have time to answer before he said, "Okay, good. Now, Ivy, please say you'll go with me."

I was trapped. It hurt me but I had no other choice. "You owe me," I finally agreed.

He grinned widely, leaning over and kissing the top of my hands. "I'm so glad you're my friend, Ivy," he proclaimed before grabbing a piece of toast and running, once again, out of the hall.

I turned around slowly and went back to my food without a word. James and Lily didn't even start talking about it. I thought they would immediately go into a conversation about how Sirius was trying too hard to make Sylvia jealous.

The bell rang and we packed up our things to head to class. I hesitated, letting everyone leave before me. Remus waited for me, waiting until everyone was far away to finally speak.

"Sirius is an idiot," he exclaimed first.

I shook my head, hoisting my bookbag over my shoulder. I didn't say anything as we began our walk to class. He was watching me carefully, as if I was going to break down and cry in the middle of the corridor.

Suddenly, he stopped, turning me to face him. "Are you okay?" he asked softly.

"I'm fine." But my voice was already wavering from my tears. I was far from fine. I couldn't hold it back anymore. "I can't do this! I can't let him lead me on like this. I'm going to go crazy..."

"He's using you, Ivy," Remus explained.

He was. He was using me. He was using the fact that I was female to show off to Sylvia. I was just a pawn in his game. I meant nothing to him. "I know," I admitted. "But I'm still going to go." Remus raised his eyebrow at me. "He's my friend, Remus, and I don't want to disappoint him. I hate disappointing my friends."

"Are you sure?" I could tell that Remus didn't even want me to go.

I tried to laugh. "I'll be okay. I'm a big girl. I can keep my emotions in check for a day." Not thinking and freaking out about Sirius for a whole day? I realized with a sinking heart that I would have to lock my heart in a box and throw away the key to even fathom that.

* * *

Most of you guessed it. It's not a real date. But something interesting is bound to happen!

And my new character has a name! He'll be in the next chapter.

Hopefully, we'll get a real date soon. Maybe.


	58. Hogsmeade

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

I sighed loudly, stopping to speak to Remus directly. "I'm positive. It's nothing, Remus, and I'm pretty sure I can handle it."

He nodded hesitantly. "Pretty sure or absolutely sure?"

I had to laugh. "I'm absolutely sure. Don't worry about me. You just go to Honeydukes and stock up on your chocolate." He smiled and I quickly added, "And no stalking me. That'd freak me out."

"Promise," Remus agreed. "Enjoy yourself today."

I groaned. Enjoy myself? It was practically impossible. There was no way I was going to enjoy myself with Sirius talking about Sylvia the whole time and probably ignoring me.

"Want to know a little secret?" The new voice in our conversation startled me. I looked over to see Sirius standing there with a grin on his face.

Remus and I shared a look and then waited for whatever Sirius had to say. "Since Ivy ditched Evans-" I would've said something about how I didn't ditch her and it was his fault, but I didn't have the courage to say it out loud. "-and James had no one to go with, guess who's going together to work on their "Head duties", whatever that means."

My mouth dropped open in shock. "You're kidding."

"Nope," Sirius replied. "Looks like little Prongs finally got his date with Evans after all."

Remus shrugged. "It's hardly a date. Lily will make sure of that."

Sirius ignored him. "Anyway, James is practicing acting all responsible today. It'll be interesting."

A couple feet away, I could see James talking to a young Ravenclaw boy. It looked like he was giving the poor boy a good talking to.

"And what is your name?" I stifled a laugh at how official James sounded.

"Liam Pritchard," the boy answered immediately. He didn't look afraid of James, just anxious for what was to come.

James nodded. "I'm sure you were well aware of the rule that no students under third year are allowed in Hogsmeade, yes?"

"I just thought-"

"You thought wrong." Even Remus had to choke back his laughter at that phrase. "Ten points from Ravenclaw." The boy scampered off and James turned and spotted us. "Even the Ravenclaws this year are a tricky sort," he tried to explain, but we were already in hysterics.

"You taught him, Prongs," Sirius laughed.

James glowered. "I'm going to find Lily. You know, for our _date_." He smirked as if he got the last word, and disappeared from our sight.

Sirius turned to me with a grin. I almost melted inside, but quickly composed myself. Heart in locked box today. "You ready?" he asked, holding out his arm for me to take.

Remus gave me a reassuring look as I cautiously took Sirius's arm. Awkward, awkward, awkward. "Uh, yeah." The stuttering was bound to return.

Sirius flashed me another grin and I almost lost my balance as we said goodbye to Remus.

I couldn't do this. What was I thinking? I couldn't even breathe when he was standing this close to me. I was too distracted. I was distracted by the way his arm was locked with mine, by the way he was grinning, by the way he even smelled.

I was going _crazy_.

"So, what do you want to do today?" Sirius asked as if everything was fine and dandy. Everything was not fine and dandy. Everything was far from fine and dandy. I couldn't breathe again. I was going to die. Die from close proximity to a gorgeous boy.

A strategy. I needed a strategy. As long as everything had to do with making Sylvia jealous, then I wouldn't have to freak out.

"Um, do you want to go where Sylvia is?" I asked softly.

His eyes lit up. "Brilliant idea, Ivy." Of course I was only brilliant when it proved to his benefit. Inwardly, I sighed.

We went into Honeydukes first and, to my surprise, I saw the very brunette standing with a group of her friends by the lollipops.

Before I knew what was happening, Sirius reached for my hand and pulled me flush against him.

I gasped not only at the sudden action but at the way tingles erupted all over my skin. I looked up to see Sirius smirking at me, staring at me through darkened eyes.

My heart rate increased dramatically, anticipating what to come.

* * *

Gaspeth.

What is Sirius going to do? I don't know! (Actually, I kind of do.)

Most of you thought that the new character was probably going to be someone interested in Ivy. Sorry. It's just a cute little Ravenclaw! But he's awesome...really.

Have you reviewed my story? Then I have a surprise for you! Check the link in my profile to see a special video dedicated just for you.


	59. Hate

He leaned in, so very slow that I lost sense of time. My eyelids fluttered shut as my heart beat began to accelerate even more.

He was right there. I could feel his breath on my face , getting closer and closer and closer.

"They left."

I could feel him step backward. My eyes snapped open and I stumbled forward, momentarily losing my balance.

He was staring at where we saw Sylvia with her friends. They weren't there anymore. He looked back at me when I stumbled and had to laugh. "You okay?"

It didn't matter if I answered or not. He wasn't actually interested in the answer; he was making fun of how I had lost myself.

I could've hit him. For the first time, I wasn't feeling anything for Sirius but hate. He had tricked me into almost kissing him just because of some other girl. He was going to kiss me like it was nothing and then throw me aside. He was going to use our friendship. I really wanted to hit him.

"I'm perfectly fine," I said, putting on a fake smile. "Let's go somewhere else."

I ran in front of him, bolting out of the shop. I needed to talk to someone. I needed to talk to Remus. I didn't even want to see Sirius's face anymore.

"Want to go to Scrivenshaft's?" Sirius asked from beside me. I couldn't even out run him. "I know how much you like looking at their quills."

It didn't matter if _I _liked something. It mattered if Sylvia liked something and if she would be there. "I don't think that Sylvia would be there," I reasoned. My voice was strangely calm even as my mind was whirling, my stomach was churning, and my hands were shaking.

"That doesn't mean that we can't just take a quick look around." What was he trying to do? Did he know how upset I was? Was he trying to make up for the fact that he totally and utterly embarrassed me?

I didn't answer and kept my mouth tightly shut.

"Look, Ivy-" He paused, as if he was trying to think of the right words. Nothing he was going to say could change my mind. "If what I did to you back at the store freaked you out, I'm sorry."

I shook my head, still refusing to say a word.

"I mean, I know how you feel about me." I didn't dare get my hopes up. I didn't dare think that he was going to say that I liked him more than he thought. Because he thought I didn't have any feelings for him. "I know that it makes you uncomfortable to pretend you're romantically involved with me."

I almost scoffed in disgust. I was this much closer to snapping.

"And I'm sorry it upsets you this much. I promise, I won't ever touch you again."

Oh my god, this was the opposite of what I wanted! He didn't even want to get near me anymore. He thought that I didn't even want him to touch me. He thought that I wanted him to leave me alone. This was definitely the worst promise he could have ever gave me.

"I don't understand it," I finally spoke out loud, surprising even myself. "You have girls lined up to go on a date with you, and you choose to take me. You could have just dumped the girl afterward."

We reached Scrivenshaft's and we made our way inside. Sirius hesitated in his answer, allowing me to look really interested in the quills on the display.

"It wasn't going to go with anyone to make Sylvia jealous," he slowly said. "I wanted to go with someone that could make the trip enjoyable. I don't know many girls that would have made this Hogsmeade trip fun, except for you and Lily."

Oh.

He wasn't just trying to make Sylvia jealous? He also _wanted _to go with me?

"You _wanted _to go with me?" I voiced out loud.

He turned to me with that grin again. "You sound surprised."

My hands were shaking again, but not from rage anymore. "I am. I'm no one special. Why go with me?"

It was his turn to look surprised. "You're my friend, so why wouldn't I want to go to Hogsmeade with you?"

He acted like it was a simple thing. Was it that simple? _Sirius Black_ wanted to go to Hogsmeade with me. He didn't just take me along because he wanted to use me. No, he wanted to take me because I was his friend. He wanted to spend time with me.

And even though he had tricked me in the sweet shop, I didn't care. Because Sirius and I were spending a nice, windy October day in Hogsmeade.

It was my perfect day. Except for the fact that Sylvia Williams was standing right in front of us.

* * *

I totally wrote the ending of this chapter without the cliffhanger and then I decided it was lame and changed the ending. I also didn't plan on Ivy forgiving Sirius that quickly. Hmm. Strange.

This chapter is insanely early because I will be gone the entire day!

Thanks for all the reviews! I appreciate every single one. They make me giddy.


	60. Sylvia

"Hi," she said, brushing a piece of her long brown hair behind her ear. Sirius probably liked long-haired girls. Why did I have to cut my hair? What was I thinking? "What are you two doing here?"

Sirius must have had lines prepared for this moment, for he answered without pause. "Ivy and I are just enjoying our date."

Sylvia smiled, though I could tell it was fake. "Oh, if you two are together, then I'll just...nevermind..." She made a motion to go out through the front door but we had it blocked.

Did this whole jealousy plan work? Did she want to date Sirius now that she had noticed us? I never thought the plan would actually work.

"Ivy and I aren't together," Sirius quickly explained. "We're just going as friends." No more lying. I wasn't anything more than a friend to him anymore. Maybe I could finally breathe.

"Oh." She sounded confused. I thought that Sirius's explanation was quite understandable. What was she confused about? She looked at me for a second and I fidgeted under her stare.

Sirius grinned, not noticing Sylvia's confusion. "So, do you want to go with me to Hogsmeade on the next trip?"

Sylvia had to say yes. She was going to give in just a second ago. There wasn't any reason to change her mind.

"I'm...busy," she announced. "I'm sorry."

Sirius blinked and I stared in shock. Sylvia had decided to talk to Sirius to ask him what we were doing at Hogsmeade for nothing?

Suddenly, the door opened and Remus came in, awkwardly making his way around our group in front of the door.

"Moony!" Sirius shook himself out of his shock and walked Remus out of sight. "You will..." His voice got faint as the two disappeared to the back of the store.

They had left me in the front of the shop with Sylvia. The Sylvia that had turned down Sirius's proposal for nothing.

"Ivy, is it?" I turned toward the brunette who had suddenly spoken.

"Um, yes," I responded. This was going to be awkward. We had nothing to say to one another.

She took a step closer to me and whispered, "You like him, don't you?"

I blinked once, then twice, and then a third time to make sure I wasn't dreaming. "W-what?" I stumbled over the one word. She had to be kidding, joking, something.

She pointed to the back of the store where Remus and Sirius were talking. Oh, she had to be talking about Remus. Everyone thought that I liked Remus. I almost forgot that he had walked in.

"Remus?" I said, just to make sure.

She glanced at me, an amused smile on her face. "No, Sirius."

She _wasn't_ talking about Remus? Had she seen through my disguise? Was I that readable? How come Lily or my roommates couldn't see it then? Why couldn't I breathe? "I...don't like Sirius." It was evident that that was a lie.

Sylvia chuckled. "You're not a very good liar, Ivy."

What to do? What to say? Was I supposed to run out of the store now and make a big scene? Was I supposed to start packing my bags for Beauxbatons? Eat _du fromage_?

"Uh..." My speech was failing anyway. I couldn't even choke out a single sentence.

Sylvia just smiled at me again. "I think the reason I'm a Hufflepuff is that I can read other people very well. And it lets me make friends easily. You – it's evident in the way you look at Sirius. You love him."

Did she just say that I loved Sirius? Out loud? I blinked. "No?" At least I tried.

"And you've kept it quiet for a long time now. You don't want anyone to know so you deny your feelings for him."

She was good, I had to admit. I groaned and said, very quietly, "Maybe."

"I'm not going to get in the middle of it. I don't have as strong of feelings for him as you do. So I'll step aside and let you two fall madly for each other." Fall for each other? What was she talking about? I must have given her a strange look because she laughed. "I'm a romantic at heart."

"But he won't ever love me back," I whispered, and then looked over at Sylvia and added, "Will he?"

She shrugged. "I may be able to read people, but I'm not a seer. The answer will have to wait."

I looked at the girl whom I had known for only minutes. She already knew me better than some of my friends, and all she had to do was take a long look. I wondered if Sirius would ever do the same.

* * *

I love it when I start writing a chapter and then it takes a completely different turn in the middle of it.

Sylvia is not that bad actually. Everyone don't hate her just because Sirius likes her! It's not her fault.

Q&A updated again. Link on my profile! Until tomorrow.


	61. Training

"She turned him down?"

I had to smile at the look at James's face. He had just heard the news from Remus and I on our way down to breakfast the next morning. Evidently, Sirius was trying to keep it a secret, and Remus had to wait until Sirius was out of hearing range to tell James anything.

"He asked her to Hogsmeade and she said no," Remus explained again.

James shook his head incredulously. "Why would she do that?"

I hadn't told Remus the real reason why Sylvia had turned down Sirius's offer. I hadn't found the time. He paused and looked toward me. "What did she say to you?"

And since James was with us, I had to lie. "She just doesn't like Sirius in that way."

James rolled his eyes. "Well, that's a lie. Who doesn't like Sirius in that way? I think even some of the male population are smitten with him."

Remus was quick to come up with a retort. "Then I suppose Lily fancies Sirius too?"

That shut James up. We entered the Great Hall and sat at the end of the Gryffindor table. We were the first ones there, after we had made up an excuse to leave Sirius in the dormitory. The boys accidentally let him sleep in and he was still frantically trying to get dressed.

"So, how was your day yesterday?" I asked James. Lily had refused to tell me anything the night before.

James grinned. "I'm just going to keep that a secret between Lily and I."

Remus frowned. "He keeps saying that."

Lily sat down on the other side of me and greeted us all warmly. Too warmly. She was also insanely happy. She definitely should have not been that happy the day after a "date" with James Potter.

Lily would crack and tell me soon. At least I hoped so.

Five minutes passed and Sirius still hadn't came down for breakfast. I, instead, turned my attention on the Ravenclaw table to find my sister. It must have been really boring for her to be alone yesterday.

But I didn't see her. There was no one sitting by their lonesome.

I searched each and every face at the table. She had to be there somewhere. Maybe she was hiding behind someone. And then I found her sitting near the middle of the table, sitting across from a person that looked strangely familiar.

"James, what was the name of the Ravenclaw that you took points from yesterday?" I asked, without taking my eyes of off Eleanor and the mystery person.

James thought it over for a moment. "Hm, Liam something, I think. Why?"

I took another long look. "I think my sister is sitting with him."

Everyone turned around in their seats to look. "Yeah, that's him," James confirmed.

"What Ravenclaw is this?" Lily asked. I had momentarily forgotten that she wasn't there.

Remus answered, "He was trying to get to Hogsmeade yesterday. James stopped him and docked off points."

I saw Sirius walk up out of the corner of my eye and stop, looking over at the Ravenclaw table too. "Oh, yeah, that Liam kid," he noticed. "Just continuing the tradition of Bennett sisters hanging out with the troublesome sort."

James waved his toast at Sirius as the latecomer took a seat. "No, not troublesome. We wreak havoc now."

"Same thing," Remus noted.

I stood up. "I'm going to check on my sister really quick. I'll be right back."

Liam. What was his last name again? Liam something. Liam...Pritchard, yes. He certainly didn't make a good first impression on me yesterday. Trying to sneak into Hogsmeade and all. What if Eleanor ended up friends with someone like that? It probably wouldn't be good for the health. All of the worry and anxiety and trouble. Not good at all.

"Hey," I said as I sat down next to her. "Who's this?"

She looked at me and then back at Liam and before she answered, Liam beat her to it. "Liam Pritchard, ma'am," he said strongly.

Ma'am? Was he trying to fool me? Did he know I saw him yesterday and was trying to make up for it? "Oh. How did you two meet?"

Eleanor looked down at the table. She was embarrassed, I could tell. "I was in the common room yesterday with nothing to do. Nobody was really there because it was a Hogsmeade trip."

"So I said hi," Liam said. "That's about it."

How could the boy from yesterday be the same innocent brown-haired, blue-eyed boy in front of me? "I saw you trying to go to Hogsmeade yesterday," I confessed.

Liam didn't look the least bit fazed. "I'm muggleborn and I wanted to see the town really badly. I got caught though."

Eleanor looked up at me with pleading eyes. She really didn't want me to scare the boy away. So, I did what any good sister would do. I stood up and said, "Well, nice meeting you Liam" and then left the two alone.

I really didn't have room to talk. I was friends with the Marauders and there were four of them. She only had one. But I still couldn't help to be worried about her. He was, after all, a Marauder in-training.

* * *

I love how Ivy jumps to conclusions. For all of you who are wondering if Sylvia will have a larger role now, she probably will.

Eleanor has a little friend now! Celebrate!

Okay, so if any of you still have questions for me to answer, just leave them for me. Thanks for everything!


	62. Explain

I absolutely hate N.E.W.T.S.. Spending my free time in the library on Monday nights writing extra essays was not my idea of fun. It was headache inducing.

Here I was, sitting in the back of the library, trying to find another couple inches to write about Transfiguration. It proved to be an impossible task with the massive headache I was suffering from.

"There you are." I looked up to see Remus make his way around a bookshelf. I still hadn't told him about Sylvia. I did have an excuse however - there was no time. Only two days had passed since the incident and I still haven't found the time and place to tell him.

I looked up at Remus with a weak smile.

He sat down in the chair next to me, pulling the nearest parchment toward him to read. "You're working on the Transfiguration essay? I haven't even started that yet."

I sighed, trying to forget the urge to pull out my hair. "My parents are stressing me about N.E.W.T.S. already. I'm trying to get this done and perfect."

The next thing I knew, my essay was pulled away from my grasp. "Hey!" I complained, trying to grab it back.

"You're almost done, take a break," Remus exclaimed, hiding the essay from my view. I took a quick look under the table to see where he had put it. Nope, nothing.

I frowned. "Fine." I placed my hands on the table and stared at him, to emphasize how awkward this was.

He didn't seem to notice. "How was your Hogsmeade trip? I never heard your version of the story."

I couldn't blame Remus that he wanted to know. He had a right to know. And it's not like I wouldn't have told him anyway. I was planning to. "It was...weird." There was no perfect adjective to explain it.

"All Sirius would talk about was Sylvia. He didn't say anything about what you two did." Remus looked almost worried about what I would tell him. He almost expected me to tell him how awful it was.

I shrugged. "It wasn't that bad...just...different," I tried to explain again. When Remus didn't say anything, I continued, "We went to Honeydukes and Sylvia was there. He..."

How could I explain what had happened without Remus freaking out? "He didn't do anything, did he?" Remus caught on, his eyes widening with probably the worst possible conclusion.

"He just tried to make Sylvia jealous. It wasn't that bad." But that was a lie. Remus would see through that. If Sylvia could see how I felt the first time I had met her, Remus would definitely see.

He gave me a look. "And then?"

"Well, we went to Scrivenshaft's and met up with Sylvia. And you know what happened."

I hated the look he was giving me. He knew I wasn't telling him the whole story. "And why didn't Sylvia want to go out with Sirius?"

I cringed at the tone of his voice. "Because...maybe...she knows something..." I explained vaguely.

Somehow, Remus figured it out. "Because of _you_?" he asked, eyes wide with surprise.

I bit my lip. "She's...um, really good with figuring people out."

Remus leaned back, shaking his head. "She already knows and she just met you?"

"I guess it's her gift or something."

We lapsed into silence, neither of us having anything to say. My thoughts drifted off to Sylvia and the conversation I had with her. She seemed like a nice girl; why exactly did Sirius like her? He never seemed to go for the girls with personality. Just looks.

"What do you think about Sylvia?" I suddenly asked.

Remus gave me a strange look. "What do you mean?"

Maybe this was a bad idea to bring this up. But I couldn't take back my question now. "What's your opinion of her?"

There was a pause, and then Remus was looking at me like he understood. "Are you just asking me this because you want to know what Sirius sees about her?"

How did Remus always know what I was thinking? It was a bit unnerving. I hesitated before answering, "Maybe."

Remus did not want to hear that answer. He sighed and said, "She does have a nice personality, Ivy, but she's also physically attractive."

Of course. Sirius just had to be that shallow. That's probably why he was just friends with me. I wasn't pretty enough to be anything more.

"Hey-" I looked up at Remus who was trying to catch my attention. "Don't you ever think you're not good enough for him. You're much more and he hasn't realized it yet."

I cautiously stepped over the line. "Wouldn't you rather he never notice?"

Maybe that was saying too much. But instead of pushing me back over, he locked eyes with me and said, "I would, but I want you to be happy even more."

Why did Remus Lupin have to be so perfect?

* * *

Whoa. Remus/Ivy chapter. I never plan these; it just happens. Maybe it's my subconscious trying to tell me something.

Just a reminder: May 22nd through probably May 27th will be chapterless. Yes, I will be wrocking it out in Missouri. But I promise, I will come back with two chapters on the same day just for you.

Q&A updated again. Just with one question though.


	63. Page

"Have you seen my essay for Transfiguration?"

I frantically searched under my bed and then in my bookbag again. No essay. Where had it gone?

Lily looked at me from her bed. "Where did you last see it?"

How could she be this calm? It was due tomorrow and if I didn't have it, it would severely hurt my grade. I didn't need this. I was already as stressed as I could be.

"I don't know. I thought it was in my bookbag!" I had spent two weeks perfecting that essay. I couldn't let those two weeks go to waste.

"I'm sure it's somewhere," Lily tried to reason. It was the middle of a nice Saturday afternoon. The rest of my roommates were probably outside, enjoying the nice weather while it lasted.

It was nowhere. I gave up, falling back on my bed with a loud sigh. "This is not good," I mumbled to myself.

A lot of things were not going well for me. First, all this work was really taking a toll on me. I was visibly tired throughout the day. Second, Sylvia had decided to stay away from Sirius and he didn't like it that much. So, he ended up taking his frustrations out on the rest of us. Though it probably wouldn't be long before he moved on to another girl. Did I mention I was tired? Because I really was.

"You're so stressed, Ivy. Just stop for a mere second."

I looked up at Lily exasperatedly. "I'm not doing anything right now."

She shook her head, sitting forward. "That's not exactly what I meant. Remember the last Hogsmeade trip?"

I was immediately interested. Was she finally going to tell me what had happened between her and James? Because they had been acting really hospitable to each other lately. I murmured an affirmative response.

"Well, James and I were talking about Halloween and we thought it would be a great idea to have a get together that night for the Gryffindors. Just something little."

That was not her telling me about the date. That was her telling me about business between the Head Boy and Girl. "A Halloween party?" I reiterated. I was mildly curious but not as curious as I was about the date.

"A costumed Halloween social. Not a party. There will be absolutely no fire whiskey or rowdy antics. It's merely a social get together." Of course. She didn't want it to be a party and ruin her image as Head Girl. Especially if McGonagall found out.

I_ really _wanted to know about their date. "Is that what you and James talked about all day?"

Lily gave me one of her looks. It was the one that said 'I thought we went over this'. "I told you – I'm not telling you anything."

I frowned. "That just makes it sound worse. I mean, it's not like you two professed your love for one another." That only happened in stories. Not in real life.

Lily rolled her eyes. "If you must know-" I sat up excitedly. "I told James that I liked having him as a friend. That was it."

Wait – that's all? That's all they said to each other and from that, they were giving each other smiles and acting all...friendly? "That's it?"

"That's it. I like having James as friend and, of course, he feels the same. We're on the same page for once and it's nice."

And then I could understand. Nobody was ever on the same page with me. Sirius, of course, was way behind, stuck at the first chapter while I was in the middle of the book. Remus was pages ahead of me, almost at the end, and I couldn't move in either way. I had the choice to go back and reread everything I already knew or read ahead into the unknown.

What I would give to just be in the same page as everyone. Reading the same words, understanding the same thing, not ahead or behind.

I sighed, stretching out on my bed to hear a crinkling sound. I didn't even need to look to see what it would be.

"Looks like you found your essay," Lily announced with a smile. "Told you it was here."

I should have finally felt relieved but I still had a sick feeling in my stomach. And I knew it would never go away until Sirius took a few steps forward and Remus took a few steps back.

* * *

Do I have anything to say? Hmm.

Halloween party! Any ideas for costumes? Anyone?

And...I think that's it. Except I'll probably post on May 22nd. That's the day I'm leaving so I'll just write the chapter before and post it and not get the reviews. Yay.


	64. Happy

It had been two days since Lily had told me about her idea of a Halloween "social". The official news had been posted on the bulletin board this morning. Everyone was buzzing about it and I had escaped to the library to get away from it all. I dragged along Remus at the last second to help me study.

"So, what do you think of this Halloween party?" Remus asked, after twenty minutes of "studying". We weren't actually studying. I was drawing doodles on the sides of my parchment and Remus sometimes tried to elaborate on them. But, mostly, he just watched me.

"Social," I corrected him, finishing my sketch of a tree. "And I don't know. It seems all right."

Remus leaned forward, adding an apple onto my tree. "Are you thinking of asking Sirius?"

I gave him a sharp look. "No, he doesn't want to go with me." Which was true. Sirius had, however, stopped chasing Sylvia. He was probably getting tired of being said no to.

"You don't know that." I hated how Remus could be so nice. I knew he didn't want me to go with Sirius at all, but he was still trying to be nice by suggesting it.

I shrugged, dipping my quill in ink. "It doesn't matter." It mattered. Remus could tell, and he gave me a look that told me he knew I was lying.

Glancing up, I caught sight of a familiar face a few feet away. "Eleanor!" I addressed her. She turned around, a stack of books in her arms. Of course. She slowly made her way over, trying not to stumble and drop her books.

"Hi," she greeted me quietly, gently letting her books down on the table.

"How are classes?" I asked her. I hadn't been able to really talk to her for the past couple days. Either she was reading, studying, or spending time with Liam.

"Fine," she answered shortly, nervously glancing at Remus. She still had a trouble opening herself up when my friends were around.

"Have you made any new friends?" I really didn't have a problem with Liam, but I just wanted to see her spending her time with someone else. She had to be friends with at least one of her roommates.

Eleanor shrugged slightly. "Um, I've learned my roommates' names. Does that count?" I bet she seriously thought she could get away with that.

I shook my head. "Not really."

I watched as my sister paused. It looked like she wanted to say something, but was afraid of what my response would be. Or maybe she was afraid because Remus was still sitting next to me. "Do you, um, want me to make new friends because you...don't like Liam?" she mumbled quickly.

"No," I quickly answered. "I just want you to have more friends. I like Liam, really." He might be a Marauder in-training but I couldn't really complain about that.

"Okay." Eleanor looked almost relieved. She struggled to pick up her massive stack of books. "I have to go check these out."

"Here, let me help you," Remus hurriedly offered, getting out of his seat and taking the bigger portion of the books.

A faint blush appeared on Eleanor's cheeks. I smiled as Remus walked off with her to the front of the library.

I grabbed ahold of my quill again and took one quick look around the library. And then I noticed something that I had escaped me before.

Dorcas was sitting a few tables away, staring in the opposite direction of me. That fact alone wasn't strange. Dorcas was a good student; it made sense for her to be in the library. But she wasn't just staring; she was visibly staring at Remus and Eleanor.

I immediately thought back to that conversation we had earlier in the dormitory about Remus. I didn't understand then why she was so curious about my fight with him, but now it made sense.

Dorcas _fancied_ Remus.

And, of course, Dorcas wouldn't say anything because she knew that Remus and I had a very strange relationship that no one could define.

I was so lost in thought that I almost didn't realize that Remus was back. When I looked over at him finally, he was giving me a strange look.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked. And for once, I wasn't going to let my cowardliness tell me to lie to him. I was going to tell Remus the truth. After all, Remus deserved to know about this happy revelation.

I wondered if Dorcas could hear us from her table. I lowered my voice and said, "Don't look now but Dorcas is sitting a couple tables away."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Okay?"

"And she keeps staring at you," I added.

Remus just looked at me in disbelief and shock. "What are you talking about?" He began to turn his head to look over at her but I stopped him by grabbing his face and forcing me to look at me. "Um, this is awkward," he commented.

"I said don't look," I exclaimed. "When we were fighting, Dorcas and I had a conversation about you. I think she fancies you." And I said it. I took my hands away from his face and waited for his reaction.

He looked confused. "Um..."

Was he really going to have no opinion on the matter? "It's not everyday you get nice girls chasing after you..." I pointed out.

He just stared at me like I was crazy. "Is this just a plot to stop me from liking you?" he asked, clearly dumbfounded.

All I wanted to do was let Remus finally have his moment of happiness. It wasn't about me, it wasn't about anyone else, it was just about _him_. I wanted to make him happy for once. And my opportunity had come; I wasn't about to let it slip through my fingers.

* * *

After everything that Remus does to make Ivy happy, I think it's time that she should try to return the favor.

But does Dorcas really like Remus? And will Remus ever like Dorcas? And the big question: will Sirius ever like Ivy?

Hmm. It's like a soap opera.


	65. Ask

Remus was frowning at me. I couldn't tell if he really was against this whole idea or if he was just trying to pretend he didn't like it.

"You should ask her to the Halloween social," I said. I knew that he would greatly appreciate having a date to the event. If he would just agree to it.

He was currently looking at me like I was crazy. I was used to this look by now. "Why are you so adamant about this?"

"Because you deserve this," I answered him truthfully.

"Deserve what?" Remus asked, leaning in closer to whisper, "Humiliation? Rejection?"

He honestly couldn't believe that Dorcas would say no to him. I was almost positive that she fancied him. She would immediately say yes. "Who wouldn't say no to you, Remus? She'll be so ecstatic."

He chuckled, grabbing the first book off the shelf next to him. "You've been reading too many romance novels."

"At least take the chance," I pleaded with him. He really needed someone in his life. And Dorcas would be the perfect person. She was nice, smart, and just Remus's type. If he could just see-

He rolled his eyes, as he opened the book and began to read. "You really should be taking your own advice."

I immediately bit my tongue. He had a point. A really good point. I sighed loudly, glancing over at him. "What're you reading?" I asked him, changing the subject.

His lips twitched slightly into a half smile. "A children's series. I used to read them when I was young." I tried to glance at the cover but he had the book sitting down on the table. "You'll see," he said and then I saw something else.

It was quick, but he definitely looked up from his book, and glanced over at Dorcas. She noticed and, embarrassed, looked back down at the table.

"I saw that," I murmured, drawing a doodle of a book on my parchment.

I swear I saw Remus blush faintly. "Saw what?"

It was so noticeable! How did he think that I wouldn't be able to see it? I groaned loud enough for him to hear and said, "Please, Remus, just ask her to the Halloween social. I know you want to."

And then he smiled slightly. Did I say the wrong thing? All I said was that he should ask Dorcas to the social. Did he think it was funny that I knew he wanted to?

"What would you do if I wanted to ask _you_ to the social?" He shouldn't have been smiling because of that question. That was not a good question. That was a question that crossed the line. What was he doing?!

I blinked, my thoughts frantic. "I-" What was I supposed to say? "We went over this," I finally decided.

But the look on Remus's face didn't fade. "As friends?" he added. What was he trying to do? I wanted him to go with Dorcas, not me. Wouldn't it be more enjoyable to go with a date instead of a friend?

I shook my head. "I really want you to go with Dorcas though," I finally forced myself to say.

He looked surprised, but also confused. "Why?"

"I want you to be happy."

The truth again. It was suddenly very awkward in the room. I didn't know how he was going to react. Usually, I knew exactly what he would do. But he was just staring at me without a word.

"You really think she likes me?" he said after the longest pause.

I smiled reassuringly. "Yeah, I do."

"You think she'd say yes?" he asked softly.

I just nodded, biting my lip again.

Remus turned the page of his book, causing another awkward pause. "You want me to take a chance?" He looked up with another smile. "I can't believe I'm saying this but I'll ask her."

I copied his smile. "You won't regret this."

Not only would Remus finally have his moment of happiness, but now I didn't have to feel the awful ache in my chest at the thought of hurting him anymore. We'd finally both be happy. Wouldn't we?

* * *

The book that Remus was reading will be revealed soon. If you really want to guess, you can in your reviews.

People who already have costumes:  
Remus  
Ivy (somewhat)  
Sirius  
James  
Peter (somewhat)

I think I just mostly need ideas for Lily and Dorcas.

Thanks again for everything. You're all made of awesome.


	66. Borrow

It was later that night and I was sitting on the couch in the common room, watching Remus talk to Dorcas.

It was a pretty interesting sight. Remus had slowly walked up to her, engaged her in an awkward conversation, laughed uneasily, and then there was a pause. Dorcas looked hopeful, Remus looked absolutely worried, and then he said something quickly.

A bright smile lit up Dorcas's face and Remus looked relieved as I could tell her answer was definitely yes.

Some more hurried, happy words and then they parted. Remus made his way over to me, as Dorcas bounded up with staircase with a huge smile on her face.

"I reckon it went well?" I teased as soon as Remus took a seat next to me.

Remus actually laughed. "I reckon you saw everything?"

I could only grin in response as I felt Remus continue to stare at me. Looking up from my journal that I was writing in, I asked, "What?"

Whatever Remus was going to say was serious enough to make him hesitate. I put down my quill and looked straight at him, waiting for an answer.

"Well-" He was still trying to hesitate. "I was thinking. Since I asked Dorcas to the Halloween social, I think you should ask Sirius."

I was glad I put down my quill beforehand because I would have definitely dropped it. My mouth, instead, dropped open in shock and I had to blink a couple times. "Why?" I breathed, not able to comprehend what Remus was saying.

"Because just look at how Dorcas reacted. Maybe Sirius..." he trailed off. I knew what he was thinking. He was thinking why he had brought up the subject in the first place. He knew that Sirius didn't like me the same way I liked him. He knew that it wouldn't turn out well. "You don't know what would happen."

But he was lying. We both knew what would happen. Sirius would say no. There was no doubt about it. "I'm not asking him," I said, going back to my journal.

"Take a chance." Remus was not going to give up.

"No."

"Please?"

Why was he begging me to ask Sirius anyway? He knew Sirius's reputation with girls. Did he want me to be the next one? Did Remus's sudden date with Dorcas make him overly confident or something?

"No, Remus," I repeated.

I expected to hear Remus come back with another round of pleading but instead, a very different, familiar voice interrupted our conversation. "Are you two busy?"

Sirius was leaning over the back of the couch, looking hopeful. I opened my mouth to answer to Remus beat me to it. "I'm working on an essay but Ivy's free."

What was Remus trying to do? Was this the same boy that fancied me and didn't want me to like Sirius at all at the beginning of the year? What was going through that mind of his? Was he crazy? Did Dorcas do something to him?

All of my frantic thoughts disappeared when Sirius grinned at me. "Great. Can I borrow her then?"

Was I an object? How could you borrow me? What did he want to borrow me for?

Remus smiled. "Sure."

Well, thanks Remus. Thanks for pawning me off to Sirius. I scowled at him as I got up from my seat. He didn't seem to notice.

Sirius started to walk to the boys' staircase. I paused, staring at it. Why did Sirius want to take me up to the dormitories? I erased all the thoughts that were invading my mind and instead, followed him without a word.

"Something has been bugging me lately," Sirius was saying as we walked up the steps. "I mean, I thought I'd wait, but it's better to get it out of the way now."

What _was_ he talking about? What could be bugging him? And what did I have to do with it? Why did he want to "borrow" me? Was this all a clever plot to get me up to the dormitory?

Sirius opened the door to the seventh year dormitories and I stood back by the door, afraid to go in. The room was suspiciously empty.

"You can come in," Sirius laughed. I inched inside, closing the door behind me. He looked amused at my actions.

I looked around the room to find it no different from the year before. Sirius was looking around the room for something and I watched him intently, not sure if I should sit down or continue standing.

"I brought you up here because I'm confused," Sirius finally said, giving up the search and turning toward me. "And I'm hoping you can help me."

I could only stand there, paralyzed, as Sirius began to unbutton his shirt. My mind whirled as he finished with the last button, throwing the garment carelessly onto his bed.

* * *

Whoa.

Hey, guess what? I didn't plan this scene either! I let my mind run wild sometimes. Let the speculation begin.

The Halloween chapter will definitely be before I leave for Wrockstock. I'm just not sure when. But it will be pretty interesting. Will Ivy finally ask Sirius? Will she not have to since Sirius is basically stripping in front of her? Those are some good questions.


	67. Change

I was sure I was having a heart attack. My heart was racing so fast I couldn't even catch my breath, I was feeling sick, lightheaded...

Sirius Black was standing in front of me. Shirtless. What was he doing? Why did he bring me up here just to start undressing?

I pushed the thoughts that came up and instead tried really hard to keep staring at Sirius's face. He didn't seem to notice my discomfort and instead, went around his bed to pick up another garment.

Telling myself not to blink, I watched as he slipped on another shirt with loose sleeves and an open front (which didn't help much...I could still see way too much).

"This one?" My mind finally processed what he was saying. "Or..." He took the new shirt off quickly and grabbed a black one, pulling it over his head. "This one?"

Finally, my mind caught up with what was happening. His costume. He wanted my opinion on his costume. I felt relieved, but at the same time, a little angry. Could he have told me that before stripping off his shirt?

"Um..." I stalled. I had to come up with something logical to say so that he wouldn't think that him being shirtless had an effect on me. "What are your costumes?" That was perfectly logical.

Sirius grinned, grabbing the white shirt again and holding it to the side. "Pirate-" and then he gestured to what he was wearing. "Or ninja."

I bit my lip, watching him wait for my answer. My heart was still beating too quickly and I felt like lying down or drinking some water or something. "Pirate," I finally managed to say. "It suits you."

He looked again at the white shirt and then silently agreed with me, pulling off the black shirt. I had lost count of how many times he had changed clothes in front of me. It was all just a jumbled mess in my mind. He slipped on his buttoned shirt again and slowly (too slowly) began fixing up his buttons.

"So, are you going to the social with anyone?" Sirius asked, way too casually.

He wasn't going to ask me, he wasn't going to ask me, he wasn't going to ask me. But my heart thought different, beginning to race again. What was it thinking? Of course he wouldn't want to ask me.

But maybe as friends. Maybe he wanted to go to the social with me because he had enjoyed the last Hogsmeade trip. It was entirely plausible.

"No," I answered him shortly, not knowing what else to say.

He looked up at me and our eyes locked. Once again, I felt that little spark of hope. He was going to ask me, he was going to ask me...my mind chanted over and over again.

But my doubts won. "You should go with Remus," Sirius exclaimed, walking over to where I was standing while throwing his tie loosely around his neck.

I didn't even have to come up with a lie. Shaking my head, I said, "He actually just asked Dorcas to go with him and she said yes."

Sirius looked really confused. "I thought he liked you."

"We're just friends," I explained, feeling as though it was the hundredth time saying that phrase.

And then I thought that maybe Sirius would look at me differently. Not as Remus's girl, but as someone he could actually begin to like with no conflict involved. But instead, he just said, "Well, then, let's go congratulate Moony some more."

The words slipped out of my mouth before I could stop them. "Who are you going with?"

Did I just say that out loud? Did I just ask Sirius a question that could have multiple interpretations?

And was he really staring at me with an amused look at his face?

He knew. He knew why I asked. He had to know. The look on his face said everything. My secret was out.

"Didn't Marlene tell you?"

His voice interrupted my frantic thoughts. "What?"

Sirius laughed, opening the door as we both made our way down the staircase. "I thought that Marlene would have told everyone by now. She has really kept it a secret?"

He had asked Marlene? My roommate Marlene? "When did you ask her?" I kept my tone light and casual as I possibly could. Which was not much.

"Yesterday," Sirius answered as we reached the bottom of the steps. "Hey, Moony! I heard the big news!" Sirius's attention was diverted as Remus walked up, probably curious as to what had happened.

And after many jokes and congratulations, Sirius left to go find James. Remus turned toward me expectantly.

I was suddenly glad that I had my journal in my cloak. I took it out and proceeded to hit Remus repeatedly with it. "Never make me do that again, Remus Lupin!" I loudly told him.

He dodged most of my attacks. "Did you ask him?" he asked.

I frowned, ceasing momentarily. "He asked Marlene _yesterday_."

Remus's eyes widened and I knew he had no clue. "He didn't tell any of us. If I would've known, I wouldn't..." he trailed off, noticing the anger and sadness in my eyes. "Sorry, Ivy. I didn't want you to have to go alone."

Why did I have to go? Where was the rule that said that Ivy Bennett must be in attendance at the Halloween social? "I don't think I'm going to go anyway, Remus," I admitted. "I'm tired. I'll see you tomorrow."

Remus barely had time to say good night before I had rushed up the staircase. I didn't have to go to the social. It wasn't as if anyone was going to miss me.

* * *

So many emotions in this chapter. For those of you who are wondering if Ivy will tell Remus about what happened with the whole "changing shirts" thing, she will. Next chapter.

The Halloween chapter will either be Wednesday or Thursday. Well, actually, it will probably end up being _both_ Wednesday and Thursday.

Q&A updated. Some Remus/Ivy shippers will want to take a look.


	68. Costume

It was only during the middle of breakfast the next day did Remus finally realize that I never told him what had happened in the dormitory.

"Why _did_ Sirius want to borrow you yesterday?" he brought up randomly, lowering his voice so the others couldn't hear.

I almost thought I would get away without telling Remus. But, of course, he had to remember. Why did he have to remember? Why couldn't he just forget about it?

Maybe it was best if I said it fast. I opened my mouth to tell him that Sirius wanted his opinion on his costume, but then a thought occurred to me. What if I let Remus think the worst by only giving him clues? It would serve him right after what he did yesterday.

"We went up to the dormitory and he started to take off his shirt," I muttered as calmly as I could.

Okay, the look on Remus's face was worth it. He choked on a piece of his bread and stared at me through widened eyes. I could tell that he was not expecting that answer.

"W-what?" he gasped, as the whole table started to take notice of the choking boy.

He finally managed to swallow the piece of bread and, slowly, everyone went back to their conversations.

"What did you do?" Remus hissed, leaning forward. "You were only gone for a couple minutes. Not long enough to – oh god, that's enough time, isn't it? You and Sirius-"

I had to look away from Remus's frantic ranting because I couldn't stop myself. I was beginning to laugh. But Remus noticed and stopped immediately, giving me the strangest look. I was now struggling to keep in my laughter.

"I'm freaking out about nothing, aren't I?" Remus deduced, immediately looking a lot calmer. I could only nod. "You can't just freak me out like that!"

"Sirius doesn't even like me that way, you know that," I explained to him rationally. "You shouldn't have freaked out." Sometimes, Remus was just too gullible. And he knew Sirius even better than I did. He knew both of us extremely well and should have known it was nothing.

But Remus didn't look convinced. "Then what happened?"

I sighed, the memories beginning to replay again. "He wanted to ask me about his costumes by changing in front of me."

Remus rolled his eyes. "He can't be that clueless."

He was trying his best to make me feel better, but it really wasn't working. I just shrugged in response and our conversation fell silent. I looked up at the rest of the table to see them resuming with their own conversations, unaware of our talk.

"Ivy!" I heard my name suddenly. I looked up to see all of my roommates looking at me. "Do you have a costume for tomorrow?" It was Mary who spoke.

My roommates had talking about their costumes nonstop for the past couple days. I didn't participate in their discussion; did I really have to tell them everything?

"I'm not going," I proclaimed.

I swear, their mouths dropped open in unison and they all stared at me unblinkingly. I stared back uncomfortably. Remus looked back and forth between us, awkwardly.

"Girls, we need to head back to the dormitory," Marlene exclaimed suddenly, standing up.

Before I knew what was happening, they scrambled out of their seat and were dragging me through the corridors into Gryffindor tower.

I didn't protest. I really didn't have anything to protest. They'd just complain for awhile about how I should go, and then make some suggestions for costumes, and then give up. I could handle that. It would only take thirty minutes at most.

Marlene finally let me go, sitting me on my bed. "Why aren't you going?"

Wow, she was direct. And going with Sirius to the social. I pushed that thought out of my mind and answered her question. "I don't really like parties..."

Even Lily was with them. "But I thought you were going. Didn't you have a costume and everything?"

I had forgotten that I had shown Lily my costume. "Yeah, but I decided I didn't want to go."

Alice suddenly came into view holding a familiar dress. "This is what you were going to wear, right?"

My Jane Austen costume. I had made it by altering an old dress I had stowed away for purposes like this. My costume consisted of the dress and a book. It was simple.

"You were going to wear a normal dress?" Mary asked like it was an offense.

I frowned. Going as Jane Austen was a good idea. If not for Jane Austen, I might have not even been born. And she was an idol: a marvelous writer.

"I'm not going..." I tried to explain again.

I then moved back when I realized that my roommates all shared identical crazy smiles. Did I say something? No, I only told them I wasn't going. They had to know something I didn't. This was bad.

"Yes, you are..." Marlene announced with an evil grin. "And you're not wearing this."

That was when I definitely knew they had something planned. And I was never going to be able to find my way out of it.

* * *

What do they have planned? It's pretty interesting – I'll tell you that.

Thanks for the reviews and everything. If I don't reply to your review, don't freak out. It's probably because I've been busy lately. If you leave a really interesting review, a question, or if you're a new reviewer, I'll definitely respond.


	69. Hidden

I hugged the blanket closer around my bare shoulders, trying to hide myself in it. Slipping my feet under the bottom of the blanket, I was fully sheltered from the outside world.

The social had started an hour ago, and I had immediately found a spot on the end of the couch to hide. Huddling in my blanket, I convincingly passed as a sick person.

At least it was better than the alternative. What had happened yesterday in the dormitory was so frightening that I kept trying to push it from my mind.

It was mostly Mary and Marlene's idea. Lily and Alice went along with it and Dorcas didn't have an opinion. They had decided that I needed to loosen up a bit since it was our last year at school. They also said something about how I needed to show off, or something to that extent. It was excruciating to think about.

I wasn't even wearing a real costume. I was wearing Mary's clothes that she had in the bottom of her trunk (for obvious reasons). I didn't even know how to explain it; all I knew was that it was missing sleeves, the shirt was too short, and the skirt was...the same as the shirt.

At least I had my blanket. And it was covering everything up so no one had to see the awful hiding underneath it. I don't know how they even thought I would be able to walk down in the common room wearing these clothes.

My roommates had convinced me to go to the social through threats mostly. They threw in some kind words, but, in the end, it was "you're going to the social and we'll make sure of that".

They were serious. My wand was hidden away in the depths of the dormitory, and the dormitory was blocked by a charm. It would have been simple to get through, if I had my wand.

My first thought was that I could get Remus to undo the charm for me. But I couldn't even find him in the mass of people. And I wasn't about to get up from my spot on the couch. I had to hide myself in my blanket.

From my awkward spot, I could see all the action happening around me. It was somewhat entertaining to watch everyone in their costumes, trying to scare people and laughing at each other. I saw James and Lily, who had decided to go as friends, talking to Alice and Frank. I couldn't tell what James was trying to be. He had longer, smoother hair and was standing in a very strange pose. Lily, however, was easy to figure out. With her beaded dress, curly red hair, and crown, she was most definitely Queen Elizabeth I.

Peter had walked by a couple minutes earlier. He wasn't..._original,_ to say the least. He was a rat, complete with whiskers, the teeth, and a gray suit. I guess he couldn't think of a better costume.

I caught a glimpse of someone with dark hair wearing a white shirt and dark pants. Leaning to the side, my suspicions proved correct. Sirius was standing against a wall, talking to someone I couldn't see. Clutching my blanket tight, I leaned the other way, and immediately rolled my eyes.

He was talking to Marlene, who was wearing a black suit, a headband attached with cat ears, and whiskers. Now I knew what she meant by "showing off". However, it looked like she had Sirius's attention.

With a sigh, I leaned back against the couch, closing my eyes. No one had bothered me yet. Maybe they really thought I was sick and contagious. Maybe that was for the best. I was used to being ignored.

"You're not really sick, are you?" I opened my eyes to see Remus and Dorcas standing in front of me.

Dorcas was wearing a long dress and a head piece. She had told me a couple days ago that she was planning to go as Juliet. It suited her. She looked really happy, a huge smile across her face.

Remus's costume actually made me chuckle, despite how I felt inside. He was right: I finally understood what book series he was reading in the library. He was wearing a dark red shirt with an emblem of a lion on it. A sword was hanging from his side.

He must have saw me eyeing it because he withdrew the sword and said, in a deep voice as he barely contained his grin, "High King Peter, the Magnificent."

I laughed as Dorcas chuckled. "Narnia," I exclaimed. "I used to read those books when I was younger too." It was a good choice for Remus. He was probably having a lot of fun playing Peter's character.

Remus looked at my blanket. "So, what are you supposed to be?"

Lie? Say I'm a sick person? Or tell him the truth? I looked over at Dorcas who gave me a sympathetic look. She thought I was going to tell Remus the truth. I was stuck. "I got attacked by the roommates and I don't want anyone to see my costume. Hence, the blanket," I explained quickly.

"That bad?" Remus questioned. I didn't answer and when I didn't, he looked over at Dorcas. She nodded. "It can't be _that_ bad."

He was trying to make me feel better again. It wasn't going to work this time. Before I could think through the consequences of my actions, I pulled the edges of my blanket away.

Awkward silence, awkward silence, more awkward silence. I quickly huddled back in my blanket, trying to hide my face so he wouldn't see me blushing scarlet.

"Okay," Remus finally said, clearing his throat and not even looking at me. "It _can_ be that bad."

A distraction. We needed something to break the awkward silence that fell upon on once again.

I saw Marlene's cat ears first. And then I knew I should have been more specific with my distraction wishes. Marlene and Sirius came through the crowd, talking about something.

To my surprise, Sirius turned to look at me. Did he actually notice I was here? Hidden behind a huge blanket, he could tell? And he was grinning at me. What did that mean?

Marlene said something to him and then he looked back at me. "Marlene here says she gave you some sort of makeover."

If I thought Remus was going bad, this was a hundred times worse.

* * *

Breaking my word limit...wonderful.

The next chapter will be the last before I go to Wrockstock. I'll be gone until the 27th or 28th. Instead of two chapters for the day I get back, I think I'll just write a 2,000 word chapter instead. All about the lovely month of November.

Any guesses as to Sirius's reaction?


	70. Glare

I began furiously shaking my head. "No, I don't-"

Marlene laughed, and suddenly, I felt like hitting her. I had never really had a problem with my roommates, but at this moment, I couldn't stand her. Hanging on Sirius, dressed in a revealing costume, trying to get me to embarrass myself. "Oh, come on, Ivy. You can show off once in awhile."

My face suddenly felt very hot. I was not going to show off. I was not going to give into this girl's evil wishes. "Not when I don't feel comfortable with it," I responded.

Marlene looked surprised. She definitely didn't expect me to respond in that way. "I spent all that time getting you ready and you're not going to hide it all night."

"I'm not taking off the blanket," I said. I looked to see Remus holding back a smile, Dorcas shocked I had finally said something, Sirius staring at me as if he didn't know who I was (which he didn't) and Marlene ready to kill me.

"Just take off the blanket, Ivy," Marlene said slowly.

I held onto the fabric tightly and shook my head, knowing that she was going to try something.

Marlene stepped forward suddenly but Remus was quicker and he grabbed her, holding her back. "Let me go, Remus. It's not my fault she's being ungrateful," Marlene growled.

I stopped myself from rolling my eyes. Me being ungrateful? The only things Marlene did were the things that benefited her. She had only tried to give me a makeover to show it off as her work. She was mad because I wouldn't let anybody see the amazing transformation she had worked so long for.

"Ivy doesn't feel comfortable wearing those clothes. She's not ungrateful," Remus defended me.

"She's very modest," Dorcas added. I was relieved Dorcas was on my side; at least I wouldn't be alone between my roommates. Well, Lily was probably going to take my side though. Alice, maybe. Mary probably would side with Marlene.

Sirius pulled Marlene next to him. "Listen, she doesn't have to show us..." he said quickly.

I let out a sigh of relief, the weight on my shoulders lifted. Sirius was standing up for me. He was disagreeing with his date and agreeing with me. My friendship with Sirius did mean something to him.

"What's going on?" I heard Lily ask. Turning my head to the side, I could see Lily and James making their way toward the group, their looks quickly turning into concern as soon as they saw us.

Marlene immediately turned to Lily, probably trying to win her sympathy vote. "Ivy won't take off the blanket! I spent forever on her makeover, you know that."

Lily shrugged. "Ivy can do whatever she wants. If she doesn't want to show off her costume, she doesn't need to."

Marlene was fighting a losing battle. I smiled slightly, as Marlene frowned deeply. She knew she was losing and she also knew she couldn't do anything about it. If she tried to take the blanket, someone would hold her back. And I was almost positive that she didn't have her wand on her.

I suddenly wished I knew how to transfigure clothes. Why hadn't we learned that in Transfiguration yet?

Suddenly, that same evil smile that Marlene wore when she had this idea in the first place was on her face. What was she thinking?

"What blanket is that?" she asked.

I thought back to the dormitory. I had grabbed it off the floor at the last minute. "I don't know," I answered truthfully.

Then I understood. It couldn't be. She was kidding. This wasn't happening.

She must have noticed that I looked frantic. "I believe that's my blanket," Marlene said. "And you're not allowed to borrow it. Let me have it."

I clutched it closer, shaking my head slowly. "No, just let me use it tonight." She wasn't going to let me. I knew my pleading wouldn't convince her otherwise.

"It's mine and I don't want you using it so _give. it. to. me."_ Her voice lowered and she stared at me through narrow eyes.

She had triumphed.

My fingers were slowly curling into a fist, and I wanted to punch her so badly, but I knew I would never be able to. Instead, I looked around the room quickly. There was nothing to cover up with. No one was wearing an extra piece of fabric that was big enough to use.

And then I realized that she was only doing this to embarrass me. It wasn't about wanting to show off her makeover or getting her blanket back. She wanted to embarrass me for starting this whole thing in the first place.

I glared back at her while I realized this. And I knew I had a way to win.

"Fine," I said. I stood up and took the blanket off my shoulders, handing it out to her. "It's your's." A strange silence fell over the group and I tried my best to ignore the sudden cold against my skin.

"Can someone take the charm off the dormitory?" I asked, folding my arms over my chest to try to hide a little bit.

With a small smile on her face, Lily took out her wand and removed the charm.

"Thanks," I said, and without another word, I threw Marlene a glare and made my way up the dormitory staircase.

As soon as I got into the room, I frantically looked around the room until I found a cloak, throwing it over my shoulders.

The burning heat on my cheeks told me I was embarrassed, but I knew I won anyway. Marlene never saw any embarrassment. I had triumphed.

I didn't expect such a reaction the next morning.

I had ignored Marlene to the best of my ability while getting ready and hurried out of the dormitory. Lily had to quickly get a book for the library, so she couldn't walk down to breakfast with me. The Great Hall was mostly empty when I arrived, so I sat by myself, waiting for someone to join me.

Remus and Dorcas were the first to come down. They were walking together which definitely said that their date went well. They looked really happy just talking to each other.

I didn't even have to greet them as they sat down. "Ivy," Remus immediately said. "You're basically amazing, you know that, right?"

"I might have been told a couple times," I answered. Remus's compliments always made my day.

Dorcas leaned forward. "Honestly. Marlene was so angry; she knew you got the last word."

Peter came down next and he smiled at me. He smiled back and no words were exchanged. But I knew what he meant.

I started eating my breakfast with my heart feeling really light. I was in one of the happiest moods of my life. Even though I knew that Marlene still resented me, it didn't damper my mood.

I saw Marlene out of the corner of my eye and instead of eating with us, she moved down to the end of the table. To my surprise, Mary stopped at her normal seat, sitting down with us. She didn't look over my way, but even her sitting there was a relief to me.

After a couple minutes, Sirius and James made their way to the table. They were walking fast, with huge grins on their faces.

Sirius took the seat next to me, leaning forward to catch my gaze. I didn't know if I should be worried or not. Sirius was Marlene's date. Was he going to ruin our friendship because of his girlfriend or would it be the other way around? I was surprised to see his grin didn't fade. "You're definitely an honorary Marauder, Ivy," he said excitedly.

My heart leaped in my throat at his words as I glanced down at the table, trying to contain my own grin.

* * *

The extra scene was added because I'm leaving and I decided to give you something extra.

What was Ivy wearing? Just a revealing, "sexy" costume Marlene forced her to wear.

So, I'll be back in a week. With a couple chapters about November (which will go by fast).

By the way, Marlene was not supposed to turn out this evil. And then I got inspiration for her from this evil person I know and she became Marlene in this chapter.

If you leave a review, I might get it today, I might not. We'll see. Thanks for everything!


	71. November

I guess being an honorary Marauder meant that wherever I went, the Marauders would follow. I was in the library later that night, my journal hidden behind sheets of parchment. I was supposed to be working on my homework, but my journal was calling out to me. Anne and Sebastian were calling out...

"Hey Ivy!" I barely had time to react before I was bombarded by four boys. Remus pulled up a chair next to me, James sat on the table, Sirius dragged over one of the cushioned armchairs to lie lazily in, and Peter stood in front of the table.

I stared at the space where my parchment previously was. Now, James's bum was in the way. With a groan, I pushed all the thoughts of homework out of my mind and greeted them.

"You sound tired," Remus pointed out.

Of course he would know. "Just working on some essays," I answered, sitting back in my chair.

It was strange to be sitting with them like I was a part of their group. Why was I an honorary Marauder? I wasn't anything like them. I didn't even really fit in.

"I was just wondering..." I began slowly, nervously wringing my hands. "Why exactly am I an honorary Marauder?"

Sirius looked up from his position in the chair. He looked surprised. "Are you kidding? You told off Marlene and she had been annoying me all night."

"And you told her off in the middle of the common room," James added.

Remus smiled. "You didn't give in."

"You stood your ground," Peter added, surprisingly.

Sirius grinned, sitting up from his spot. "And you looked damn good while doing it."

I couldn't stop the blush from spreading across my cheeks and my eyes from widening. I had hoped that they wouldn't bring up the costume disaster. "I doubt it," I muttered, mostly to myself.

"Honestly," James continued. "Everyone thinks you're just a shy, reserved little Gryffindor, but in reality, you're a little firecracker. You need to let that out more often."

"That's your Marauder side," Sirius proclaimed, leaning forward. "Especially with that costume you were wearing yesterday. At least Marlene knew what she was doing with that."

My face was so hot. He needed to stop talking about me like that. It was too distracting, too crazy, too...amazing. I shook my head, hoping that they wouldn't get a good look at my face.

James nodded. "I bet Remus enjoyed that view."

Both Remus and I looked over at James with alarmed looks on our faces. Remus was the first to speak, saying very quickly, "No, no, no. I'm going out with Dorcas again. It's not like that between Ivy and I."

Sirius snorted, rolling his eyes. "Yeah right," he said sarcastically, picking up one of my books and flipping through it.

"We're friends," I said for the millionth time.

James shrugged. "Well, then, that's good. Because relationships between Marauders and honorary Marauders is forbidden."

I looked up sharply. "Isn't Lily an honorary Marauder?" Did that mean that I was never allowed to be in a relationship with Sirius? Did that mean that I had no chance at all? I couldn't do anything at all? Lily had to be an honorary Marauder. That meant James couldn't get with Lily. It couldn't be forbidden.

"She doesn't want to be an honorary Marauder, so she's not a problem," James explained with a secret grin.

The rest of us exchanged glances. "What is going on between you two?" I asked.

James shrugged casually. "We're friends."

I rolled my eyes at his use of my explanation of the 'Remus and I' relationship. But their's was definitely not the same. Lily didn't even hate James anymore and I swear she was beginning to fancy him. It was only a matter of time...

"You've fancied her since fourth year and you're acting this casual about it?" Remus asked.

James just grinned. "Maybe." And even though he and Lily were just friends, he definitely knew his luck was going to change. He had hope for the first time in his life.

When I had none. I had no chance whatsoever with Sirius Black. He might have noticed me, he might have given me a compliment, but I knew he was never going to see me differently.

I didn't know if I wasn't good enough to be his girlfriend or if I was too good to lose as an honorary Marauder.

The confusion made me uneasy.

The rest of November was uneventful. No crazy Sirius antics, no Remus comforting me, no Marlene dressing me up in a revealing outfit.

Gryffindor had won the first Quidditch game of the year. I had gone and sat next to Lily and Mary, while Marlene still refused to sit anywhere near me, sitting at the opposite end of the bleachers.

She barely said a word to me for about two weeks. It was only in the third week of November when she finally spoke a word to me. And it was only "hey, give me that hair clip". She didn't even say please. I probably didn't deserve a please in her eyes. But I still handed her the clip with a friendly "here you are".

I also learned that being an honorary Marauder meant that I was included in their pranks. They were planning some elaborate scheme involving dungbombs and soap. I didn't want to ask. When not planning the next prank, we sat in the common room, talking about our day.

But I couldn't even bring up the subject that had been bothering me. I couldn't start talking about changing the rule that I couldn't date them. What would they think? They would think I liked Remus. Which would be awkward, especially since it wasn't true.

Liking Remus was impossible anyway. Remus and Dorcas were officially together. They were perfect for each other and I approved of their relationship. I was especially happy for them. Remus was much easier to talk to without me second guessing his motives. Dorcas was a very happy person; she never left the dormitory without a smile on her face. I loved the two of them as a couple.

Lily and James were still friends which was very surprising. They left for patrolling earlier than they had to, got back later that they should have, and whenever James wasn't around us, he was talking to Lily. They were as close as possible without crossing the line into a relationship.

Lily had a secret smile when she talked about James. She wouldn't tell me what was happening between the two of them, but she would smile when she told me that it was just between the two of them. It was only a matter of time...

Being an honorary Marauder meant that during the time when I was supposed to be writing, I was talking to the Marauders. My work was suffering. November didn't have any progress for Sebastian and Anne.

November had no progress for Sirius and Ivy.

And then November ended as Christmas break quickly approached.

* * *

It may not have been 2,000 words, but it was over the word limit. Yes, I'm back from Wrockstock. It was absolutely amazing. Go check out my YouTube for videos and my facebook or myspace for pictures.

You're all going to Wrockstock 2009. October. Mark your calenders.

I'm back with hopefully a chapter everyday! Thanks for all the reviews! I love you all (I'm still on the 'loving everyone' phase from Wrockstock).


	72. Seeing

Something strange was happening.

It was December 3rd when I noticed a change of atmosphere at our table in the Great Hall. Everything seemed normal, but something was definitely out of place. But what was normal exactly? Everything was different than last year; nothing was _normal_.

My suspicions were confirmed that night in the dormitory.

"Do you want to go to Honeydukes with me this weekend?" I asked Lily absentmindedly as I doodled over my journal. Lily would never pass up a chance to get some Honeydukes sweets. I always had someone to go with.

But then there was an awkward pause. I glanced up to see Lily looked down at her bed, concentrating very hard on her essay in front of her. "I can't. I'm seeing someone." And before I could ask anything, she disappeared through the door.

She was seeing someone? Who could she possibly be seeing? And in what way did she mean "seeing someone". Romantically or not?

All I knew was that James would be crushed.

I watched him closely in the common room the next day, never saying a word. I wasn't able to just bring up the subject. I wasn't going to be the first to say something. I was going to keep quiet. I was exceptional at being a mute.

He must have been oblivious to what was happening. There was a smile on his face as he played a game of Exploding Snap with Sirius. I didn't want to ruin his good mood.

I wasn't going to say anything. But I wanted to. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Before I even had a chance to walk over, James said something and quickly left through the portrait hole. The other three Marauders were left sitting on the couch by themselves, which was a strange sight.

Maybe I was allowed to tell them about Lily's dilemma. They could tell James and then the pressure would be off my shoulders. I wouldn't have to worry about it.

I slowly made my way over to the couch and sat down next to Remus. "Hi," I said, wanting to ease into the conversation. You couldn't just spit out that Lily had someone else in her life that wasn't James.

"Hey, Ivy, are you going with anyone with Hogsmeade this weekend?" I looked over at Sirius who was lying on the couch, having taken James's previous place.

Not another plot to make another girl jealous. "Why now?" I asked, hoping that my irritation wasn't too evident in my tone.

Sirius laughed. I ignored how my heart reacted to his laugh and, instead, listened to him explain. "Remus is ditching me for Meadowes, Peter isn't even going because he has a cold, and James just told us that he seeing someone. Please say you'll come with me!"

I almost fell into the puppy-dog look he was giving me until I realized what he had just said. "Wait. What did James say?" It couldn't be. It was impossible. They weren't-

Remus spoke up. "He said, 'I'm actually seeing someone this weekend'. And that was verbatim."

No.

"Lily said the same thing to me," I said, my voice lowering to a dramatic whisper.

Peter, Remus, and Sirius all looked at each other with the same surprised expression. "There's no way..." Sirius exclaimed, his voice full of disbelief.

"They would have told us," Remus said rationally. "We're just jumping to conclusions."

But what if they wanted to keep it a secret from us? What if they thought of this beforehand? What if they knew we would react in this manner and they wanted to try to the relationship before all of the friends were involved? I said this out loud, quickly and softly.

Peter started nodding and sniffed. "She's right," he agreed.

Remus began shaking his head, but this time it was just in disbelief. "That actually makes sense. They would do that."

Sirius just looked offended. "They didn't tell _me_. What was Prongs thinking? I would've thought that he'd tell everyone in Gryffindor tower. Maybe even the whole Great Hall."

But maybe it was still a whole misunderstanding. There was a chance that James and Lily weren't even going together. "Maybe we're wrong," I said.

The other three boys frowned deeply, but then Sirius's frown began to fade and was replaced by a grin. I worried what was to come.

"Still up for going to Hogsmeade together?" Sirius asked, turning toward me with the grin he wore when he was scheming and coming up with pranks.

This was not going to end up good.

* * *

Q&A updated! The answer to "What is Wrockstock?" is in there.

Did anyone else hear that JKR wrote a prequel (just around 800 words) about James and Sirius? I'm actually not that happy about it...since it's most likely going to make my Marauders stories AU.

Oh well. Thanks for everything as always.


	73. Fun

Standing outside of the Great Hall, wrapped in a warm cloak, scarf and hat, I realized what a big deal going to Hogsmeade with Sirius Black was. The last time, I had spent the entire time freaking out about Sylvia and how the day would turn out. However, this time, I calmly waited in the entrance and took the time to watch the commotion around me.

I lost track of the amount of dirty looks I received.

It was almost as if they were jealous because I got to spend time with Sirius and they didn't. Was he that important to them that they would give each other dirty looks? I never gave Mary, Sylvia, or any of the other girls that were with Sirius those looks. Of course I had thought about it, but I never acted on it.

Did I have to worry for my safety?

"Hey," I heard behind me and then felt a hand on my shoulder. Turning around, I found Sirius grinning at me. "All set?"

And there it was again. Even though I knew it wasn't more than one of Sirius's elaborate schemes, my heart began to beat wildly. I hated my reaction to his touch, his voice, the way he said certain words. I didn't even know I had a reaction to how he said certain words until he jokingly called James 'baby' a couple days ago. It was just the way he said it. The second syllable quieter and longer than the first, with a breathy sound...

"Um-" I shook myself out of those thoughts. "Yeah. I'm ready."

As I gathered myself, I noticed the amount of people staring at us as we walked by them. All girls with frowns and scowls on their faces.

I tried to ignore them the best I could. "So, what's the plan?" I asked.

"Simple," Sirius answered, pulling a piece of parchment out of his cloak. "My plan." He passed me the parchment as if it was top secret. I glanced at him strangely and took it from his hand (only thinking of his hand brushing mine for a _second_), unfolding it to read.

It didn't say much.

SIRIUS BLACK'S PLAN. SPY ON JAMES AND LILY. FOLLOW THEM. DON'T BE SEEN. IF SEEN, LIE.

"We're going to be spies?" I questioned, looking up at him with an amused look. Honestly, all this just to find out what James and Lily were hiding?

Sirius took the parchment back, stuffing it into his cloak again. "They won't tell us about it, so yes, we're going to spy on them."

I sighed. "Why can't I ever just go to Hogsmeade for fun?"  
Sirius laughed then, as if I said something extremely funny. But all I said was the truth. "Who said spies couldn't have fun? You're with Sirius Black and you're automatically required to have fun." I couldn't find anything to respond to that, so I fell into an uneasy silence. "Besides-" Sirius suddenly spoke up with that grin on his face. "We've got to make all those girls jealous that keep staring at us."

Oh no, he noticed? I turned to the left to see Marlene walking quickly the opposite way, but stop to glance back and scowl. "They're going to kill me," I realized, trying my hardest to shrink back into my cloak. Maybe no one could recognize me with my hat and scarf. I could cover my face.

"I'll save you." It shouldn't have had such an effect on me. It was a single sentence, just a nice response to my remark. But his comment made my pulse speed up dangerously and my cheeks burn. At least it felt nice against the bitter December wind. And my scarf was covering up my red cheeks nicely.

"Where to first?" I asked after a couple minutes of silence. We stood in the middle of Hogsmeade where everything was coated with at least three inches of snow.

No response.

I turned around to see where Sirius had disappeared to and instead, was met with a handful of snow in my face.

Blinking the melting snow out of my eyes, I stared in shock at a laughing Sirius in front of me. I wiped off the water with my gloved hand and continued to stare at him. He finally stopped laughing, a huge grin still on his face.

"The look on your face was priceless," he exclaimed.

My face was so cold now. How could Sirius just be laughing at me? He threw a snowball in my face! I was cold and wet now. Did he think throwing snowballs was a fun time?

"We should be looking for Lily and James," I reasoned with him, turning around toward The Three Broomsticks.

Sirius groaned. "Oh, come on, I told you you'd have fun with me. It was just a snowball."

A really cold snowball! The only way I could see throwing snowballs would be fun was if Sirius was pelted with them. The idea was very appealing.

_Really_ appealing.

"Let's just go," I said, motioning for him to come with me. He gave me a sad look and stepped in front of me to led the way into the pub.

I took this as my chance. Quickly kneeling down, I scooped up a handful of frozen snow chucked it at the back of his head.

"Hey!" Sirius spun around, his eyes wide with surprise and disbelief. "You said you didn't like snowballs!"

"You deserved it," I retorted, though I couldn't stop the smile from appearing on my face.

And for the first time, I saw Sirius as not only the guy I fancied but as one of my best friends. And I wanted to have a snowball fight with one of my best friends and not even care what everyone thought. I wanted to just have a snowball fight and have it mean nothing.

"I hope you know this means war, Miss Bennett," Sirius said, grabbing some snow.

I grinned. "I hope you know I'm going to win, Mister Black," I responded, quickly throwing some snow that I quickly grabbed.

It wasn't even a snowball fight. It was more of a snow fight. We didn't have time to pack the snow into a shape; we just threw the snow at each other. A couple students wandered by, either getting into the way of our fight or stopping to watch us.

The cold air on the top of my head told me that something was wrong. I reached up to realize that my hat was missing. Spinning around, I glared at the culprit.

"Give me my hat," I told him. It was way too cold to be outside without a hat. Especially in the middle of a snow fight.

"Not until you declare me the winner of the fight," Sirius responded smugly.

I frowned. "That's not fair."

He smiled, dangling my hat in front of me. "Exactly."

I reached out to grab the hat but he held it up high. And I was too short to reach it. With a groan, I stared up at him. "Fine, you win." It was too cold to keep this game going anyway, and we really needed to start spying on James and Lily.

Instead of just giving the hat back to me, he stepped forward and pulled the hat down over my head. My rapid heart beat reminded me of how close he was, of how he seemed to linger, of how he gently touched the side of my face.

And of how quickly the atmosphere around us changed.

* * *

Whoa, do I even have a word limit anymore?

Oh yes, some Sirius/Ivy for you all. Enjoy it for now. You never know when it will disappear again.

Who's wondering where Lily and James are? You'll find out in the next chapter. With maybe an appearance by Remus and Dorcas too.


	74. Spy

I took in a shaky breath as an unsettling silence surrounded us. He didn't meet my gaze and, instead, looked lost as his hands ended at the bottom of my hat.

My heart thudded loudly and I waited for the seconds to pass.

One, two, three, four...

Shouldn't he be letting go by now? Shouldn't he step back and laugh about how he won the fight? He shouldn't be standing so close to me, with his hands lingering on my hat.

"Um..." I managed to choke out.

His eyes snapped back to mine, as if he finally remembered I was there. His grin immediately appeared back on his face as he let go, turning around. "Close fight," he exclaimed, no evidence of anything that had just happened in his voice.

"Yeah," I breathed, watching him carefully.

He looked positively calm. Did I just imagine the whole thing? Sirius turned around in a circle, taking in his surroundings."If James and Lily didn't want anyone to see them, where would they go?"

Back to business. I thought about the different places of Hogsmeade and then said the first place that came to mind. "The Shrieking Shack?"

Sirius stopped and turned around to look at me. "Somewhere no one ever goes..." he mused and then nodded. "Good thinking, Ivy."

And then we set out, up the hill toward the Shrieking Shack. It was a quiet trip during the entire walk. I didn't know whether it was because something had actually happened back there or if I imagined the whole thing and was just overreacting. Maybe the silence was just because he didn't have anything to say.

I saw someone with red hair first, talking to a taller person with black hair. Sirius glanced at me and we both moved to the side, out of view. Just a few more feet and...yes, it was them. I could clearly see James's face, who was turned toward us, and I knew that was Lily from just her hair.

They were together. We were right.

"Come on..." Sirius pulled on the sleeve of my cloak and pulled me into the trees.

Peering over a branch, we could see James and Lily without them being able to see us. I looked over at Sirius as a thought came to me. "Why didn't you bring the Invisibility Cloak?"

"James hid it and I couldn't find it this morning," Sirius explained, brushing a branch aside to see better. "I think he suspects something."

I watched as James said something to Lily (I really wished we were close enough to hear their conversation) and then they started off down the hill.

I don't know how it exactly happened, but suddenly, Sirius's fingers were interlacing with mine. My eyes immediately flickered down to our joined hands and I had to blink a couple times to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

No, it was real.

Sirius pulled me to his side as his eyes followed James and Lily's movements carefully. "Stay close," he muttered.

He had assured that by taking my hand. I wasn't going anywhere. He was voluntarily holding my hand. And, as I tried to ignore the butterflies in my stomach, I honored his word by staying as close as I could without seeming too suspicious.

My knees were shaking, my head was spinning, my breathing was erratic. This was the closest I had been to him. Mere inches away. I could see everything that I never had time to notice before.

I saw every eyelash, the different colors of gray in his eyes, how his hair fell over his ears...

"They're going into Honeydukes," Sirius suddenly said, breaking me out of my wonderful thoughts. "Do you think it would be safe to follow them?"

I tried to ignore what he was doing to me, but I didn't know how long this hand-holding was going to happen. I wanted to cherish it while it was still happening. I wanted to fixate this exact moment in my mind for the rest of my life.

"There's a crowd, so it will probably be okay," I found myself saying.

As we entered the shop, I noticed how many girls' eyes were glancing down to our joined hands. I ignored it the best I could and took a quick look around the shop.

Where did they go?

"There's Moony," Sirius proclaimed, pointing over to the chocolate section of the shop. Of course. I looked over to see Remus and Dorcas looking at the different kinds of chocolate, probably contemplating on what to buy.

We made our way through the crowd of students to greet them. Sirius still hadn't let go of my hand. And I had to admit, I was beginning to wish the comfort of his fingers laced with mine would never leave.

"You two haven't seen James and Lily, have you?" Sirius asked as soon as we walked into hearing range, without even a hello first.

Remus noticed us first, and was about to response before his eyes caught sight of our hands. He stared for a second and then looked back up at us, a million questions in his eyes.

The problem was that I had no idea how to explain _this_ situation to him.

* * *

The explanation should be very interesting. And the next chapter will include more James and Lily spying.

I might need a new poll question. Any suggestions?


	75. Again

I quickly thought through my options.

I could tell Remus the truth, but that sounded strange even to myself. 'Yeah, we were spying on James and Lily and holding hands because that's normal.' That really didn't sound right. I could lie, but would Sirius go along with my lie?

Luckily, Sirius spoke up first. "We saw James and Lily up by the Shrieking Shack and followed them in here."

Except that didn't really explain the hand holding. Remus just kept staring at us, his eyes occasionally flickering down to our hands. I didn't want Sirius to be holding my hand anymore. It was incriminating evidence. But I just couldn't pull my hand away. That would be rude.

"Uh, we were spying," I said, my voice catching in my throat. We couldn't be doing anything like _this _if we were _spying_.

But even Dorcas was staring down at our hands. I flinched involuntarily, and Sirius immediately let go of my hand. Only a second passed before I started to miss the warmth. He was only then did he seem to understand what Dorcas and Remus were staring at.

"We didn't want to lose each other, so, instead of conjuring up some handcuffs, we just decided on hand holding." And, of course Sirius would come up with a joke to get us out of it.

What was I thinking – thinking that there could have been a "moment" back there between us? It was just another moment to him. A time he'd probably forget by tomorrow. I wasn't anything special that I needed to stay on his mind for days afterward. He knew he could forget me and start over the next day. Because I would always be there.

But I had to push these thoughts out of my mind. Because we still had spying to do.

Remus was watching me as if he knew everything that just went through my head. And he probably did. I forced myself to smile and then saw a flash of red across the shop.

"Lily's over there," I pointed out, standing on my tiptoes to see better. Yes, it was her. And James was next to her. There was no doubt that they were at Hogsmeade together. But the question was was if it was any different than the last time they went together. Since they had kept this one a secret, my instincts told me this was no "we're just friends" trip.

Sirius looked over and caught sight of the two leaving the shop. "Have fun," Sirius said quickly to Dorcas and Remus before grabbing ahold of me once again.

Remus gave me a strange look as I was being pulled away. I couldn't quite place the look. It wasn't jealousy, it wasn't confusion, it was something...strange. "I'll see you," I said before disappearing in the crowd.

Once outside, we could see that they were stopping to sit on the closest bench. It was conveniently in the middle of two of the shops, where there was enough room for two people to hide. Or spy really.

We made our way over and leaned over the wall, trying to catch a glimpse of the two. This time, we could actually hear what they were saying.

"I almost feel as if somebody's following us," Lily was saying as she took a quick glance around. Sirius and I quickly ducked behind the wall.

His hand was on my shoulder. I was instantly reminded of the time we had woken up in the common room. The same feelings were trying to cloud my mind, but I tried my best to suppress them, just long enough to hear what James and Lily were talking about.

"Hogsmeade is safe. You don't have to worry," James replied.

Lily was still looking around. "It's not that. It's...different."

James smiled. Not a grin, but a genuine smile. "You're paranoid someone's going to see us."

Lily shook her head, looking back at him. "No. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if our friends were following us around this whole time."

"Then why did you want to keep this a secret?"

Aha! It was a secret date. Sirius and I exchanged a quick look and then we turned back to the two on the bench. They were definitely sitting closer than I remembered.

Lily looked confused and very aggravated at something. "Because I'm such a _hypocrite_!"

Hypocrite? Did that mean what I thought it meant...?

"Who cares?" James exclaimed. "The past shouldn't matter anyway. It's all about what's to come. And I'm personally very thrilled to have you in my life."

Lily smiled. "You're just being charming." She paused as James laughed. "Oh, and I'm not paranoid. Sirius and Ivy are eavesdropping on our conversation."

Sirius groaned and I sighed. We were caught.

How could Lily be that perceptive?

* * *

Are Lily and James really together or am I being evil and hinting at something else? Very good question.

Next is the confrontation.


	76. Caught

James didn't even hesitate to turn around. "I _knew _Sirius was planning something!" he said loudly, squinting his eyes, trying to find us in the shadows.

Sirius rolled his eyes dramatically and took a couple steps forward. "How did you even know we were here?"

I walked out behind him, a little bit more apprehensive. Would they be mad that we were spying on their date? Would Lily overreact and never talk to me again? Would James take away my honorary Marauder title? Well, Sirius and Remus wouldn't let him do that.

"You two aren't very good at spying," Lily explained with a smile on her face. The smile calmed me down a bit. She wasn't mad.

But I still felt awful. "I'm sorry-" I began to apologize.

James cut me off, a grin on his face. "Don't be sorry. We both saw this coming. We shouldn't have even tried to keep this a secret."

James and Lily were even standing really close. Sirius voiced the question on both of our minds. "_What_ a secret?"

There was a moment of hesitation. Lily sighed, and said, knowing our reactions, "James asked me to Hogsmeade and I said yes."

"I knew it!" Sirius exclaimed.

I just broke out into a smile and laughed at Sirius's reaction. "You finally decided to give him a chance?" I asked Lily.

She nodded and shrugged, trying to not make it seem such a big deal. "He deserved a chance after all he's done."

Sirius forced his way between Lily and James, throwing an arm around each of them. "So, how's the date working out?"

"It'd probably be better if we weren't interrupting it," I spoke up. It was awkward standing by myself, watching the two be attacked by Sirius.

James broke free of Sirius, stepping forward to shake my hand graciously. "Thank you!" he said excitedly. If he wanted us to leave that badly, then the date was probably going pretty well. I looked over at Sirius, telling him with my eyes that we should leave them alone. He didn't get it.

Sirius still had his arm around Lily. James looked back at them and pushed Sirius away, making him stumble to the side. "Hey!" Sirius complained.

"Maybe we should get going," I suggested, pointing down the road.

"What? Why?" Sirius asked, looking at James and Lily with a confused expression. Didn't he understand that they wanted some time alone? If this date ended up to be horrible, then it would be very awkward between James and Lily. Which would cause some trouble between our groups of friends.

"Let's just go..." I pleaded, pulling slightly on his cloak. Sirius stopped and looked at all of us. "Fine," he agreed, trudging away down the street. I followed him, and we walked in silence through the snow toward The Three Broomsticks.

"They totally ruined our plans for spying," Sirius finally said, turning toward me. I was relieved that he didn't look mad; just annoyed that he couldn't follow them anymore.

"We need to brush up on our skills," I added.

He glanced at me with an amused look, but didn't say anything. Entering the pub, I quickly spotted Remus and Dorcas sitting at a table. As we approached their table, Remus looked up with a knowing look. "Caught?" he asked.

How did he know everything? Was he a seer? Remus Lupin - the seeing werewolf. It wasn't that ludicrous of a thought.

"Be quiet, Moony," Sirius sulked, throwing himself into the nearest chair.

I sat in the other chair and answered Remus's question with a nod. I really wanted to answer Remus with more thorough answers, but I couldn't do that when Sirius and Dorcas were listening in.

I would just have to wait until we were alone.

And I could just tell that Remus immediately understood. And maybe I would finally get an explanation to that strange look in Honeydukes.

* * *

This chapter is kinda short because the next chapter is going to be pretty interesting. About the conversation between Remus and Ivy. And it will include a cliffhanger.

Thanks for all the reviews. Even if I don't reply to them, I appreciate all of them.


	77. Use

Remus wasn't in the common room that night. It concerned me briefly when Dorcas came up to ask where Remus was. Was he trying to avoid everyone? He had been spending all of his free time either studying, with Dorcas, or with the Marauders.

That left only one possible solution to where he was.

I made my way quietly down to the library and found Remus where I thought he would be, hidden behind all the bookshelves in the back of the library. He liked to go there to study for N.E.W.T.S so nobody would interrupt him.

I hesitated, wondering if I should interrupt his studying or not. He was looking quite serious, a quill in one hand while the other hand turned the pages of a textbook quickly.

"Hey," I finally said, still standing feet away.

He looked up, eyes focusing on me for a few good seconds. He seemed very tired and worn. Was the full moon close? He still managed a smile when he saw me and motioned for me to sit in the chair next to him. "Hey," he responded.

I cautiously took the seat, turning it to face him. "Dorcas is looking for you." Why had I decided to make that my starting sentence? I didn't even want to talk about Dorcas. This was about Lily and James, Sirius and I, and that look Remus gave me.

"I was waiting for you," Remus replied. "And I thought that you wouldn't want Dorcas here for this conversation."

I laughed uneasily. What was so uneasy about talking to Remus? Had something changed that I didn't know about? Maybe Remus had decided that since he had Dorcas in his life, he didn't need me...

"Yeah," I mumbled, looking down at the table. Why I jealous of Dorcas? Why did I suddenly feel malice toward her? She was one of my friends – I shouldn't hate her just because she was getting in the way of my friendship with Remus.

But she wasn't getting in the way. I was overreacting. I shut down my mind from those frantic thoughts and, instead, stared at Remus across from me. He stared back.

"So, Lily and James are dating..." Remus started off awkwardly.

I nodded. This is not what we wanted to talk about. He wanted to bring up the "hand-holding incident" so badly that I could see his fingers shaking. If he would just say it already...

"How was spending Hogsmeade spying on them?" he asked softly. This was his way of getting slowly toward the real subject.

I decided to answer truthfully. "Awkward."

Remus gave me a sympathetic smile. "Hand holding?" He knew exactly what I meant as always. I could never keep a secret from this boy.

I nodded slightly. "It's just really awkward how-"

"He uses you," Remus finished.

Uses me? Sirius didn't _use _me, did he? If he used me, then didn't that mean that I wasn't even a true friend of his? We had a "snow fight". Of course we were friends. "He didn't really _use_ me. He likes me a friend," I explained.

Remus sighed, leaning forward. "Sirius is known for doing things like this, Ivy."

I raised my eyebrow. Surely, Remus wasn't trying to say that I was just like those other girls. "I thought we went through this. I'm not like Sirius's other girls. I'm a _friend_."

Remus sighed once again, stacking up the books on the desk and gathering up his belongings. "It's complicated. With Sirius, you can't just be Sirius's _friend_ if you're a girl. I've seen it happen before."

I couldn't _believe _him. What was he trying to do – compare me with all those other girls? Of course I was a friend to Sirius. I wasn't anything more (even though I really wished I was) and I wasn't anything less or we wouldn't spend all that time together. I had a friendship with Sirius.

"Like with who?" I challenged, crossing my arms.

Remus rolled his eyes at the tone of my voice. I reminded myself to just take calming breaths. "Fifth year, Catherine North. He insisted they were going to remain friends and while I was on patrol, I found them in a broomcloset together."

Catherine. I had no clue who that was.

"You're making this up. I don't even know a Catherine North," I reasoned. He was not going to win this.

Remus gave me a look. "She was a seventh year."

That explained why. But that did not explain why Sirius and I could not have a normal friendship. Even though I wanted more, I knew Sirius didn't and – wait.

"Do you know something?" I asked suddenly. "Does Sirius like me or something?"  
I flinched as Remus set down his stack of books loudly on the desk. "Honestly, Ivy, please just give it up. He's Sirius Black – he will _never_ look twice at you."

I could barely see straight. I was absolutely livid. Why couldn't Remus just support me? He had been for the past couple months and then suddenly, this whole conversation changed everything. How did this conversation end up like this? Because Sirius was supposedly "using" me.

As I began to lose myself in my thoughts, Remus threw his bookbag over his shoulder and picked up his books. "Just think about it and you'll know who's right," he said, most of the harshness in his voice gone.

"I know I'm right," I stated, standing up from my chair.

Remus sighed again out of irritation, turning away. "Fine then."

I was fed up. I screamed under my breath and said, without even thinking, "You know Remus, I don't understand you sometimes. I don't understand _anything_ anymore. Do you enjoy confusing me to no end? I love you, but sometimes-"

My voice trailed off as I realized what words had spilled from my mouth.

I had hoped Remus wasn't listening, but by the way he was staring at me, paralyzed with a look of disbelief and shock on his face, I knew he had heard those accidental three words.

* * *

OH NOES!

How will Remus react to what Ivy said? Will the other Marauders find out? Will Ivy's roommates find out? WILL DORCAS FIND OUT AND KILL IVY?

You'll just have to wait and see.

If you have questions for the Q&A, keep sending them. Thanks!


	78. Unsure

What did I just say?

Why did those words come out of my mouth?

Why did I even think them in the first place?

Remus walked forward, setting the books back down on the table. He never took his eyes off me, and I was beginning to feel queasy.

This was awful. I just told Remus – I couldn't even think the words without wanting to be sick to my stomach. Why was I such an idiot?

Remus sighed loudly, hesitating a second before walking up to where I was standing. "You don't have to freak out," he finally said, his voice strangely calm. "I know exactly what you mean. You love me as a friend, a _brother_. I get it."

Is that way I said it?

The three words just came to me without any hesitation, any worry behind them. Was I supposed to throw them out there that easily?

Could I have possibly meant something more? Could I possibly see Remus as more than a friend?

I glanced at him nervously. He was watching me as if I was going to say "exactly, you're right, Remus". But those words weren't right. He wasn't right.

Did I say them because I fancied him? Did I fancy Remus? How could I fancy Remus? I couldn't fancy Remus!

I held a hand up to my aching head.

What if I actually fancied Remus? What if I never saw him because I was too busy pining over Sirius? What if Remus was the one for me? What if I never gave him that chance?

My heart was beating rapidly. This couldn't be happening. I didn't just say those three words to Remus that meant something behind them. He was my friend, my best friend, and nothing more. He couldn't be anything more.

I was in love with Sirius. Right?

But Sirius didn't feel the same. And I knew Remus felt the same. It wouldn't be unrequited love. It would be something real for once. It wouldn't just be full of dreams and 'what if's. It would be a _real_ relationship with a guy that actually liked me.

Remus was giving me a strange look. I still hadn't answered him. How long had I been lost in my thoughts? Was it enough of a pause to confuse Remus? He did look very confused.

What was I supposed to say to him? I couldn't just come right out now and say that I might have feelings for him! I couldn't break his heart again.

"I-" I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came to mind. Was I just going to give up on Sirius? He was my muse, my inspiration, and I had gotten so far in him finally noticing me. I couldn't just throw that all away.

What about the Marauder's code? According to it, I wasn't able to be with Remus anyway. I could just tell Remus a lie. Tell him that he was right. That could work...

He was just staring at me with a mixture of emotions. I could see confusion, anxiousness, worry, compassion in his amber eyes. He really cared...

"Um, actually, you don't," I finally whispered. My own heart skipped a beat, and I could bet that Remus's did too.

"What?"

I closed my eyes, bracing myself for his reaction. I couldn't bring myself to watch. "I might...like you more than a friend."

Silence. The anticipation was killing me. I couldn't just stand there and imagine his reaction. I peered out shyly from underneath my eyelashes and caught his intense gaze. "What about Sirius?" His voice dropped to a strained whisper.

He didn't believe me. "This isn't about him," I reasoned.

Remus blinked, a look of indifference on his face. The only sign of emotion came from his eyes. "You _might _like me?" Confusion shone in his eyes.

I nervously began fidgeting with my hands. "I'm not sure."

"You're not sure..." Remus repeated, slowly. His eyes bore into mine, until I couldn't think to blink or move.

I shook my head slightly, never breaking his gaze. A couple tense seconds passed, as we stared at each other, never moving.

How much time had passed? What was he thinking? What was going through Remus's mind?

He didn't like me anymore. That's why he was hesitating. He didn't know how to respond because I didn't matter to him. I was only a friend.

Now I knew how he felt.

"Do you want to be sure?" He said the words so quickly that I barely saw his mouth move.

I blinked and said, softly, "What do you mean?"

He took a step forward, placing his hands on either side of my face. His fingers caught my hair, gently combing it out of the way.

He leaned forward and the only thought that came to me was why I didn't want to stop him this time...

* * *

I enjoyed all the "she only likes him as a friend!" reviews. Now I've thrown in another twist and confused you even more.

Who thinks Ivy actually likes Remus? Who thinks Remus is actually going to kiss her? Who doesn't know what to think?

And I have a sort of project that another author, Miss Pix, and I are thinking of starting. If you're a YouTube junkie like me, you've probably heard of the fiveawesomegirls/fiveawesomeguys. We're thinking of starting fiveawesomeauthors and we're wondering if anyone is interested.

PM me for more information if you are.

Wow, that just sounded like a commercial.

Anyway, you're amazing and I'll see you all tomorrow.


	79. Strike

A name suddenly flashed through my mind at the last second. My eyes snapped open at the realization and I saw that Remus was only centimeters away from my face.

Quickly, I moved my hand in between us and placed my palm on his chest, pushing back. Remus stumbled backward, eyes opened wide with a look of pure confusion and hurt in his eyes. I could tell what he was thinking: 'Not again.'

"Dorcas," I explained, almost stuttering through her name. How could we forget about her? She was so important to the both of us: my friend and his girlfriend. Wasn't this cheating?

Remus's eyes widened even more in realization of what had almost happened. He repeated her name, eyes immediately going out of focus. He was thinking about her.

My heart beat was still pounding and I couldn't barely breathe, but I managed to get out some forced words. "She's your girlfriend...I can't...I'm not-"

He looked back at me. It was startling how intense and passionate his gaze was. I never noticed before that all of his emotions came from his eyes. "In Honeydukes, when you were with Sirius, I wasn't just jealous. I was hurt, jealous, and confused and it was all jumbled up together in this big mess. And I kept thinking that I was with Dorcas and it was wrong. But I can't just take this anymore." He stopped, letting out a shaky and anxious breath. "I want to be with you, Ivy Bennett."

I exhaled sharply at his confession. My head hurt. My heart ached. My hands wouldn't stop shaking. I could barely hold his gaze.

I let out a slow, agonizing breath to tried to clear my head. No, his words still repeated over and over and over.

"Dorcas is your girlfriend," I finally whispered. Even my throat hurt.

Remus said the next words like it was nothing. "She's not you."

But those words definitely meant something. I had thought he liked Dorcas. I had thought he genuinely found someone else to be with. I knew that Dorcas was falling for him, and, all this time, she didn't even mean anything to him. How could he do that to her?

"Why would you do this to her?" I strained to say.

Remus broke his stare, blinking a few times and looking away. "I want to like her, I really do. But I keep comparing her to you. It's always been you."

I shut my eyes and let out a loud sigh. That was too much. This was getting too complicated and everything Remus was saying was too much for me to handle. It sounded like he was in love with me.

But I had said that I loved him.

Then why did this feel so wrong? Why couldn't I just tell him that I didn't want to be with him? Why was I so scared?

And then it came to me. I was scared – scared of losing him. Worry clouded my mind. Worry that everything would change. That I would lose my friends. That I wasn't ready for this.

"I can't do this, Remus," I sighed, stepping back. "I can't get in between you and Dorcas. You two are perfect for one another but you just can't see it. You have to let me go."

He shook his head violently. "I can't." The desperation in his voice was killing me. My heart thudded loudly as I choked on every breath.

Struggling to even speak without breaking into tears, I pleaded, "Please?"

He visibly gulped, turning away from me again. I watched as he slowly made his way over to the closest chair, using it to steady himself. "It's not like your a drug," he reasoned.

I walked over and sat in the other chair. "But you're acting like it. I'm not letting you throw away this chance with Dorcas. You need to be with _her_, not _me._"

"How do you know?"

I was finding it hard to look at him again. He looked like a lost child who only wanted one wish, and that wish was being denied to him. I shrugged slightly. "Because I'm not the one for you."

I knew what his response was going to be as soon as I said that. "You don't know that," he said quickly.

Without a word of warning, I reached out and grabbed his hand, immediately fitting my fingers between his. "Do you feel anything when I do this?" I asked. His fingers curled around mine and I ignored it as he tore his gaze away from my face to look down at our hands.

"Yes," he whispered.

Okay, strike one for me.

I placed my other hand on the side of his face. "How about when I do this?"

His eyes fluttered closed. "Yes," he insisted, opening his eyes again to meet mine.

Inwardly, I groaned. Strike two. I only had one more chance. A thought raced through my mind.

Would it be wrong if only to show him that he was wrong?

Was it always this hard to breathe? Was my heart always beating this rapidly? I ignored the frantic questions circling in my head and, before I could change my mind, I reached up and brought Remus down into a short kiss.

I pulled back as quickly as possible, barely having enough time to register the fact that I had kissed Remus Lupin. It had gone by so fast that I couldn't even remember the exact moment.

I didn't waste any time before asking, "And that?" I hated that my voice sounded breathless. I was breathless because of the fact that I wanted to say the question as fast as possible. Not because of the kiss.

That was so short I was beginning to question if it really happened. Wasn't I supposed to feel something? Wasn't it supposed to be a momentous occasion? Wasn't time supposed to slow down so that I could remember every millisecond?

I was beginning to forget it all.

I never got to hear Remus's answer, if he even gave one. A loud coughing from out of my view distracted me.

* * *

This chapter is seriously crazy. My characters have taken on their own lives and sometimes I can't even control them. Remus wasn't supposed to say those things to Ivy and Ivy wasn't supposed to kiss him.

And nobody was supposed to catch them. Who is it? Would I go down the well-known path and make it Dorcas or Sirius? Or would I just have someone else catch them?

Oh, and the reviews for the last chapter were crazy! I didn't know so much of you would review a Remus/Ivy chapter. And I love you all for it.


	80. Fault

Please don't let it be Sirius.

Please don't let it be Dorcas.

Please don't let it be anybody. Maybe I imagined the cough. Maybe I was just being paranoid.

I quickly glanced over to the side to see two people standing there, one of them with their arms crossed and the other with an shocked, but slightly amused look on their face. Nope, I wasn't being paranoid.

Carefully, I took a few steps backward, never looking back at Remus. It almost felt that if I looked back at Remus, I would make the situation worse.

I really didn't anything that bad. Okay, so, I kissed someone that already had a girlfriend. And he still fancied me. And...

It was all my fault.

Biting my lip, I turned to see James and Lily, who were both staring at us. Lily was more angry; I could tell by the way her arms were crossed and how her mouth was set in a straight line. It didn't help that she was glaring daggers at me either. James, on the other hand, was trying his best to copy Lily's look, but instead, he looked a combination of awkward, amused, and shocked. I could only guess what Remus looked like: surprised, guilty, and caught. At least, that was the emotions running through my head.

"What-" Lily finally snapped, her first word so sharp and piercing that I visibly cringed. "-is going on here?!"

I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. What was I supposed to say? What could I say without sounding completely awful? I was an awful person.

"Nothing," I heard Remus say next to me. I slowly began to inch away from him, to get some space. I didn't want the situation to seem even worse.

James couldn't even conceal his grin, evident by his laughing tone. "That sure wasn't nothing."

But it was nothing. I didn't want it to be something. Did I?

Lily stepped forward, giving us both her worst glare. "I cannot _believe_ you two! Remus, you're with Dorcas. Ivy, Dorcas is your friend and you're doing this to her? How could you?"

If I could only force out the truth. If I could only tell her that I wanted Remus to be with Dorcas and I was trying to prove that to him. I wasn't trying to hurt Dorcas in any way. "I'm not trying to hurt Dorcas," I finally murmured.

Lily scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Well, you're doing a great job then."

James decided to jump in the conversation. I noticed that his eyes were shining brightly behind his glasses. He was not going to make a joke out of this, he wasn't, he _couldn't_. "Doesn't the honorary Marauder code mean anything to you two? You know this calls for a punishment."

Lily leaned over and hit James on the arm with quite a lot of force behind it. "This isn't a laughing matter, James," she explained, sounding absolutely serious.

I was beginning to worry for my safety. Was Lily going to tell Dorcas? Was James going to tell Sirius? Or worse – was I going to lose a friendship because of this little mishap?

"Can-can I explain?" My voice came out louder than I thought it would. Lily and James both looked at me. Lily looked skeptical but James showed interest.

Lily finally sighed. "You have one minute."

I glanced quickly over at Remus who gave me a reassuring look. Ignoring the pounding in my head, I began to speak. "Well, um...I was trying to convince Remus that he should stay with Dorcas."

Lily raised a curious eyebrow at me. "Why were you trying to convince him?"

Oh. I had forgotten about that. I had to tell them that Remus wanted to be with me. And even though they both knew about Remus fancying me, this was a little different. Especially since Remus was with Dorcas. "Because he still fancies me," I explained. James and Lily both looked over at Remus but I didn't dare to sneak a glance. Instead, I continued, "And I was trying to show him that I wasn't what he wanted. Of course, I made the idiotic choice to kiss him to prove it."

"You snogged him to show him that being a relationship with him is wrong?" James asked in disbelief. "You have a strange mind, Ivy."

"It sounded better at the time," I mumbled, mostly to myself. I looked up at Lily pleadingly. "Please don't tell Dorcas. It didn't mean anything, I swear."

At least it didn't for me. I still didn't know about Remus.

Lily didn't respond for awhile. "We'll talk about this later," she finally said.

I briefly caught James saying the same thing to Remus (with a different...choice words) before the two hastily left the area.

Leaving Remus and I alone again.

Cautiously, I turned to look at him. He was watching me in the same way. We both stood there awkwardly, without a word to say to each other.

"Ivy," Remus broke the silence. He cleared his throat and continued, "Um, you didn't...um, feel anything when we kissed, did you?" His gaze was hard to keep as he kept wanting to look at the floor.

It was time for the truth. "No. Did you?"

I could have sworn he flinched. He shook his head slowly. "No, not a thing."

And just hearing those words, I felt as though I could finally breathe again. Maybe everything would be okay from now on.

* * *

For all those who wanted it to be Sirius who caught them, don't worry. I have some things planned for him.

Ivy's semi-optimism makes me laugh. A couple people may find out about the incident and it won't be okay...

Thanks for all the reviews! I would tell you all that you're amazing, but I'm sure you know by now.


	81. Delay

I was worried what awaited me in the dormitory that night. Did Lily tell Dorcas? Was Lily and Dorcas both up there – plotting something against me? Did my other roommates find out?

I almost stayed down on the couch in the common room, but I finally took a deep breath and started to make my way up the stairs. Step after step after step, the same fears flooded my mind.

I just had to be brave. I could do this. They weren't going to scare me. I cringed, imagining their faces. Okay, so maybe they could scare me.

Opening the door of the dormitory, I peered inside quickly to see who was actually in the room. Lily was sitting on her bed, her notes scattered in front of her and that was it. The room was deserted except for Lily. It wasn't exactly a good thing either: it meant that she could have more time to yell at me, blame me, criticize my judgments.

I wanted desperately to run down the staircase and out of sight. On the other hand, I would have to deal with this sooner or later. Might as well get it over with.

With a very quiet sigh, I opened the door and walked inside, immediately looking over at Lily for her reaction. "Hi," I murmured, going to sit on my bed.

She looked up at me and I was relieved to see the anger in her eyes had diminished. Instead, she weakly smiled at me and looked back down at her notes.

This wasn't what I was expecting. Lily was supposed to continue yelling at me and tell me everything that I had did wrong. Not smile like nothing had ever happened.

"Um, what are you working on?" I decided to ask instead. Maybe she was just delaying the fight.

She didn't answer right away. She took a moment to finish what she was reading and then swept the parchment to the side. "Nothing really. Now, I want to talk to you about what happened today..."

I knew it was only a delay tactic. Now the yelling was about to commence.

I only nodded in response, my eyes downcast, waiting for what was to come.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you." Confused, I looked back up at her. She must have noticed the confusion in my expression because she said, "I know I was harsh on you back there. It's just...what was I supposed to think? I know you're not like that and you would never intentionally try to hurt one of your friends, but...you did kiss Remus and he's involved with Dorcas."

"It didn't mean anything though," I started to defend myself. "Besides, Remus doesn't like me in that way anymore."

Lily gave me a skeptical look. "Are you sure? I mean, the way he looks at you-"

I hastily shook my head. "No, it's definitely nothing."

"He's going to stay with Dorcas?" Lily continued to ask.

"Yes," I clarified, lying back on my bed. "Now that he doesn't have a problem with me anymore, he's definitely going to stay in a relationship with her."

Lily leaned forward, lying on her stomach with her elbows propped up, resting her head on her hands. "Yeah, they are basically the perfect couple," she agreed.

I didn't even care if Lily would hate me for bringing it up. "Just like you and James," I exclaimed, looking up to see her reaction.

She raised an eyebrow (she was very good at doing that) and I could have sworn I almost saw her smile. "We've only went on one date," she finally responded.

I looked back up at the canopy of my bed. "It's much more than that and you're just trying to hide it."

I knew she was rolling her eyes at me. "I'm not going to rush into things. He's still James Potter and, for all I know, he could still be that same prat from fifth year. I'm not going to hurry into this relationship for it to end badly. We're taking it slow."

I wonder if James had agreed to that. I had a feeling it was James's idea – another way to show Lily how much he had matured. And it really was a genius idea. "How has he been so far?" I asked in curiosity. Had James done anything stupid yet?

"Strangely, he's been the perfect gentlemen." I almost laughed out loud at that statement. I couldn't even imagine it. "Except for earlier in the library."

At least Lily didn't sound too angry about that. I nodded, trying not to zone out. Just staring at the darkness of the fabric above me was making me feel tired.

Suddenly, I heard the door open and turned to the right to see who it was. There was no mistaking the curly, long dark hair.

"Hey Ivy, Lily," Dorcas greeted us, placing her stuff on the bed next to Lily's. She didn't sound as excited as she usually was.

Did she find out about Remus and I? What if she did? What would I say to her?

"You okay?" Lily immediately asked, sitting up. I knew she didn't say anything to Dorcas, but what if someone else did? What if James told her? But why would he? Did Remus tell her?

Dorcas shrugged uncertainly. "I think I have a problem."

Lily exchanged a quick glance with me before looking back at the girl who was sitting down on her bed, looking very confused.

Dorcas took a deep breath and, with an uncertain shake of the head, she proclaimed, "I think I want to break up with Remus."

...Oh no.

* * *

What does Dorcas know?

And why does our favorite werewolf always have to get hurt? I'm so mean to Remus and I feel totally horrible. Don't worry though. It'll all...hopefully work out.

Sirius/Ivy to come sometime in the next five chapters. Promise.

Thanks for everything!


	82. Breaking

The look on Lily's face told me that even she didn't see this coming. They always seemed so happy. Except for the fact that Remus fancied me, there didn't seem to be any problems.

"Why?" I asked, moving to the end of my bed. My heart was doing that racing thing again – beating so quickly that I couldn't even think.

Dorcas cast her eyes downward as she began to pick at the blanket on her bed. "I don't know. It's just...something's off between us."

Guilt rushed over me. Once again, it was my fault.

Lily's expression turned to curiosity. "What do you mean? You two-"

"Are perfect for each other," Dorcas finished with a loud sigh. "I know, I know. But it isn't like that. I have a feeling he's keeping secrets from me. He's really nice and all, but...I don't know..."

Dorcas was right: Remus was keeping secrets from her. I knew he couldn't just say "hey, I'm a werewolf" from the start. He had only told a few choice people that secret.

"You should give him a chance," I found myself repeating the words that I said to Remus. But even as I said them, I knew that it would end badly. If both people didn't want to be in the relationship, wasn't it a waste of time to stay in it?

Dorcas bit her lip, unshed tears filling her eyes. She couldn't cry. If she was going to start crying, I was going to feel a hundred times worse for her. It was all my fault. "I know I should but I don't know if I want to go through all the pain. I just don't want to hurt Remus. He doesn't deserve this. He's a great guy..."

"I guess breaking up with him is the right thing to do." I looked over at Lily in shock at her words. Breaking up with Remus would never be the right thing to do. He'd be crushed. Lily noticed the expression on my face and quickly explained, "I mean, wouldn't be be worse to led him on? He deserves to know the truth."

"But he deserves some happiness," I added. "He'd...he'd be crushed if you broke up with him, Dorcas."

"I know," Dorcas moaned, running a hand through her hair in frustration. "That's my problem!"

And I had absolutely no idea what to do. I didn't know what kind of advice to give. I didn't know anything.

Remus needed finally had some sort of happiness in his life and it was going to be taken away from him. It didn't seem right.

Dorcas sighed from behind her hands that were covering her face. "I have to tell him. I can't go on like this. I really like him, but...there's nothing there."

Nothing I was going to say was going to change Dorcas's mind. She had her mind made up. She was going to tell Remus sooner or later.

Dorcas suddenly made her way over to the door. Lily and I immediately began to follow her. "You're going to tell him _now?" _I said, as we began to descend the staircase.

Remus was having one hell of a night. Between me and Dorcas, he was going to go crazy. This was going to be the last straw.

"I have to," Dorcas insisted, hurrying down the steps.

Lily and I struggled to keep up. "Are you sure you want to do it at this moment?" Lily asked. She was beginning to understand what I was I thinking.

But Dorcas didn't even answer her. We were at the end of the staircase and four familiar boys were in hearing range.

I could see the look on Remus's face. Confusion was the dominant emotion but I could tell there was worry there too. He could tell that we were all tense. Lily and I stayed at the end of the stairs as Dorcas made her way over to the group.

"Um, Remus, can we go out in the corridor to talk?" Dorcas asked, her voice surprisingly strong.

I could almost hear Remus's thoughts.

'Did she find out about Ivy and I? Is she angry with me? What am I going to say to her?'

I really tried to give Remus a reassuring look as they left the common room, but he only glanced our way briefly. The other Marauders were looking at us with interest. They knew that Lily and I knew.

I expected them to beckon us over, but James actually got up and walked over to us. "What's going on?" he asked. He sounded truly concerned.

Lily shook her head. "Dorcas is ending their relationship."

"Oh," was all that James said. I could tell that Sirius and Peter heard the news from where they were sitting because the grins on their faces immediately faded.

"Because of...?" James started, hesitant to ask.

I knew exactly what he meant. "No," I answered, not caring to explain further. I only wanted Remus to come back into the common room. I wanted to see that he wasn't hurt that badly. I just wanted to see him.

Minutes passed. How long were we standing there? It seemed like hours. I checked the time to find that an hour had actually passed. Lily and James were sitting on the couch now, and I was left standing by the staircase alone.

It didn't take that long to break up with someone.

Without speaking a word to anyone else, I hurried out of the portrait hole and looked around the corridor. No one. Where could he be? I turned around the corner, frantically checking every corner and almost tripped on something on the ground.

"You okay?"

Remus. I stopped and looked down to see him sitting on the floor by himself, staring up at me with an emotionless expression.

"Are you?" I responded, sitting next to him.

"Best day of my life, really," Remus chuckled bitterly.

I frowned. "Sarcasm doesn't really suit you, Remus," I told him. He just rolled his eyes, proving my point further. I watched as Remus just stared forward, eyes out of focus. He was trying to forget.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, leaning my head on his shoulder.

He didn't say anything, but I could feel him relax a bit, and I knew he would be fine.

* * *

The next chapter contains Ivy asking Remus...something. And more Marauders. They need to come back in. Winter break is coming up in...like two chapters. It'll be interesting.

Oh, and if you're wondering about Ivy's story, it will be addressed very soon. There's a reason why she hasn't mentioned it for awhile.


	83. Invite

The mountain of clothes on my bed didn't look as daunting as it did when I started packing. It was now made up of only a couple shirts and skirts, with an occasional sock thrown in. The only problem I had with the holidays was this packing fiasco. Finally, I folded the last article of clothing and locked my trunk, moving it aside to sit on my bed.

Lily, Mary, and Alice were all packing. Dorcas wasn't in the room, and Marlene was staying at Hogwarts for the holidays. She muttered something to the other girls about how it was peaceful here with every gone and since it was her last year, she might as well stay. She glared at me. A month and a half later and she was still mad.

"I think I'm going for a walk," I proclaimed, standing up and grabbing a piece of parchment on my side table.

I guess the other girls were too busy packing to even care. They remained silent as I made my way down the staircase and to the boys' dormitory.

Stopping in front of the door, I knocked three times. It was my signature thing to knock three times so that they always knew it was me at the door.

"Come in," I heard someone call from inside. I opened the door and walked inside, almost tripping over a pile of clothing in my way.

I took a quick look around to find clothing everywhere. Thrown carelessly across their lamps, strewn across their beds, and crumpled on their floor.

"What are you doing in here?" I asked, turning around to see all of the mess. The only part where I could actually see the floor was over by Remus's bed. Actually, his bed was relatively mess-free. He still had a couple things on his bed, but it was nearly as bad as the rest of the room.

"Packing," James answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

This did not look like packing. "Shouldn't you have all this stuff in your trunk then?" I asked, carefully making my way over to the middle of the room.

Sirius laughed. "Eventually."

Peter fell down on his bed. "This is too exhausting."

I watched them try to pack amusedly for a few seconds and then struggled to make my way over to Remus's bed. It became extremely easier when I got closer to his bed and was finally able to step on the hardwood floors again.

"What are you doing over break?" I asked Remus, placing a hand on one of his bedposts to steady myself from the tiring trek over.

He looked up at me and shrugged. "Nothing. Why?"

I unfolded the piece of parchment that I had grabbed before leaving the dormitory. "My mum says it's okay if you visit over break." I handed him the letter and he quickly read through it.

The day after Dorcas had broken up with Remus, I had felt so awful that I needed to do something for him. I had written to my mother about asking Remus over for dinner, and she agreed without a complaint.

I had a feeling she thought we were in a relationship.

"You're inviting me over?" He sounded surprised. He shouldn't have sounded so shocked; we were friends after all. I was allowed to have him visit me.

I nodded. "Do you want to?"

"Of course," he exclaimed, giving me a smile before placing another shirt in his trunk. I smiled in response and quickly looked around to see what the other guys were doing.

I could tell that they had missed the entire conversation between Remus and I. Sirius and James were talking about Quidditch (big surprise) and Peter was still sprawled out on his bed, probably half asleep. It was strange: it never seemed like Frank was ever in their dormitory. I only ever saw him in classes.

Somehow, James and Sirius started talking about newspapers, and then Sirius turned to me with a questioning gaze. "Hey, Ivy, are you still working on your story?"

Oh. My story.

The last time I ever thought about it was at least a month ago. The last thing that I had written that was worth anything was the scene from Sebastian's point of view. How could I forget about the story so easily? I was supposed to be a writer – not be able to go even a day without writing.

"A little bit," I lied. Well, it wasn't a whole lie: I was going to finish it. There was no doubt that I was going to finish it. I _had_ to finish it – it was an amazing story that needed to be told.

Sirius pointed at me and said, "We have to work on that. Remind me, okay?"

"Okay," I answered with a confused tone. Why did Sirius want to still help me with the story? I thought that by now he wouldn't even care about it. Maybe he was really interested in the story. That had to be it.

Remus was looking at me strangely. "What?" I said quietly.

"What was that?" he asked.

Remus still didn't know about my story. I had totally forgotten. "I'm just writing something and Sirius is interested," I explained briefly.

There was a pause and I didn't think Remus was going to reply until I heard him mutter, "Sirius isn't that interested in books."

But that had to be a lie. There was nothing else for him to be interested in.

* * *

Someone mentioned that this story is dragging a bit, and actually, from here on, it's going to pick up. About three-four chapters from now, you have my favorite chapter that's been in my head forever. I'm excited.

Thanks for all the reviews/alerts/favorites!


	84. Visit

"You're having a _boy_ over?"

I turned around to see Eleanor standing in the doorway, staring at me with a curious expression. I turned back toward the mirror, fixing my headband. "Your best friend is a boy. How's that any different?"

I glanced to the side and caught sight of her. "I didn't invite him over," she replied cheekily.

It's funny how three months at Hogwarts had changed her. It really wasn't that drastic of a change, but I could tell that Liam had a some sort of an effect. She definitely wasn't capable of comebacks like that at the beginning of school. But, instead of annoying me, it just amused me.

I decided to change the subject. Turning toward her, I held out my arms to show off what I was wearing. "How do I look?" I was worried because my parents were making this a bigger deal than was. It was only Remus, but they acted like it was going to be the first and last time I was ever going to bring someone home. Which was true.

"Mum's gonna suspect something," Eleanor commented.

I looked down at the black dress I was wearing. She was right. I quickly made my way over to my trunk and began to take out the rest of my clothing, as frantic thoughts filled my head. Why had I invited Remus over? This was, without a doubt, going to be disastrous.

As I buttoned up the last button of my blouse, I heard a knock at the door. I quickly tried to make my way to the door before my parents, but when I rounded the corner, my mother was already opening the door.

There were _two_ people standing outside of my house. Not just one, like there was supposed to be. No, _two_.

"Hello, Mrs. Bennett, I presume?" I couldn't understand how Remus was so polite and friendly with other people he had never met. I wasn't good at that. Maybe I wasn't a people person like him. "I'm Remus Lupin."

My mum smiled at him, taking in his appearance. I had to admit: he did try to look good. "And who is this?"

I flinched, leaning to the side to get a better look. It was _him_. Why was he here? In my house? Why was Sirius Black in my house?!

Sirius stepped forward, throwing on his charming grin. "Sirius Black, ma'am. Lovely to meet you."  
I could tell my mum was trying to figure him out by the way she was looking at him. Finally, she smiled again and said, "May I take your cloaks?"

"Yes, thank you," Remus replied, carefully taking off his cloak covered in snow. I watched as Sirius did the same thing, running a hand through his hair.

My mother graciously took their cloaks, and throwing them over her arm, said, "Make yourselves comfortable." She then noticed me standing on the staircase. "You three can talk while I finish dinner. It'll be just a moment." And she was gone before I could even say a word to her.

I didn't even have to question Remus. He immediately began explaining as soon as my mum was out of view. "I'm sorry! I forgot that Sirius was staying with me over break because James went somewhere with Lily and I had to bring him."

Sirius laughed and I tried my best to ignore the sound of his laughter. "You make me sound like a pet."

Did it even matter that Sirius had come? It was only one night of eating and then socializing for an hour. An extra person didn't matter. I only hoped my mother wasn't mad. She would probably complain later about how she didn't prepare enough food.

"It's okay. I'm glad you're here, Sirius," I said, watching as a grin made its way on Sirius's face.

"Why, thank you, Ivy. It's great to know I'm appreciated," Sirius announced, sending a mock glare Remus's way.

Remus sighed. "Why do I put up with this?" I could hear him mutter to himself.

Sirius grinned again, and then turned around, taking in his surroundings. "Nice place you've got here."

"Thanks," I said, leading the way into the room off the kitchen where the table was. My mom already had an extra plate set out. That was a good sign: she probably wasn't mad.

My mother came hurrying in, holding a plate of some questionable substance. "Ivy, can you go get Eleanor and tell her that dinner is ready?"

This was my mother's way of telling me that she wanted to be left alone with the guests. She was going to torture them. I hesitated for a second, and then my mother's expression told me I had no choice in the matter. "Sure," I said, slowly making my way out of sight.

Eleanor had decided to take longer than usual to get downstairs. I was beginning to worry for Remus and Sirius. They were left alone with my mother for about five minutes. It was long enough for some uncomfortable questions to arise.

I raced back in to see Remus and Sirius standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the current room, talking to – not my mother, but my father.

Worse. Extremely worse.

The conversation looked invigorating, and even when I walked by, they didn't notice. I slipped into the kitchen to find my mother taking something out of the oven. I didn't know if it was a good or bad thing that she made the entire meal the muggle way.

"Hey, mum," I greeted her.

She only smiled. "I was talking to your friends." I really wished she would keep her voice down. Remus and Sirius were only a few feet away – they could probably hear everything we were saying. Remus definitely, since he was closer.

"Oh?" I said, lowering my voice.

My mom didn't say anything for awhile, and then she exclaimed, out of nowhere, "I think that that Sirius boy is a bit of a pretty boy and too charming. But the other one, that Remus, you two would be perfect for each other."

I could hear the muted laughter behind me and I knew that Remus had heard. And probably (hopefully) only him because he was the only one laughing.

"No-" I wanted desperately to explain.

"You should go out on a date with him," my mum exclaimed happily.

I muttered something like "sure", my cheeks burning and probably tomato red. I hastily made my way out of the door and barely caught Remus's eye.

I was worried that he was going to be hurt again, just from my mother's words. But his eyes were amused – laughing at me.

Remus Lupin and my mother were plotting all this together. They had to be.

* * *

So, now you all know what Ivy's mother thinks. Which will come in again later.

And my update schedule is going to be changed a little bit. My brother doesn't have school anymore, which means I _never_ get the internet, so I may post late on some days. But I'll still post everyday.

Oh, and for everyone who thinks that Remus is being really mean, he isn't. He was just pointing out the obvious in the last chapter.


	85. Back

I spent the rest of winter break trying to forget dinner that night. It was actually very difficult, since absolutely nothing else happened. Day after day, I stayed in my room, sending out occasional letters to everyone, wishing that I was back at Hogwarts.

Christmas was the only highlight of being home. I had gotten the usual presents from my parents (parchment and such) and Eleanor had gotten me a book.

I was a bit surprised at my other gifts.

Peter sent me a box of sweets (I was surprised he sent me anything at all; usually, he never talked to me), James had sent a strange-looking device that was supposed to tell the mood of everyone around you, and Lily had sent me a small decorative mirror.

In the box from Sirius (which was very massive) was a piece of parchment on top saying 'IOU' and then a 'just kidding' scribbled in the corner. Under the parchment were stacks of books, dusty and old. There had to be around twenty of them. I looked on the back of the note to find another message.

'Stole these from my mother's library. You deserve them more than she ever will. Happy reading! -S'

I hid my smile quite well and my mother didn't suspect anything. I dreaded opening Remus's present, saving it for last. I knew what her reaction was going to be. All of break, she would not stop talking about what a good boy Remus was. I was on the verge of screaming.

Taking the small box in my hands, I opened it to find a small silver bracelet, complete with various charms. A book, a quill, a cloud. And they all moved. The book was ruffling through its pages, the quill was scribbling back and forth, the cloud was appearing and disappearing.

I had expertly ignored my mother's squeals about how we were perfect for each other and got through the rest of the day. (I particularly enjoyed how my mother hadn't even noticed Eleanor got a present from Liam.)

Winter break finally ended and I was standing back in front of Hogwarts, grateful to be back. The Marauders and Lily were standing with me, enjoying the outside weather. (Though it was a bit chilly.)

"We have only six months left to wreak havoc on this school," Sirius sighed dramatically.

"Six months left to keep you from doing something stupid," Remus answered.

James pulled Lily closer to him for warmth. I could have sworn I saw Lily blushing, but I knew that Lily Evans would never blush. "We're going to make these six months the most exciting ones yet," James announced.

"As long as your version of exciting is not dangerous," Lily cut in. She was trying to be the authority figure, but the smile on her face diminished that fact.

James grinned. "Of course not," he said the same time as Sirius.

"I'm excited for graduation," Peter added, almost hidden in his cloak.

Graduation – it seemed so far away because of the thing that was to take place before it. "And I'm excited to get to work studying for our N.E.W.T.S.," I hinted.

James and Sirius groaned. "That's no fun," Sirius exclaimed, a look of pure horror on his face at the idea of studying. "Didn't I show you how to be fun? Did you already forget?"

I rolled my eyes, quickly grabbing some snow with my gloved fingers and aiming at his head. "I think I remember."

The snowball didn't hit him, of course. I had bad aim. Though I didn't need to worry because another snowball quickly hit Sirius on the arm.

"Thank you," I said to James who threw the snowball.

He grinned. "No problem." Sirius threw another snowball back and it hit James in the head. James didn't even hesitate to fling snow back.

"We're not first years, you guys," Lily quickly tried to stop James and Sirius who were starting their own snow ball fight. I quickly backed out of the way to avoid getting hit with the numerous snowball being thrown across the grounds.

Many of the students entering the castle stopped to watch the fight that had expanded to include Peter and Remus. Remus wasn't that good at throwing snowballs either and Peter flinched every time one got near his face.

It was slightly amusing to watch.

"They're bound to get tired of this sooner or later," Lily said.

Especially since it was getting colder and colder as dinner was quickly approaching and the light was dimming. "Yeah," I agreed.

It was only when Sirius almost plowed me over did the game finally end. I was glad to know that my safety was important enough to stop the game for.

"You're okay, right?" Sirius asked as we made our way up to the oak doors.

"Fine," I insisted. "You only hit my foot. It's not going to kill me." I didn't understand why he was so worried that he had hurt me. He had did it many times before (okay, so he didn't know about those times, but still).

"Good," Sirius breathed in relief. "I don't want Moony to kill me. He's worried that we will end up pushing you away."

Remus was worried that - "What?"

Sirius shrugged, making sure Remus was far enough away to not hear. "I think he's worried that we won't get along with you. So, the rest of us are trying to show him otherwise."

That meant that the only reason Sirius wanted to spend time with me was because of Remus. Not just me and Sirius.

Sirius and Ivy didn't exist unless Remus fit into the equation somewhere.

* * *

I've decided to change my word limit. It's now 700-1200 words per chapter. Just because I keep going over my limit and I never write anything under 700 words anyway.

And, if you haven't, go to MuggleNet and read JKR's prequel about James and Sirius. My quick, thoughts:  
1. I cannot believe JKR used a Sirius Black pun.  
2. It's absolutely hilarious.  
3. I'm incorporating it into my story.


	86. Wrong

I told myself that I wouldn't let this revelation bother me. Even though it pained me to know that the Marauders could only be friends with me because of Remus, I ignored it to the best of my ability.

Waking up Monday morning, I said good morning to all of my roommates (even Marlene) and acted as if nothing was wrong. I was going to have to _good _day. Nothing was going to ruin it.

Lily eyed me strangely on the way down to breakfast. Maybe my act was a little dramatic. Sighing, I stared straight ahead and tried to think that today was going to be just like any other day.

It was going to be a perfectly normal day.

Lily must have noticed that I had calmed down a bit because she began chatting to me like nothing was wrong as soon as we sat down. I reached for some toast and was spreading some jam on it when Remus, Peter, and James appeared.

James took a seat on the other side of Lily, pecking her on the cheek before reaching for his own breakfast. Lily smiled slightly, causing Remus, Peter and I to exchange glances.

"Where's Sirius?" Lily asked immediately, probably trying to start a conversation to hide her smile.

James rolled his eyes. "Don't ask," he muttered, taking some pieces of bacon.

No, I wasn't going to frantically begin to think about what could be wrong with him. This was supposed to be a perfectly normal day.

But what could be wrong with him? Was he sick? Why did James roll his eyes? Obviously, something was wrong if James was acting like that.

The conversation quickly turned, and soon, we were talking about names. I tried my best to listen as best as I could, to get my mind off of that certain Gryffindor boy.

"Elvendork!" James exclaimed about a favorite name of his. "Did you know it's unisex?"

Lily grimaced. "That's an awful name."

I had to agree. The conversation quickly died down from there, and I inquired Lily about her winter break. She began to tell me all about how awful her sister and her new boyfriend was.

His name was Vernon. Which could possibly tie with Elvendork as worst name ever.

I vaguely listened to Lily as she continued to talk about this awful man, but my mind started to wander. I looked around the Great Hall, finding my sister and Liam sitting together (of course). I also caught Sylvia's eye, causing her to smile at me. I smiled back briefly and then let my gaze wander back to our table.

Sirius was now sitting next to James. I didn't even hear him greet us or anything. He was looking down at the table, maybe at the food on his plate.

Maybe he was sick. He didn't look well at all. His breathing was labored, he looked very hot, and his skin was very pale.

I watched as he ran a hand through his hair and then, without a warning, looked straight up at me.

The way he was looking at me gave me chills – and not in a good way. He was looking at me with fierce, frightening eyes – almost as if I was his mortal enemy. Like I was the evil force outside of Hogwarts, threatening our very lives. As if I killed and murdered and called myself the Dark Lord.

But I was just Ivy Bennett. Why was he looking at me like that?

And then, abruptly, he stood up, very still and rigid. "I have to go," he said in a dead-pan voice, quickly turning around and fleeing the area.

Tears burned my eyes, but I hastily blinked them away, gulping down a breath. "Um, I forgot my Transfiguration book in the dormitory," I made an excuse to get away.

I didn't even take two steps out of the Great Hall before I could hear someone following behind me. There was no doubt who it was.

"You didn't forget your Transfiguration book," Remus said before I even turned around. "Your bookbag looks the same as it does everyday."

Ignoring the fact that Remus looked _that_ closely at my bookbag, I sighed and faced him. "Does Sirius hate me now?"

Remus looked taken back. "What are you talking about?"

"He looked at me like he wanted to kill me or something. What did I do?" I explained, my voice rising a couple pitches.

"Nothing-"

But I knew I did something! "No, really, you should have _seen_ it, Remus! It was...he _hates_ me, I know it!" I struggled to breathe; my mind frantic.

"He just woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, Ivy," Remus quickly interjected. "It isn't you. He's been acting like that all morning."

I shook my head, trying to see through the tears in my eyes. "Then why did he look at _me _like that? He didn't do that to anyone else."

"Don't worry," Remus said softly. "He snapped at me and James this morning. Peter luckily got out of the dormitory early enough to avoid it. It's not just you, Ivy."

I shakily breathed out a sigh of relief, but I couldn't help but think that his bad mood had something to do with me. I didn't know what I could have done, but the feeling was so strong.

I knew just one thing. This was definitely not a perfectly normal day.

* * *

Is it another plot twist or just something small that Ivy shouldn't be worrying about? Good question...

Oh, and if you don't understand the Elvendork comment, go read the prequel!

Thanks for everything!


	87. Dislike

Sirius didn't even utter one word to me the whole day. During Transfiguration, when everyone else was conversing with me and Lily, he stayed in the back, unsuccessfully working on his assignment. It continued throughout each class – and I was thankful when I had Arithmacy without him.

I didn't need anyone sending me glares every waking moment. But being away from him didn't help much – the look he gave me was permanently etched onto my mind.

It was as if he was scared to get near me. Why would he be afraid of me? I didn't do anything at all.

If what he told me yesterday was true, then Remus wouldn't be happy about this sudden change toward me. Remus wanted the rest of the guys to be nice to me, not..._this_.

That night in the common room, I was seriously debating to just go up to the dormitory and work on my homework up there. I didn't care that Marlene was up there. I would gladly apologize to her over and over again than to look over at Sirius to see him staring at me with narrowed eyes.

Wait-

Maybe Remus had finally told Sirius about what had happened in the library those weeks ago. It made sense: Remus told Sirius right before they went to bed last night. And that's why Sirius was so mean to me this morning. He thought I was being cruel to one of his best friends. That would be the only reason he hated me now.

Remus was working on an essay by himself and I took this as an opportunity to talk to him. Taking a seat across from him, I cleared my throat, causing him to glance up at me. "Hmm?" he murmured, going back to finishing his essay.

I leaned forward, dropping my voice to a whisper. "Did you tell Sirius about...what happened with us?"

Remus looked interested now. "What do you mean?"

"In the library," I muttered.

I watched as he shook his head, staring back down at the parchment in front of him. "No, that's a secret between you, me, Lily, and James."

That wasn't it? I quickly looked out of the corner of my vision to see Sirius watching me again, with that same look on his face. I groaned and turned back to Remus. "Then _why_ is Sirius still looking at me like..." I forced Remus to look over to where Sirius was sitting. "-that?"

Remus's eyes widened. "He looks like he wants to kill you."

Now he finally understood. "I told you," I said as Remus turned his attention back on me.

"Maybe it's not you," Remus exclaimed rationally.

This was not the time for rational Remus. "Then who is he looking at? It's not you. Before I came over here, he was looking at me when I was sitting over there." I pointed across the room.

Remus sighed. "Come on," he proclaimed, standing up and tugging on the sleeve of my cloak.

"What are we doing?" I asked, on the verge of sounding hysterical. I was not being hysterical. I just couldn't the thought of Sirius wanting to kill me. My mind liked making up crazy theories as to why he hated me. And they made me want to scream.

"We're going to talk to him," Remus stated as if it was a perfectly okay to do.

Sirius didn't want to stand even in close proximity to me. Why would he want to talk to me? He _hated_ me.

But I didn't have the energy to complain. I let Remus lead me over to where Sirius was sitting, watching us with those fierce eyes.

"Hey Padfoot," Remus tried to start the conversation civilly.

Sirius's eyes were very careful. "Hey."

Remus pushed me forward, causing me to stumble. I glared back at him and then looked back at Sirius. "Um, hi," I said. The words sounded so stupid the moment they left my mouth.

Sirius stared me down and said, through gritted teeth, "Hi, _Ivy_." He said my name like I was revolting.

Remus noticed this. "Do you have a problem?"

Sirius hesitated before answering, "No."

"Then why do you keep looking like Ivy like she's an awful human being?"

"I'm not," Sirius responded, looking across the common room instead of at us.

Remus looked at me before saying, "Yes, you are," with a definite tone to his voice. There was no use arguing with Remus when he knew the truth.

Sirius suddenly stood up, exactly like earlier at breakfast and with blazing eyes, announced, "There's nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing. So stop acting like there's something wrong and stop prying into my life!" And he stormed off, trudging up the staircase.

"Something's wrong," Remus noted.

"Maybe he's just being moody," I suggested.

But, in truth, I didn't understand. Why had Sirius just snapped? And what was bothering him so much that he didn't want to tell his best friends about it?

* * *

The next chapter contains...some interesting stuff. Sirius will go a bit...well, you won't like him, let's just say that.

My favorite chapter that I told everyone about was actually the last chapter. Just because it's fun to write Sirius acting strange and Ivy having no clue what's going on.

Thanks for all the interesting reviews!


	88. Idiot

Nobody knew what was wrong with Sirius. He wouldn't say a word to them and whenever somebody brought up anything about it, he would deny everything.

Was I supposed to believe that the looks he was giving me were nothing?

They were definitely directed toward me. The next day, his eyes followed me whenever I went. Even if I was in a large group of people, he would sought me out and stare.

Maybe I was overreacting. Remus seemed to think so.

"It probably has nothing to do with you. He keeps telling us that it isn't you," Remus tried to explain that evening in the library.

"He's lying," I insisted. "Those looks are definitely directed toward me. Even Lily said so."

Remus sighed, running a hand through his hair out of frustration. "Well, I keep asking him about it and every time I bring up your name, he _insists _that it has nothing to do with you. And he gets all defensive."

"Has anything else been going on with him?" I asked. I really wanted to figure this out. It wasn't a good feeling when I guy you fancied absolutely hated you.

"Other than the normal whole family hating him and threat of Voldemort thing? Nothing," Remus answered.

I hit my head on table. "I can't concentrate on N.E.W.T.S. Let's go back to the common room," I said, standing up and quickly throwing everything in my bookbag.

Remus followed, watching me carefully. "This is really bothering you?" he suddenly asked as we walked up a staircase.

I gave him a look. "No, I'm absolutely fine with Sirius sending me looks of pure hate."

"Sarcasm doesn't really suit you," Remus used my joke, a smile on his face. I chuckled weakly to show I was listening. "It'll work out, I promise. It's probably something stupid. Like, you accidentally offended Sirius somehow. Or maybe it has nothing to do with you."

He had a point. Usually when I assumed something, it turned out to be an entirely different situation.

"I can only hope," I muttered, saying the password into the common room. We stepped inside the portrait hole and into the crowded room.

It was especially rowdy, with students running around and talking noisily. I could only guess that Lily wasn't down in the common room or else she would be yelling at them. Looking around the room for somewhere to sit, my eyes fell upon a different scene.

Lucy Hattens, an extremely nice sixth-year Gryffindor, was sitting on Sirius's lap, fingers threaded through his hair. She was laughing at something he was saying and I watched as, as if a clichéd romance movie, she moved in slow motion to lean down and catch his lips in a kiss.

No, not kiss.

Full snog session would be more accurate.

But I didn't understand. Sirius didn't even show any interest in Lucy. She was just a sweet, outgoing girl that didn't even look twice at Sirius. I would have never expected her to be on Sirius's lap, snogging in the middle of the common. Possibly the worst part (after Sirius kissing another girl in front of me) was that I couldn't even hate Lucy. I liked her – she was nice to me.

It was another Mary all over again.

But why would Sirius give me all those looks and then move on to snog some girl like nothing was wrong? What was wrong with him?

They were talking now, in little cute whispers that drifted across the room and invaded my ears. "Ukuleles are little guitars," Lucy laughed.

"Why are you talking about ukuleles?" Sirius muttered, not even giving her a second to respond before attacking her mouth.

I continued to stare blankly at the scene in front of me until Remus lightly pulled on my sleeve. "Let's go somewhere else," I heard him say softly, leading me over to the opposite corner of the room.

But I could still see them. It was like I could see only them – everything else was blurred from my vision except for _them_.

"Ivy, please look at me," I could hear Remus saying. Tearing my eyes away from the sight that would haunt my dreams, I looked over at Remus.

"What?" I cringed as my voice sounded tearful.

"Don't look at them," Remus said quietly, eyes never wavering from mine. "Just don't look and everything will be fine."

Everything would be fine? How could everything be fine when I was getting dirty looks and then my crush was snogging someone else in the middle of the common room. "How? Nothing is going to be fine, Remus. I fancy an idiot who sometimes hates me and sometimes gives me false hope and now he's doing _that_!?"

Remus just stared at me, probably at a loss for words. I barely acknowledged James's presence as he made his way over.

He stopped in front of us and frowned. "He better enjoy it when it lasts," James announced with an edge to his voice. "Because tomorrow, he dies."

I looked up at James who was staring over at the couple and gave him a strange look. Did he know something I didn't? What was going on?

* * *

Told you that Sirius was going to do something stupid. And will it continue? Will we finally get to know what's bothering Sirius? Or will he never tell anyone?

New poll question (finally). Just a simple 'yes or no'.

I'll try to respond to all of the reviews I get this chapter. Because I really miss doing that. (I almost got my own internet from my brother but a professional told us we had the wrong modem to get wireless. Just my luck.)

Thanks!


	89. Tell

James didn't even wait for us to ask what he meant. He immediately dived into a frantic rant, pacing up and down in front of us.

"I don't know what's gotten into him! He won't tell me anything; he usually tells me everything!" He stopped, gesturing wildly behind him. "And now, you know what Lucy is? She's not the first girl that Sirius started this with. No, before her, there was Donna and then Emily and then another girl whose name I didn't even know. I don't know what he's doing! It's like he's going from one girl to the next without any consideration to their feelings!"

Remus and I were only in the library for just over an hour. How fast was Sirius moving to get with four girls in that time? I knew where James was coming from – Sirius was being truly crazy if he thought he could do this with no reason. And he was refusing to explain himself? What was going on with him?

"How can he do that? He's already broken three hearts tonight – going on his fourth, I'm sure," James finished, finally taking a breath.

The word was muttered before I had the sense to stop it. "Fifth," I spoke under my breath, glancing down at the floor.

I could feel Remus's alarmed eyes on me. He was thinking the same thing I was – why did I even say that to James?

"What do you mean fifth?" James asked, already calming down from his rant. I cautiously looked up to meet his eyes, and as soon as I did, his eyes widened in shock and disbelief. "_Please_ tell me you're kidding."

Remus glanced over at me and I turned to meet his eyes. He was telling me there was no way out of it. I had to tell James the truth and hope he wouldn't say a word to Sirius.

"I wish I was," I answered softly, my eyes flickering back to the scene across the common room. Lucy was still laughing – it was only a matter of time before laughter was nonexistent.

James was staring at me with that same expression of shock and disbelief, his mouth opening and closing like a fish gasping for air. "You...and him...but..." he sputtered, and then his voice got dangerously low. "Tell me you didn't let him snog you and leave you. Please say you didn't."

I shook my head. "We haven't ever gotten that close, James. It's just a stupid crush that I've been dealing with for awhile-"

James frantically began waving his hands. "Whoa, whoa, _awhile_? Since when has this been going on? Why wasn't I informed? Does Moony know?"

I tried to remember each of his questions. "Um, fifth year. Because you never noticed. And yes?"

James's eyes widened even more, if that was even possible. "You've fancied him for two years and never said anything? I could have sworn you liked Remus. Even Sirius thinks you like Remus!"

I bit my lip. "I do like Remus, just not in the same way. James, you have to promise me that you won't tell Sirius-"

James gave me a strange look. "Don't you want him to know? Wouldn't it be better-"

He couldn't tell Sirius! I wouldn't be able to show my face around anymore if _he _knew. "No, please don't tell him. I'm absolutely fine with him not knowing. I've dealt with his for almost two years and even though he's been acting like a git and giving me angry looks-"

"He's been doing that to everyone lately-" James started to explain, but Remus came back into the conversation.

Remus shook his head sadly. "Actually, I've seen him giving Ivy those looks for the past day. For some reason, it looks like he's really irritated or angry at her or something."

James turned around to look at Sirius. He was currently trying to place his hands on certain parts of Lucy's body, but she kept playfully slapping his hands away as if it was game. James sighed and looked back at me. "You really like him?" he asked.

I frowned, looking over at the couple. "Yeah, I do," I answered truthfully, turning my attention back on James.

James copied my frown and then said, "Okay, then, he _really _dies tomorrow."

I really wanted to laugh but the ache in my chest refused to let me. Inside, the corners of my mouth twitched upward and I whispered a "thank you".

James nodded and I noticed something that I never took time to see before. He was absolutely, completely serious – and I could tell by the way his eyes bore into mine with no mischievous or joking twinkle evident.

Maybe it was a good thing that I finally told James. I knew he would never tell, and I didn't have to hide the secret from him anymore.

Even though I had the support from my friends, it still didn't block the image that made me feel sick to my stomach. Tears threatened to blur my vision but I ignored them and abruptly stood up.

"I'm really tired so I'm just going to go to bed," I explained. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Both James and Remus nodded and I could feel their eyes on me as I made my way up the staircase.

It was going to be a long night.

* * *

James knows now. Will that be good or bad for Ivy?

Interesting reaction to the poll by the way. A lot of people seem to think he has a problem with Ivy. The question remains: what is the problem?

Oh, and 2,000 reviews? You're all amazing, amazing, awesome, and amazing. Thanks x 2,000.


	90. Torn

I was sitting on the very end of the couch, squished uncomfortably against the arm. That was only because Sirius Black was sitting on the other side of me, leaning forward and looking at my journal on the table in front of us.

Yes, Sirius Black. I didn't know why, but suddenly, he wasn't mad at me anymore. Out of nowhere, he wanted to work on my story with me, just like he promised.

Though it was extremely awkward, I was very happy. This is much better than getting dirty looks across a room. Maybe I could finally continue with my story.

He was unusually quiet, sitting forward, just staring at the words in front of him. He didn't even make a single comment on my writing. He just stared, and stared, and stared.

"What do you think?" I finally asked, breaking the silence that was making my heart race.

Sirius frowned. I bit my lip. "Um, Ivy..." he started out cautiously.

"Yes?" I said softly.

"This Sebastian character, well, I've been thinking." My heart beat sped up dramatically, but I tried to calm myself. I couldn't begin to raise my hopes and think that he had figured it out. He would never figure it out. It was something entirely different. "He's...he's me, isn't he?"

My eyes widened and my breath caught in my throat. He actually had it right. And I was pretty sure he wasn't drunk. I was only acutely aware of the worry in his voice. I couldn't force myself to talk so instead I just nodded my head slightly.

The blank expression on his face didn't change at all. He blinked once, and then twice, and then I saw a frown begin to appear on his face.

"You know what? I can't do this," Sirius said, his harsh words catching me offguard. He took my journal in his hands and threw it down on the floor, turning toward me with that angry look I was so used to. "I don't like you, Ivy. Why can't you understand that?!" he practically yelled before leaving up the staircase.

What did I do?

Why didn't he like me?

All I could do was hide my head in my hands and scream under my breath. Tears freely made their way down my cheeks and I let them and I screamed, and screamed, and forced my eyes open.

Another dream!?

I stared above at the canvas of my four poster, so angry at myself for believing the dream was real. But it felt like it was. It was real – who was I kidding?

That's exactly how Sirius Black felt about me.

I couldn't see straight; angry and depressed tears filled my eyes and my mind was frantically trying to process the new information. I did the only thing that felt right.

Scrambling out of my bed, I fell to the floor, finding my journal on the side table. Without even thinking, I forcefully opened it to the first page and began tearing out each page. Each page about Sebastian and Anne, about how I felt about Sirius, about every little detail of my life that was put into this frivolous story.

I didn't need this story. I didn't need this constant reminder of how much Sirius would never want me. I didn't want to create a happy ending for Sebastian and Anne when I was never going to get one.

Page after page after page littered the floor in front of me.

"Ivy, stop it! What are you doing?" I looked up, startled, at the voice that interrupted my activity.

Lily. Her eyes were wide as she stared down at the floor that was almost hidden with pages and pages of parchment. She then took a good look at me and noticed my tear-stained cheeks and furious eyes.

"What's wrong?" she whispered, but I didn't even want to answer her.

I continued tearing out each page until I felt something pulling my journal away. I looked to see Lily tugging the journal out of my hands and holding it out of reach. My fingers twitched to get ahold of it.

"Please tell me," Lily tried again. "What's wrong?"

I just shook my head, throat too closed up to speak. I couldn't just tell Lily about my problems. I had just told James – I wasn't about to tell someone else.

"This is your story," Lily said, looking down at the torn pages. She began to collect them in a pile, and I knew she was reading some of it. "Why would you want to ruin it?"

I still refused to answer.

Lily finished putting the pages together and looked back up at me. "This story...it's not just a story, is it?"

I knew I wouldn't be able to hide it from Lily. She was just too good at figuring things out. I often wondered why she didn't know that I fancied Sirius.

Slowly, I shook my head. "It's about Sirius, isn't it?"

My heart skipped a beat and the room instantly got a lot hotter. I struggled to take in a breath and forced myself to say, "Why do you think that?"

"I've had the suspicion that you liked him for awhile now." My eyes widened. "But I thought that you would tell me if you wanted me to know. You're also so quiet that I didn't know if you'd ever tell me."

First James, now Lily? Did everyone but Sirius know?

"I won't give you a lecture or anything," Lily continued. "But, Ivy, he _is_ hurting you. And nobody should ever make you feel like this. He is Sirius Black, after all."

I choked in a sob, taking in a deep breath. I couldn't deal with this right now. I was exhausted and hurt and depressed. "I know," I whispered.

Lily put my journal back on the side table and I climbed into my bed, clutching the covers tightly. I needed to sleep. I needed to wake up tomorrow and realize this whole thing was or wasn't a dream.

* * *

Angst.

For everyone that's wondering when we're going to find out what's wrong with Sirius, sadly, we have to find out when Ivy does. And that might not be for awhile.

So, since Ivy is letting everyone onto her little secret, does this mean that Sirius will soon find out?


	91. Nothing

My eyes refused to open the next morning. I didn't move from my bed as my other roommates began to wake up; instead, I listened with my eyes closed.

I didn't want to begin another day. I didn't want to go through this heartache again and again. Not to mention that two more people knew about my secret and were going to be watching my every move.

"Ivy, time to get ready!" I could hear one of my roommates say from across the room. I turned away from the voice in response and hid back under my covers.

The footsteps began to die away and I peeked out to see who was left. Just my luck. Lily.

"You're going to have to face him sooner or later," Lily said matter-of-factly, pulling the sheets off my bed.

I groaned, turning over to lie on my back. "It's not just that. I'm tired and I don't feel like going through all this today." Deciding that I wasn't going to get back to sleep, I slowly got up and made my way over to the bathroom.

Lily continued talking even though there was a door between us. "Did you figure out why Sirius was giving you those looks?"

I frowned, combing through my hair. "No."

"Maybe he has some family problems," Lily suggested, and then added, "Well, he always has family problems, but maybe something so awful happened that Sirius can't even control it."

"I don't know," I replied, and Lily didn't say anything after that. She had heard the desperation in my voice. I had no answer, she had no answer, and the only one that knew the truth was Sirius. But he wasn't telling. I was stuck.

I walked down to the common room in a hazy daze. It was almost as if I wasn't even walking. I just followed Lily down the steps, my mind blissfully blank. Sleep caused my brain to shut down, and I was doing everything without thought.

"What is wrong with you?" A loud, angry voice disrupted my sleepy mind. Lily and I stopped a couple steps up on the staircase to listen in on the conversation. There was no doubt that was James's voice.

"Nothing!" And that was Sirius.

James wasn't kidding last night. He really was going to fight with Sirius about this whole thing. A feeling of dread went down my spine at the thought of James telling Sirius about me. What if James accidentally spilled out my secret?

It seemed so easy. I could even imagine the whole situation. 'You're acting moody, snogging some random girls, when there's one girl that you don't even notice that's completely in love with you.' I shuddered at the thought, my heart beating wildly.

Please, James, don't say a word.

"Nothing?" A new voice entered the argument. Remus. Why was Remus taking part in this? "Sirius, yesterday you went from being moody and depressed to snogging four girls in one night. Something's wrong."

There was a pause and I peeked around the corner to see Sirius sit down on the couch and fold his arms. "Maybe I just felt like it."

James scoffed. "Oh, yeah, because breaking four girls' hearts in one night in always on my agenda too."

Sirius suddenly stood up, making his way toward the portrait door. "Listen, nothing's wrong. I'm just not feeling well lately."

"So that's why you've been giving Ivy all those dirty looks?" Remus brought it.

I could see Sirius halt to a stop. He turned around and said, calmly, "I have not been giving her any looks. I told you – it's just that I haven't been feeling well. It' s _nothing_."

"What do you have against her?" James asked.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Weren't you listening to me-?"

"She thinks you hate her," Remus cut in.

I couldn't tell what Sirius was thinking. The expression on his face suddenly went blank. It didn't show any more anger or hostility. His face was just a blank canvas. "Really?" he finally asked, and I was slightly surprised to even hear his tone change.

"Yeah," Remus said. "She's not taking it very well." I was grateful that Remus didn't expand and say the other reasons why it hurt me so much. All Sirius had to know was that it was hurting me as a friend.

Sirius didn't say anything; he just stood there, that same blank expression on his face.

"Let's just go down to breakfast," James announced, leading the group out of the common room. They left, leaving the common room empty except for me and Lily.

"I think he feels awful," Lily immediately spoke up as we walked across the common room. "Did you see the look on his face?"

I bit my lip, a habit I had started again. "I don't know," I answered truthfully.

When we made our way to the Gryffindor table for breakfast, I could feel his eyes on me again. But when I glanced his way, I didn't see any malicious or angry glint in them. Just curious eyes staring in my direction.

* * *

Is Sirius finally going to stop acting like such a git? Maybe.

Big things coming up to consider: Valentine's Day and Ivy's birthday. What could I have planned for those days?

I'm pretty sure I've said thank you a million times before, but thank you again!


	92. Fix

It took a couple days for Sirius to begin to talk to me again. I could tell that the hostility and anger were gone, but it still seemed as though he was reluctant to start a conversation.

It didn't make sense. If he wasn't mad at me anymore, shouldn't he want to talk to me? And if he knew how I felt about this whole thing, shouldn't he want to apologize?

So, I waited.

The week finally passed, making its way into the weekend. Which meant there was more free time. Talking to the Marauders. Including Sirius.

And, of course, it was awkward. The group consisted of two people that knew my secret and were watching me and Sirius carefully, one person that had no clue what was going on, and the person that was the source of all this.

Sirius was staring up at me and I was trying my hardest not to look back. The awkward silence continued.

"Hey, Moony, can you help me on that essay?" James suddenly asked.

James was secretly nodding at Remus. Even I understood what they were doing. "Oh, sure. Let's go work on it in the library."

They stood up and James grabbed the back of Peter's cloak as they made their way out. "Come on, Wormtail, you're coming with."

Peter, having no idea what was going on, started complaining. "But I don't want to work on essays. I don't even know what essay you are talking about. Why do you even need help?" That was all I heard before they disappeared through the portrait hole.

I didn't know whether to hate them or not. On the one hand, they were trying to do me a favor. On the other, it was even more awkward. Now, it was just the two of us.

So, we stared at each other. It was never this awkward before. He would always act like it was nothing. He always knew how to act in situations.

"You okay?"

I hate that phrase. Oh, wait, he said something to me. My eyes widened in realization that he actually said something to_ me_. I took a deep breath and replied, "Um, yeah, I'm fine."

"I'm sorry that I made you think that I don't even like you," Sirius said, never taking his eyes off of me. "Because I could never hate you. I was just stressed out. You know, with school ending and some...other things."

He hesitated at the end of his phrase and I wondered what else he could be talking about. "It's okay. It just caught me off guard..." I explained briefly. It was partially the truth – I was caught off guard, but mostly because it hurt me so much.

He would never understand how much it hurt me.

He seemed to notice how uncomfortable I was because he said, "I'm pretty sure that I made a promise some time ago that I still need to carry out. You have your journal with you?"

My journal. My story. The one that was torn apart, sitting on my side table in a million parts.

I immediately regretted the night I had torn out the pages. What had I been thinking? It was my story – the one good thing that was coming out of all this torture and torment. It didn't deserve to be ruined.

"Um, I'll be right back," I said quickly, rushing upstairs into my dormitory.

The only person in the room was Alice. She stared at me as I rushed to my bed, throwing the pieces of my journal onto the covers.

"Alice, can you help me?" I asked her. She came over and curiously looked at the contents on my bed. "Just hand the pages to me in order," I instructed.

She handed the first page, the one that said 'UNTITLED by Ivy E. Bennett' in neat writing and I held it to the book's spine. "_Reparo." _The page magically fixed itself.

Only about a hundred more pages to go. It took about fifteen minutes to get my journal back to its original state, and after thankfully Alice over and over again, I made my way back down to the common room, clutching my journal tightly.

And Sirius was nowhere to be found.

I checked everywhere for him (on the couch, in an armchair, standing in the corner, straddling a girl's lap) but he wasn't anywhere in the common room. However, the other three Marauders were back from their fake library visit.

Slowly, I made my way over to them. "Um, did you see where Sirius went?" I asked, taking another look around the room.

James grinned. "He told us to tell you that he forgot he had detention with McGonagall tonight. And then he said you'll have to reschedule." How could you forget you had a detention? Of course, being Sirius, it probably wasn't that hard. "Now, our question is, what exactly are you rescheduling, huh?" He threw in a suggestive look to top it all off.

Peter looked confused while Remus tried his best to keep a straight face.

"Sirius promised that he'd help me with my story-"

"Oh, did he?" James teased.

And here was where I was beginning to regret telling James anything. Remus tried to give me an apologetic look, but it wasn't helping.

"Go bother Lily, James," I muttered, setting down my journal in front of me.

I got Remus and Peter to both smile as James frowned and stuck out his tongue at me, like the little child he was.

* * *

Sirius is talking to Ivy again. That's a good thing, right? Sadly, they haven't started working on her story yet.

Just a heads up - the next chapter will likely skip a couple weeks. Nothing important happens anyway. But then some very important things will start to happen...


	93. Brother

I spent most of the next three weeks in the library, studying and working on all of the extra homework that seemed to be piling up. I didn't have any time for writing, relaxing or playing around.

At least I didn't have the added stress of Sirius anymore. He was talking to me again like he always did, at least when we had the time. But now, it seemed like we were never going to be able to get together again to work on my story.

My story.

I had so much more to write – but not the time to actually get it down into writing. For now, I only had the story planned out in my head. It had to do with Sirius, like always, but instead of Sebastian giving Anne dirty looks, I had changed it to them getting into an argument. I didn't want to be too obvious. Sebastian was going to realize that the argument was frivolous and then, finally, they would get together.

They needed to have my happy ending.

The sun was already setting as I headed back up to Gryffindor tower. When I got up the seventh floor, my shoulder was beginning to hurt by carrying around all of my books. With a sigh, I stopped and leaned against the corridor wall, taking a breather.

"You look tired," a portrait said from behind me. I turned around to see a middle-aged lady in a long, Victorian dress staring down at me.

"Just studying," I replied, turning back around.

I stumbled back when I saw Remus standing right there. "Sorry, did I scare you?" he asked, taking in my surprise. "That always seems to happen around the full moon."

"When is it?" I asked. I had often thought about keeping track of the full moon, but I could usually tell when Remus seemed to be more tired and moody. He had been like that for the last couple days.

He hesitated, turning away from me and beginning to walk back to the common room. I immediately followed him. "Tonight," I could distinctly hear his mutter.

My eyes widened. "Then shouldn't you be getting ready or something?" I asked.

He sighed. "Something happened." He stopped in the middle of the corridor and turned toward me. "Sirius is pretty upset."

"What?" I asked. What had happened with Sirius? Was it something that had happened between the Marauders? Or something entirely different? I took a deep breath and just tried to listen to Remus.

"As you probably know, Sirius's family is...well..." he faltered. I just nodded my head to show I understood. I knew why Sirius stayed with the Potters. "And, now, his brother has gotten _involved_."

Oh, no. "How's Sirius dealing with it?"

"He's pretending that it's nothing. But it's tearing him up from the inside. He wants to be left alone all the time and I don't know if he's going to be okay for tonight." Remus sounded extremely worried.

"How much do you need him there?" I questioned.

Remus paused, and then answered, "I think James and Peter can handle it, but what if they can't? What if something happens, Ivy? I couldn't deal with-"

"Remus!" I had to shout over his ranting. He stopped and looked at me, as if what I was going to say wasn't going to matter. "It'll be fine. If you want, I can talk to Sirius."

He was debating it. I could see the argument taking place in his head. He knew that I could possibly get to Sirius, but he also didn't want me to get hurt again. "I don't want you to-"

I stopped him. "Don't worry about me. This is about you." I continued walking to the common room. I only wished I could do more. James, Sirius, and Peter got to help Remus every full moon while I stayed in the school, watching from windows and waiting for them to get back.

"I know what you're thinking," Remus said out of nowhere as we reached the portrait.

I gave the password to the Fat Lady and made my way in the common room. "What?" I couldn't be that easy to read.

"You're thinking that you wish you could do more." I had to roll my eyes. "You're always waiting up for me and staying in the hospital wing during the night. Honestly, that's more than enough. Never think you're not doing enough."

I unconsciously bit my lip. "I'm going to talk to Sirius now."

He tried to smile but I could tell he was feeling really tired. "Thanks Ivy."

Sirius was sitting in the corner of the common room, staring down at a textbook. That was the first sign that something was wrong. He was actually studying.

Slowly, I made my way over and cautiously sat in the chair across from him. "You're actually studying?" I asked him jokingly.

He glanced up and laughed weakly. "Yeah, N.E.W.T.S are coming up and all."

I just had to say it. "I heard about your brother."

Sirius visibly stiffened and he tried to keep a straight face, but I could see the hurt flash across his face. "You did?" His voice was still surprisingly strong.

"Listen." He actually looked up and caught my gaze. His eyes shocked me. They were so expressive – full of hurt and sadness. "I know it must be hard for you, but Remus really needs you tonight." I know Sirius wanted to argue with me, but he didn't speak a word. He looked too tired to even try to argue. "And, don't forget, he's also your brother. You can't forget him."

"I know," Sirius said. "I just – I don't want to – I don't feel like moving."

I knew Remus was watching us. "But for Remus?"

I could tell that Sirius really wanted to help Remus, but the pain was too much for him to handle. "I wouldn't be able to help."

"Just being there would help him, Sirius," I said softly.

He sighed, looking over to where Remus was waiting. "They are like my brothers, you know. James, Peter, Remus...all of them," he said. "And I don't want to let them down. Not like...Regulus." He looked back at me, and I could tell that he had made up his mind.

I gave him a reassuring smile as he got up to join the other three waiting for him.

* * *

Ivy's considerate!

A plot point that I've actually been planning for awhile is going to happen in the next couple chapter. I'm excited. You might want to be...though, I don't think I should be excited for what's coming...it's not happy...


	94. Dungeons

I rushed to the hospital wing to see Remus as soon as I saw the familiar figures coming back onto the grounds. I was even more worried for them than usual. What if something happened...?

But he was okay, just one cut on his arm and nothing else. I fretted for awhile, but Remus kept assuring me that he was fine. I then turned my attention onto Sirius; he looked a bit better too – going to help Remus was definitely the right decision.

The next morning was normal except for the fact that Mary wasn't feeling very well. Luckily, it wasn't Hogsmeade weekend, and she wasn't missing out on much. All the seventh years were using the free weekends to study anyway and I was a little envious that she got a break.

The hours crawled by so slowly. I was beginning to resent all of the younger students who were playing outside in the snow, checking to see if the Black Lake was frozen, and playing around with no care in the world. It wasn't fair that we didn't get to share in the same fun.

We were in the library – me, Lily, James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Alice – all working on the essays assigned to us that were due next week. Well, some of us were working. Sirius was leaning back on his chair, staring out of the window. Peter looked like he was about to fall asleep. James was being distracted by Lily and kept looking over at her. Alice even looked bored with the whole thing.

Only Remus, Lily, and I were doing any work. I had to hand it to Lily; she was expertly ignoring James's gaze on her.

But, to be honest, I was being to fall behind too. My eyes were going out of focus and I couldn't stare at the small printed words anymore. Besides, watching everyone else was much more interesting than transfiguring random objects.

Dinner finally came and we all scrambled to get out of the library and away from the stress of our essays. I had decided that when I would get back to the common room, I wasn't even going to try to study because it was just too much. I really needed a break.

And in the common room that night, the armchair in front of the fireplace was open.

I had never been able to get that armchair in my seven years. No, a Marauder was always in it, or some random student. And it was just miraculously empty. I immediately made my way over, and closing my eyes, fell into warm, cushiony bliss.

I had nothing to worry about when I was sitting in this chair. No exams, no essays, no schoolwork, nothing to worry me. I lost track of time sitting in that chair, but when I opened my eyes, it was considerably darker outside and the fire had died down a bit.

"Ivy?"

I turned my head to see Mary standing behind me, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. She was shivering; holding the blanket around her as tightly as possible. "I missed the meals today and I was wondering if you knew where the kitchens were," Mary said softly.

I was extremely curious. Why did Mary come to me instead of the Marauders? "Why are you asking me?" I asked, my confusion evident in my tone.

Mary sniffed. "Um, well, you're friends with them," she motioned over to where the four were talking about something, "and I thought you would know. I mean, I don't know James, Peter, or Remus that well to ask them to accompany me down to the kitchens, and with Sirius, well, that would be a bit awkward."

I couldn't disagree with that. Besides, what harm could come out of showing Mary the kitchens? She wasn't going to tell anyone. And she hadn't eaten all day – she needed something to eat. What kind of friend was I if I let her starve? "Sure, I'll show you the kitchens," I agreed, standing up (after some struggle).

As we walked out of the common room and down the staircase, I noticed that Mary still had on her pajamas. "You feeling better?" I questioned.

She nodded slightly. "It took me all day to finally get the energy to get out of bed. But my hunger was becoming a problem so I knew I would have to do it sooner or later." She laughed weakly.

We made our way down below the Great Hall, where the dungeons and the Potions classroom resided. I hated it down here. The ambiance made me nauseous, but I ignored it and kept walking down the corridor to get to the picture of the fruit.

I looked to the side to see Mary looking very pale and jumpy. "What's wrong?" I whispered, my breath visible. I shuddered at the cold and noticed how our footsteps echoed on the stone walls.

"I just – don't like it...down here," she struggled to say, her eyes glancing around nervously.

There were torches on the walls, but I still got out my wand and said "_lumos_", letting more light into the area. I felt slightly better when I could see everything around me. No shadows or darkness for anything to hide in...

Where was that bowl of fruit?

"Ivy, someone's following us," I could hear Mary say behind me. She clutched onto my shoulder for protection as I turned around, letting the light flood down the corridor.

There were three Slytherins following us, probably going to their common room. I let out a shaky sigh and willed my feet to continue walking forward. They were just fellow students. Nothing to worry about.

"Hey, Black, isn't that that girl that hangs around your brother?"

I froze, not even daring to take in a breath. The footsteps got louder. Mary whimpered from beside me. Suddenly the footsteps stopped, and the person was standing right next to me, but I couldn't even turn to look.

"I believe it is."

His voice was so similar to Sirius's, except it sent a different sort of chill down my spine. It made me want to run. But my feet were glued to the ground and Mary was still clutching onto me.

I was trapped.

* * *

Well, this is a potential problem.

The next three chapters will be very interesting. They will feature Regulus, a lake, and some hexing.

Remember: You can still ask questions for the Q & A. I'll answer...mostly anything.


	95. Frozen

I had never seen Regulus in person before this moment. The thought of how strange that was briefly crossed my mind before I reminded myself that that wasn't important.

He looked a lot like Sirius – same hair, same nose, same chin. He was gorgeous, I had to admit. His face was more round than Sirius's and his eyes were darker. He was glaring at me through his darkened eyes, taking in my appearance and noticing the fear in my eyes before I could hide it.

And when he smiled, it wasn't a smile. It was a smirk, one that said that he knew he had trapped Mary and I and we had nowhere to run.

Conversations about the Black family ran through my mind. The family was into the Dark Arts, followed the Dark Lord, cared about blood purity... I shivered as I stared into Regulus's eyes.

"And do you have a name?" he asked me, his eyes boring into mine, making me feel uneasy and sick to my stomach.

I had to force myself to even open my mouth. "Ivy Bennett." My voice didn't waver, and I immensely grateful.

Regulus didn't even blink. His lips just curled into that awful smirk, and I heard more footsteps approaching.

"Ah, MacDonald," one of the other Slytherins spoke up. I looked behind me, breaking Regulus's gaze to see Mary staring at a large, blond boy wearing a smug expression. "We meet again."

Mary had let go of my shoulder and instead, was glaring at the boy with a look of pure hatred, but didn't say a word. What did he mean? Since when did Mary know a Slytherin?

"Avery, I don't think this one understands," the other dark-haired Slytherin spoke up. He was looking at me with this awful, lop-sided smile. "I think you should explain it to the confused _Gryffindor._"

I flinched at the way he said Gryffindor, as if it was a curse word. I gulped and my eyes flickered back to the large blond. He smirked and I noticed his left hand was stuffed in his cloak pocket, no doubt wrapped around his wand. "MacDonald here remembers it very well." Mary took in a sharp breath beside me and it echoed on the dungeon walls. "Fourth year, this little _mudblood_-" My heart stopped at the offensive word. "-ran into me in the dungeons one night. And now it seems like history is repeating itself."

Mary's eyes narrowed. "You're despicable, Avery," she growled.

I didn't even see it coming. Something inside Avery snapped and he drew out his wand, immediately pointing it at Mary. "_Crucio_!"

She fell to the ground beside me, a scream erupting from her throat, magnified by the echo reverberating off the walls. I couldn't take in a breath, but I was still managing to scream, my voice burning and hurting. "STOP IT! PLEASE, STOP!"

Avery withdrew the curse, leaving Mary breathing heavily on the floor. I wanted desperately to bend down and see if she was alright, but I couldn't move from my spot. One of them had put an unspoken spell on me. I struggled to breathe, to take in a single breath but it was so hard...I was getting dizzy...

"Ah, look, the brave Gryffindor is begging for mercy," Avery teased, taking a step toward me. "You're no Gryffindor. You're just a silly, little coward," he whispered, stopping an inch away from my face.

I was forced to stare into his eyes as he raised an eyebrow at me and quickly turned away. I heard a cry of pain from on the ground and tried to look down but the spell was still holding me.

Regulus was suddenly staring at me again, and I saw curiosity in his eyes. "Why is my brother friends with _you_? You're a half-blood who pleads for mercy instead of fighting back." He chuckled then, sending that same shiver down my spine. "He's always had the worst mind when it comes to choosing his _true_ friends."

My chest felt tight, and the familiar prickling of tears stung my eyes, but I refused to let myself cry. Instead, I kept my eyes wide open, staring into the emotionless depths of dark gray. The word fell from my lips before I could stop it. "Why?"

Confusion shone in his eyes. "What are you talking about?"

Breathe, take a breathe, let it out. "Why are you doing this?" I whispered, my words strained.

Regulus laughed. "Because this is right, and my dear, dear brother is wrong." He raised his wand at me and I braced myself for what I knew was to come. "_Mobilicorpus_."

No pain. It wasn't the Cruciatus curse. And then I noticed, with sickening shock, that I didn't have control of any of my limbs. Which meant...someone else did.

"What do you suppose I should do with her?" Regulus asked, glancing back to the two other boys. They looked frighteningly excited. He was trying to win points with them. He was trying to show off.

I tried desperately to say something, to convince him otherwise, but my mouth wouldn't open.

"The Black Lake," the dark-haired one suggested with a evil grin.

Regulus smiled and flicked his wand. My feet raised up a couple inches from the ground and I couldn't even scream. "Sounds like a plan."

"What should we do with her?" the same Slytherin asked, lightly kicking Mary on the ground. How could they do that to her?! My eyes welled up with tears.

Avery snarled, "Leave her, Wilkes. She's nothing but a mudblood anyway." And then I was moving out of the dungeons on Regulus's cue, out of the oak doors, and onto the freezing grounds.

I couldn't move – I could only look around with wide, frightened eyes at everything around me. Wilkes and Avery looked positively excited about what was happening. Regulus kept looking forward, only beckoning me on with his wand. He didn't even look back to check that I was still following him.

"Here," Regulus said and then my binds were gone.

I had to run. "_Mobilicorpus!" _I heard Wilkes shout from beside me and then I was frozen once again.

"Aw, you made her cry," Avery said, gesturing toward the tears that had made their way down my cheeks.

Wilkes smirked. "Well, we'll just have to wash those tears away, won't we?" My eyes widened as I began to move out over the water.

My toes skimmed the ice-cold liquid as they forced me out farther and farther until their laughing voices were only distant whispers.

I couldn't die like this. I couldn't let them do this. But I couldn't move. I couldn't protect myself. I couldn't touch my wand. I was going to die...

And then I was falling, submerged into a frozen lake. A blinding pain in my right leg caused me to gasp, filling my lungs with the lake water.

My head...spinning...

No...air.

Nothing.

* * *

I've decided that I rather like Regulus as a character, so don't worry, I know he turns out to be a good guy.

So, this was a really fun chapter to write. I don't know why. I guess I like the dark stuff. Is this the end of Ivy Bennett? ...Well, I am nearing 100 chapters.

Thanks for all the reviews, and thanks in advance for any reviews I get later.


	96. Saved

Angry words pierce through the air. A sense of urgency feels heavy with its force. Yells, curses heard from what seems miles and miles away...

I'm lying on the ground. Someone's fingers are tangled in my wet hair, holding my head up. A pressure on my mouth...hand on my chest pressing down.

No breath. Air was being forced into my lungs, pressing against something that was struggling to make its way out. Making its way up my throat and...

Air.

I rolled over and started to cough out the water from my lungs, taking in short, burning breaths. The coughing hurt my chest but I continued as I heard commotion from all around me.

"Ivy!" Relieved voices.

The angry yelling has ceased and then there's a loud scuffling beside me. Someone grabs a hold of my hand. Another person still is holding my head. A hand on my cheek. "Ivy, can you hear us? Open your eyes." They sounded frantic.

My eyelids were so heavy. I opened them slightly, just enough to see blurred objects in front of me.

Sighs of relief surround me.

I try to move my legs and a shooting pain goes up one of my legs, causing me to wince and take in a sharp, painful breath.

Why is everything so blurry? Why am I in pain? Everything suddenly fades into black.

Silence.

I take in a couple slow breaths, relieved to feel no pain. I'm inside; it isn't cold anymore. I can breathe easily.

It doesn't burn as I slowly open my eyes, adjusting myself to the dark of the room. My eyes finally make out a white ceiling above me. This isn't my dormitory. It isn't the common room.

The past events suddenly crash over me. Where was Mary? Where were the other Slytherins? Why wasn't I dead?

I'm in the hospital wing. At the foot of my bed hangs a white curtain, one that I had seen so many times visiting Remus.

Someone had saved me.

I can barely stop the smile from appearing on my face. But who had saved me? And how did they know where I was? Turning to the side, my gaze then fell on four people sitting in chairs at the side of my bed.

Four people that made my heart skip a beat.

Remus was sitting in the closest chair, right next to my pillow. He was sleeping – his head slightly tilted to the side and his eyes closed. Sirius was sleeping in the chair next to him, his head resting on his hands that were propped up on his knees. I had a fleeting suspicion that he had fell asleep watching me. James was sitting next to him who had Lily sleeping on his shoulder.

I watched the four of them sleep for a couple seconds, until Sirius's eyes fluttered back open and then found me staring back at him.

His eyes immediately widened in realization and he sat up straight, proclaiming in a sleepy, rough voice, "You're awake." He didn't even bother to stretch or blink the sleep away from his eyes. Instead, he leaned back forward and began to analyze me. "Are you feeling okay?"

I blinked. He sounded as if this whole ordeal truly frightened him. Did it? His brother was part of the reason why I almost drowned. I nodded.

He let out this anxious breath that I didn't know he was holding. "Thank god," he breathed, taking my hand in his.

His hand. It was his hand. He was the one holding my hand before.

"Ivy?" Remus stirred awake beside Sirius, staring at me as if I wasn't really awake in front of him. When he realized it was real and not a dream, he took a shaky breath. "You're okay." His voice was broken-sounding and I wondered if he had been crying.

I took my chances and forced myself to say, "What happened?" It didn't hurt as much as I expected it to, but my voice still sounded hoarse.

Remus looked at Sirius and they exchanged glances. "Mary came to the common room and told us what happened in the dungeons," Sirius started to explain. "It was late. Only us four-" he motioned to everyone in the chairs. "-were awake. We checked to see where you were and when we saw you were on the grounds, near the lake with..." He paused, his eyes so full of betrayal and hate.

"Those Slytherins we immediately ran down to the grounds," Remus continued in a hushed voice. "We have a map-" He brought out a piece of parchment from his cloak pocket. "It's a map of Hogwarts and it shows where everyone is." Suddenly, all those times when they knew where I was made sense. "It showed that you were in the lake. Sirius went for the Slytherins. I got you out of the lake with some help from James and Lily."

"We thought we lost you," Sirius whispered. "We thought you were dead. Regulus only seemed to notice the severity of the situation at that point. He looked truly scared. He ran away, and I had to hex Avery and Wilkes before they would leave."

"You had a broken leg and you weren't breathing," Remus said. "We didn't know any healer spells for that, but I had taken a course on muggle resuscitation over the summer." My cheeks felt like they were turning red. "Thankfully, you started breathing again, but it must have been too much because you fainted. Sirius carried you up to the hospital wing."

I couldn't even think. They had saved me. They had realized that I was missing and ran to my safety.

Grateful tears welled up in my eyes as I stared at my two friends. "Thank you," I whispered, saying so much in those two words.

I owed them my life.

I didn't have time to process what had happened until it was over. Sirius leaned forward and, hesitantly, brushed my hair out of my eyes, his touch leaving a thrilling burning sensation on my skin. And then he leaned forward even more, steadying himself on the edge of the mattress, and kissed me lightly on the forehead.

My toes curled.

* * *

Ivy's not dead! And there was some serious (ha) Sirius/Ivy action going on there. The next five or so chapters will be very interesting, because their relationship is a bit strange at the moment.

Regulus will most likely be explained in detail later on.

Oh, and just to let you know, I know there's some funky things going on with tenses in this chapter. It's just how Ivy was thinking in that state of not dead/dead.


	97. Anywhere

Madame Pomfrey wouldn't let me leave the hospital wing. I felt absolutely fine, but for some reason, she insisted that I spend another day under her care. It was a Sunday so I wasn't missing any classes, but I didn't want to spend my weekend stuck in bed.

It wasn't that bad though.

People came in and out to see me all day. Sirius, Remus, James and Lily left for breakfast in the morning, and as soon as they left, Mary came in.

"I was so worried," she immediately said as she came through the hospital wing doors. Rushing over to the side of my bed, she took a seat in one of the chairs. "I didn't know if you were all right-"

"I'm fine," I repeated over and over as she fretted over me. My leg was healed, I was breathing again, and everything was fine. I was more worried about her. "What about you? Why didn't you ever tell me about what happened with Avery?"

Mary looked away, her eyes not wanting to meet mine. "I...I didn't want anyone to know. Lily found out about it...but...I didn't want to tell anyone. Avery was expelled from Hogwarts last night. The last time, I didn't let anyone know, not even the headmaster. But this time, someone actually knows and did something." She fleetingly tried to smile.

A thought occurred to me. "What about Regulus?"

"He's staying," Mary answered quickly. "I'm not sure how he got around Dumbledore, but he gets to stay."

I didn't know if that was a good or bad thing. Sirius would be relieved in some way. I knew he wouldn't want his brother to be expelled from Hogwarts. But he did try to hurt me. Maybe he regretted it. Maybe he wasn't bad...

Mary left after a short talk, leaving me alone in the hospital wing. A strange thought suddenly came to me. Would Marlene show up? She couldn't still be mad at me after I almost died. I found myself hoping she would turn up.

When the doors opened, I thought it would be her. But when I looked over, I saw James and Lily making their way over. But I wasn't disappointed at all.

"Hey. Did Mary visit you already?" Lily asked as she took a seat in her chair.

"Yeah," I replied, watching as James sat down next to her and took her hand. I refrained myself from commenting on how cute it was and instead, said, "How was breakfast?"

James grinned. It was a bit creepy. "What?" I asked, in confusion. Why was he grinning like that? And why was Lily copying his grin? Did they know something I didn't?

"So, last night..." James started to say, and I raised an eyebrow to further some my bewilderment. What about last night? Was he talking about the horrific drowning? Then why would he be grinning?

"Um," I said slowly. "When I drowned?"

Lily rolled her eyes, looking amused. "After that."

What were they talking about? "When I fainted?" They couldn't be talking about- "It was just CPR!" I began to explain frantically. Why did everyone think everything was romantic between Remus and I?

They laughed. I frowned. "Not that," Lily exclaimed, still chuckling at the look on my face. "When you woke up last night."

Oh, that. "But you weren't awake-"

"We were," James said, that same grin still on his face. "We saw _everything_."

Everything? They saw...oh, no, not this. They weren't going to tease me. "Don't even start," I groaned, throwing my pillow over my head. "I don't want to hear it."

"I've never seen Sirius care about a girl the way he cares about you," I heard James say. The pillow didn't block out his voice.

I sighed. "It's just friendship-"

"He's friends with me," Lily spoke up. I peered out from behind my pillow. "He definitely doesn't act the same way around me. He was truly worried about you last night. You should have seen him – he looked absolutely livid and totally went after his brother."

James nodded. "He really doesn't want to see you hurt. It's a bit surprising actually – he's _never_ acted that way before."

I looked up at the ceiling. "It probably doesn't mean anything," I said rationally. "I mean, he doesn't like me that way. He just likes me as a friend."

James and Lily exchanged glances that told me that they didn't believe me. The door opened again, and I looked behind James and Lily to see Sirius walking in. Just my luck.

I really hoped the conversation was over. I wouldn't be able to stand it if they started talking while he was sitting right there.

"How are you feeling?" Sirius asked as soon as he sat down in one of the vacant chairs.

I began picking the imaginary lint off the sheet on the bed. "Fine, just bored," I answered truthfully. My cheeks felt warm, but I tried to hide it, especially since James and Lily were there.

And then there was an awkward silence. Not even James or Lily said anything to break it. I stared around at the room, trying to think of something to say.

Sirius, however, looked perfectly content just sitting in that chair next to my bed. It was like he didn't even mind wasting his time doing nothing, and it made no sense to me.

"You don't have to be here, you know," I said, looking up at him. I could tell he didn't understand, and continued to explain. "I mean, it can't be that interesting sitting there all day staring at me. I'm the one stuck in this bed, not you."

I ignored the looks James and Lily were giving me and focused on Sirius. He rolled his eyes and smiled, flashing all of his perfect teeth. I tried my best not to melt. "There's nowhere I'd rather be, Ivy. Trust me."

I had to bit my lip to keep from smiling like a lovesick fool. I didn't want anyone to notice.

* * *

New poll question. Go take a look.

The next few chapters will be interesting. Valentine's Day is coming up VERY soon, in probably one or two chapters. And it's exciting - well, to me...but sometimes, I get excited over the littlest of things.

And yes, there will be a Sirius POV of this story after I'm done.

Thanks for everything!


	98. Attention

It was getting quite frightening.

A week passed since the Slytherin incident and I thought everything would go back to normal and I'd be able to forget the whole ordeal. I found that to be a bit difficult when Sirius barely left my side.

I mean, at first I didn't mind it. Because Sirius Black was paying attention to _me_. It was the first time he ever really noticed me. I liked looking up to see him staring at me during classes. I enjoyed all the attention he gave me.

There were cons, however. Girls were beginning to give me dirty looks and talking about me behind my back. I could hear the whispers in the corridors, wondering what Sirius was doing giving _me_ any sort of attention. And then there was the incessant teasing from my friends. They liked pointing out every single interaction between us. I knew that somehow they had to be aware of the fact that this teasing was frivolous. Sirius probably didn't even notice anything was different between us.

And then there was the con that kept me awake at night. Remus. He never said anything but inside, I could tell he was just as confused as I was. Sirius wasn't saying anything to the rest of the Marauders, in fact, he never mentioned me. But he acted as if I was something different than just a friend. And I knew Remus hated that. At least he didn't fancy me anymore; if he still did, then this whole situation would be killing him.

And then the whole staring and extra attention began to make me feel anxious. I had never gotten this much attention in my whole life. I knew he was probably worried that something would happen to me again, but he didn't need to follow my every move.

It was Friday when I finally got the courage to say something.

"Um, Sirius," I spoke up in the common room that afternoon.

He was in the middle of working on a game of gobstones by himself, since James was off with Lily and Remus was in the library. I was supposed to go with Remus, but I had told him I needed to speak with Sirius. He understood. "Yes?" he answered, looking up at me with those now familiar eyes.

But I hadn't planned on what I was going to say. I stalled, thinking frantically. "You...you keep looking at me." I mentally hit myself for stating the obvious.

He just chuckled, moving one of the pieces of his game. "Well, if it bothers you that much, I won't look at you anymore."

He took it the wrong way. "No!" I said, a bit too quickly. He raised an eyebrow at me. "I mean, I don't mind it, it's just...you're paying more attention to me now, and I don't understand-"

I could have sworn I saw something flash through Sirius's eyes. "That night when my brother found you in the dungeons-" he said, his voice lowering to a dramatic whisper. "-all I could think about was how you were hurt because of somebody that used to be so close to me. And I couldn't bear that thought. I'm worried that he'll try something when I'm not there...and it scares me that I wouldn't be able to do anything. I don't want anything to happen to you, Ivy."

I didn't realize that I wasn't breathing until the long pause after his speech. I let out a slow breath and tried to calm my racing heart. Why did he care that much? I was just Ivy Bennett, that girl that sat behind him in Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Not his newest girlfriend or his best friend. Just...me.

"Oh," I summed up everything in that one word.

Sirius looked away, staring back down at his game set. "If it's frightening you, I'll just-"

"No," I insisted. "It's fine. I didn't know you were so worried about me. I just thought you were..." But as I said it, I realized I had no clue. "...I'm not even sure. I just needed an explanation, I guess."

He looked back up at me and my heart skipped a beat. I hated it when it did that because my throat would always close up and then I couldn't say a word. I found myself just staring at him.

"You're doing it now," Sirius commented with a laugh. And now I was going to start blushing. I watched as he played with his gobstone piece, throwing it and catching it in midair over and over again. It almost looked like he was hesitating, the way he was watching me and not saying a word.

Maybe I was over thinking.

"Hey, what are you doing tomorrow?"

Um. Tomorrow was the Hogsmeade trip.

He couldn't be asking me because he wanted to go with me. There was no way that Sirius Black wanted to spend a Hogsmeade trip with me.

Well, unless it was to make another girl jealous. Then he would want to go with me. But other than that, there was no way.

"Nothing. I was planning on writing actually," I finally answered him, taking deep, calming breaths. The words spilled out of my mouth before I could filter them. "What about you?"

He grinned and I suddenly couldn't breathe. "I actually have plans to go on the Hogsmeade trip tomorrow."

And then I could breath again and my heart stopped racing. He had other plans. Probably plans with another girl. It didn't matter anyway – who was I to think that he wanted to ask _me_? "Oh-" And then I remembered where I was supposed to be. "Oh, um, I have to meet Remus in the library." I hastily began gathering my books together.

I looked up to see Sirius handing me my Transfiguration book. "Uh-" I brushed a piece of my hair behind my ear and reached out for my book, my fingers just slightly brushing his. "T-thanks."

His laughter carried out of the common room as I hurried out of the portrait hole. I stopped in the corridor and let my blush worsen.

* * *

Sirius is now staring at Ivy...nicely. Interesting.

The next chapter will be either right before Valentine's or Valentine's. It depends on if I come up with something to happen before Valentine's because it's still about 10 days away. Maybe I'll just skip those 10 days. I don't know.

I'm amused by the poll, by the way...it's very interesting...


	99. Before

February thirteenth. I stared at the day on my calender, and then my eyes looked down at the upcoming week. It was officially nine days until my eighteenth birthday.

Of course, I still had to get through that dreaded holiday that was eight days before my birthday. But for now, I was just going to wile away the hours studying in the common room with Remus. I needed something to get my mind off of that holiday.

"Valentine's Day is tomorrow," Remus said out of nowhere, in the middle of our procrastination/studying (a game of Exploding Snap caught our interests and studying was long forgotten).

I just murmured something affirmative and concentrated on the game. I didn't think much of the holiday. Remus obviously wasn't going to me out of a date or get me anything. What was the point of talking about it?

"This is the first Valentine's that Sirius doesn't have a date for."

Oh, that's what he was getting to. Wait – that didn't make any sense. "You mean he had a date even in his first year?" I asked skeptically, raising an eyebrow at the oddity of the situation.

Remus nodded. "I think her name was Georgia. A Hufflepuff."

I tried to imagine even thinking about relationships and dating when I was eleven, but I didn't seem probable. I was too busy being awed by Hogwarts and classes to even think about a boy. How did Sirius manage relationships that young?

"Well, he just sent her a card and a dandelion, but I guess it still counts," Remus elaborated.

I ignored my thoughts on how cute that must have been and shrugged. "Why do I care if Sirius has a Valentine's date or not?"

Remus laughed, probably at my calm behavior. I wasn't about to go shouting hallelujah from the top of the Astronomy Tower because Sirius didn't have a date. So what if he didn't? All it meant was that I was free from seeing him with another girl on the holiday.

"Ivy, he prides himself on having a Valentine's Day date. He talked about it all month last year. And then he just decides not to have a date this year? Girls would do anything to be his date and he's just ignoring them all. That's not him."

Okay, a little weird, but I still didn't understand. "So?" I said, flipping over one of my cards. When I didn't receive an answer, I looked up at him. He was staring at me, with this look of all-knowing on his face.

He couldn't be thinking that-

"You have to be joking," I said quickly. "You really don't think _I _have something to do with this, do you?"

"Ever since that incident at the lake, he's been spending a lot of time with you." I shook my head, gathering up the cards. I wasn't about to listen to this. I absolutely _hated_ it when everything started to seem hopeful. Because it would only be a matter of time before it came crashing down on me. "Listen to me, Ivy!" Remus leaned over the table. "I don't know what's going through that head of his, but I'm pretty sure you're somewhere mixed in his thoughts."

I rolled my eyes and stood up. "You don't even want me to be involved with Sirius, so why are you even arguing with me about this?"

He stood up too, never breaking my gaze. "I want whatever makes you happy. If being with Sirius would make you the happiest person in the world, then that's what I want. I want you to be happy."

Why were we even arguing about this? Suddenly, everything seemed backward. I was arguing that Sirius didn't like me, when Remus was arguing that he did. I was worried; I didn't want to feel as though I had a chance when it was all a misunderstanding.

Besides, Sirius would never like me. It was just a joke – a prank maybe.

"Is this a prank, a joke, something?" I asked softly, breaking Remus's gaze and looking down at the table. "I don't want to get hurt if it's something stupid like that."

"It isn't," Remus exclaimed. "And if it was, then Sirius would have come up with it all by himself, and he always tells his ideas to the rest of us. This isn't a joke."

"Maybe it's just Sirius trying to be the best friend he can be," I reasoned. "He's never really had a friend who was a girl. Maybe he doesn't know how to act."

Remus paused. "Maybe," he finally agreed with me.

It was also possible that Sirius didn't want to spend Valentine's with a meaningless date. Maybe he wanted to spend his last Valentine's at Hogwarts with his friends. That made sense and would clarify when he was spending all his extra time with me.

Suddenly, I remembered something.

"What about the girl that went with Sirius on the last Hogsmeade trip? Why isn't she his Valentine's date?"

Remus looked at me strangely. "What girl?" he asked, confusion in his eyes. "I didn't even know that Sirius went on the Hogsmeade trip."

We both looked at each other and I knew what he was thinking, which was incidentally the same thing running through my mind. Who had Sirius lied to? Was it me or Remus? And why had he lied?

I had a feeling he was hiding something. And I had a bad feeling that it wasn't good. Nothing ever turned out to be a good secret...

* * *

I had originally planned for Valentine's to be in this chapter, but then it went another direction. However, the next chapter will feature the entire day of Valentine's.

And now we have Remus's advice.

What's going to happen on Valentine's? Why doesn't Sirius have a date? How many of my reviewers are going to offer to be his date?


	100. Day

"Look at what Frank got me!"

Groaning, I rolled over away from the squeal that interrupted my sleep. Without even opening my eyes, I knew the scene behind me. Alice was holding out a piece of jewelry with that massive smile on her face, and she was bouncing on her toes, jittery from the excitement. My awake roommates were staring at the expensive gift with a look of awe and jealousy on their faces. The asleep roommates were like me: not even bothering to open their eyes because they knew exactly what was going on.

Typical Valentine's Day.

Opening my eyes slightly, I caught sight of the calendar right on my bedside table. My eyes fell on the unfortunate date: February fourteenth. It was marked with a massive heart and a picture of cupid that kept shooting arrows at other dates on the calender. My attention was then diverted to my favorite day of the month. Only eight days...

But first I would have to get through...Valentine's Day. The very thought made me cringe.

With a sigh, I threw the covers off my bed and, after a quick "it's cute" to Alice, I began to get ready for the day.

"What do you suppose James will do for you?" I asked Lily on the way down to breakfast.

She looked at me and shrugged. "I'm not really expecting anything spectacular. He told him that he didn't even need to get me anything."

Bad move. "You know that means he's going to go crazy, right?"

Lily didn't respond for a second, but then she sighed. "I really should have just told him I wanted a flower or something."

But when we sat down at the table in the Great Hall, James just gave Lily a quick kiss and a "happy Valentine's" and sat back down again. There had to be some trick. I looked around the room for the hidden singing house elves or fireworks, but I saw nothing.

The look on Lily's face told me she wasn't fooled. She knew he was planning something, but she was just patient enough to not say a word.

My thoughts wandered back to last year's Valentine's. Lily had thrown away James's gift, Sirius had been bombarded with presents, and, like usual, I ended up with nothing. Maybe James would get Lily chocolate again and I could steal some of the candy from her.

It was then that a large pile of presents to the left of me caught my eye. No doubt that it was Sirius's gifts. I could barely see him behind the barricade of boxes and baskets.

"Ew, Lydia from Slytherin sent you a gift," James was saying to Sirius, holding up a box that was definitely full of chocolate.

I could hear the dislike in Sirius's voice. "My mother was always trying to set me up with her. I thought she hated me. I was sure I made it clear that I didn't like her."

Definitely the typical Valentine's Day.

After sighing for the tenth time today, I decided that it was time to go to class. I really didn't feel like going to Transfiguration to learn about things that would put me to sleep. I wanted to sit in my dormitory and eat chocolate – most likely one of my roommates' boxes of chocolate, since I wasn't going to get any.

Or maybe I could steal from Remus.

I was putting my bookbag strap over my shoulder when I realized that Mary was staring at me strangely from across the table.

"What?" I asked, copying her expression as I stared back at her. All I did was move my bookbag. Why would she be staring at me like that?

"Um," Mary said and then she didn't say anymore because I turned my head slightly to see something was blocking my vision.

My mind registered only one thing: tulips. A bouquet of pretty red tulips was being held out to me. Wait, someone was giving me flowers?

My eyes slowly looked up at the person that was offering me flowers.

I almost groaned out loud. Sirius Black was standing right in front of me, holding out the prettiest arrangement of flowers I've ever seen. And that could only mean one thing.

I was dreaming again. Why, oh why, did I have to have dreams like this? Why did I only dream about amazing things like this happening to me? Why couldn't they just happen in real life?!

As I mentally shouted at myself, my fingers enclosed over the bouquet as he placed them in my hands. They felt real against my hands, but dreams were tricky that way.

And then Dream Sirius quickly bent down and placed a quick, heart-fluttering kiss on my cheek. "Happy Valentine's Day, Ivy," he whispered, breath hot against my skin. And with a grin, Dream Sirius walked right out of the doors and out of sight.

Stupid, perfect dream.

And now I was going to wake up and realize it was all just a dream.

I looked up, not even caring that my cheeks were burning red (it was a dream, why did I care if the dream version of my friends saw?) and noticed everyone staring at me.

And...wake up.

Nope, still here.

I didn't want to do this, but I guess it was the only way. I used my free hand to reach up and pinch my arm as hard as possible.

A shock of pain ran down my arm and I winced. I hated being pinched, it always left a stinging sensation even minutes after the att-I felt pain. Pain meant that...pain that...

It was real?

My eyes widened as everyone at the table continued to stare at me. "That-" I choked out, carelessly pointing behind me. "-...happened?"

They all nodded in unison, the same surprised expression on their faces.

In my shocked state, only one question seemed to be playing on a loop, over and over again, until the very word kept replaying in the back of my head and I didn't even hear it anymore.

Why? Why, why, why, why, why?

I couldn't concentrate during any of my classes. The tulips sat on the desk in front of me, reminding me that what had happened at breakfast was real.

Sirius sat in his usual seat, but he didn't say a word to me before or after class. Not even when we were walking in the corridors between classes, or at lunch, or anything.

Dinner was quickly approaching and we hadn't said a word to each other all day. Well, except for that whole "happy Valentine's Day" comment.

I barely noticed that James had sent Lily a rose every hour of the day. An owl was waiting outside the closest window and would tap on the glass when she walked by. She was a bit flustered the first couple times, but I could tell she was beginning to enjoy it.

She hadn't said a word to me about Sirius and the tulips.

Remus kept staring at me, looking at me with this confused expression. He didn't say a word to me about it either. Nobody spoke about the incident, but we all knew it was on everyone's minds. Nobody seemed to know why Sirius had given me the tulips.

They were so nice though. There was a dozen of them, all wrapped together with a pretty yellow ribbon. The color was absolutely exquisite, such a deep, rich, red color on these flowers that I had never seen before.

I placed the flowers in a vase next to my bed and quickly made my way down to dinner. I spent the whole meal in silence, barely poking at my food.

How could I eat when Sirius had given me flowers and _kissed _me? It was completely different than the kiss in the hospital wing. That kiss was comforting, nothing else. The kiss this morning was...strange. It wasn't just a friend comforting another friend. It was a careful romantic kiss.

Romantic. No, that wasn't the word.

It was...not a friendly kiss. No, a friendly kiss wouldn't have sent those shocks and tingles down my arms and spine. It wouldn't have made me lose my breath and feel suddenly very dizzy and light headed.

No, it was something. Something confusing.

I stared down at my food, contemplating the facts. I bit my lip hard, making me grimace and probably look really angry. But I wasn't angry: just confused.

I left the Great Hall alone, after barely eating a bite of my food. During the walk up to the common room, I realized that I would never be able to talk to Sirius again. I didn't know what to think or how to act around him anymore.

Why, why, why, why, why did he have to mess everything up?! Why did this always seem to happen to me? Why couldn't life that be easy for once?

My foot collided with the wall as I kicked angrily without even thinking. Hot tears ran down my cheeks but I ignored them and, with a dull ache in my foot, continued walking.

"I'm sorry."

I jumped at voice that was right behind me. Out of fear and then realization. Him. Reluctantly, I slowly turned around and looked up into his eyes. He looked...worn.

"W-what?" I stuttered, not even embarrassed that he was seeing my tears.

He took a deep breath. "I got you those flowers because I thought you might like them. I didn't think you would take it the wrong way. I didn't mean to, I don't know, proposition you or whatever you're thinking that's gotten you upset."

I let out a shaky breath, hoping he wasn't saying what I thought he was.

"You obviously hate them and it was the wrong decision and I'm not pressuring you into anything, I promise. Just a friend giving another friend a present. Nothing more, really."

He was rambling. Sirius Black was rambling about giving me a present, in front of my face. This was strange.

My heart sank at his words, but I didn't even pay attention to it. "It's fine. I'm okay with it. You don't have to apologize," I spoke, almost feeling as though my words were spoken through a recorded message.

I should have known.

Another false alarm. Never the real thing.

* * *

Everyone stare at the longest chapter yet. Thanks to LightHead, who asked if I could go over my limit. I was very tempted to end it at the very first set of "why why why why"s but I kept going.

So, um, that was strange. Become a book club, readers! Why is Sirius acting so weird? Honestly, it must look all so confusing.

(For everyone who offered to be Remus's date, I kind of already volunteered myself. Sorry.)

CHAPTER 100! HUZZAH!


	101. Charm

When Sirius had disappeared around the corner of the corridor, I let out a loud sigh and put a hand to my head in frustration. This was just too much.

I made my way to the library, hoping to avoid Sirius for the rest of the night. I just didn't want to see him and remember how he had dashed all of my hopes. The library was empty except for a snogging couple behind the bookshelves.

Ignoring them, I went farther back and found a nice, secluded table. I set my things down on it and dropped into the chair, taking a moment to just let the day's events sink in.

For the first time in my life, I had gotten a gift on Valentine's. A gift on the most romantic day of the year that was just for a friendship.

Figures.

I looked up to see someone walking by while reading a book and had to do a double take. "Eleanor?"

She stopped and turned in my direction. "Oh, I didn't see you." That always seemed to be her excuse when she was reading.

After placing a bookmark (that she conveniently had stowed away in her cloak pocket) to mark her page, she made her way over to my table and sat down. I was about to ask her how she was but she cut me off. "I saw your flowers."

Even the students from the Ravenclaw table saw them. Great. Every girl in the school probably resented me. "I got them from a friend," I explained the truth to her.

"Oh," Eleanor said very quietly.

Too quietly.

"What did you do?" I immediately asked, expecting the worst. She mumbled something quickly and I didn't catch it. "Care to repeat that?"

Eleanor refused to meet my eyes, staring down at the table. "I, um, might have...told mum that you...got flowers today."

And just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse. Why did she have to tell mum? Slightly annoyed, I responded, "Well, did Liam get you anything today? He's your boyfriend after all."

Eleanor flushed (reminding me of myself) and muttered, "He's not my boyfriend." She looked extremely uncomfortable at the mention of Liam being her boyfriend. She probably never thought of him as anymore than a friend.

"Sorry," I apologized. "I'm just...stressed." That was partially true. She looked up at me and nodded in understanding. She knew I didn't want to start a fight. "I'll talk to you later, okay?"

I just wanted to go to sleep. Even though it was only around seven, I needed to just lie down and rest from all this craziness.

"Ivy!"

On the way out of the library, I heard Remus calling my name. Turning around, I saw him walking up to me in the corridor. What if he wanted to talk to me about Sirius? I couldn't deal with it right now. I didn't want to talk about my tulips or the kiss or today in general.

"Hi Remus," I said, hoping that my exhaustion didn't show.

To my surprise, he didn't start the conversation about Sirius like I thought he would. "I got you something for Valentine's," he said.

He held out a box that was holding and I looked at the cover. "You're giving me chocolate? What a surprise," I managed to laugh. But, really, I was extremely grateful. Now I didn't have to steal chocolate from anybody.

He smiled. "Oh, and I have something else." He fumbled in his cloak pocket and brought out a small, black box.

I eyed it suspiciously. "Okay, please don't tell me you're planning to go down on one knee." It looked like a ring box and I knew there was a slight chance that it was.

Remus chuckled. "No, I'm not," he exclaimed, taking the box of chocolates so I could hold the smaller box. "See for yourself."

I took the black box and slowly opened it to find, not a ring, but a small charm in the shape of a book.

"It's a miniature version of the book of Parlement of Foules by Geoffrey Chaucer." I looked up and gave him a strange look. He laughed and explained, "It contains the first mention of Valentine's Day."

"That's so clever," I said, taking the charm out of the box. And really, who would have thought to give someone a charm of a book for Valentine's Day? Remus took the charm from my hands and fastened it to my bracelet.

"You like it?" he asked, looking up at me.

I looked down at the bracelet and all the charms. "I love it. Thanks Remus." I was especially glad that he didn't also get me flowers. With this present, I didn't feel like he was trying to win my affection. It just felt...normal.

We began walking toward the common room in silence. Why wasn't he asking about Sirius? Didn't he want to know what I thought? Wasn't he the least bit interested?

It bugged me. "Aren't you the least bit curious about this morning?" I said out of nowhere.

He took his time to answer. "Of course," he replied. "I just didn't want to seem like I was prying."

"Did you know he was giving me flowers?" I asked. Remus had to know the inside information. Sirius wouldn't keep anything from his friends.

But Remus shook his head. "No, he didn't mention it."

Silence again. "He-he told me that he only got me those flowers out of friendship," I proclaimed. I knew Remus was dying to know why Sirius had gotten me a present.

Remus was strangely calm about the whole thing. "Interesting," he commented.

"You don't seem interested," I pointed out.

He sighed and hesitated to answer. "If I showed too much interest, you would over analyze my actions."

I opened my mouth to speak but then realized he was right. "Okay, maybe you're right. Maybe you could try talking to Sirius, though?" I asked hopefully. Even though Sirius had told me why he had given me the flowers, something didn't feel right. Maybe he had gotten them from another girl or maybe it was a prank waiting to happen.

We stopped outside the portrait. "I'll talk to him," Remus promised.

And then I had to do something I had been dreading all day. Taking a deep breath, I walked in the common room and up the staircase.

And there, waiting inside the dormitory, were five girls staring at the tulips, waiting for a good story.

If only I had one.

* * *

The aftermath of the big day. So, I was tempted to name this chapter 'dalmations' but I stopped myself. I know, it's sad.

Anyway, I _loved_ your reviews for the last chapter. Your speculations, ideas, and guesses were very interesting and some of you were right. But just you wait. It'll be very interesting to see what actually happens.

Thanks for all the reviews! You're...crazyawesomeamazing.


	102. Thanks

"Why did he give you tulips?" I heard one of my roommates ask the next morning. Last night, I got away from answering their questions by proclaiming I had a headache. But I was just stalling the inevitable. And by the tone of the voice, I knew it was Marlene who was asking.

I put my journal into my bookbag and said, nonchalantly, "Because he wanted to."

Marlene frowned as Lily and I left the dormitory. I was actually in a good mood. It wasn't Valentine's Day anymore and there was only a week left until my birthday. I had nothing to worry about.

"It's going to be worse at breakfast," Lily suddenly said, looking over at me. "You had one jealous person in the dormitory but in the Great Hall, there's going to be about fifty girls glaring at you."

I had almost forgotten about that. "You don't think they'll try to kill me, do you?"

Lily shook her head. "Sirius's past girlfriends are all still alive."

Girlfriend? I almost tripped when the realization of what Lily had said sunk in. "What? I'm not his girlfriend-I just got flowers. He said he gave it to me out of friendship...not-...I'm not his girlfriend." My mind was so jumbled that I couldn't even form a complete thought.

Lily looked amused at my ranting. "I'm just saying that you're _like_ a girlfriend. But that's not what everyone else is going to think. The whole school probably has you labeled as Sirius Black's new girlfriend."

Oh no.

My feet stopped in their tracks and I abruptly turned around to hide under my covers all day. I couldn't face a mob of angry girls. I wasn't ready to hear everyone gossiping about me.

But then something was holding me back. Lily. Her hand was clasped firmly around my bookbag strap and she wasn't about to let go. "I can't do this," I announced, trying my best to break out of Lily's grasp.

But Lily forced me to take a couple steps back and faced me with a scary, stern look. "You _will_ go to breakfast, you _will_ sit in your normal seat, and you _will_ ignore any glare you get. You're going to show your Gryffindor courage and like it!"

I stared at her with wide eyes. "You know, I really feel bad for your future children," I finally muttered. "Especially if you scare them like that."

She rolled her eyes, unable to keep her stern expression on her face. It was soon replaced with a smile. "Really, Ivy. You're not hiding in the dorm all day. Let's go to breakfast and get through this Friday."

James was in a heated discussion with Mary when we finally arrived. "You've got to be kidding me. We need to practice at least for two hours tonight," he was saying, not even acknowledging our presence as we sat down.

Mary shook her head. "It's Hufflepuff, James. If they're anything like last year, it'll be a breeze."

But James looked concerned. "They've got a new seeker and I heard he's really good!"

"Better than Barnes?" I looked over to where the Gryffindor seeker was sitting and saw him look up at the mention of his name.

James sighed. "Okay, maybe I'm stressing over nothing, but it's our last year and we have to win the house cup."

Sirius nodded, looking quite serious about the matter. "We've already started planning the house cup party at the end of the year. We're actually saving up on supplies by not having a party tomorrow night."

For some reason, that really lifted my spirits. I didn't have to deal with an annoying common room party tomorrow night. I could just work on my story and get some sleep without the loud music and drunk students.

Mary looked at the two boys who were staring at her intensely. "Fine, I'll come to the practice tonight. But I'm only staying for an hour."

It was then that James glanced over at Lily. "When did you get here?" he asked her, absolutely bewildered.

James's mind was obviously on only one thing: Quidditch.

I accidentally caught Sirius's gaze and immediately looked down. I could feel the stares of all the girls watching us. I didn't want them to catch Sirius and I interacting. They'd jump on me and maul me to death.

I wondered if he thought I hated the flowers. Thinking back, that was the impression I would have gotten. He probably was afraid to ever talk to me again.

Ignoring everything around me, I glanced up again and said, quickly, "I really didn't hate the flowers, if that's what you're thinking."

I had almost expected the entire table to fall into an awkward silence, but everyone around me kept on with their private conversations. But I had Sirius's attention. "I was just surprised and I really do like the flowers," I paused, and then added, "A lot."

Sirius's eyes were considerably lighter – telling me that he was happy without him bursting out into a smile. He leaned forward, beckoning me closer. I looked around briefly at everyone watching and wondered if Sirius was trying to make them jealous. Putting the thought out of my mind, I concentrated on what he was saying. "I actually had to go to Hogsmeade to get those. They're charmed so they'll never die. I didn't want to get you flowers so that you could slowly watch them die. It's a bit depressing."

Only he would think of that. I smiled and said, "Well, I never had a chance to say thank you." I paused awkwardly, and then added, "So, um, thank you."

He looked really happy – as if my happiness had made his day. "You're welcome."

And then I realized what he had said. Sirius went into Hogsmeade to get my flowers. Which meant he didn't go with another girl on the last trip. He went with _me_ on his mind.

_I_ was on his mind.

* * *

This website has been acting strange for me lately. And I've heard that it's been acting strange for all of you too. I haven't gotten any emails with my reviews and you haven't gotten any alerts for my chapters...very weird. Anyway, look at the cuteness! Aw!

If anyone went "OMGDEMETRIMARTIN" during this chapter, that's absolutely amazing.

Tomorrow's chapter will include the Quidditch match and writing...with Sirius's help. Oh yes.


	103. Content

It was the first time I really ever got excited about a Quidditch match. I actually grabbed my house scarf before leaving the dormitory that morning, ready to cheer on the team.

Maybe it was because my birthday was _six_ days away. Or maybe I was finally perfectly content. Sirius knew I didn't hate the flowers, we were on friendly speaking terms, Remus didn't seem too shaken by the last couple days, and everything was going perfectly.

Except for the whole N.E.W.T.S thing. But I could take a day off for some excitement.

The new Hufflepuff seeker was good – but no match for the Gryffindor team. They were better than last year and they managed to score a couple goals. However, an hour into the game, Barnes saw the snitch and dove for it, catching the little golden ball in record time. The Hufflepuff seeker had no time to react.

To my surprise, Sirius was actually telling the truth. There was no party when we entered the common room, just groups of people excitedly taking about the match. I didn't see any drinking, any games, any dancing.

Just a normal day in the common room.

Well, there was that sixth year girl glaring at me. It was probably because I was standing too close to Sirius. And there was probably some rumors going around about him and I. I didn't want to hear them – they would only make me cringe.

I was about to ascend the staircase to get my journal when Sirius looked over at me. "Hey, I never helped you with your story."

Oh yeah, he had detention the last time we were going to work on it. He owed me. "Are you free then?" I asked, seeing the girl frown out of my peripheral vision.

He grinned. "Of course."

And when I turned to go up the staircase, the girl gave me the dirtiest look I have ever received in my life. She probably thought I was personally trying to steal Sirius away from her. Or maybe she was an ex-girlfriend. I didn't know who his ex-girlfriends were. There were too many to remember.

Shaking my head, I ignored that fact and quickly retrieved my journal that was stowed away under my pillow.

I half-expected him to have disappeared when I came back down, but he was there, talking to Remus on the couch. Remus noticed me before Sirius, glancing up at me.

It must be extremely strange for him – having his best girl friend beginning to have a friendly relationship with Sirius. I knew he was against it, but he wouldn't say a word. Even though Sirius had a bad reputation, Remus trusted me with him. Probably because of the fact that Sirius and I weren't just strangers, we were friends and Sirius would be killed by the other guys if he ever hurt me in any way.

It was a strange, comforting thought.

"Hi, Remus, Sirius," I said, sitting down in between them on the couch. Opening my journal, I came to the last page that Sirius had read and gave it to him.

Remus looked at me strangely.

And then, with a sinking feeling, I realized that I had never told him I was letting Sirius read my story. What would he think? Would he think this was just a clever plot that Sirius was using to take advantage of me? Or did Sirius joke about journal while I wasn't around and laugh about my writing?

Every single bad scenario flashed through my mind and I was beginning to feel a bit dizzy. But then Remus gave me one of his reassuring smiles and I immediately felt better by seeing the hope and happiness on that boy's face.

I took a look over at Sirius to see him finishing the first page.

"Ivy Bennett?"

Wait-that was my name. Turning my head, I saw a young girl, probably a second or third year, nervously standing to the side.

"Yes?" I asked hesitantly. Why was this girl talking to me? I had no clue who she was. Remus exchanged a confused glance with me before the girl spoke again. "Um, someone's waiting for you outside the portrait."

Who could it be? Someone from another house if they couldn't come through the portrait hole. It was probably my sister then. "Thank you," I said to the girl as she hurried away. "I'll be right back," I added to Remus and Sirius.

Sirius merely nodded, acknowledging that I said something, so enthralled with my journal. Seeing Sirius focusing that much on reading was a strange sight. People were starting to notice and watch him read, eyes never blinking.

I found myself glad to be leaving the common room.

When I finally exited the portrait hole, I was surprised to see, not a young Ravenclaw girl, but a familiar Ravenclaw boy standing there instead. He looked absolutely anxious and was pacing back and forth. At the sound of the portrait opening, he looked over at me with widened eyes.

Just by the look on his face I knew. My heart stopped and I struggled to say, "What's wrong, Liam?"

I dreaded his answer. I knew what it was going to be but when I heard it spoken out loud, it confirmed one of my worst fears.

"Eleanor."

* * *

Clifffhannnggerrr.

I missed those a lot. Speculation for the people that get to read this chapter in enough time before the next chapter is posted because this website is failing!

I realized I get a lot of my reviews from people who have this story on alert. If you're just reading along, leave a review. New reviews make my day!


	104. Worried

"Wha-" I began to ask him, but Liam had grabbed my hand and was pulling me down the corridor. He was surprisingly strong for a first year, but I still managed to wrench my hand from his grasp. "No, tell me," I insisted. I couldn't just follow this boy when I didn't know if something was wrong with my sister.

"Please, just trust me," Liam said and without even grabbing my hand this time, he began making his way down the corridor again. I hurried to follow as we went down floor after floor.

As we made our way down a familiar corridor, I realized where we were heading. The double oak doors stood in front of me, towering over me menacing. Anything but the hospital wing. The hospital wing was not a good sign.

I stood there, staring up at the doors. I could hear Liam sigh in frustration and grab my hand again. "Come on," he said, pulling me inside and to the back of the room.

I could see someone small lying in the bed, and I knew before I even got close enough to see their face that it was Eleanor. Liam let go of me as we got to the side of her bed and went around to the other side to watch me.

She was lying on her back with her eyes closed. Her cheeks were rosy red, a very fake, uncomfortable red. She was breathing with difficulty and I looked up at Liam, inquiring answers without even asking a single question.

"We were heading back to the Ravenclaw common room," Liam answered. "And, I don't know what happened, but she just fell to the ground. She was fine all day and then, out of nowhere, she fainted. I don't know what's wrong. Madam Pomfrey won't tell me anything because I'm not family."

I took in his worried expression and realized I really liked the boy standing across from me. He truly cared for his friends and I had no right to instantaneously label him. "I'll talk to Madam Pomfrey, Liam. You stay here."

He nodded slightly. Madam Pomfrey was standing in front of a cart with many different antidotes and potions scattered all over. "Um, Madam Pomfrey?" She looked over, finally recognizing my presence and almost knocking over a green, large bottle. "I'm Ivy Bennett, Eleanor's sister."

"Oh, you're the sister that boy was talking about," she exclaimed, stepping away from the cart. "You needn't worry, Miss Bennett. Your sister has a mild case of Sanor's, a very treatable wizarding illness." I let out a relieved breath. I had had Sanor's when I was seven, and it was basically the wizarding common cold, complete with fever and fainting spells. "She'll just need to rest a couple days in the hospital wing and she'll be fine."

I thanked Madam Pomfrey and went back over to where Liam was waiting for my news. "It's just Sanor's," I announced.

"I should have known that," Liam said after a pause. Was he actually feeling guilty that he didn't know what was wrong with Eleanor? Was he feeling stupid for himself or worry for her?

I didn't have a chance to ask because Eleanor groaned and my attention was directed to her. Placing a hand on her forehead, I said softly, "Eleanor?" Her eyelids fluttered and then opened slightly.

"'Lo," she murmured, her eyes focusing on me.

I smiled. "Hey. You feeling okay?"

She moved her head slightly. "Fine."

And she was drifted off into sleep again, I sat in the chair next to her bed and thought about how different it was to be sitting in these chairs instead of in the bed. Were the thoughts that kept running through my mind identical to Sirius's when I was hurt? I couldn't imagine him this worried over me.

"Ivy..."

Was that his voice?

"Ivy, wake up..."

It was. But I wasn't sleeping. I was watching Eleanor sleep.

But then my hair was moving by itself. My eyes snapped open at the strange realization to see Sirius quickly pulling his hand back. "You're awake." Whoa, deja vu.

I blinked a couple times and found myself lounging in my chair and Sirius watching me. I sat up and wondered what he was doing in the hospital wing. How did he even know I was here?

"What time is it?" I heard myself asking.

"About eight." Oh, that wasn't that late. "In the morning," he added. Did I really sleep the night in the hospital wing? I hadn't told anyone where I'd be – they were probably all confused and worried about me.

"How did you know I was here?" I whispered, looking to see Eleanor still sleeping soundly. Liam was missing.

"Caught that Liam kid in the corridor. He was heading down to breakfast and he told me that you were sleeping up here," Sirius explained, glancing over at Eleanor. "Is Little Ivy okay?"

With a lightened mood, I answered, "She'll be okay, just Sanor's."

Sirius gave me one of his grins. "Well, then I'm officially kidnapping you to get some breakfast."

I tried my best to ignore the way I reacted to his statement and looked back at Eleanor. "I can't just leave her alone."

"Liam's coming back up," Sirius proclaimed. "Come on, you need to get some food." And then he held out his hand, waiting for me to take it.

With a pounding heart, I stared at the outstretched hand and then I placed my hand as calmly as I could on his. He took it without hesitation and helped me out of my chair.

I wasn't going to even remotely stay calm if he kept grinning at me like that.

* * *

It's pretty hilarious because the entire time writing the second half of this chapter, my mind kept asking "WHERE'S REMUS?". That will be answered in the next chapter.

So, yes, I've been updating everyday, and yes, this website has been going crazy. But you reviewers are still amazingly awesome. I actually proclaimed my love for all of you out loud yesterday. You guys are very amusing...


	105. Read

I think he was talking to me. I mean, I remembered when he started talking, but then my attention was focused on our connected hands. And then I couldn't even concentrate on his words. Or anything. Just our hands and how they were together.

Together. As we were walking down the corridor to the Great Hall. He still hadn't let go of my hand. He didn't even mention how we were holding hands.

We were just...holding hands. Like it was an everyday occurrence.

But it wasn't. Because we don't ever hold hands. The only other time this happened was because there was another girl involved. I don't think there's another girl this time. Just me and him and our interlaced fingers.

Oh, wait, he was talking to me. Maybe I should be concentrating on that. Forcing my eyes away from our hands, I looked up at him. He was staring straight ahead, talking about something.

I tried my best to listen. "I actually stayed up and read last night. Moony thought I was going crazy because I was "voluntarily giving up my beauty rest" or something like that. He's been acting a little strange lately." And I could only guess why. We really needed to talk about all the "improvements". "Your story is pretty interesting to keep me awake for that long. Usually reading puts me to sleep but I didn't even feel the slightest bit tired reading your story. I guess that's a good thing, huh?"

I nodded. "Yeah," I mumbled.

Sirius then yawned and managed to grin afterward. "See, I'm tired. Look at what you did to me, Ivy."

I ignored the other implications of that phrase and took a quick look around to see if any other students had decided to drop in our conversation at the most inappropriate time. Nope, it looked like we were good.

"You don't mind if I keep your journal and finish reading it later today, do you?" It was so strange that Sirius wanted to keep my journal and _read _it. Partially because he was reading a novel for entertainment and then there was the fact that it was _my _journal. And he wanted to read what _I _wrote.

My insides twisted and squirmed uncomfortably but I said "No, keep it," anyway.

"Good," Sirius smiled at me. We finally reached outside the Great Hall when I realized our hands were still connected. I couldn't go into a room with all those people staring at us. I would get glares and curious looks.

I didn't want that attention.

Without even thinking of the consequences, I wrenched my hand out of Sirius's grasp and began to walk in the hall. It took him a second to follow, and I wondered if I confused him or maybe even offended him.

Why couldn't I just think before I acted? Mentally hitting myself over and over, I went to sit down in my normal seat. Everyone said hello like usual, but I noticed something was off. And I knew exactly what it was.

Remus was sitting across from me, trying his best not to glance up at me. But I kept seeing him sneak glances. Why didn't he want to look at me? Was he mad at me because of Sirius. It was plausible.

But I didn't want Remus to be mad at me again. I hated it when he was mad at me; it was the most awful feeling.

I _really _needed to talk to him.

"Um, Remus," I said to catch his attention. His eyes flickered up to me hesitantly. "Can we talk really quickly? Outside?"

He didn't have the heart to say no, and immediately got up to follow me out of the Great Hall. I could feel everyone's eyes on us, and it was a very unpleasant feeling. I was surprised I wasn't used to it yet.

"You're not mad at me, are you?" I asked as soon as we were out of the hall.

I watched as a weak smile appeared on his face. "I can't be mad at you, Ivy. I'm just...I don't know, frustrated."

I paused in confusion. "About Sirius." It wasn't even a question, more of a statement.

Remus sighed deeply. "It's just – why are you letting Sirius read your journal and no one else?"

Was he jealous? Was he frustrated because Sirius was sharing something with me that Remus didn't know about? "You never asked about my story," I told him truthfully. "Sirius asked about it a long time ago."

Remus didn't say anything for a long while and instead, looking down at the ground, looking lost in thought. After a many lengthy seconds of silence, he finally said, so quietly that I almost missed it, "It's about him, isn't it?"

How did he know? Remus had never even looked at my journal. How could he possibly know that Sirius was my source of inspiration? "Why do you think that?" I decided to ask. I tried to keep a calm face, but my insides were failing to let that happen.

Remus shrugged. "Because you let him read it. It's your way of letting him know you fancy him."

What? No, I didn't let Sirius read my story because I fancied him. I let him because he simply asked. Remus couldn't be farther off.

But what if I was? On one hand, I didn't want Sirius to ever know my secret. But what if he knew it and felt the same? But, no, the journal wasn't the way of telling him. He would never understand the complexity of my characters. Sometimes I would even get confused. He would never get it.

"It's because he asked. Nothing else," I repeated.

Remus nodded in defeat. He knew that I was telling the truth. "Will you ever let anyone else read it?" he suddenly asked.

I knew he was asking if _he _would ever be able to read it. And the answer was clear. "Of course. I promise."

The promise wasn't for anybody, it was just for him. He understood and smiled, any anxiety written on his face finally washed away.

* * *

Hey, look, there's Remus. Being all adorable. Yay.

I've been getting some amazing reviews lately and some of them are anonymous, so I can't even reply. You know who you are...thanks.

And 200 story alerts? I'm completely floored by the fact that 200 people want to know when I update. Thank you.


	106. Just

I was in the middle of spreading jam on my toast when the post arrived. I barely received any post, so I never really paid attention. However, I was surprised when a letter landed on my plate, covering my food from my view.

Taking the letter off the plate and putting down my toast in its place, I curiously examined the outside of the letter.

There wasn't any doubt who it was from. My parents. They wanted to know what Eleanor had meant by someone sending me flowers on Valentine's Day. I should have known this was coming.

With a loud sigh, I began to open the letter and unfolded it in front of me. The writing looked very hurried and I knew my mother was excited when she had wrote this. Bad news.

_Ivy,  
__I have heard from Eleanor that you got some flowers on Valentine's. That is so cute! Who's the lucky boy? Is that that Remus that visited us during break? He was such a fine, young boy, I really hope it was him. You two would be perfect for each other. Should I get in touch with his mother, just in case. We can start planning..._

_Well, silly me, it probably isn't even Remus. Probably some boy that's been smitten with you forever and finally wanted to tell you by giving you flowers._

_I'm so glad that you finally have a boyfriend. Tell us all about him. Your father wants to know all the details. (He keeps threatening to invite this boy over for an interview. Don't worry. He won't on my watch.)_

_Love,  
__Mum_

It was worse than I thought. I didn't even know Remus would be brought into the whole ordeal. Maybe I shouldn't have invited him over during break. It was just turning out to be disastrous.

And my mother thought I had a boyfriend. Why did receiving flowers on Valentine's automatically mean that I had a boyfriend?

Absolutely awful.

"You received post?" I heard Remus say. I took a quick look around everyone else at the table to see them too interested talking to everyone else.

Looking back over at Remus, I slid the piece of parchment over to him. "My mum sent me this."

I watched as Remus gave me a curious look and then began reading. Surprisingly, he kept a straight face reading the entire letter and then looked at me calmly when he was finished, holding out the letter. I took it from him and contemplated on ripping it up or setting it on fire.

And then I saw it. Remus – trying to hide his smile. He was _amused_. He was amused at the fact that my mum liked him. I _knew_ giving him that letter was a bad idea.

"Your mum really likes me that much?" he asked, trying so hard to hide that cocky, stupid smile. It was out of place on Remus and I didn't like it.

Rolling my eyes, I replied with a short, "oh, shut it, will you?" and took a large bite out of my toast.

The comment made a couple people glance over, included an entirely-too-adorable Sirius, looking very confused and interested. But I wasn't about to tell them why I had snapped at Remus.

I was just going to burn that letter later and forget that my parents had said anything.

I wasn't even finished with breakfast when I said my goodbyes to the table and, taking along my toast, hurried out of the Great Hall. I really wanted to see Eleanor and make sure she was okay. And maybe yell at her for owling mum and dad.

When I entered the wing, I first saw Liam sitting in the chair that I had slept in, leaning forward and talking about something with an awake Eleanor, who looked much better from the night before.

"Guess what I got?" I immediately dived into the conversation, holding out the letter. Eleanor looked up at me with her innocent, wide eyes. "Mum and dad owled me about my flowers."

"Oh, yeah-" My eyes focused on Liam who had spoken suddenly, instead of Eleanor. "All the Ravenclaw girls keep talking about the flowers you received from Sirius. They keep asking Eleanor if you two are official."

Official? The thought of Sirius Black and I _official _was officially crazy. I couldn't even wrap my mind around it. I was about to ask 'really' but bit my tongue. There was no doubt about it – everyone was talking about us.

"What did you tell them?" I decided to ask instead, looking back at Eleanor.

She shrugged. "I told them that I didn't know anything about it." I let out a breath of relief. But I knew that Eleanor wouldn't just blurt out and say that we were in a relationship. She had to have her facts straight before giving an answer. "So, are you?"

She asked the question meekly, as if she wasn't sure what my reaction was going to be. I looked into her curious eyes and then quickly glanced over at Liam who was also eagerly waiting for my answer.

Were Sirius and I the gossip of Hogwarts? How come everyone wanted to know about our relationship so badly? I wasn't that interesting –

Oh, but Sirius was. Everyone wanted to know about Sirius's latest "girlfriend". So I was their latest target. I didn't know how much more of this attention I could take...

"No," I finally said. "No, it's not like...that."

Sirius just held my hand, kissed my cheek, gave me flowers, comforted me, worried about me, wondered about me, and talked to me because we were friends...

Just friends. Only friends.

Friends.

* * *

So, recently, I've gotten to be a fangirl for the first time in years. I wrote this chapter and then I reread it and went "urgh, songfic to a song of their's". So, it is. But I'm not telling you who it is.

Thanksthanksthankthanks...in case we were running out of 'thanks'.

I might be going camping this summer, and if I do, there won't be any chapters for a couple days, so I'm just giving you all a heads up...


	107. Plans

I watched him intently, searching his face for any emotion. But he was like stone, his mouth never even twitched.

Usually, I hated watching people read something I had written. I couldn't even watch my professors take a look at my essays and had to turn away or run out of the classroom. But, here I was, sitting with Sirius Black on the couch in the common room, watching him read.

His eyes never wavered from my words. He leaned forward, peering over the journal that sat on the table in front of us. I wasn't even sure if he was blinking.

He was on the last page and it seemed as though he had been reading it for a long time. Maybe he was thinking through what was going to happen next. I left off at an extremely strange spot, where Sebastian was joking around with Anne in his shop. I didn't even complete the scene. Sirius was probably confused.

He looked as though he had something to say about my writing. Maybe about a character or the setting or the plot. I could tell by the way his eyes light up and a crease appeared between his eyebrows.

I watched as he finally leaned back and opened his mouth slightly to say something, but then a loud shout from behind us halted his words.

"Hey, you two!"

James. I turned around to see an excited Head Boy. "What's going on?" I asked. There was nothing happening – why would James be all excited? The silly idea of him proposing to Lily popped in my head but I quickly dismissed the thought. I just couldn't see that happening.

"I just remembered something!" James announced, going around the couch to sit next to me on the other side. "Friday is your birthday."

Oh, wow, he remembered this year. "Yes, it is," I replied out loud, not wanting to give a sarcastic comment in response.

I could tell by the look on James's face that what he was thinking was not good. Sirius poked me in the arm, forcing me to look at him (and ignore the sting from where he had poked me). "Why don't you let the Marauders throw you a party?"

So, that's what they were thinking. I knew it would be bad. "Uh, no," I answered. Already I could feel the anxiety and the nerves that associated themselves with parties. I unconsciously rubbed my arm, trying to get rid of the awful prickling.

"Why not?" James said. "We owe it to you."

True, they did owe me from last year, but I didn't want to mingle with strangers on my birthday. I just wanted a nice, relaxing day with absolutely nothing planned. I was looked forward to the day (five days!) and I didn't want my countdown to be ruined by an out-of-control party. "I just want to have a quiet birthday," I tried to explain.

Then, out of nowhere, Peter showed up on the other side of Sirius. "It'd be fun though!" he added with a huge smile.

It might be fun for them, but not of me. I wasn't the party-type. I was an introvert – I didn't like parties at all. I wasn't even a social person.

"Fun for you," I proclaimed. "But it wouldn't be fun for me. And since it's my birthday, shouldn't I get the birthday I want?"

"Of course," Remus said (did the Marauders have some sort of signal that went off so that all of them could show up together?). I looked over at the boy who randomly entered our conversation and gave him a small smile. At least he understood. "What do _you_ want?"

Oh, I wasn't expecting that question. What did I want?

Well, in short, there were five things I wanted:

1. A calming, relaxing day. (Stress-free would be amazing.)

2. My friends with me. (Wouldn't be a birthday without my friends.)

3. My parents to owl me birthday wishes. (Preferably on my birthday unlike last year.)

4. A new quill. (I really wanted this one I saw in Scrivenshaft's. Besides, the ones I was using were starting to wear down.)

5. Sirius Black.

One through four seemed reasonable enough. Number five, however, would just be that one thing that's always on a birthday wish list that never comes true. Everyone had one, and I knew that putting Sirius on mine, he would be that one thing.

Besides, having him as a friend was great. I wouldn't want to ruin all that.

I still had to answer Remus's question. "Um, I guess I just want to have a normal day. Without any pranking or hexing or anything remotely stressful."

James laughed. "Yeah, I'll just go to Dumbledore and ask him to forget about the N.E.W.T.S this year."

"As long as you don't do anything stupid, it'll be a great day for me," I explained to them. That's really what I wanted in simple terms. I didn't want them to start torturing Snape or pulling pranks on my birthday. I just wanted a nice day.

"Fine," Sirius agreed. "We promise that we won't do anything stupid."

I smiled, thinking it was the end of the conversation. "Good."

"But-" Sirius added loudly, overlapping my 'good'. "-we will make it your best birthday ever."

"Oh...great..." I said slowly as I wondered what the implications of that phrase meant. I could tell Remus saw it as harmless as he grinned along with the rest of them. And it assured me that maybe Sirius was right.

After all, it was entirely possible that four out of five things were going on happen on my day. And the fifth...well, that was just wishful thinking.

* * *

Wondering about Ivy's story? Me too, it'll probably be featured in the next chapter.

There's about two-three chapters until Ivy's birthday. I'm not exactly sure because I don't have what's going to happen between now and her birthday planned out. I should do that.

Anyone hear about the "shoelace" incident? No? Go check out the first link on my profile then. I'm laughing and really want to parody that scene in my story...

Oh, I have a forum for discussion about this story now. Thanks to LightHead!

DFTBA!


	108. Smile

I expected the days before my birthday to be uneventful. After all, it was during the week, and we all had classes and essays to focus on. I didn't have the time to get distracted by something else.

However, as I went through my Monday classes, I realized something wasn't right. I couldn't place it at first, but then, in the middle of Charms, I noticed the expression of Sirius's face.

He was smiling.

That wasn't strange in itself, but the way he was smiling, as if he knew something no one else did was the strange part. Every time he caught me looking at him his smile was wide and when he didn't catch me, it was this half-smile, so secretive as if he knew that nobody else understood why he was so happy.

He probably had gotten a new girlfriend or something. I didn't know what he was so excited about. And I didn't have the time to ask anybody else. All I could do was continue to send him questioning looks.

Of course, he continued to smile.

And then, on the way to dinner, I could feel his eyes on me and see his smile in my head without even turning around.

I turned around without thinking first and the words tumbled out of my mouth, "Can you please stop doing that? It's really creeping me out."

Lily and James, who were walking with us from the common room, looked almost surprised that I said anything. I didn't mean to say anything – I really _was_ getting creeped out and I couldn't concentrate on anything but that smile.

Sirius's smile didn't falter. "Is it making you nervous?"

Nervous? Well, in a way that Sirius didn't know about. He didn't know that when he gave me attention, goosebumps appeared on my arms and tingles ran down my spine. "No," I lied, but it was weak.

His smile turned into a grin. Oh no, this wasn't good. I couldn't handle his grins. I expected him to respond with a cheeky comment, but he didn't say anything, and instead began walking again.

I looked over at Lily, wondering if she understood. She looked just as confused as me. James shrugged as my eyes wandered over to him.

With a sigh, I tried to convince myself that the previous conversation didn't happen. However, that wasn't possible as Sirius turned to me again and gave me that heart-stopping grin.

Once again, I didn't think about the consequences of my words. "This isn't about a birthday party for me or something? You're not planning anything, are you?"

James answered for me. "It better not be because I haven't heard anything about it."

Sirius chuckled. "No, it's not about your party."

Did that mean there was going to be a party? Why wouldn't he tell me why he was so happy? Was he just trying to get me to overreact? I didn't know what to think about this. I didn't know how to think when he was smiling in my vicinity.

I tried to keep walking even though my knees were threatening to give out on me. When we reached the Great Hall, I was overjoyed to sit down and not having to worry about falling down.

"Ivy." I looked up at my name, refusing to look to the left (and see that smile) and focused on Remus in front of me. "Are you free after dinner?"

I nodded, hoping that Remus had something planned, and that I wouldn't have to be subjected to Sirius's smiles all night.

"Do you want to study in the library after dinner?"

I was never more grateful to hang out with Remus in my life. I really loved this boy at the moment. "Yeah," I said, even more grateful when Remus didn't smile at me. He just nodded and continued eating his dinner.

I couldn't stand smiles anymore.

As soon as Remus and I left the Great Hall, I immediately began talking. Remus raised an eyebrow at my forwardness. "Do you have any idea why Sirius keeps smiling like that?"

Remus didn't answer for a second, and then finally shrugged. "Honestly, I don't know. Maybe you should ask him."

Ask Sirius? Ask him about why he kept smiling? The very thought caused me to gasp for breath. I couldn't just go and ask him right out, could I?

But it seemed so easy. Just go right up to him and ask him. That's all I had to do and all my questions would be answered. I wouldn't have to stay up all night wondering what was going through his head. I could just...ask.

My feet were already moving backward, forcing me to make that decision. "I'll...uh, be right back," I finally said, and then I was running up the staircases, up to the seventh floor and Gryffindor tower. Hopefully, he was there.

I was out of breath by the time I stumbled through the portrait and took a quick look around the room. He was by the fireplace, talking to Peter and James.

I was already standing beside him before I knew the words to say. Peter and James were staring straight at me with their eyebrows raised. "Why are you smiling?" And for the millionth time that day, the words just tumbled out before I could think them through.

Sirius finally acknowledged me and turned his head slightly, catching my gaze with his. His eyes were even smiling at me.

Was I just paranoid? Maybe I was – and I had just made a fool out of myself. I had just given Sirius the right to laugh at me.

Oh no, oh no, oh no. Why did I just do that?

Sirius's voice brought me out of my panic. "Because I'm a happy person," he answered simply with that grin. And for a split second, I thought he could tell what he was doing to me. Without even saying goodbye, I made my way out of the common room and back down to the library.

I didn't know what to think.

And I still had no clue what was going through Sirius Black's head.

* * *

Ivy's story – next chapter.

New poll question.

And...austenfan92, I can't PM you, so I'll answer you here: Yes! I love John Green. He's so inspiring.

Thank you everyone.


	109. Gone

Sirius's smiles had distracted me from the fact that he still had my journal. He was finished with it – why hadn't he given it back yet?

It wasn't until Tuesday night when I was rummaging through my bookbag did I realize it was still in his possession. And then I remembered that he still hadn't told me what he thought of it. James had interrupted him when he was about to tell me.

I looked around the common room and tried to see someone smiling like a maniac or someone with dark hair. There were a lot of people with dark hair (no one smiling crazily though) but no Sirius Black.

I found Remus and Peter sitting by the fireplace and James and Lily sitting on the couch together. Where else would Sirius be on a Tuesday night?

In the dormitory? But, no, I hadn't even seen him come in and I had been sitting in the common room since dinner.

The only other place that came to mind was the library. But I couldn't see Sirius alone, in the library, working on an essay or studying. It was a mental image that was fuzzy and strange.

Instead of going over and asking someone, I got up and, after fixing my bookbag strap, made my way out of the common room. I hoped that no one was patrolling yet. I didn't want to get punished for being out of the common room after hours.

But what if I did get in trouble?

I couldn't just get in trouble during my seventh year - my _last_ year. My parents would kill me. They would never understand why I was out of the common room-

Unless I was going to visit Eleanor. I had gone to see her earlier today during lunch, but if I was really worried about her, I'm sure Madam Pomfrey would let me in to see her. And on the way down, I could check the corridors and classrooms for Sirius.

However, I was only met with deserted corridors on the way down to the hospital wing. No one, not even the ghosts or portraits, bothered me as I walked quickly down the staircases and hallways.

Madam Pomfrey was nowhere to be found as I slipped into the room. Strange. Cautiously, I checked around each darkened corner and found nothing...no one...Absolute silence filled the room. It was almost like no one was in here.

No one was.

Eleanor wasn't in her bed. It was empty – the blankets were pushed to one side as if she had just gotten up and walked out. But she couldn't just leave. Madam Pomfrey was supposed to be watching her. Liam was always with her-

Liam.

He had taken her out of the hospital wing. He had forced her to go somewhere with him and leave the care of Madam Pomfrey. I _knew_ that that boy was trouble. Why did I leave Eleanor alone with him?!

The door creaked open behind me and I spun around, expecting to see that little troublemaker. But instead, I saw a different, older troublemaker, smiling that smile.

"Sirius?" I had to ask in disbelief.

And it wasn't only him. No, my sister was with him with a small smile on her face. My sister, _Eleanor_ went out of the hospital wing with _Sirius_? No, no, no, this made no sense.

He must have noticed the look of disbelief and worry on my face because his grin faltered a bit. "Hey, Ivy."

"Hi," Eleanor said, sounding much better than when I went to see her earlier. What had Sirius done? Where had he taken her? Why _did_ he take her?

I didn't even have to mental capacity to say hello back. I, instead, settled on the first question that came to mind. "Where did you take her?"

"Here, sit down first," Sirius said, motioning to the chair I was standing in front of.

Why did he want me to sit down? Did something happen? Oh, no, what if something had happened and -

Suddenly, Sirius was sitting down in the chair next to me, and I was forcing myself to sit down too. I watched as Eleanor climbed back into her bed, her round eyes staring at the both of us.

And then Sirius was speaking. "I was passing by the hospital wing on the way back from dinner and I thought since your sister has been sitting in here for the past couple days that maybe she'd like a trip down to the kitchens."

I looked over at my sister with narrowed, confused eyes. "You accepted?"

She just smiled sheepishly. "I wanted to go somewhere. Liam wouldn't take me – he was afraid for my well-being."

Okay, that kid was officially back on good terms.

"And you just took her down there?" I turned to Sirius. Why would he suddenly want to take my _sister_ down to the kitchens? Of course, he had mentioned it to her at the beginning of the year. But I never expected him to remember.

"Don't worry – it was just a harmless trip the kitchens." I didn't know whether to be angry at him or not. Eleanor was supposed to be resting, not walking around the castle at night. But he had also spent the time to stop and do her a favor, to make her day better.

He was just so confusing! I sighed in frustration, leaning forward and placing my palms of my heads against my forehead. I didn't know how to react.

"Oh," Sirius's voice rang out. I eyed him warily. "Here's your journal. I've been meaning to give it back to you." He was holding out the familiar worn book, and I took it from him cautiously.

I didn't expect his next comment, and my eyes flickered up to his in surprise.

"You really should finish that last scene, you know. Besides, I have a feeling that Sebastian is falling for Anne and the rest of that scene should really portray that."

My breath catched as I stared at him. He was looking at me like he usually did, no evidence that he meant anything by those words. But of course he didn't mean anything. It was just the story.

* * *

Whoa, Sirius actually read Ivy's story. They will talk about it some more in probably the next chapter. And Eleanor might talk about her trip with Sirius too.

Ivy's birthday is still coming up...

And that's all I have to say.


	110. Genre

He kept _looking _at me. It wasn't a glare, no, he just kept looking up and staring at me. And it wasn't just staring. It was something weird – like he had a secret motive behind staring at me like that.

I had no clue what it was and it was beginning to make me nervous. There were a lot of reasons why he was looking at me. It could be innocent, I could be imagining it, but no, there it was again.

I could feel his eyes on me.

The quill slipped from my fingers. "Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked, startling myself.

Sirius didn't even look embarrassed that he was caught. He just gave me one of his grins and said, with that mischievous twinkle in his eye, "Why do you think I'm looking at you in certain way? Can't I just admire my favorite author?"

I tilted my head at him in confusion. "You're admiring me?"

He just shrugged. "What's wrong with that?"

I took a look around the common room and looked to see if anyone was watching us. Well, Remus was, even though he was trying to act as though he was studying. I knew he kept looking up at us. He was a bit concerned when he heard that Sirius wanted to spend his Wednesday night working with me on my story. It just seemed that Sirius had better things to do with his time.

I had had an idea earlier today of why Sirius was acting the way he was. My birthday was only two days away – maybe he was paying extra attention to me because it was part of my present. It was logical.

But these little things like Sirius saying he was admiring me made me think otherwise. Why was Sirius Black admiring _me, _Ivy Bennett? Were friends supposed to admire other friends? Maybe he meant that he was admiring how I was writing my story. That must be it.

"Nothing, I guess," I finally answered, picking up my quill and finishing my sentence.

Sirius leaned forward and tried to read what I had just written. "What are you writing?"

I smiled and rolled my eyes. "My story?" I responded.

He didn't think my sarcasm was as amusing as I thought it was. He gave me a sarcastic laugh in response and exclaimed, "I know that. What's happening?"

I shrugged. This was the perfect timing. I could ask Sirius what he had meant by Sebastian falling for Anne. I just had to ask casual. "Um, I don't know. Should I take your advice?"

Sirius's grin widened. "It seems as if you're writing Sebastian in that direction, so I would say of course."

Okay, I didn't know if that was a hint or not. I didn't know how to answer him. "Uh – okay." I began writing the next sentence.

_I watched as Sebastian bid me farewell, failing to hide his smile. _

I could feel Sirius reading over my shoulder. "You should have him say something that makes Anne realize that he might like her."

I ignored the frantic beating of my heart and said, "Like what?"

Sirius didn't answer for a second, and then his eyes lit up. "Have him tell her that he cannot wait to see her smile again."

Did that really come from Sirius? Did he actually think of something that sweet and...well, _sappy_? "That's awfully sappy, Sirius," I honestly told him.

He laughed that bark of a laugh. "Really? I think it's perfect."

Who knew that Sirius was secretly a sap at heart? I cringed, thinking of adding that line. "Can't he just tell her...thanks or something and she can hear the love in his voice or something?"

Sirius snorted. "And you said _I _was sappy? That sounds like something right out of a romance novel."

I looked at him blankly. "I _am_ writing a romance novel."

I knew I said something wrong when Sirius immediately grinned again. "So, you admit it then? They love each other."

Oh no, oh no, what if he figured it out? What was he thinking? My mind frantically tried to think of an excuse. "No, no, um...Anne's just smitten with Sebastian...he doesn't-"

"He does," Sirius interrupted me.

I looked over at him with wide eyes. "What?" I breathed.

He wasn't grinning anymore. He was just looking at me with those expressive gray eyes. "He loves her too."

What did he mean?

Was I overreacting?

Was I dreaming?

What was going on?!

"Um," I stuttered, looking down at my journal with a pounding heart. "Uh...okay, um, so that's how you see it?"

I didn't dare look back up at him. Instead, I kept my eyes glued to my journal. What if he said yes? Did that mean anything? Why did I feel like he wasn't just talking about the story anymore?

Was I being too hopeful?

"Yeah, that's how I see it," I heard Sirius say.

And the way he said it made me realize that I had to be dreaming. Because it definitely sounded like something more.

But I was still Ivy Bennett and he was Sirius Black. We were like two very different jigsaw pieces that would never fit together.

It had to be my imagination.

* * *

When I wrote this chapter, I was sitting in a chair right on the side of a dance floor with music blaring and people dancing all around me. Because I was in a campground...yeah, it was fun.

Anyway, what do you think is going on in Sirius's mind?

Two days until Ivy's birthday! Yay.


	111. Together

I didn't dare question him. Knowing my luck, I was just over thinking everything, and he didn't even know he was doing anything. He was just trying to be a good friend. That was probably it.

But, like a coward, I had ran away before he said another word. My Gryffindor courage hiding in fright.

And, to make it even worse, I hadn't said anything to him all morning. By now, he had to think I hated him or was angry or _something_. However, every time I tried to talk to him, I couldn't think straight. I didn't know what he was thinking, and I didn't want to say the wrong thing. So, I kept silent, barely saying a word to anyone all during breakfast, and now I was trying to get through lunch.

Biting the inside of my lip, I snuck a glance up at the table. I watched as everyone's eyes immediately went down to the table. They had been staring at me, but that wasn't a surprise to me. I could feel their eyes on me all day.

Suddenly, I felt someone's presence behind me. Turning my head slightly, I could see a glimpse of blonde curls. "Eleanor?" I exclaimed, moving in my seat to see her more clearly. "Did Madame Pomfrey release you?"

She nodded, her eyes scanning over my table. I could tell where her gaze stopped, on a certain dark-haired boy sitting behind me. That small smile of her's appeared on her face for a second and then her stare flickered back to me.

"Uh, I have to show you something," I said slowly, standing up. She took a couple steps forward, her curious eyes staring up at me. "It'll be quick. Come on."

And, without even waiting for her answer, I grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the Great Hall. She didn't struggle, and instead, followed me without complaint.

I just _had_ to know. What had her and Sirius talked about when he took her to the kitchens? Was it some elaborate scheme for my birthday? Was it even about me? Did they talk about me at all? The questions haunted my mind and I needed to know.

We began walking down the corridor and an awkward silence developed. "Why-" I didn't know how to ask her. I couldn't just ask why Sirius had taken her to the kitchens because I knew why. What could I ask without seeming too obvious? "Why did you go with Sirius to the kitchens?" There, that seemed harmless enough.

She hesitated before answering, "Well, Liam wouldn't let me leave, and I really wanted to get out of bed. And then Sirius came in and asked if I wanted to go. Of course I wouldn't say no."

But that made no sense. Eleanor never liked to socialize with my friends. I always thought she was afraid of them. "I thought you didn't like my friends," I told her bluntly.

"Oh, no," she answered quickly. "I like them. I just didn't know them. And besides, Sirius seems really nice."

I knew exactly what she meant. He had been acting extremely nice for the past couple weeks. "He is," I responded quietly.

We turned around to head back to the Great Hall and listened to our footsteps echo in the deserted corridor. We were almost there when Eleanor spoke again, softly, "Are you two...um, _together_ now?"

I stopped in my tracks and turned quickly to face her. She was looking up at me, waiting patiently for an answer. Why did she think that Sirius and I were a couple? What had made her think that in the first place? "Uh-" I stuttered, trying to ignore the way my mind was racing. "Why would you say that?"

Eleanor shrugged lightly. "I just thought..."

"No," I abruptly said. "W-we're not...not together. No."

I hated how she was looking at me. Like she knew there was a story behind my answer. But she didn't question it, and instead, said "okay" and began walking to her house table.

I realized that I never gotten all my questions answered. I still didn't know what Sirius and her had talked about. And I didn't understand why Eleanor thought that we were..._together_. The word sounded foreign...

I continued to stand in the middle of the archway into the Great Hall, wondering how long until lunch was over. Should I go back to the table or just wait out here...?

"Ivy, are you okay?" I glanced up into familiar amber eyes. "You look deathly pale."

I shivered slightly, feeling uneasy under Remus's concerned stare. "I guess..." I finally answered, maneuvering away from him and walking down the same corridor I had just been in. Like I expected, Remus followed.

"Maybe you should sit down," I heard him say from behind me. I then realized my hand was on my head and I was walking extremely slow, barely able to see straight. Suddenly, I was sitting in an alcove, with Remus sitting across from me.

My mind was just too foggy to think properly.

"What's wrong?" I hated when Remus talked to me with such care and worry behind his words. It made me feel guilty that I put him through that worry...and about me, nevertheless.

"Why me?" I quietly gave him a pained answer. "Why would Sirius even bother with _me?_ I'm not worth it...there's nothing special about me...I'm not good enough-"

"What?" Remus's surprised gasp interrupted my question. "Ivy, you're absolutely perfect. If anything, he's not good enough for _you_."

I chuckled softly, blinking away the tears in my eyes. I wasn't going to let myself cry. "Wow, you think highly of your friends."

Remus smiled. "Which includes you. But, really, if he never sees how amazing you are, that's his loss."

Remus's hand enclosed over mine and I felt the warmth immediately, sending a comforting feeling flooding over my skin. Biting my lip, I couldn't stop the smile from spreading across my face.

Even if he ended up being wrong, it didn't matter. Because just seeing him smile at me was enough.

* * *

Remus/Ivy makes its return! Tomorrow's chapter is Ivy's birthday. Well, part of it. I believe there's two chapters of her birthday. Be excited.

By the way, I will be gone not this week, but next week. For one or maybe two days. Sorry!

I love you all, you're amazing, and thank you thank you thank you.


	112. Knew

Slowly opening my eyes, I stared up at the darkness above me. It was still pitch dark in the dormitory – it couldn't be any later than six. Rolling over to check the time, I saw that I was correct – it was five thirty in the morning.

The morning of my birthday.

Suddenly, I didn't feel so tired anymore. My eyes refused to close again as I lay there, so I quietly began rummaging through the objects on the table beside my bed.

My calendar came into view. Friday, February twenty-second. My eighteenth birthday. I let the calendar fall back onto the table and stared back up at the ceiling.

Was I supposed to be worried about today? I didn't want to have a surprise party but I had a feeling that somebody was planning one. Or worse, they had forgotten the day altogether. But, no, that wouldn't happen this year.

Deciding that I was not going to fall back asleep, I got up and took my time getting ready, having at least an hour before anyone else even stirred awake.

The first thing Lily did when she woke was smile at me. I gave her a strange look, thinking that maybe I shouldn't have done that – she was just trying to be nice. It was my birthday after all. Everyone was entitled to be nice to you on your birthday.

So, I quickly replaced the look with a smile. "Morning, Lily," I greeted her as I went to place all of my books in my bookbag. She looked down at the bag and then up at me, that smile still plastered on her face. "What?" I asked.

"Okay, I can't wait to give you this-" Lily said quickly, fishing out something for underneath her bed. "Happy birthday!" In her hands, she held out an average sized box, with a massive bow on top.

First present of the day. I couldn't help but to be excited as I undid the bow, lifting off the lid to see something made of fabric on the inside. Pulling the object out by a strap, I realized it was a new bookbag. It was plain, a black bag with silver clasps but exactly what I needed since my old one was beginning to get worn.

"Oh, wow, thanks, Lily," I exclaimed, holding it out in front of me.

She beamed at me. "I'm glad you like it."

After transferring all my books into the new bookbag, I made my way down the staircase, wondering what the boys had in store. I half expected to see the common room decorated, but it looked normal as I reached the last step.

Cautiously, I looked around the common room for anything out of place, but I didn't see anything. Good.

I had only taken two steps into the common room before something grabbed me from behind, spinning me around. The room was a blur of colors and I had to close my eyes from getting dizzy, but I could still feel the motion of the air around me.

"Put me down, put me down, put me down," I pleaded and then I felt my feet touch the ground again.

"What? Don't like birthday hugs?" I heard James say. Opening my eyes again, I saw his grinning face before mine, and the other three right behind him.

"Not when they make me nauseous," I replied.

James laughed. "Fine then. No birthday present for you." He tried to hide what he had been holding behind his back, but he was slow, and I saw it. All I had to do was give him a look and he smiled, placing it in my hands. "You win. But only because it's your birthday."

It was a set of quills. But not just any quills. The quills from Scrivenshaft's that I had been wanting for the past couple months. "These are amazing. Thank you, James," I said with a huge smile.

"Anything for the birthday girl," he responded, and when he threatened to pick me up again, I ran quickly out of the common room.

They followed me, of course, all the way to the Great Hall. I didn't expect to get rid of them that easily.

During breakfast, Peter gave me his present (a book about the history of the wizarding world) and Mary gave me her's (bottles of ink). Remus and Sirius didn't make any mention of their gifts which worried me slightly. What were they planning that they were waiting to give me their gifts?

A spotted owl that I've never seen before swooped in during the middle of breakfast, dropping a letter into my food. It was birthday wishes from my parents and the owl was my present (from them and Eleanor). After naming the bird 'François' (in homage to my, um, _love_ for the French language that I still had to learn), I made my way to Transfiguration.

Classes were the same as usual – except for the random classmates that came up to me to say happy birthday. I didn't even know half of them. Maybe it was because I was friends with some of the most popular people in school. But, still, how did they know when my birthday was?

And then, after dinner, as I made my way up to the common room, I didn't hear any loud music or drunken shouts from outside in the corridor. And when I walked into the common room, everything was..._normal_.

Did they actually keep to their word? There wasn't going to be a party? I was free from any stress?

"I know, no party," Remus's voice came from beside me.

I looked over at him curiously. "Really? You decided to not throw a party?"

He nodded. "You didn't want one. And the birthday girl gets what she wants. Hence, no party. Just a common day in the common room."

I could have laughed in relief and happiness. "Perfect."

"But you still get gifts," Remus announced, and I noticed he had been holding something out of my view. "Happy birthday, Ivy."

He didn't wrap it in any paper or conceal it in a box. No, it was just adorned with a ribbon, and I stared down at it as he placed it in my hands. A new journal. I ran my finger over the spine to see a vine of ivy displayed across it and the bottom of the cover. "This is...-" But I couldn't find the words. It was _perfect_. "Wow," I breathed, taking off the ribbon and opening the cover. The pages were clean, crisp, smooth.

"I didn't know if you wanted to start a new journal-" Remus said softly. "So, um, there's a charm on the inside cover that will transfer everything from your old journal into this one."

"Remus, this is absolutely amazing. You're amazing," I said, looking up at him. "Thank you so much."

He smiled. "You're welcome. Now, go sit down, enjoy your night, and write something."

I couldn't hide my happiness and I took a seat on the vacant couch, getting comfortable. Taking out my brand new quills, I dripped one of them in ink and began to write the first words in my new journal. My day could have been complete there.

I felt the couch sink down a bit and then heard a familiar voice ask, "New journal?" Glancing up, I saw Sirius grinning at me.

"Yes, it's amazing," I responded, unable to keep the smile out of my voice.

Sirius chuckled, leaning forward to get a better look at it. "It's very nice. It was Remus's present, right?"

I went back to writing, portraying my happiness through Anne. I only murmured an affirmative response before I got lost in my writing.

"Are you writing your story in it, then?" I barely heard Sirius ask.

Turning the page, I said, "I'm planning on transferring everything from the old journal into this one, yes."

And for the first time in a long time, I found myself lost in the words and phrases and emotions in the story. I began furiously writing, barely keeping up with the thoughts in my head. I could feel Sirius's eyes on me, but he didn't say a word as I filled up page after page.

"Well," Sirius broke the silence. I forced myself to slow down and listen to him. Maybe he was planning on giving me a present, and I couldn't just ignore him because I liked my new journal so much. Placing the quill on the book, I looked up and waited for him to continue.

He leaned forward, and I unconsciously moved back a little, my heart rate increasing. And with that smile that had been haunting me, he said clearly, "Sebastian really hopes that Anne had an amazing birthday and he wants to wish her happy birthday before going up to his dormitory."

...

"So, then, happy birthday," he finished.

...

Oh god, oh god, oh god. I stared, wide-eyed, forgetting to breathe, as he just sat there, waiting my reaction.

Dreaming, had to be dreaming, something, not real...

I was halfway out of the common room before I realized that I had even moved from the couch. Running down the corridors, out of sight, away...

He _knew_.

* * *

I've had this chapter planned for...about seventy chapters now. This and the next chapter are my favorites, just to let you know.

So, Sirius knows. He _knows_. (insert fangirl squeal)

This chapter is also pretty long...Ivy's birthday is just so exciting. So, for all of you who voted 'uneventful' in my poll (all...one...of you), sorry.

I'm even excited that Sirius knows. I'm practically dancing over here.


	113. Stay

I just kept running, down the corridor, around the corner, as far away from the common room as possible. I didn't know where I was going – all I knew was that I had to get out.

And when I turned another corner, I heard hurried footsteps behind me. Someone was following me. Oh, please, don't let it be him. Anyone but him.

But as I quickly made my way down the staircase and down the corridor on the fifth floor, I heard a shout of "Sebastian would _really_ love it if Anne would stop running away from him."

I choked, gasping for air. If he would just stop using those names... I couldn't stand listening to him relate us to them. Because he knew everything and I didn't want to get rejected. I wanted to forget about it.

Taking short, hurried breaths, I turned around and bravely faced the boy that was following me. "What even makes you think you're Sebastian?" I asked, spitting out the words and bracing myself for his reaction.

It took him a few seconds to reach me, finally coming to a stop about a foot away from where I was standing. Sirius took a few seconds to catch his breath, keeping his determined eyes on me the entire time. "Because I've read your journal," he finally said.

I couldn't let him know he was Sebastian. I had to deny it – deny _everything_. Shaking my head frantically, I began backing away. "You're not Sebastian," I announced, and then I took one more step back. My foot hit something hard behind me and I turned to look, seeing a dark brick wall stopping me from going any further.

With wide, frightened eyes, I looked back at Sirius to see a knowing smirk on his face. He took a step forward and I flattened myself against the wall. "You're lying."

Run away, my panicked brain shouted at me. But there was nowhere to run to. Sirius had me trapped against this wall and his body. I wasn't going anywhere and he knew it. Looking away from him and toward the darkened corridor on my left, I managed to say, "Why do you say that?"

I could feel him standing right in front of me, and my breathing quickened as I felt his fingers touch my face. My heart pounded against my chest as he forced me to look back into his eyes, a frightened squeak erupting from my throat. "You're shivering-" he said, and I noticed how I was trembling beneath his touch. "-and you refuse to look at me."

Tears welled up in my eyes but I didn't let them fall. "Please let me go," I found myself pleading, practically melting under his touch. I couldn't stand this much confrontation – I wasn't able to think straight.

"No," Sirius said clearly. "Not until I tell you everything."

Biting my lip and staring back into his eyes, I whispered, "There's more?" What else could he possibly want to say to me? That he hated me? He never wanted to speak to me again? What?

"Of course," he breathed, voice low. "We have to talk about this."

Oh no, anything but that. I didn't want to hear the rejection. No, I didn't want to hear anything from him. Except, maybe, one thing. The question continued to plague my thoughts until it fell from my lips before I could stop it. "How long have you known?"

Sirius paused, staring at me intently before answering, "When I read through your journal."

Those smiles – were they because he finally understood? He was happy that I wrote about him in my novel? And he – he had said that Sebastian loved Anne when he knew it was about him. Did that mean - ?

"So...when you said Sebastian...uh, loves Anne-" I started shakily, unclear on what to say without sounding too hopeful.

Sirius smiled and I momentarily forgot how to breathe. "And you said that Anne loves Sebastian."

No, no, I didn't say that. What must he think of me – did he think I was throwing myself at him? Did he think it was a cheap trick for him to notice me? "No, I said she was smitten with him," I justified myself.

But Sirius's smile didn't dim one bit. "In the novel, Anne says she loves Sebastian." Oh, I had forgotten about that.

I softly replied with "oh" and looked down at the floor. So, he knew. He knew that-

"Do you..._love_ me?" Startled, I glanced back up to see Sirius staring at me, the grin no longer on his face. He was looking at me with that intense stare, one that completely hid what he was thinking.

I didn't know how to respond. What was the correct answer? "Uh...well...I-I...um...maybe...no, I don't know." The frantic words sounded like one big jumbled mess. I wasn't even sure that Sirius understood.

I jumped as something touched the side of my face. Almost immediately after, I realized it was his hand, brushing back my hair. His other hand found mine as that smile slowly began to appear back on his face. "I never thought of you as anything more than a friend."

There was a weight on my chest and I found myself unable to breathe, but he didn't stop there.

"And then one day I woke up, and suddenly, it was...different. I wasn't angry at you, I swear-"

Oh, that day. The day when he gave me those glares.

"It was just that I didn't want to be attracted to you, because...you were Moony's best friend and off limits. But then you started thinking I hated you and I couldn't let you think that, so I just...ignored my feelings, thinking you didn't fancy me."

I almost snorted at the lie in that sentence.

"And then I read your journal and suddenly, it made sense."

Oh – wait – did...

Wait.

What did Sirius say?

He..._fancied_ me? Sirius Black _fancied_ me? Me, Ivy Bennett, me? Did I just hear correctly? Did I just lapse into a daydream? This couldn't be happening. This wasn't ever supposed to happen.

No, it wasn't happening. Just some...joke, a prank, something...no, this couldn't be true.

Sirius hesitated, seeing the conflict in my eyes. He squeezed my hand and said, so quietly that I could barely hear, "So, please, don't run away from me, just...stay."

His fingers threaded through my hair and I watched as his eyes silently pleaded with me. I didn't want to run away – for the first time, I wanted to stay in the semi-awkward and uncomfortable position I was in.

I didn't want to leave. I nodded slightly, unable to form the words I wanted to say.

And then he was leaning in, and I had no room to lean back. Instead, I watched with a pounding heart and baited breath as he moved closer. My eyelids fluttered close when he was mere centimeters away, and then his lips were on mine, softly, hesitantly. My chest felt as if was going to explode from the lack of air, as he let go of my hand and used his now free hand to hold the other side of my face, bringing me closer to him.

As then, as soon as it happened, he was pulling away.

Opening my eyes, I could see the worry and anxiety in his eyes. He was afraid that _I _was going to reject him. He was afraid that I was the one that was going to say 'no'.

So, I said the only thing that came to mind. "I have loved you since fifth year..."

It came out as a breathy mess of words, but he seemed to understand as that wonderful smile graced his features. "Sorry to make you wait that long."

And then my toes curled, my breathing stopped, my heart pounded, my fingers tingled, my hands shivered, and my eyes fluttered closed again as ran his fingers through my hair and bent down to give me another kiss.

* * *

Oh, I died writing this – I hope you all know what misery you put me through. I was trying to gorge out my eyes through the second half. Writing sap is not at the top of my list. Angst comes easier for me.

But, whoa, 113 chapters and they're together? Together? What – they're _kissing_? What kind of alternate universe is this?! Is the story over?! No, still planning to go in after they're out of school. Much more to come actually. This isn't just the story of Ivy/Sirius. It's Ivy's lifestory.

I honestly can't express what I want to say. I'm hoping you guys can in your reviews.

(Oh, I'm changing my pen name soon. Just to let you all know and you won't be confused. It'll be solitaireclay07.)


	114. After

Sounds of footsteps and rustling slowly brought me to consciousness. With a sigh, I forced myself to open my eyes and blink at the surprise of a lightened room.

Lifting the covers away from my body, I slipped out of my four-poster with a yawn and began to search through my trunk for my clothes. I finally managed to find a skirt and shirt when I began to question myself.

I had just woken up on a – what day was it? Racking my brain for the answer, my eyes immediately widened and I dropped the shoe in my hands.

A dream. I had a dream where Sirius admitted that he fancied me and we kissed and...oh no, I had another dream.

Where was I? What day was it? What had happened the day before? I couldn't distinguish myself from dreams and reality anymore. What was reality? Was this whole thing a dream? Was I even friends with the Marauders?

What if I had been dreaming the _entire time_?

Oh no, oh no, oh no. Running a shaking hand through my hair, I stumbled to the door, throwing it open and running down the staircase. I didn't care if I was in my pajamas or if I didn't have any shoes on. I was dreaming anyway, right? Everything was a cruel dream.

Stopping at the top of the staircase into the common room, I took a quick look around. Something had to be out of place if I was dreaming. There was going to be flamingos running around, French people speaking a language I didn't understand, and a black hole in the otherwise calm common room.

My eyes were still widened in fright and panic as I scoured the room. I couldn't even breathe at the thought of this being a dream and-

"No, it wasn't a dream, Ivy. You're awake."

His voice interrupted my crazy thoughts. I searched for him down in the room below and saw him sitting in an armchair, obviously waiting for someone. The way he said it (all calm and knowing) made me think he was expecting this reaction.

I began to take a few steps back up the staircase. "Oh," I said, my cheeks burning. "I'll just-...okay..."

Sirius's laugh carried up the stairs, causing me to stumble on the last stair.

My roommates had no clue what was going on. I didn't come into the dormitory last night ready to gossip about what had happened. I hadn't even told Lily.

How was I going to tell Lily?

How was I going to tell anyone?

I got ready as fast as I could which was somewhat difficult as I continued to hyperventilate. I could feel Lily watching me amusedly, as I tripped and stumbled over the little things, forgetting they were there. But I couldn't think when – this day was going to be awful. I couldn't get through it.

Every single romance book I've ever read ended where the heroine and the object of her affections shared a blissful, heart-stopping kiss. But, after that, nothing. No day afters.

Except, well, maybe if you counted the weddings. But I wasn't worrying about any weddings. I was worrying about reactions, stares, explanations. How was I supposed to act? Was I supposed to act differently around Sirius now?

I couldn't leave this room. I couldn't do it.

But then Lily was pulling me down the staircase, complaining about how I was just standing there. No, no, I couldn't – bad idea, _very_ bad idea. But I was already on the very last step and Lily had waved to four familiar people.

To her surprise and mine, when James immediately got up and walked over, it wasn't Lily he was headed for. No, suddenly, I was being spun around in that spinning hug thing that made me feel sick to my stomach.

When I was finally put down again, I saw James grinning at me. "You know what? That whole Marauders code thing, screw it. It was stupid in the first place."

_He told them_. I didn't speak a word to it about anyone, and what did Sirius do? Run back to his dormitory and tell his friends without a second thought?

I looked beyond James to see Sirius staring at me, a truly apologetic look on his face. 'Sorry', he mouthed.

Sorry for what exactly? For telling everyone? For just-

Wait, if he told them, then that meant I didn't have to. Maybe he had told him because he knew it would be easier for me.

"What's going on?" And then with a feeling of dread, I remembered Lily. I had to tell her. What was I supposed to say?

I turned to her, biting my lip. "Oh...um-"

"We're going to be late for breakfast!" Peter suddenly spoke up, breaking my stuttering and stammering. I welcomed the distraction, even giving Peter a thankful smile. James stepped in with a laugh, taking Lily's hand.

Peter followed after them, and I looked at Remus's expression for the first time. There was a smile on his face, but it was weak. Was he taking this well? I felt a rush of guilt for him as he said, "Well, we'd better get going."

I let out a soft sigh, not knowing how to feel about this situation. I didn't want Remus to feel awful about the entire thing. I didn't-

A warmth against the palm of my hand halted my thoughts and then fingers interlaced with mine. I looked up at Sirius and he smiled reassuringly at me.

My panicked thoughts eased as we began walking down to the Great Hall. However, when someone looked our way, I tended to lean over, trying to hide our joined hands.

Sirius thought it was amusing. "You know, that looks even more suspicious," he laughed.

Stopping outside the Great Hall, I took a look inside. I could see where we were going to sit – James, Peter, and Lily were already there. Maybe if I just focused on that spot, instead of looking around at everyone who was bound to notice.

"You okay?" Sirius asked, probably noticing how I paled.

"I will be," I answered truthfully.

He squeezed my hand for that extra assurance and we began walking to our table. I kept my eyes on Peter, who was sitting facing us. Ignoring the decrease in conversation around me, I took a deep breath and kept walking.

And then, it was over. We were sitting on the bench, safe from the spotlight.

I could still feel everyone's eyes on me though. Surprisingly, Lily didn't notice as she was too distracted by James's conversation (from what I could hear – it was about bats).

Grabbing a piece of toast, I tried to calm my frantic breathing. Everything was okay.

"Ivy-" The piece of toast dropped from my hands as a voice suddenly came out of nowhere. It was Eleanor. I quickly picked up the toast and nodded at her to continue. There was nothing to be frightened about when it was just Eleanor.

She paused, looking at me and then beyond me quickly. An excited smile appeared on her face, and she did her best to hide it. "Are – well, are you and Sirius together?"

And for the second time, the piece of toast slipped from my hands and landed without a sound on my plate.

How did she _know_? Why was she asking?

Then a horrible thought occurred to me. Were we together? Sirius never said if we were official. What if he didn't want anything more from this? What if it was a one-time thing?

I didn't know how to answer.

* * *

How many people thought it was a dream at the beginning of this chapter?

I really need a new poll question – I'll think of one soon, I guess. Hmm.

Thanks for the reviews for the past chapters. Honestly, I say you're amazing all the time, but every single one of you are. Really. I am planning on doing a review video again. I just don't know how this time.

Just a reminder: I'm changing my penname not today, but probably Saturday.


	115. Why

I was suffocating – there was no air and the pressure of the room was pressing down on me. All because of one simple question that I didn't know the answer to. What if I said the wrong answer? What would Sirius think of me?

Awkward silence...seconds going by slowly...

And then I heard it. "We are." Surprised, I saw Sirius facing Eleanor, leaning forward to answer her question.

I ignored the surprised gasp I heard (probably from Lily) and tried to hide my smile. We were. We were together – he said we were. Sirius Black and Ivy Bennett. Together. _We_. Me and him. Together.

I almost missed what he said next because of my thoughts. "Thank you, Ellie. You were right." I watched as he held out his hand and Eleanor took it, shaking it with a grin on her face.

"Hey, wait-" I interrupted them. What did he mean by 'you were right'? What was Eleanor right about? About _me_? "She was right about what?"

To my surprise, Eleanor responded, "That night that Sirius and I went down to the kitchens, we talked about your journal."

I blinked. "You – you know about my journal?"

Eleanor shrugged, a sheepish look on her face. "Well, during break, it was just sitting in your room, and I thought it was a new book that I could borrow. So, I read it."

She read my journal? My little sister read my journal and never told me? Maybe I should start locking my doors.

That meant she read my novel. And she must have figured out that Sirius was Sebastian – she was amazing at finding hidden meanings – and then Sirius asked her about it and she confirmed – oh.

"You told him about Sebastian?" I questioned, just to make sure I was right. Why did she have to be that smart? Why was I complaining? She was partly the reason that Sirius and I were together now.

Together. Boyfriend and girlfriend.

'Sirius Black is my boyfriend.' That sounded so strange in my head. It was almost as if those words weren't made to be formed into that sentence. It just seemed out of place, but, in a strange way, exactly right.

And I was content with it.

Eleanor smiled at us. "Well, I'm going to tell Liam that I won the bet." And before I could respond to that sentence, she had ran back to the Ravenclaw table. They had _bet_ on us...like our lives were _that_ interesting.

I turned back around to face the table and my breakfast to see Lily staring at me. Oh, right, Lily...

"Um-" I stalled, trying to find something to say to her. She didn't look angry – she looked blank and I had a feeling she was just hiding her feelings very well. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you," I mumbled, breaking my toast into smaller pieces. "I meant to."

Instead of speaking in a loud, angry voice like I expected, she said, calmly, "I expect full details later, I hope you know. Because I'm really interested on how this came about."

Which meant the whole story with my journal and Sebastian and Anne. Wonderful. "Uh...okay," I replied. I couldn't say no to that.

A smile ended the blank look on her face. "Well, then, congratulations you two. I never thought I'd see the day when you-" she looked at me, "-finally decided to admit your feelings and you-" Sirius this time, "-finally noticed what was right in front of you this whole time. James and I were contemplating throwing you two in a broom closest if this went on any longer and I'm glad to see we don't have to."

I was extremely grateful that I wasn't thrown in a random broom closest. I didn't fair well in little, closed spaces.

Breakfast ended with a soft bell and we all began to pack up to get to class. Sirius and I were the last to leave; everyone else at least fifteen feet ahead of us. He didn't hesitate to take my hand again. Was this a everyday thing? Was he going to hold my hand anywhere we went?

Moving my shoulder, I realized that the new bag Lily got for me didn't slide down like my other bookbag used to do. It was so much easier.

Suddenly, I thought of something.

I tried to bite my lip and not bring it up, but it was pleading to be asked. What if he took it the wrong way? What if I made him feel guilty? What if he was still planning something? Ignoring my thoughts, I asked the question anyway. "Sirius, um...why didn't you...get me anything for my birthday?"  
There. I said it. He was going to think I was selfish or something. But I just wanted to know.

He laughed and it attracted the attention of a couple people around us. I ignored them and waited for Sirius's answer. "I _did _you get something – and it was a pretty good present, if I do say so myself."

I raised an eyebrow at him.

And with a huge smile on his face, he said, "You got me, of course."

He did not – no. He did not actually think that - "You've got to be kidding me," I exclaimed. "You're not _that_ conceited, are you?" He just couldn't be serious with that answer.

I watched as he laughed again and let that familiar smirk grace his features. "Maybe..."

Was this really what I was going to have to deal from now on? These crazy jokes, pranks, the whole lunacity?

For the first time, I realized what the entire situation I had put myself in. But instead of making me worry, it just made me break out into a smile. Because I had Sirius Black and he wanted me.

Me.

But _why_ did he want me? I needed an answer...

* * *

A lot of people want Ivy to be happier she's with Sirius - she's going to have a moment in the next chapter. Also, she'll speak to Remus in the next chapter.

Um, there's going to be a couple interesting plot points coming up. Including Ivy getting more comfortable around Sirius and coming out of her shell. Crazy, I know.

Penname changing tomorrow, can't think of poll question, OMG 3,000 reviews, I think I'm covered.


	116. Really

Peeking out of the dormitory door again, I could see nobody climbing the staircase but I continued to search in the darkness, convinced that someone was going to pop out at the last minute.

"Ivy, no one's coming," Lily said behind me.

Shutting the door slowly, I turned around to face her. "I just don't want anyone to come in and hear-"

Lily rolled her eyes. "It's not like everyone doesn't know already. We all saw you two at breakfast...lunch...dinner. People aren't stupid, you know."

I settled into a comfortable spot on my bed and sat facing the girl in the opposite bed. "What was your first thought when you heard about us?" I questioned her, tucking my feet underneath me.

A confused look crossed Lily's face and she didn't even try to hide it. "Why are you asking that?"

The tone in her voice made me cringe. "I don't know..." I said slowly, picking the lint off of my covers and looking down at my feet. "It's just...I'm just wondering why exactly Sirius likes me."

"Ivy," Lily said loudly, clearly frustrated with me. I looked up at her, my hesitant eyes catching her gaze. "You cannot just doubt yourself like that. There's many reasons to like you – don't cut yourself down. You need to be more confident."

How many times have I been told that before? That was my mother's favorite phrase to say to me – she repeated it at least two times a day. And I had my favorite reply. "Ha," I said in a monotone. "Yeah right."

Lily eyed me disapprovingly and then looked over at the time. She immediately started, scrambling off the bed. "I was supposed to meet James ten minutes ago to study," she explained as she grabbed her textbooks off of the side table. Giving me a look, she said, "We'll finish this talk later tonight."

I almost groaned as I watched her walk out of the room. I didn't want to finish this talk. I didn't want her to lecture me about having self confidence and being able to strut around like I loved attention. I couldn't _do _that – it was impossible.

I moved from my bed to the middle of the room, slowly spinning in a circle. If I could just enjoy life, instead of over thinking everything, everything would be great.

And if I could believe that Sirius was my boyfriend because he wanted to...because he loved me...

Letting out a slow breath, I whispered, "Sirius Black is my boyfriend." It felt strange to hear that coming from me – in my voice. Ignoring the way my heart was frantically beating, I added, "I'm Sirius Black's girlfriend." No one else – just me. Ivy Bennett – Sirius Black's girlfriend.

Before I could stop myself, I let out an incredulous laugh. Spinning myself in quick circles toward the door, I bounded down the steps.

I just wanted to see him – to see _my_ boyfriend. Checking the common room, it didn't take long to find him. He was talking to Peter, relaxing in an armchair. Taking the last step off the stairs, my eyes caught the sight of someone else.

Remus was sitting in an armchair across the room from Sirius and Peter, a textbook clutched tightly in his hands. He looked as though he was going to fall asleep reading the book but his eyes continued to skim across the pages.

A nagging feeling in the back of my mind begged me to talk to him. I had to talk to Remus – he was my friend and I couldn't just ignore him. It didn't matter that Sirius was now my boyfriend, no, Remus was still important in my life and he had to know that.

I quickly made my way over to where he was sitting and stood awkwardly to the side of his chair. "Um, hi."

He must have not noticed that I was there because his fingers momentarily slipped from the book and he looked up at me with surprise in his eyes. "Oh, hello Ivy."

I kept my eyes on him and slowly sat down in the chair across from him. "Um, so..."

He blinked, ever so patiently waiting for me to continue. He had to know what I was going to talk about. But he just looked so interested, so patient about what I had to say.

"Is-well, is this weird?" I stumbled over my words.

Remus just stared at me blankly. "What?" he asked softly.

"Sirius...and...me." His eyes lit up in understanding and he fidgeted, causing me to add, "D-does it make you uncomfortable?"

He shook his head slightly, looking back down at his book. "No, I'm fine."

But the way he was avoiding me and the expression on his face told me otherwise. "You don't look like it," I observed.

Remus turned the page of his book and shrugged slightly. "Full moon's coming up."

It seemed as though he wanted the conversation to end there. But I couldn't stop it. Not when he seemed angry, uncomfortable, hesitant, distant...

"Are you _really_ fine?" I pressed on, leaning forward.

He didn't even glance up from his book. "Yes."

I titled my head at him. "You're being hostile," I exclaimed, hoping it would incite some reaction.

"No," Remus answered shortly.

I frowned, and said, louder than I intended, "Then talk to me!"

Suddenly, my eyes found Remus's again as he looked up, annoyance written in his expression. "What do you want me to say?"

I couldn't stand Remus like this. He was annoyed at me just because I got together with one of his friends. He _knew_ I liked Sirius. He _knew_ that something like that could happen and yet, here he was, acting immature about the whole thing.

"I don't know..." I complained, sitting back in frustration. "I just don't want to lose you."

Remus sighed, finally putting his book down. "You're not going to lose me," he said softly.

My bottom lip was hidden behind my teeth pressing down on it. "Promise?" I felt like such a child for asking – but I had this awful feeling that he was going to run away and never come back and I couldn't deal with that.

"Promise," Remus confirmed, keeping my gaze. "I'm absolutely fine with you and Sirius."

"Really?" I found myself asking. I just didn't know...something seemed out of place.

Remus smiled softly. "Why don't you believe me?" he questioned.

"I just..." I hesitated, wondering how to phrase my words. "I have a feeling you're not...telling me something."

I watched as Remus opened his mouth and then, quickly changing his mind, closed it again, watching me intently. "I'm happy for you two," he finally said, his voice somewhat different.

But I didn't want to question him further and break the fragile ground we were standing on. "Okay," I said, closing the subject.

* * *

What's up with Remus? Well, I have no clue because I'm the author and I never know what's happening. (I'm not sure if that was sarcasm or not. Cause, sometimes, that's actually true.)

Um, I changed my penname! Celebration! This penname loves her reviewers even more than the last penname.

Just a small warning: chapter 117 will include uber amounts of fluff/sap. I hope I don't gorge out my eyes. We'll see.


	117. Sweet

I should have spent the weekend studying for N.E.W.T.S. They were only a couple months away and I still had so much to learn. But, instead, I spent Saturday afternoon being dragged out of the castle on a particularly chilly day.

Sirius didn't seem to mind as he grinned at me and took my hand, leading me out of the oak doors and down to the grounds. I shivered into my cloak as the cold air rushed past and I decided to take in the surroundings to get my mind off the cold.

I hadn't been outside in awhile. It had snowed a couple weeks ago and an inch still covered the ground, but it wasn't soft enough. It was the dirty, crunchy snow that stuck to my shoes as I continued to walk.

We finally reached the oak tree by the edge of the lake. Sirius made a motion for me to sit but I just looked down at the wet, dirty snow and looked back at him. Did he really want me to sit there? It must have been amusing to him because he laughed, taking out his wand and putting a spell on the patch of ground.

I smiled gratefully at him as he pulled me down to sit next to him. During breakfast, I had mentioned that I was growing tired of the scenery in the castle and I just couldn't write in the library, common room, or dormitory anymore. Sirius broke out into that mischievous smirk of his, and now here we were, the only students outside in the cold.

I had to admit – it was pretty nice. Even though the weather was not exactly fair, it was nice to have a change.

Taking out my journal, I set it in my lap and brought out my quills and ink. I had so much to write about – Sebastian and Anne proclaiming their love for each other, their first kiss, their whole relationship.

I had barely started on my first sentence when a foreign quill suddenly appeared out of the corner of my eye. "What are you doing?" I said, trying not to laugh.

"I'm helping you write-" Sirius tried to say, getting the quill closer and closer to my page.

I swatted it away and looked over at him, holding the book out of his way. "Sirius, you can't write in my journal," I told him plainly.

I expected him to start complaining or be offended but instead, he just stuck out his tongue at me.

With a laugh and a roll of my eyes, I went back to writing. And then I could feel it. He was leaning up against me, practically breathing down my neck to read my words. I only had to move my head slightly to look at him.

He grinned at me innocently.

How could he spend his whole Saturday just watching me write? It couldn't be that interesting staring at pieces of parchment being filled up with words. Why did he want to spend his time with me?

"Sirius..." I said slowly, having to look up through my eyelashes at him. He murmured an affirmative response, so I continued, "What do you like about me?"

He raised his eyebrow at me, trying to determine if I was being serious or not. And then noticing I was, he moved back a little, his eyes turning thoughtful. He drew out the suspense, tapping a finger on his chin.

After I let out an anxious chuckle, he finally answered, "I suppose it's because you're different."

What did he mean by different? Of course I was different. Everybody was different. That didn't say exactly why he liked _me_ – just me.

He leaned forward, a smile on his face. I watched him curiously. "I also love the way you're shy around others. You just don't open up to everyone – only who's close to you. I love the way you blush when I get too close to you – now, for instance." I could feel my cheeks burning. "Every other girl I've ever went out with was outgoing, loud, told me exactly what was on their mind. You, Ivy Bennett, you're a mystery. You're quiet and reserved and I have to fight to know what's going through that mind of your's. And I absolutely love it. I love _you_."

I barely could hear his speech over the pounding of my heart. Never did I think somebody would say those words to me. And to hear them coming from him, how sincere they sounded, made me forget to breathe.

Taking in a shaky breath, I smiled at him. "That's..." But I couldn't find the words to say. What was I supposed to say to something that perfect.

"Oh," Sirius said softly, pulling something out of his cloak. "I never gave you your birthday present."

I looked down at the rectangular box he had in his hands. "But...you said that you already gave me my present."

Sirius grinned. "You didn't really think all I got you was me, right?"

I could only laugh as he put the box in my hands. Lifting off the cover, I could see something that looked like a pendant or a clip. It was made of gems and metal; the design of the small piece had ivy leaves wrapped around red flowers. Looking closely, I could see the flowers were tulips – red tulips. Gently, I took it out of the box to find a clip on the other side.

"It's a hair clip," Sirius spoke, breaking me out of my reverie. "I thought that since your hair longer now, you'd need something to keep it back."

It was amazing – especially as it caught the rays of sunlight. The gems sparkled and shone. If the gems were real, then it must have cost a _fortune_.

I looked up to see Sirius staring at me, waiting for my reaction. I held out the hair clip, placing it in his hands. "Can you-?"

I didn't have to even finish my sentence. He opened up the clip as I gathered the long strands of my hair, bringing them together at the back. It didn't take him long to clip the ornament into place. I let my hands go and turned to face him.

"Thank you..." I whispered, inches away from him.

The corners of his mouth tugged upward. "You're very welcome." And as he leaned down, I met him halfway, realizing that I needn't worry.

Because I was going to enjoy every sweet moment.

* * *

But...how long will it last? Dun dun dun.

Okay, so I feel like this is a job and I need to apply for vacation time. So...um, Wednesday and Thursday, I ask for those two days off. I really hope I deserve a vacation.


	118. Feeling

I slowly made my way around the corner, briefly bathed in the full moon's light shining from the window. Quietly, I took the cold metal of the hospital wing door in my hands and, inch by inch, pulled it open. It didn't make a sound as I quietly walked into the room.

Hushed voices in the familiar back of the wing caught my attention and I hurriedly crept down there.

James was the first one to see me coming and his mouth (that was open in mid-word) snapped shut. Sirius, who was staring at James, followed his eyes and turned in my direction. He, too, fell silent. Peter, who wasn't saying anything in the first place, just stared between us. And Remus, in the bed, wasn't even looking at me. He was concentrating way too much on the wall on the opposite side of the room.

Uncomfortable silence replaced the low murmuring I heard on the way on. I had a sickening feeling that the reason for this sudden change in ambiance and conversation was me.

They were talking about me. I didn't know what they were talking about but whatever they were saying they didn't want to say around me.

Cautiously, I took a step forward. "Is anything...wrong?" I whispered, cringing as my voice broke the silence.

And even though they did it subtly, I saw them exchange glances. "It's just Remus isn't feeling too well," James explained suddenly, looking back at me. "He's...feeling under the weather, I suppose."

I didn't know whether or not to believe him. He was James, and I knew he would never intentionally lie to me. But it just didn't feel as though he was telling me the whole truth.

Looking over at Remus, I saw him look down at the bed, refusing to me my eyes. He did look paler than usual and the second I caught his gaze his eyes were dim. They just didn't hold the light they usually did.

Had something happened on the grounds? But, no, I was part of it too. What did I have to do with anything? I was up in the dormitory the whole time – did they think I tried to follow them or something?

I looked at Remus again. He would vouch for me – he would tell them that I would never do anything that stupid.

"Remus?" I called softly.

He glanced my way, hesitantly meeting my eyes. It reminded me too much of the night in the common room. He had said he was fine but I had that feeling that he was lying. And now he was looking at me in exactly the same way.

"Are you okay?" I asked tentatively. I didn't know how he'd respond.

It was then I noticed that the right side of his face was slightly darker than his left. He had bruised himself and I briefly wondered if he ran into a wall or something. His eyes followed me as I walked over to his bedside and looked down at him.

He didn't even react to my question. He just kept staring at me, making me drop his gaze. My eyes went down to the bruise on his face and before I knew what I was doing, I was lightly tracing it with my fingers.

"Does that hurt?" I whispered, dragging my fingers across his cheek.

I glanced up to see if he was still staring at me but his eyes were closed. "Stings slightly," he answered.

Immediately, I felt better hearing him speak. His voice was cracking, but it was better than the silent treatment.

And then I felt something tugging on my arm. I turned to see Sirius looking at me cautiously. "Ivy, let's let Remus get some rest."

I nodded as Sirius lead me back over to the hospital wing doors. Stopping out of hearing range, he turned to me with questions in his eyes, giving me a chance to say something.

I fidgeted under his stare. I didn't know what to say. Was I supposed to tell him that I thought that Remus was hiding something from me? Or that I knew they were talking about me before I got here?

"What happened tonight?" I finally decided to ask.

Sirius sighed. "Honestly, I don't know, Ivy. I wish I could tell you. I think he's not telling us something but we don't know what it is."

I didn't know what possessed me to ask my next question. "Is it about me?" I said softly.

Sirius raised his eyebrows in surprise. "What?"

I was shaking and I wasn't sure why. "I don't think he's telling me something and I have a feeling it's about me." I felt that his promise of never losing him was crumbling into the dust. Maybe he was trying to get me to leave him alone.

"You're shaking," Sirius pointed out, his hands on my arms.

My heart was beating frantically too. "I'm worried," I answered truthfully.

I felt as though it was my fault. Maybe Remus being hostile toward everyone was my fault. I didn't know what he was thinking. I had to get him alone – ask him. I needed to spend some time alone with him.

Sirius sighed, his hands rubbing comforting circles on my arms. "Don't worry," he whispered. "It'll all turn out okay." He leaned down and placed a light kiss on my forehead, lingering longer than I expected. "Go back to bed. Get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

I nodded in response. I could only hope that in the morning I would finally have a chance to understand Remus.

* * *

Remus is sure acting strange. You can go over to the FORUMS and speculate with other readers why! (Link on profile.)

Wow, really sounded like a commercial there. (Sorry.) So, um...Wed/Thurs no chapters, in case you forgot. Don't ever forget to be awesome though. (DFTBA)

Thanks for everything!


	119. Hollow

Lying in my bed the next morning, I stared up at the ceiling and wondered about Remus. All I wanted was for him to be happy. I didn't like this new hostile Remus; it didn't suit him.

"Hey, Ivy-" I heard Marlene call from the other side of the room. "Are you still with Sirius? It's been a whole week – I think it's due time for a breakup."

My roommates' reactions to my new relationship were very diverse. I didn't tell them right away – instead I let them figure it out on their own.

Marlene's reaction was the worst of them all, obviously. Even though Mary had also dated him, she didn't act half as bad as Marlene. Marlene liked to remind me that it was only a matter of time before Sirius got tired of me. It was quite evident that she was jealous.

Mary didn't mind. She liked to give me reassuring smiles and tell me that my relationship with Sirius was different than her's. She told me all the time that he wouldn't ever want to leave me.

Dorcas didn't say much about it. She didn't frown at me, but she wasn't exactly thrilled. I had a feeling she was worried. After all, Sirius didn't stay in relationships for a long amount of time, and I knew she wouldn't want to see me hurt.

Alice was absolutely ecstatic. She would constantly say to me (and Lily, if she was around) that we needed to go on a group date with her and Frank. But I was frightened of social situations – it probably wouldn't end well.

Lily – she just acted like nothing had changed. Nothing had, really. Sirius paid more attention to me, but, other than that, everything was exactly the same.

I quickly got ready and grabbed my things, hurrying down the staircase. I didn't like to spend time in the dormitory anymore with Marlene frowning in my direction. She was just jealous. Her words didn't mean anything.

When I reached the bottom of the staircase, I saw James talking to Sirius about something. I caught the words "birthday" and "surprise".

"Ah, Ivy!" James noticed me first, pulling me into their group. "As you know, Remus hasn't been feeling well lately-"

"Hard to miss," I muttered.

James ignored my interruption and I couldn't tell if he noticed I said anything or not. "And his birthday is next week. So, Sirius, Peter, and I have come up with this _amazing_, _spectacular _idea. Really, it's genius."

I rolled my eyes. "A surprise party?" I guessed.

James groaned, turning to Sirius. "Your girlfriend ruined my explanation," he whined, putting on his sad face.

Sirius grinned. "Don't complain to me. You're her friend too."

The look on James's face was a mixture of annoyance, sadness, and frustration. "No fair," he muttered, his eyes wandering away from us. They stopped on something behind me and he said, loudly, "Lily, love! How nice to see you this morning!" before hurrying away.

Sirius laughed, bringing me closer to him. "Sleep well?" he said quietly, and to my surprise, instead of kissing me on the forehead like usual, he leaned down further, catching me in an unexpected kiss on the lips.

"Okay," I replied when he pulled away.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see someone walk by quickly and disappear through the portrait hole. There was no doubt who it was – Remus.

Biting the inside of lip, I then asked, "How's Remus?"

Sirius shook his head, releasing his hold on me. We began to walk down to the Great Hall, as I strained my eyes to find the Gryffindor in the crowd. "Awful, to tell you the truth. That bruise on the side of his face was made by me last night." In response to my widened eyes, Sirius continued, "He had a rough night – kept attacking everything that moved. I got in his way and had to push him. He hit a wall."

I cringed as the events played out in my head. "I need to talk to him," I decided. "I just need to know what's wrong. It's killing me that I don't know."

Sirius didn't say anything for awhile, and then exclaimed, "Well, if you succeed at finding out what it is, the rest of us would like to know. Because he didn't tell us a single word."

After a few minutes of thoughtful silence, we entered the hall and I spotted Remus sitting down in our usual spot.

"Hi," I said immediately as I took a seat.

Remus took a look at me first, making sure I was talking to him, and then responded with his own hollow, "Hello."

As I busied myself with getting my food, I tried to strike up a conversation with the awkwardly quiet, morose boy. "Your birthday's coming up."

He nodded, crumbling his piece of bacon into smaller bits.

James and Lily, who had joined us, watched in silence. Sirius was also watching me – waiting to see if I would be successful.

I took a bite of my oatmeal. "What would you like?"

Remus didn't answer for a long second, and then said, so quietly I could barely hear him. "Probably just some parchment or something practical."

The cold tone of his voice made my throat close up. I didn't like it when he was acting like this. I missed my best friend – the warm, sensible voice. Instead, it was just a hollow version of him.

"You okay?" The question came naturally to me. I was so used to asking it that I didn't think twice. His hand was just sitting right there, on the table next to me, so I took it, curling his fingers around mine.

He just let me and said, "I'm okay."

He turned his head and caught my gaze for the first time that morning. His eyes weren't as dim as before, but underneath the light, his pain still shone through.

* * *

That's not really a cliffhanger that I'm leaving you with, right? I could have made it worse. Anyway, I'll be gone tomorrow and the next day. But I'll be back on Friday.

Thanks a million. Especially the people who actually went to my forums and discussed what was happening. I was surprised that people actually went and did it.

Until Friday...


	120. Careful

Nothing changed during the long week. Remus was still distant and Marlene still loved to remind me that my relationship with Sirius was nearing its end.

I tried to not let her comments get to me, but the truth was that they made me wonder. She was right: Sirius didn't stay in relationships. He didn't like commitment. He got bored with girls easily.

When was it my turn? When would he get bored with me? How much time did I have left?

Mary continued to assure me that nothing bad would happen. She told me to ignore everything Marlene said because she was just jealous and was trying to upset me. I understood that, but I couldn't help but worry.

It was true that Sirius's relationship with me was different, but that was only because he wasn't as affectionate with me. He was..._careful_ with me. He didn't try anything new. He didn't try to further our relationship.

Which was very strange. Sirius was not known to take things slow; normally by now he'd be found snogging his girlfriend after hours in the corridor. But, no, he only ever kissed me with a peck on the lips and nothing more.

I didn't know whether or not to be relieved or frustrated.

I couldn't just bring it up in a conversation. How was I supposed to start it? 'Oh, Sirius, can you, you know, show me more affection?' I didn't even know what that meant. My cheeks reddened at the thought of it.

Maybe he didn't like me as much as his other girlfriends. Maybe he didn't like me at all, but couldn't tell me because Remus would kill him. So, he just dealt with me.

So, that was it. He didn't like me.

But why would he put up with me? Why would he wait patiently? Why did he want to hold my hand and say goodnight and give me kisses on the forehead? Why would he smile when I entered the room and drop everything he was doing to talk to me?

I could ask him. After all, communication was pretty important in relationships. But I couldn't...

Sighing loudly, I stood up from my seat in the back of the library and checked out the book I was reading (or supposedly reading, actually). Madam Pince stared at me for a long moment, her eyebrows raised in curiosity. She looked even scarier than usual. I suppose it was my red cheeks and flushed appearance that caused the look.

I choose to ignore her and hurry out of the library. I was supposed to meet everyone but Remus in the common room to plan his party. They had picked this day because Remus had plans to tutor some Hufflepuff prefect. He would be gone for at least two hours – leaving us plenty of time to come up with a plan for Saturday.

Walking into the common room, I quickly spotted everyone sitting around the table next to the fireplace, parchment sitting in front of them. They were already arguing about something.

"No, Sirius. James and I are Heads. We cannot just sit back and pretend we don't see it!" Lily was saying heatedly.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Exactly. We can't bring in the firewhisky on James's birthday – that'd be wrong."

I took the open seat next to Sirius (that I knew was saved for me). "What's going on?" I asked.

Lily sighed loudly. "These three-" She pointed in the direction of Sirius, James, and Peter. "-want alcohol available during Remus's party. I refuse to let that happen – what if McGonagall found out?"

"Please, Li-llly..." James drew her name out in a long plea. "It'll be the only chance to have a party this big this year. Remus and I are the only ones who have birthdays left, and since Ivy didn't let us throw her a party and I'm supposed to set an example, Remus is our only chance to have a huge party this year."

"What about the Quidditch celebration?" I asked.

James was quick to answer. "That's after N.E.W.T.S and we want something before to help de-stress and just forget about the pressure. Please, we promise we'll keep it small. Only Gryffindors!"

Lily just scoffed, sitting back. "I agreed to the fireworks, streamers, and noise-makers. You agreed to my banner, music, and keeping it only Gryffindors. We're even."

Sirius frowned, turning to me. "You've seen how miserable Remus has been lately. Maybe some firewhisky will be able to cheer him up. We're doing this for him. Come on, you've got to admit it's a good idea."

He was right...in a way. Maybe if Remus loosened up a bit and had a party dedicated to just him, then he'd feel better. It was a cheap approach, but nothing seemed to help and maybe, just maybe, this party was a good idea.

"Maybe you're right," I said slowly. A huge grin began to appear on Sirius' face, so I quickly continued. "I mean, a huge massive drunken party isn't such a good idea, but if you kept it small and didn't buy a lot of alcohol..." Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Lily begin to scowl. "Just...I guess, keep it small. Really small. I don't want anything bad to happen."

Sirius grinned, giving me a thankful look before turning back to Lily. "You're outnumbered, Lily."

She sighed again and I could feel her resolve crumbling. "If it's extremely small."

James, Peter, and Sirius all wore matching grins as they exchanged hi-fives. Lily and I just looked at each other with exasperated expressions.

This could turn out badly, my pessimistic voice told me. And I knew it was right, but, at this moment, I would do anything to see Remus smile again.

* * *

Where did I write this? On one of the Great Lake's beaches, feet in the water, staring out at the lake. Yes, I spent my vacation writing. I'm cool. I also took some pictures, which will be in a link at the top of my profile.

Let me tell you one thing: Ivy's pessimistic voice is right. Absolutely, unfortunately right. It's...not going to turn out well. Well, depends on how you look at it. It's...um...conflicting.

Thanks for the reviews/alerts/favorites!


	121. Frustration

He looked absolutely awkward, standing with Alice and Frank. If anyone walked in, they wouldn't be able to tell it was his party. The minute Remus walked in, I could see his eyes scanned over the room with exasperation.

I knew he was not enjoying himself.

The worst part was that I too was standing awkwardly by myself and he didn't even try to come over and help me out of my dilemma. Sirius and James were too busy getting more firewhisky (awful stuff – I've come to the conclusion) and Lily was gone and I couldn't find her. Peter was lying on the couch, staring up at the ceiling and I thought for a minute that maybe he was passed out.

I decided to shuffle my feet and look down at the floor. Looking down at the floor had many positives. I couldn't see the glances people were giving me, I was preoccupied, and I didn't have to look over at Remus anymore.

The music blaring throughout the room was beginning to give me a headache. Falling into the closest armchair, I held my head in my hands and repeated one phrase under my breath: I wish I was anywhere but here. I wish I was anywhere but here.

I was so out of place. I didn't belong in this environment. I wasn't like Sirius – who always knew what to say and how to start a conversation. He _liked_ social situations and I absolutely _despised_ them. I couldn't even think.

An hour finally elapsed, and I got up, deciding it was time to quickly walk around and see what everyone else was doing. I quickly spotted Sirius, sitting in an armchair next to the fireplace and laughing loudly at something Peter mumbled. I guess Peter wasn't passed out after all.

Maneuvering through the crowd of people, I finally reached Lily who was talking to James. A slightly intoxicated James, but he didn't seem that bad. At least he still recognized me.

"Ivy!" he shouted as I came into view, pulling me next to him. "How d'you think the party is going?"

Really, was I the person to answer that? "Um...fine," I replied, taking a few steps back. Drunk people still made me feel uncomfortable. That was why I refused to go near Sirius.

James grinned. "Spectacular," he exclaimed.

I glanced over at Lily – to see how she was handling the situation. She shrugged, looking over at James with an expression that told me she was okay. At least she was fine with it. I don't think my headache would agree with a shouting match in the middle of the common room.

As I left the couple, I spotted Remus standing by himself in the corner. He was sporting a banner draped across his torso proclaiming 'BIRTHDAY BOY' and I could have sworn I saw sparkles in his hair. He had to be cursing us all in his mind.

"Sorry," I said loudly over the music.

He turned in my direction and his eyes widened at the sight of me. "Oh...um, it's okay..." he said, clearly lying. He turned back to staring out at the party.

Okay, was he deliberately trying to ignore me? I didn't know how to pose this question. I didn't know if he would even answer my question. It looked like he already had forgotten I was standing next to him. "Um, are we...okay?"

I realized it was the wrong thing to say when he flinched, only slightly turning his head. "Why do you keep asking that?" His voice was low, making me shiver at the hidden anger in his voice.

"Because I'm not sure," I answered, hoping that my truthful answer would, at least, convince him to tell me the truth about what was wrong with him.

"Just stop asking, okay?"

And, I'm not even sure why, but his short, clipped question made my hands clench into fists and my nails to dig into my skin. "Why are you doing this?" I asked him, my voice raising in anger and frustration. "I'm just confused and you're acting like I did something wrong. Well, I didn't. And if I did, you won't even tell me what it is. So, stop, and just talk to me!"

And when he looked at me, I thought he would finally apologize. He stared at me, unblinkingly, and then broke my gaze, turning back toward the party.

Maybe he was just thinking of what he wanted to say. But, no, he didn't turn back to me. A minute passed and he acted as if I wasn't there. He was trying to pretend that I was invisible.

But I wasn't. Not anymore. I wasn't little invisible Ivy Bennett.

I screamed in frustration, stamping on the ground and practically pulling my hair out, and made my way out of the crowd, too blinded by my frustration to even care if I ran into someone or spilled their drinks.

I didn't look for any familiar faces, but instead, made my way over to the table in the corner.

That boy was not going to ruin my night. No, that boy was not going to control my life, cause me to worry about him during the entire party.

I was going to have fun. I had to have fun. I just had to forget about everything first.

It was just convenient that there was a bottle of firewhisky innocently sitting right in front of me, unopened, belonging to no one in the room.

* * *

No, Ivy, don't do it. You're being stupid. Don't make me get out the public service announcements...

The first draft of this chapter contained the second half of the night, but I decided to give those events their own chapter, but they deserve it. Oh, yes, it's very very important. And Ivy is _not_ a good drunk. For those of you who thought Sirius or Remus would be a problem, here's a little twist.

Remus is being a jerk, but you'll find out why in chapter 123. He has a good reason. And he'll have a better reason...later.


	122. Drink

I suppose it wasn't such a great idea. I mean, I was scared of drunk people – who was I to pick up a bottle of firewhisky? But it seemed like the only way out of this awful maze, and I needed something that would make me forget all of my troubles.

I heard that alcohol was great at that. Might as well give it a try. After all, Sirius and James seemed to enjoy it – it couldn't be that bad.

Crawling into a comfortable spot in the armchair, I managed to take the cap off and, taking a quick look around the room, sipped a small amount.

It _burned_! How could anyone actually drink this because of the taste?! I grimaced, scraping the taste off of my tongue with my teeth. I couldn't do this.

Maybe I just needed to have a bit. I had to have low tolerance; it wasn't like I drank all the time. If I could get through a quarter of this bottle, I would be good. It was a pretty big bottle, after all.

So, ignoring the burning sensation, I took a large gulp and almost choked. Okay, slow. Shrinking back into the chair to make myself less noticeable, I began to cautiously sip the contents of the bottle.

After I drank about a quarter, I checked the label. No, I could still see straight. And, according to the label, this was pretty potent stuff. Shouldn't I be getting dizzy and forgetting my troubles about now?

I probably just needed to enjoy it. I didn't need to think about the drinking: I just needed to do it. And so, my eyes scanning the room above the bottle, I began drinking.

Okay.

It's not that bad, really.

So, I waited for the crazy symptoms to start.

To my surprise, I looked down after a couple minutes to see the bottle almost gone. How did I drink that much?! I don't even remember – I would have to find another bottle.

Obviously.

Ooh, I think my fingers were beginning to tingle. How exciting. Maybe I really was getting drunk. I blinked a couple times, noticing my vision was just a bit blurry. Exciting.

I spotted the other bottle of firewhisky just as I finished the first bottle.

It was in someone's hand, but it was _mine_, and they didn't deserve it. _I _was the only one that deserved to be drinking anyway.

Reaching over, I wrenched the bottle out of the person's hand and muttered a joyful "thanks". I didn't bother to look at their reactions: who cares what they thought?

It was actually pretty good. How did I not like it at first? It didn't burn – it happily danced down your throat. Amazing stuff, it is.

Drunk people weren't scary. They were _smart_. They knew how to have a good time. They knew about the dancing in the throat. They had to dance because their throat was having such a good time. It wasn't their fault they were forced to dance.

Dancing sounded like a good idea.

I struggled to my feet and stood there for a second. No, no, I didn't want to dance. I wanted to talk. I wanted to talk to people. They were just standing around, waiting to get talked to. I could talk to them!

I was on my way to go talk to Bradley Masterson (How did I know his name? Maybe I learned in class. Did I have classes with him? Maybe...no. He was in sixth year. Oh yeah, he was the one with a pet fox. Foxes are pretty cool. I liked their colors.) when I caught sight of Marlene.

Oh, Marlene. I liked Marlene. She was _smart_. She always knew what to say. I never did.

"Mar!"

She looked my way and I could see her eyes widen. "Ivy?" she asked and her eyes flickered down to my bottle in my hand. I held it closer to me, thinking that she wanted it. "What are you doing?"

I swayed a little, and said, with a smile, "Nothing."

"You are so drunk if you actually wanted to talk to me," she said. No, that didn't make sense. Why wouldn't I want to talk to her?

"But you're so smart!" I announced, and then drank some more of the dancing firewhisky. She just gave me this look, but I didn't understand. It didn't matter anyway because I saw someone that I suddenly wanted to talk to.

"You!" I trudged over, pointing a finger at the incriminator. (Was that a word?) I saw him blink his large eyes at me, like he didn't know what I was talking about. But he did. "You were trying to ruin my night. Why?!"

He didn't say anything again because I could see him staring at my firewhisky. "You're _drunk_?" Remus blurted out, his large eyes widening even more. "Why-"

My pointing finger was now pressed against his chest. He looked positively frightened. "Because _you_ won't talk to me. You won't look my direction, you won't hold a conversation with me, and you're..." Oh, oh, oh! I knew it! "-you're _jealous_."

"W-what?" he stuttered. "I'm not-"

No wonder people liked getting drunk. Everything suddenly made no sense but sense at the same time. And who said getting drunk meant you couldn't think? "You like me!" I exclaimed. "You wish you were him...Sirius...and you're not and you and him and me...and..."

He wanted me to kiss him! Of course he wanted me to. That's what I was supposed to do, right? I curled the finger currently sticking into his chest around his tie and brought him down on my lips.

And then I was stumbling back. And he was standing there with this look on his face of emotions that I didn't want to think about. I didn't have any emotions.

"You're drunk, Ivy, and I'm not letting you do this..." he was saying and then he walked away into the crowd where I couldn't even see him.

But I just wanted to yell at him some more!

I growled, turning around, taking another large swig of my firewhisky, scouring the room. Ah. Perfect.

I managed to get over to where he was sitting and fall (gracefully) on top of him.

Sirius let out a loud groan, glancing up to see what was currently straddling his lap. He lips curved into a smile as he finally recognized who it was and he wrapped his arms around me. "Hullo, Ivy-"

I didn't want to talk, no, not talk with him. He was my boyfriend and I wanted to _kiss_ him. I _really_ wanted to kiss him because he was mine and just mine.

And so I leaned down and caught his lips in an aggressive kiss. I didn't have to work very hard to part his lips and force my tongue into his mouth. Because I didn't want to just kiss him. I wanted to taste him.

I wanted him.

* * *

I found this extremely fun to write and it came very easily to me. I don't think it should have...but oh well. Drunk Ivy amuses me. I was rereading some of it and even I had the reaction of "what the heck?!".

This chapter is pretty crazy. I suggest the forums to converse with other readers about what the heck is happening! (Link on profile.)

So, my laptop has been this strange thing of dying and coming back to life. Well, it's been dead for about a day now, and if I miss a day of posting, that's why. I'm sorry beforehand.

Thankyouthankyouthankyou.


	123. Scarlet

This headache would _not_ let me sleep. It just kept throbbing and hurting as I tried to fall back asleep. I didn't want to open my eyes and see the ultra bright light. I just wanted to sleep and get rid of this awful headache and throw the covers over my head.

But there were no covers to grab. Instead, my fingers came into contact with something warm that was covered in fabric that I couldn't grab in my hands.

Something warm...A weight next to me...Definitely not sleeping on a pillow...

My eyes snapped open and the first thing I noticed was that the hangings were pulled around the bed and I was saved from the bright sunlight. Lifting my head slightly, I looked to see what exactly I was sleeping on.

Oh...my...god.

I didn't, I couldn't have, I _wouldn't-_ I was smart enough not to get in a bed with Sirius Black. Even if he was my boyfriend. We had a slow relationship – not one where-

Oh my god. What had I done?!

No, he was wearing his clothes. I had been sleeping on his chest and he still had his shirt on. (Well, a couple buttons were undone but it wasn't as if it was missing entirely.) I caught onto my tie, that was still done loosely around my neck, and my shirt was still buttoned up (albeit a bit wrinkled). I moved slightly and my skirt came into view.

Okay, so, what did we do?

_"Maybe-maybe we should go ups-" Sirius said in the middle of a kiss, hands finding their way up my shirt._

_I didn't hesitate to answer, pressing my lips hard against his, as if trying to prove myself. "Yes, absolutely," I was able to murmur, and suddenly he had grabbed me in his arms, and we were struggling up the staircase._

Oh.

But then what had happened after that? My headache began to pound even worse as I tried to remember.

_His lips were on my neck, nipping at the sensitive skin there. "Ivy," he said, his low growl making vibrations against my throat._

_I giggled, weaving my hands through his hair. "Sirius," I responded, his name becoming a breathy whisper as he pressed harder. "I love you..." I added._

_He murmured something that sounded like "Iwufnu" and moved to kiss my lips again._

_My eyelids were beginning to close and I couldn't keep them open. Suddenly, Sirius had escaped my thoughts as I drifted off..._

I put a hand to my hand to try to forget the memories and looked around at my surroundings. I needed to get out before Sirius even stirred.

Peeling the covers away, I lightly put my feet on the cold floor and pulled myself to a standing position. I stumbled, not used to my weight and almost fell back on top of him. Pushing the curtains aside, I quietly took a few steps away from the bed and straightened my clothes, breathing a sigh of relief.

Safe.

Turning around to check that everything was fine, my gaze stopped on a pair of eyes staring right back at me. He looked empty, staring at me with lifeless eyes, not blaming me or saying anything at all.

They were just staring.

I stared back into Remus's eyes and forgot to breathe. I just needed to leave... Backing up slowly, I was finally able to tear my gaze away and run down the staircase into the girls' dormitory.

It was harder than I thought. I couldn't walk straight, my head was hurting, I couldn't think, and tears were beginning to blur my vision. I ended up stumbling into the dormitory, attracting the attention of everyone in the room. And they were all awake.

Looking at all of their faces, I suddenly had the urge to be sick and I couldn't stop it. Without a word, I quickly turned the corner into the bathroom and learned how awful a hangover was.

"Ivy..." I heard Lily's voice say behind me. She was pulling my hair back comfortingly, speaking in soft tones. She didn't say anything more, just stayed there.

I was beginning to sob. "He hates me...and I'm just stupid and I'm never drinking again..." I said in a choked voice.

"Marlene?" I heard Lily call out. Why was she calling for Marlene? She hated me and would only laugh at my predicament.

I saw Marlene peer in, looking over the scene in front of her with judging eyes. "Do you still have that hangover potion?"

To my surprise, Marlene didn't begin shouting or sneering. She just simply nodded and left to get it. And then she was back, kneeling next to me and holding out a small bottle. "Here," she said, pressing it into my hand. "You only need a small sip."

She was right: immediately after taking just a tiny sip, my nausea faded and my headache disappeared. I felt fine and it was a weird feeling after feeling absolutely awful. But it still didn't cure the ache in my heart.

I got up and moved to my bed, falling on top of it, not caring to hold back my tears. Lily followed and I could hear some movement from my other roommates. They were probably gathering around.

"I don't know what to do. I made so many mistakes last night and I can't take them back. I'm a bad person..." I muttered to myself.

Mary was suddenly sitting next to me. "Have you looked in a mirror?" she said after a long pause.

What did that mean? What was wrong? What had happened? "...No," I said slowly, sitting up nervously.

"I have a spell, don't worry," Mary said vaguely, grabbing her wand. I stared at it and then looked around at the faces of my roommates.

They didn't say anything, but I watched as Alice reached over and handed me a mirror. I didn't know what they were talking about. Everything looked – no. I tilted my head up in horror to see many noticeable red marks on my neck.

I had to choke to keep back my tears and I let out a small whimper as I examined myself. "I-I can't go to breakfast like this. Everyone is going to think I...I'm a...a _scarlet woman!_" I finished, a sob escaping my throat. They were going to think I was a women with loose morals like Hester Prynne and I would have to wear an 'A' on my chest. (Even though I really didn't commit an act of adultery. But it was just as bad.) Oh no, oh no. I let the mirror fall onto my bed and hid my face in my hands.

I was an _awful_ person.

"No, no," I could hear Mary saying. "I can make them go away." I could feel her wand on my neck as I just stared hopelessly at a spot on the wall.

Remus probably saw this when I came out of Sirius's bed. What did he think? Did he think I was a scarlet woman? Did I absolutely ruin our friendship in that one little weak moment?

I had to talk to him. And I had to talk to Sirius. I had no clue if he even remembered the night before.

But I had no idea what to say. I didn't know what they thought of me.

* * *

Okay, I planned for this chapter to have about two more scenes, but it's already really long so in chapter 124, you'll get to see Ivy talking to Remus and Sirius. I can't say how it turns out.

But at least Marlene is being semi-nice. She's not entirely evil.

Who thinks it's going to get better? ...Or maybe _worse_?

Oh, my laptop is still dead (two days now!) and I have to share the internet with my brother and it's so hard to write chapters. But I'm still going...

Happy one year anniversary of Deathly Hallows (unless you're from another country...)!


	124. Can't

I didn't know where I was going. I didn't know where they would be. But I didn't care as I raced out of the common room and fled down the staircases.

It was on the third floor when I heard the voices. And, without even second guessing myself, I knew exactly who they belonged to. Following the hushed tones, I peered around a corner to see Remus and Sirius stopped in the middle of the staircase, both of them looking at each other intensely.

My crazy mind began to think of all the possibilities. What if Sirius didn't remember the night before and Remus had told him? What if Sirius decided that he didn't like the way Remus was acting toward me? What if he saw the kiss between Remus and I?

I flattened myself against the brick wall and held in an anxious breath, straining to hear what they were saying.

"What were you thinking, Sirius? She was _drunk_," Remus said in a loud whisper.

Sirius didn't hesitate to answer. "If you forgot, I wasn't in my right mind last night either," he answered, his voice uncharacteristically hard.

"You still had her in your bed. Whatever happened to a slow relationship with her?"

Sirius laughed, but there wasn't any joy behind it. "I have been so careful with her from the very start. I know she's fragile and I didn't want to scare her. We were drunk; it wasn't as if I was planning this."

He didn't hate me. The only reason our relationship was so different was because he was trying to not scare me away. He still liked me...

"Or were you?" Remus suddenly said. "I didn't want firewhisky at my party but you insisted on it."

"You actually think I planned for Ivy to get drunk and sleep with me?" Sirius asked and I could hear an incredulous tone in his voice. "You _know _I would never do that to her. I respect her way too much for that." There was a pause and I didn't dare peek around the corner to see what was happening. "You think I slept with her!" Sirius exclaimed, breaking the silence.

Remus did think I was a scarlet woman. And now he was positively angry that two of his best friends slept together. But we didn't – I was sure of that!

"Oh, come on, Remus!" Sirius sighed. "We didn't do anything last night. We just fell asleep and – do you really think I would take advantage of her like that? Is that what you think of me? Or is it just because you're jealous?"

So, Sirius knew too. Sirius had figured out what took me drunk to finally put the pieces together. Remus was jealous of Sirius and I's relationship. Jealous because we spent time together, because Sirius had my attention, and because I didn't love Remus in the same way as I loved Sirius.

"What?" He used the same fake confusion he had tried with me the night before.

"You fancy her and it's killing you to see us two together. I understand that but it's also killing her to-"

Remus suddenly cut Sirius off. "I don't fancy her." Obvious lie. I didn't understand why Remus wouldn't just admit it. He had admitted it to me only a couple months ago and lied when he said he didn't feel anything in the kiss we shared in the library. Why didn't realize that before?

"It's okay that you fancy her but the way you're dealing with it is bloody awful. It's been frustrating her and the rest of us. We don't know how to talk to you anymore. And you're doing this all just to show your disappointment with our relationship?"

Remus snorted, startling me. "You figured me out, I guess. Of course I hate everyone because just the two of you got together."

I flinched at the sarcastic tone in Remus's voice. He only used it at times when he was really frustrated and angry and I hated hearing it.

"Don't get angry-" Sirius began.

But Remus cut him off again. "I'm not angry. I just care about her, that's all. Nothing more. I just can't stand the way you automatically assume it has to do with you. I know you wouldn't care if you broke up with her tomorrow, but for her, it'd break her heart. It's not you, it's just _her_."

An awkward silence filled the corridor. I knew that Sirius couldn't find the words to respond to that revelation. I couldn't believe it myself. Remus had basically told Sirius that he didn't care about him.

I could see their friendship crumbling around them. And it was because of me. They were fighting over me. It was only a matter of time before I got between them, causing a massive rift and the end of the Marauders.

I couldn't just cause that. I couldn't be the reason four best friends drifted apart. I wasn't anybody, I could easily disappear and everything would return to normal.

That's what I had to do. Disappear.

I took a deep breath before pulling myself off of the wall and turning the corner to see the two boys staring back at me.

They were at a loss for words – obviously, they were wishing that I hadn't heard their conversation and didn't know what to say in case I had.

My hands were being to shake violently and I felt as though I was going to get sick again. I couldn't look them in the eyes, so instead, I looked down the step I was standing on in front of them.

"I can't-" I started, and then realized I needed something to symbolize the action. Lifting a shaking hand into my hair, I pulled out the hair clip and held it out to Sirius, keeping my eyes on my shaking hands. "I'm sorry but I just...can't..." I managed to say, pressing it into his right hand.

And before my eyes betrayed me, I brushed past them and hurried down the stairs. Because I didn't want to see their faces. I wanted to erase them from my memory.

* * *

Is this the end of Sirius/Ivy as we know it? Is this the end of Remus/Ivy? Is this the end of Ivy hanging around the Marauders at all? Good questions.

Most likely, I will have to miss a few upcoming days. I explained this all in a thread on my forum. I know for a fact I will be missing August 3rd.

Okay, so I'm probably not going to be updating for awhile, because I'm not allowed the computer at all and my dad said "screw your f-ing fanfiction people". So...yeah.

Anyway, you're amazing and DFTBA.


	125. Disappear

It took Eleanor and Liam about five minutes to realize I was sitting across from them. I guess the thick poorly-bound book they were peering over was more interesting than a Gryffindor sitting at the Ravenclaw table. When Liam glanced up for the first time, he looked back down as if nothing was peculiar. And then he did a double take, finally noticing me.

Liam nudged Eleanor, breaking her out of her trance, and she looked up, catching my gaze. "Hi, Ivy," she greeted me with a welcoming smile. "Why are you sitting over here?"

I opened my mouth to tell her – I had broken up with Sirius and I didn't want to see his face any more than I had to. But the words got stuck in my throat and I looked down at my plate. "Just because," I answered, flinching at the obvious tone of discomfort in my voice.

I knew she would pick up on it. "What's wrong?" she immediately asked, putting down the book.

The words still wouldn't form. Liam was staring at me strangely and I wondered briefly if he had figured it out. "Did you get into a fight with your friends?" he questioned. How could he tell? He didn't know anything about me.

I shrugged, looking back down again. Eleanor was tilting her head at me. Which meant one thing – she knew exactly what was going through my mind. She always could figure out my problems using logic.

"Does it have to do with Sirius? Because you're not sitting with him and I'd like to think that girlfriends usually like to sit with their boyfriends, and since you're not sitting with him, something must have happened," she deduced.

She was _so_ good at that. "Maybe," I answered, lazily playing with the spoon in my porridge.

But she wasn't done. "And since you're not wearing the hair clip he got you for your birthday, then you gave it back to him. Because you ended the relationship." She just stared at me with her wide eyes, waiting for me to tell her she was right.

Because she always was.

Liam wasn't even fazed by it. He was probably used to Eleanor's reasonings. She probably started up random conversations about pointless topics all the time and tried to start an analytical discussion.

How did I ever think she could be in another house?

"Mmm," I affirmed her suspicions.

But she didn't smile like she usually did when she was right. Instead, she frowned slightly, her forehead creasing as she thought. "But that doesn't make any sense. I thought you were in love with him."

I was momentarily surprised that Eleanor couldn't figure out an explanation for that. But then I realized she was right: I was in love with him. Still. "I was coming in between a friendship," I explained briefly.

Liam and Eleanor exchanged a look. I didn't know what that meant. "Remus and Sirius were fighting over you?" Eleanor asked suddenly.

The whole school probably knew about it. There was bound to be someone that overheard the conversation on the way down to breakfast and it was only a matter of time before it because the school's hottest gossip.

"Is it okay if I sit here from now on?" I changed the subject.

Eleanor blinked at me. "Okay," she finally answered, disappearing behind her book again.

I guess it didn't matter. Sighing, I leaned forward on the table, wondering how I was going to get through the remaining months at school without some of my best friends.

And then I realized, with an awful jolt, that my story didn't have a source of inspiration anymore. What was I supposed to do with Sebastian and Anne? With a sickening feeling in my stomach, I wondered if it was the end for them.

But how could I care about fictional characters? I didn't have Sirius anymore...or Remus...James...or even Peter. But I was able to do it once. Before sixth year, no one knew who I was. I could just resort back to that.

Biting my lip, I forced myself not to cry and got up from the table, heading to Transfiguration early.

I didn't take my normal seat. Instead, I picked the table in the back corner, away from everyone else. When they finally arrived, I immediately looked down at the table to avoid seeing their expressions.

To my relief, they didn't take the seats next to me. They sat in their normal seats but I was still forced to feel their eyes on me during the whole class. It was awful; I tried to hide myself by shrinking down in my seat. It obviously didn't work because their gazes were burning.

But I wasn't going to decide otherwise. I had to disappear; there was no other choice. It was simple. During meal times, I sat with Eleanor and Liam. During class, I sat away from everyone. During break, I stayed at least ten feet away from them at all times. And never, ever did I utter a single word to those four boys. I spoke to Lily still, but only when we were in the dormitories away from them. She never complained about the situation for we never talked about it.

It was almost as if I never existed in the Marauders' life. Which was exactly what I wanted.

I spent all of my free time hidden away in the back of the library, studying for N.E.W.T.S.. There was absoutely no way I wasn't getting the highest marks - I spent every single minute peering over textbooks and writing extra essays. It effectively took my mind off of my social life.

It was going perfectly until March 26th. On that day, I was corned into an unexpected visit.

* * *

Hey, I skipped some time. Exciting. Yes, Ivy has excluded herself away from the Marauders. But it was for the best.

And hey, I updated! Yes, my brother went away to sleep over at a friend's house. I have the home computer to myself. In case you don't go to the forums, the new news is that "Remus" has my laptop and he's backing up the hard drive before I have to ship it to HP to either get a new one or replace the screen. Yay.

However, this means I have to share this computer with my brother for awhile. I will try my best to update whenever I can. Because I love you guys.

(Just a random fact: There's a lot of inside information in this chapter...with myself. Because I've actually written an one-shot that happens five years in the future and there's many allusions to it. I'll post it - promise. Just keep this chapter in mind...)


	126. Visitor

To be honest, I had lost track of the days. It could have been the end of March or even April for all I knew. Days seemed to fly by and I was beginning to welcome this new way of life. No Marauders, no conflicts, just my schoolwork and the library every night.

One Sunday night, I was packing up all of my textbooks and leaving the library at closing. Working nonstop was wearing me out and all I wanted was a nice sleep before Monday classes.

Walking out of the doors, a hand grabbed me by my wrist. My fingers clumsily fumbled over my wand in my cloak pocket and it only took me three seconds to brandish it at my attacker.

By this time, I was already pushed into a dead end with absolutely no way out. My captor held up his hands in defense as I pushed my wand in his face. "Whoa, Ivy, watch it," he said.

The familiar voice saying my name made me halt. "James?" I asked, letting down my wand slowly.

He nodded at me, waiting for my response. Seeing him stare at me, pay attention to me for the first time in weeks was an uncomfortable feeling. I nervously fidgeted, stuffing my wand back into my pocket.

I asked the only question my mind seemed to form. "What are you doing here?"

He blinked, as if it was most obvious thing in the world. "It's my birthday tomorrow," he announced proudly, that familiar grin appearing on his face. The sight of that grin made me feel lighter – as if the small reminder of the Marauders made my day brighter.

I didn't know if he wanted me to respond to that. "Um, congratulations?" I said, very unsure.

He seemed amused by my actions. "And I'd very much like you to be there for my party."

He had to be kidding. I couldn't just go and pretend nothing happened. I couldn't be around Remus or Sirius and act like nothing was wrong. I slowly began to shake my head but James immediately cut me off.

"No, you can't just say you're going to keep staying away from us. Because it's not helping anything. Lily insisted that we let you have some space, think things through-" So that's why nobody ever tried to question me. I didn't know whether to be annoyed or grateful. "And it's been two weeks now and all of us miss you." I bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself from asking the questions plaguing my mind. "We try not to talk about you but somehow, we're always reminded of you-"

I scuffed my shoe on the floor. "So?"

A look of surprise crossed James's face and I knew he didn't expect me to respond in that way. "So, we miss you. And Sirius still-"

At the mention of his name, I had to force myself to swallow my heart that leapt into my throat and say, "Don't. I don't want you to try-"

But I knew James was going to try. He didn't just want to invite me to his party, no, he wanted to talk to me about my relationship with Sirius.

My suspicious proved correct as he cut me off once again. "He hasn't been himself, Ivy. He hasn't looked at another girl and he's not as fun. It's just not the same with you around anymore. And Remus and Sirius are practically straining to keep their friendship. If you would just come back-"

"And make it worse?" I offered. I didn't understand how I could help them. If I came back, then Sirius and Remus would start to fight again. And I couldn't stand watching them fight. There was no easy way to return.

James stared at me and, for the first time, I saw how vulnerable he was. It looked as though it took a great deal of strength for him to finally talk to me – I could tell by the way his eyes were worn because of conflicting emotions. His glasses were slowly falling down the bridge of his nose, but I knew he didn't want to move and break our stare to fix them.

Taking a deep breath, I continued, "I really want to come back, James, I do, but...I _can't_. It's just too much for me to handle. I'm only one girl, one girl that would love to go back to being invisible and I just can't do this anymore. I'm not good at this, I've never been, and I can't keep putting myself through this." I sniffed back the tears that were beginning to form behind my eyes. "But it's not for me. I'm doing this because I care about...about them and I don't want them to fight anymore. I can't see them angry, James, it breaks my heart and I can see their friendship crumbling around them, and that's my fault. I'm an awful person – I don't deserve to be friends with you all and I want you to be happy-"

My words were muffled into nothing as I found myself in a comforting hug, pressed against James's shirt as he wrapped his arms around me, giving me the warmth of a hug I had forgotten existed. The simple act made me tremble and forgot to hold back my tears. Instead, I let a few tears fall down my cheeks as I clung to James.

We didn't say anything but we both knew that I didn't have the strength to return. Maybe James thought it would be the last time we would see each other. He held onto me tightly, quietly letting me finally show the emotions I had been bottling up.

With some regret, I realized I had to loose this comfort. But at least the Marauders would remain.

* * *

My brother never lets me on the computer. It's crazy how I have to bribe him for some time.

So, yes, the visitor is James, and no, this isn't James/Ivy – they're friends. Besides, this story is James/Lily. Sadly, James's birthday will be skipped over because Ivy will not go.

I don't know when I'll get the next chapter out. At least by Monday, I hope. Your reviews are helping me through this stressful time. Thank you.


	127. Fools

I watched as Liam continued to look over at the Gryffindor table, as if he knew something was going to happen. But he couldn't know of anything – I didn't hear a word. However, the way he kept staring, instead of talking to Eleanor about the latest homework assignment or class told me he had to know something.

"Um, Liam, what are you staring at?" I finally asked.

At first I didn't think he heard me, but then his blue eyes looked up at me slightly. "It's April 1st," he answered. I waited for him to continue, but that was all he had to say. Okay, so it was April 1st. What did that mean?

"April Fools Day," Eleanor said out of nowhere, responding to my unspoken question.

Which probably tied with Christmas for the Marauders' favorite holiday. I turned around and followed Liam's gaze over the table. Liam didn't know _what_ was going to happen but, of course, he knew that _something_ had to happen.

Taking a quick look around the Great Hall, I noticed that almost everyone's eyes were on the four, waiting. Was it like this every April Fools Day? How did I not notice?

But it was their last year at Hogwarts. They probably had something amazing planned. It was the perfect opportunity for a massive prank. That was absolutely no way they could let a chance like this slip from their fingers.

The four were sitting in their normal seats, conversing about a topic that, to me, didn't seem very interesting. James wasn't using his hand gestures as much, Remus was staring at the table, Sirius was picking apart his food, and Peter just nodded every so often.

Was that supposed to be a trick? Wouldn't they be excited if they had something big planned? It looked like a normal day. They couldn't have forgotten it was April Fools Day. I was sure they had it circled and underlined in their calendars – well, if they had owned one.

Nothing happened at breakfast.

We all thought they would wait until the middle of the day – lunch. After all, it would be a nice mood lifter to get us throughout the rest of the day.

No. Nothing at lunch.

Must be dinner then. A big bang to end the day in front of the whole school.

Liam was extremely excited even though he tried to hide it. He kept peering over his book that he was trying to disappear behind. His eyes were eager to see something extraordinary. I understood how he felt – I wanted something extraordinary too.

Two minutes until the end of dinner. I found it getting harder to breathe and began to bite my lip in anxiousness.

One minute. There had to be a hundred pairs of eyes on the four, waiting.

Twenty seconds. I blinked, thinking that maybe – just maybe – they had decided not to do anything this year. What if the argument between Remus and Sirius had caused them to not plan anything?

Ten seconds. I could feel the entire school counting down in their heads, as if they knew something massive was going to happen at the end of the countdown. However, I didn't believe it anymore.

Three...two...one.

Nothing.

I watched as Sirius got up first, followed by James, and then Remus and Peter. Some other Gryffindors followed and then the rest of the houses. There was a disappointment in the air, but no one dared to mention what had just happened out loud. They didn't want to jinx it – maybe something would appear out of nowhere.

They were wrong. April 1st soon ended and there was not a prank in sight.

I felt sick to my stomach. I could just see it as my fault. Even though I had ended my relationship with Sirius, it still didn't patch up the holes in their friendship. That must have been why there was no prank.

My response was simple: I threw myself back into my studies. I spent so much time in the library that I began to run out of things to read about and resorted to learning about topics not covered in exams.

Weeks passed again and I was managing fine. Lily had found out about James talking to me in the corridor was now trying to get me to talk about what had happened between Sirius, Remus, and me.

I told her. It wasn't as if it was a big secret. And, to my surprise, she agreed with me. She thought that staying away from them would be the best solution. Hearing that from someone else made me frown. Did everyone think I should stay away from them? Did everyone think I was a bad influence?

Was I?

It was the morning of April 15th, a Hogsmeade-free Saturday when I was hiding in the corner of the library, a thick book about goblins on my lap. Ignoring everything and everyone around me, I dived into the book, picking apart each word slowly, savoring each typed letter.

A prickling on the back of my neck startled me and I quickly looked up but there was nothing except for dusty bookshelves around.

I was going crazy. With a loud sigh, I set the book down on my lap and fixed the headband in my hair, trying to keep my bangs out of my face.

Then the prickling began again. And this time I understood the feeling – someone was watching me. Why was someone watching me? Was it a Slytherin – another repeat of the Regulus Black incident? Or was it someone I didn't know? Or was it-

"Ivy-"

Remus Lupin. My breath stopped and I stared down at a spot in the floor, not wanting to look up and meet his eyes.

It didn't matter, however. He didn't wait for me to respond before adding, "We need to talk."

I shook as I heard his words, realizing there was no way out. We hadn't talked in a month and I wanted to hear what he had to say.

So, I forced myself to look up into those familiar amber eyes and silently agreed.

* * *

Oh, that's a cliffhanger. Sorry.

People kept asking how long this story will be and, honestly, I have no clue. I have a plot set out but I don't know how long it will take. I do know that the story will pick up like crazy after Hogwarts. I will skip months at a time – maybe even a year if I feel like it.

I still don't have my laptop by the way. Actually, I'll check on it now. Well, that's not working. But, right now, the estimated date is August 4th. Next Monday.

(AHHHH! I'M GOING TO SEE JOHN GREEN TODAY! NERDFIGHTERS!)

I'll be updating the forums if I have time. Thanks again for everything.


	128. Anything

I noticed the way surprise flickered across his eyes; he hadn't expected me to agree. He probably thought he would have to fight to talk to me. But I didn't feel like running away anymore. We needed this talk.

I got up from my spot in the corner and moved over to the table and chairs adjacent to Remus. He sat down in the chair closest to him and I took the seat across from him. We never took our eyes off of each other as we sat down.

Was he going to speak first? Was I supposed to say something to initiate the conversation? His gaze broke from mine and he looked up, contemplating on what to say. After releasing a slow sigh, he said quietly, "I really miss you."

My heart jumped in my chest, slightly confused but also ecstatic at his words. It was hurting him just as much as it hurt me to stay away from them. But it was for the best. I had to keep that in mind. "Me too," I told him.

He was nervous, his hands set on the table in front of him, visibly shaking. "Can you...um...come back?" I could tell that he didn't know how to phrase his sentence. Come back to what? To more fighting and jealousy?

"I don't know," I answered vaguely. It should have been a 'no'. I knew I had to stay away from them. I couldn't come back.

And so we lapsed into that awkward silence again. We just stared at each other, each waiting for the other to say something first. He had to know that I was going to say anything. Unlike him, my eyes weren't filled with betraying emotions that were going to cause everything plaguing my mind to be spoken.

It didn't surprise me when the words "I'm sorry" fell from his lips. I didn't flinch or shudder but, instead, continued to stare into his eyes. They were wide with curiosity and anxiousness.

He took a deep breath when I didn't answer and let it out slowly. He looked extremely uncomfortable. "So, you're not going to say anything?"

"I don't know what you want me to say," I answered him quickly.

He looked down at the table for a second, fumbling with his fingers, and then caught my gaze again. "I just want to know everything is all right."

That didn't help the situation. I could lie and say everything was fine – but what would it do? It wouldn't solve the Marauders' problem. I needed Remus to tell me what was happening with him. I wanted to know if everything was all right with _them_.

"What about you?" I asked.

Remus shrugged slowly with uncertainty in his movements and thoughts. "I'm fine." He paused, and then, as if one thought won over the other, he leaned forward with a different expression on his face. "I'm stupid, Ivy, letting my...jealousy get in the way of your relationship. I'm selfish and it was an awful thing but I just couldn't control it. My jealous thoughts took over and I let them and I know it was wrong. I'm so sorry..." he trailed off.

I began to bite my lip. "It's okay," I tried to comfort him.

But Remus started violently shaking his head. "No, it's not okay. Because of me, you're not with Sirius anymore. I never had any right to break up your relationship," he exclaimed and then his voice softened. "You love him and you're happy with him. I shouldn't be jealous of something that makes you utterly happy. You deserve each other and I shouldn't have gotten in the middle of it."

He was completely vulnerable, sitting across from me, waiting for me to say anything – _something _that revealed whether I accepted the new information or not.

Hearing Remus's words brought me a strange kind of relief. "What does Sirius think about this?" I questioned the only thought in my head.

I watched as an understanding smile appeared on Remus's face. "It's been a month. You'd think he'd move on by now but I think he really fancies you. It would explain the lack of girls and reckless behavior from him for the last month."

I smiled slightly at Remus's tone, letting his words sink in.

"Actually-" Remus added, interrupting my thoughts. "-not fancy. I think he really loves you." And the way Remus said those words with a small smile on his face told me that he was finally okay with it.

Which meant no more fights. No more arguments. No more jealousy. I didn't have to disappear. I _could _come back.

The very thought almost made me laugh out loud. Everything would be fine. My life – perfectly fine. What a strange, perfectly...perfect thought.

And for the seconds after that, there was another silence. A comforting silence, so different from the awkward silences that haunted the beginning of our conversation. I just leaned back, letting a genuine, happy smile appear on my face. Remus watched me, looking happy to see me happy.

Suddenly, he checked the time and he was pushing his chair back. "I have to go. But I'll see you later," he proclaimed, turning around to hurry out of the library.

"Where are you going?" I asked him with much interest. What did Remus have to do on a Saturday morning?

He took a few steps toward me. "Let's just say there's a reason there wasn't a prank on April Fools Day," he finally explained. And with a secretive smile, he disappeared around the corner.

Wait – what did that mean?!

"Remus! What do you mean there was a reason?" I called after him but he was already gone. I groaned in frustration and crossed my arms, sulking back into my chair.

* * *

There is something big planned for the next chapter. It's what Remus is talking about. And hey, I updated within one day. Yay.

John Green is an amazing source of inspiration. He signed my book and was amazing, of course. I'll be in the next video he puts up on YouTube. Well, everyone there will be. We're in the "HI HANK!" part. I have a recap of the day on my livejournal.

Best wishes and DFTBA!


	129. Miss

I suppose I should have followed Remus out of the library. Because now, I was sitting here by myself, wondering what to do, when to do whatever I was going to do, and how to do that thing I was wondering about.

It was simple really. I had to talk to the rest of the Marauders. But there was a slight problem. What would I say to them? Or more: what would I say to Sirius?

I didn't know if he wanted me back. Remus said he did but what if he was wrong? What if Sirius had moved on? What if he didn't want me anymore? It had been a whole month since we had last talked. It wasn't like a romance novel – there was no chance that he would sweep me off my feet and declare his everlasting love for me.

And that wasn't the only problem. Remus was obviously trying to hide something from me until its "big unveil". I had a feeling it was something unexpected if it was to make up for the lack of a prank on April Fools Day.

Thoughts and questions clouded my mind until only fifteen minutes before lunch. After checking the time and noticing I had been sitting in the library for three hours, I decided that I needed to find the four boys and see what they were planning. It was much easier said than done though because the very thought made my pulse race beneath my skin.

Ignoring the frantic beating of my heart the best I could, I left the library and made my way down the staircases to the Great Hall.

However, as soon as I stepped off the last staircase, I felt queasy and paranoid. But as I quickly scanned my eyes around the corridor, I didn't see anything suspicious. Everything was the same as always: students walking into the Great Hall, chatting animately about classes, relationships, and homework.

I shook my head of this feeling and browsed the students for anyone with dark hair with glasses or without. If James was around, then Sirius would definitely be. Well, if I looked for Lily, then James would probably be with her and then – but no red hair or James or Sirius.

I teetered on my feet for a second and then took a couple steps forward. However, the sight that greeted me made me stop in my tracks and stare ahead. Down the corridor, the floor looked...well, _green_. It couldn't be a trick of the light either because it was also reflective. The green substance covered the entire floor and looked as though it was spreading.

Many people around me were beginning to notice, pointing down the hall and whispering to their friends. I saw Liam and Eleanor walk up, both with mild curious looks on their faces.

Suddenly, I felt something drop on the top of my head and then a cold, runny substance began to run down the sides of my face. People around me shrieked, stepping back a few paces to get out of the way.

I blinked as the substance began to run into my eyes and reached up a hand, brushing my fingers through my soaked hair. It was a green textured liquid that reminded me of half-done jello.

And then suddenly, the shock of the situation had worn off and I realized how many people were staring at me, covered in this...liquid and standing there as if I couldn't move.

Who would do this? Why would anyone do this to a fellow classmate? The liquid had come from above but who would – Peeves. It had to be him. He had to be pranking -

Pranking.

_Let's just say there's a reason why there wasn't a prank on April Fools Day. _Oh. Now everything made sense. I didn't a word as I looked into the crowd, finally spotting someone trying to hide behind the railing of the staircase.

"I see you..." I called out, keeping my voice steady. I was going to make them worry. Make them think I was angry with them.

James appeared from behind the railing, peeking out with an innocent grin on his face. Lily was watching me with an apologetic expression. Following my eyes up the staircase, my eyes fell on the other three boys. Peter and Remus were trying to smile at me, as if everything was funny and I should laugh.

Sirius, to my surprise, adorned an amused look. He leaned over the railing, eyes taking in my whole (drenched and awful) look. I stared back at him with the most anger I could muster up. Which wasn't much because I wasn't angry.

Deep down, I found the situation somewhat funny. And I think Sirius knew that. He then broke the silence in the corridor by beginning to laugh. Was it really that hilarious that I was stuck in the middle of the corridor surrounded by students covered in some awful green slime? Was it so hilarious that my ex-boyfriend took one look and had to laugh?

Sirius walked down the staircase and made his way through the crowd. Through his laughter, a question managed to escape, "Don't you know better than to walk into one of our pranks?"

With trembling hands, I tried to brush my hair back but only caused the liquid to spread. "I just wanted to tell you that I miss you," I blurted out. I _knew_ I should have practiced what I was going to say to him. Now I sounded desperate and he was never going to want me back.

He stopped in front of me and crossed his arms. Defensive pose: not good. "Really?" he asked, his tone curious. "How much?"

I didn't expect that question. It startled me, sending a cold chill down my spine. What was the correct answer to that question? Did he want to know how much I loved him or did he want to hear the opposite so he could move on? And with everyone watching – what was I supposed to say? "A lot?" I finally said, the word barely whispered.

He then chuckled, taking the last few steps forward so he was standing right in front of me. "Did you feel as though you were lost without me? That you couldn't live? You couldn't sleep at night because I haunted your dreams and even during the day, your daydreams were interrupted with my face? Could you wake yourself up in the morning without having your roommates having to drag you out of bed? Did you think about me every second wondering what you could have done differently to avoid this awful situation?" His hands were on my arms, slowly moving upward to my shoulders, brushing off the offending liquid as much as possible. "Did you wish for a minute to talk to me because you just couldn't stand not hearing your name spoken from my lips? That much?" His hands threaded through the sticky strands in my hair, holding me in place.

Letting out a breath I had been holding the whole time, I forced myself to continue taking in air and answered "yes" in the first breath.

A smile that I hadn't seen for a month appeared on Sirius's face. "Good," he exclaimed, fingers curling in my hair. "Because I've missed you even more than that."

I didn't even care that probably the whole student body was watching. I watched his smile grow closer and then my eyes fluttered shut as his lips closed over mine.

* * *

Yes, I did in fact have trouble with the second half of this chapter because it was fluff. Thanks for asking. But they're back together! Celebration!

Anyway, I don't think I have anything to say today. Other than you're all amazing and I love you. And if you haven't watched the HALF BLOOD PRINCE TRAILER you should do that. Because it includes one of the only casting choices I like in the movies: young Tom Riddle.

Thanks!


	130. Wake

Lily was having a heart attack. Well, not literally, but the way she was running around the common room, stuttering over her words in anger and frantically waving her arms in the air had to increase her heart rate dramatically.

"What do you mean they're still asleep?" she demanded an answer from Frank Longbottom who had just came down from the dormitories.

Frank looked a bit hesitant to answer. I would too; she was practically breathing fire. "Uh...they stayed up really late last night and I guess they're sleeping in today."

That obvious answer isn't the one Lily wanted to hear. "Sleeping in?" she said through her teeth, offended by the very idea. "Does James have _any_ idea how much we have to do in these last months of school? We're supposed to-"

"Snog?" Mary supplied, sitting in the armchair a couple feet away.

Lily rolled her eyes, looking briefly in Mary's direction. "Work on Head duties. Students go out of control near the end of the school year and we have to talk to the prefects about patrolling-" She stopped suddenly, checking the time and letting out a gasp accompanied by a frustrated groan. "I was supposed to meet with the prefects ten minutes ago."

"On a Sunday?" I inquired, noticing that Frank managed to escape through the portrait hole. Did she really think anyone was going to show up on a weekend to discuss work? Even Remus wasn't awake yet – which was saying something since he was a morning person.

Lily was about to pull out her hair. "Yes, on a Sunday. What's so wrong with wanting to get ahead and actually get some work done?" She frantically checked the time again and she began to pace, absolutely distraught.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" I decided to ask. I didn't like to see her so stressed because it also made me feel awful.

She stopped pacing in front of me, eyes widening. "Yes, yes," she said quickly, grabbing me by the shoulders and turning me around to face the boys' staircase. "Go get the boys up and then tell James I already went to speak with the prefects."

What?! I couldn't just walk into the boys' dormitory like it was nothing. It was their room and wasn't it illegal or something for girls to be up there? There wasn't a spell on the staircase or anything, but it had to be against some rules or something. "No, Lily, I can't-" I began to argue.

She sighed in frustration. "You've been up there before. Just wake them up and send James down to the library. It's not like it's the end of the world."

I wish I could say it was but I just couldn't come up with a valid argument. Without even waiting for my answer, she exclaimed "thank you!" loudly and ran out of the common room. I looked after her for a second and then sighed softly.

There was still one way out of this.

"No, I'm not the one going out with one of them," Mary proclaimed before I had a chance to open my mouth.

Was I really that obvious? I bit my lip and stared up at the long staircase. I just had to go up there. I had done that before. It wasn't a big deal. But it wasn't that I had to go up there – it was trying to wake them up. How was I supposed to do that?

And then, with Mary watching me interestedly, I slowly began to make my way up the staircase. Stopping at the door labeled '7th years', I took a deep breath and knocked softly, three times.

I didn't really expect an answer since they were all sleeping. But it was better being safe than sorry. Checking the door handle, I noticed it was unlocked. I expected the door to creak when I opened inch by inch, but it was quiet. Peering through the crack, I could see someone hidden in their covers, but I couldn't tell who it was.

Trying to calm my beating heart with calming breaths, I opened the door wide and stepped in the room. It was just how I remembered it: slightly messy but, surprisingly, not impossible to clean.

They were all sleeping. Peter was the one who I saw first: completely hidden underneath his covers, not even a strand of hair visible. Sirius had the bed next to him and he was sleeping with his arm carelessly hanging off the side of the four-poster and covers in a state of disarray. James was even worse than Sirius; his covers were almost completely off the bed, hanging precariously on the edge of falling onto the floor. Remus was the only way sleeping on his back, covers where they were supposed to be. Not surprising.

All I had to do was wake them up.

"Hey!" I half-yelled, standing the middle of the room. I watched as Sirius and James stirred, Peter stayed still, and Remus blinked his eyes, clearly awakened. "You all need to get up. It's almost ten and you slept through breakfast."

Remus was pulling himself to a sitting position, watching me with a curious and confused expression on his face. James made an unrecognizable noise and Sirius just turned over to face away from me. Peter moved slightly.

"James, Lily is thinking about killing you because you're missing the prefect meeting-" I barely had the words out of my mouth before James rolled out of his bed, looking completely disheveled.

"She's going to kill me!" he exclaimed to no one in particular before pulling on a pair of pants over his boxers and grabbing a shirt.

He didn't even seem to notice that I was in the room as he did this in front of me and proceeded to throw open the door and clamber down the staircase in record time.

I blinked and heard Remus say, "Sorry you had to see that."

Managing to chuckle softly, I shrugged and said, "Oh well, at least I accomplished what I came up here to do. I thought it would be much harder than just telling him."

"With Lily involved, you could get him to do anything..." Remus admitted with a smile. He opened a drawer of his side table and took out a pile of clothes. "I'll be back..." he told me before leaving to get dressed.

That left me in the room with Sirius and Peter. Peter was still sleeping like a rock but I wasn't sure about Sirius. Taking a few steps toward his bed, I knelt down next to the four-posted and caught a glimpse of his sleeping face.

I was so used to seeing a huge grin on his face that the calm, peaceful nature of his expression caught me offguard. I didn't want to wake him from his sleep, but I knew I had to. It was already past ten and he would miss lunch if I let him stay in bed.

"Sirius..." I said softly.

He 'hmm'ed in response but didn't open his eyes.

"Sirius, wake up..." I tried again, moving to touch his face, thinking that it might wake him up.

Instead, I felt a hand enclose over my wrist and a pair of gray eyes were now staring back at me. "Good morning," he finally said after clearing his throat a couple times. Letting go off my wrist, he laughed and said, "I thought you were James playing a prank at me. He used to try waking me up using a feminine voice all the time. He's pretty good at it."

I smiled. "I bet you're glad I'm not James."

"Immensely," he said, his voice rough from lack of use. "So much better waking up to you than his ugly face."

I laughed quietly and stood up, giving him room to get out of his bed. He just watched me, propping himself up on his elbow.

Moving my foot to take a step back, I lost my footing as he reached out with his free hand and brought me down on his bed. Letting out a surprise gasp, I realized how I was practically lying on top of him.

My cheeks began to burn. I couldn't believe myself: falling right on top of him. This was bad. Scrambling to get up, I was shocked when Sirius just laughed, and his hands cupped the sides of my face.

"It's okay," he murmured, softly pressing his lips to mine.

I found that I couldn't argue when his hands were touching me and his lips were on mine. It was so different – a month ago he wouldn't dare let me near his bed.

Was our relationship different this time around?

* * *

Really long chapter, yes. Not really any plot progression except for uber amounts of fluff. Fluff lovers rejoice.

I hear it's someone's birthday today. He's not really that important. He's just the boy who lived. Happy birthday Harry!

I'm not sure, but I don't think I'll be posting Saturday or Sunday. But we'll see.

Thanks for everything as always!


	131. Very

Time was passing much too quickly for me. Suddenly, I found myself staring at the second week in May on my calendar. N.E.W.T.S were only a couple weeks away and I still had so much to do.

Fifth and seventh years were beginning to scramble for notes and textbooks. The library was almost always filled up with twice the amount of students. I never had my own table to work at anymore.

Juggling my schoolwork, friends, and boyfriend was becoming a daunting task. I spent most of my time studying with Lily and the only times I ever saw my other friends was during meal times. Sirius and I hadn't been alone for four days and we were both getting frustrated at this lack of interaction.

However, Sirius and I decided that we were going to spend Friday night in the library together and help each other study. It was better than nothing. Surprisingly, the library wasn't as crowded as usual (probably because it was Friday) and we were able to find a secluded table hidden behind bookshelves.

It took about a whole six minutes to realize that having Sirius next to me while studying was a bad decision. Because he was _very _distracting. When we sat down, he had acted like he was going to study with me, bringing out a textbook and a scroll of parchment. But after dipping his quill in ink and placing a few blotches of the dark liquid on the parchment, the idea of studying escaped his mind.

He was sneaky about it. At first, he just stared at me as I wrote down everything from Transfiguration that I would have to remember. Brushing my hair back, I furiously wrote down everything from memory.

And then he started. It began with a simple touch against my side and then I could feel his fingers lightly running up and down and I couldn't_ think _anymore. My breath hitched and I had to steady my hand as my handwriting became a mess of scribbles. He must have noticed how I was having trouble breathing because I heard a quiet chuckle and he leaned forward, catching me offguard and placing a kiss on the underside of my jaw.

I almost broke the quill in my hand. Instead, I promptly dropped it and it rolled off the table. "Sirius..." I tried to say, to tell him to stop – that we needed to get back to studying – but my voice wasn't working anymore as he continued to softly kiss me, slowly moving down to my neck.

I was going to die. Die in the best possible way. Because I couldn't even take in a breath as he littered my exposed skin with kisses and didn't even give me a second to breathe. He was acting as though I was the only thing on his mind (which I didn't doubt) and he could only pay attention to me.

Our relationship was immensely different than before – I had found this out two weeks ago in the common room one night.

_I was sitting in the armchair in front of the fire, finishing an essay when I felt someone sit down on the arm of the chair._

_"Hi, Sirius," I greeted him without looking up. I couldn't tell just by the weight and the feeling that it was him._

_And I also knew he was grinning. "Hello beautiful," he responded._

_He must have known it would have made me look up. "Did you just call me a pet name?" I asked him. Was he really going to start calling me 'baby' and 'honey' and all of those other sickeningly cute names? I got enough of those from the romance novels I read. I would _never_ make Sebastian or Anne speak any of them._

_He laughed. "Don't like it?"_

_I couldn't deny that I liked it – it made me heart skip a beat. But it felt extremely weird at the same time. "It's just...strange."_

_Sirius laughed again and leaned down, bringing me into a short kiss. It was always the short kisses – never anything more._

_The question nagged at me over and over and I knew I had to say it sooner or later. I bit my lip when he pulled away and he noticed. "Okay, what's on your mind?" He sounded truly concerned and I didn't want to worry him._

_"A-are you attracted to me?" _

_So, there. I said it. It sounded stupid and juvenile but I said it out loud._

_He raised an eyebrow at me and_ _looked at me for a second. "Are you being serious?"_

_Not even trying for a pun, I answered without hesitation, "Yes."_

_He looked very amused and began to laugh_ _at me. I just stared back at him, confused out of my mind. What did the laughing me? Was it because I was worrying over this? Or because he realized I figured him out?_

_I blinked at him, knowing that he wouldn't be able to miss the hurt expression on my face. _

_And then he wasn't laughing anymore and he was staring at me with those gray eyes that said so much. He was only a few centimeters away, still staring into my eyes and then he murmured, very quietly but clearly, "Very much so." When he closed the gap, he didn't hold anything back and the kiss was definitely something more._

"W-we're supposed to be s-studying," I managed to get out as he continued his ministrations.

He muttered the words against my neck, his breath hot on my skin. "I'm studying you." I failed to comment on how cheesy that statement was because it was getting way too hot and I felt as though all the air in the room was pressing down on me.

"R-really...we have to study..." I tried again but I barely could get the words out – they were only breathy whispers.

Sirius stopped for a second, pulling away to look at me. "You don't have to worry about that; you probably already know everything."

"What about you?" I said quickly.

Sirius shrugged indifferently. "I think I'm allowed a break from studying to spend some time with my girlfriend and show her how much she means to me."

I wrinkled my nose at the sappiness of his comment but found that I couldn't argue. "Well, if you insist..." I exclaimed with a smile on my face.

"Oh, I do," Sirius grinned.

* * *

Soak in the fluff. I felt that we needed some fluff after all the drama. You now have two consecutive chapters of it. The next chapter will actually include some plot progression! Whoa.

I won't be updating tomorrow or Sunday, so I'd just like to say to the Twilight fans out there: AHHH! BREAKING DAWNNN!!

I do have a new poll on my profile that I keep forgetting to mention. So...new poll. Okay, I'm done with this author's note. Hearts for you all.

(If you found any song titles in this chapter, yes, I put them there for a reason. Probably no one (except the person I told) will find them though. There's two.)


	132. Only

They weren't at dinner. I sat with Eleanor and Liam during the meal, absentmindedly picking at my food. _Everyone_ was gone – except Mary but she was in the library, studying rather than eating.

I was the only 7th year Gryffindor left. I wasn't exaggerating either – first, the Marauders weren't there. All four – Sirius, Remus, James, and Peter. And then my roommates weren't present either – Lily, Marlene, Dorcas, and Alice. Alice's boyfriend, Frank, wasn't anywhere to be found in the entire Great Hall.

Alone. I was alone.

I barely touched my food and instead watched Eleanor and Liam talk about how overcrowded the library was. It seemed that they had a problem getting in their studying for the exams they didn't even have.

I left without even saying goodbye and slowly made my way up to the Owlery. I had planned to make a trip up there after dinner. I had to send a letter to my parents and would just have to wait to find everyone.

The letter was short and simple – I didn't even mention that I was in a relationship with Sirius (how was I supposed to tell them that? Oh, you know those two boys who came to dinner? Well, I'm dating the one you didn't like.). Instead, I just wrote about the stress of the exams and classes and finished it off with a promise that I would receive as many N.E.W.T.S as possible.

François let me lightly brush through his feathers before taking off with my post. I watched as the little owl disappeared into the sky and sighed heavily.

Where were the rest of the Gryffindors? Were they having a party that they didn't invite me to? Were they all studying in the library and forgot to tell me?

I didn't waste any time as I ran down from the Owlery and through the corridor to the common room. Maybe they were just having a meeting or something. They didn't forget me – they _couldn't_ forget me.

I expected to see them sitting together in front of the fireplace, lounging on the couch and the armchairs. But they weren't there.

Then maybe they were in the dormitory. I was only on the first step when the portrait hole creaked open and the familiar chatter startled me. There was no mistaken it – it was them.

I turned around and they immediately spotted me. All nine of them were there – like they had just gotten back from something. Something I obviously wasn't invited to.

"Ivy," Sirius was the first to greet me, taking large strides across the room to meet with me. "How was dinner?"

I didn't know why but I felt as though the whole situation was a big secret that I was forbidden to speak about out loud. My voice dropped down to a whisper and I said quickly, "Where were you?"

And by the look on Sirius's face I could tell that I was right. His eyebrows raised in suspicion and surprise and he leaned in closer. "What do you know?"

Or maybe he was just joking with me. It wouldn't be the first time he had played a trick on me. Maybe this was a big one. Or maybe he was planning something and now he was covering up his secret.

So, I decided not to say anything and just stared at him blankly. He blinked and grabbed my hand, pulling me in the direction of the others. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him nod at the others and move his head to where the couch and armchairs were.

I didn't know what to think as I sat at the end of the couch. Sirius didn't let go of my hand as he sat next to me. Everyone else watched us all as if they were waiting for me to...do something. But I didn't know what I was supposed to do.

Lily was staring at me through her judging eyes – the ones she wore when she was actually judging something or when she was trying to cover up her other emotions.

Something big happened. And it was bad. It had to be. Why would everyone disappear and then pull me on the couch to tell me as a group?

"Please, don't freak out," Sirius was saying in my ear.

And that was my second clue. It was obviously bad enough that Sirius had to assure me to stay calm. Did someone get hurt? Was it Mary? She wasn't here – maybe she had -

"Dumbledore told us that we can tell you," James suddenly said.

Wait – Dumbledore was in this? Why were they talking to Dumbledore? It had to be about school, right? What else could it be?

"Stop freaking out," Sirius told me, giving my hand a squeeze.

I gulped in air. "I didn't say anything," I proclaimed softly.

Sirius laughed – not a full bark of a laugh but his soft chuckle that I had found myself wanting to hear so many times. "I can practically hear your thoughts. It's okay – just listen." And so I ignored the many questions swirling in my mind and listened.

James began. "The wizarding world – it's getting pretty bad out there. Dumbledore said that this man that calls himself the Dark Lord, Voldemort, is rising in power. You know how bad it's getting out there, Ivy. Bradley Masterson's parents were killed the other day by Voldemort's followers. They call themselves Death Eaters. Well, Dumbledore, he's asked us to join an order against Voldemort. We're gonna fight him."

My mind was racing. I couldn't string together a single coherent thought. Fighting? Against a dark lord?

"You're going to be in danger?" I asked, my throat closing up.

I could barely feel Sirius's fingers comfortingly stroking mine. "Yes, but Dumbledore thinks we can do it. He believes in us," Sirius answered.

My whole body was shaking. All of them? Putting themselves in front of the Killing Curse and other Unforgivable Curses? Bradley's parents were killed. What if it was them next? "Why?"

Remus's eyes were now boring into mine. "We all want to be aurors once we've graduated. That's why we've been asked."

They _wanted _to do this. I couldn't even imagine myself at the front of the war (wasn't that what it was? A real war...) sacrificing my life.

I had to blink back tears at the realization of what I had just thought. They were sacrificing themselves.

I was going to lose them.

* * *

I wrote this in record time. Wonderful.

Anyway, plot progression! I'm excited, are you? Yes, dark elements are now coming into play. After all, they're almost out of school.

Oh, and Breaking Dawn epic fail. Actually, it doesn't exist. The series ends with Eclipse. What is Breaking Dawn?

And my laptop isn't coming back until August 19th. Delays...I should have knew it.


	133. But

I tried my best to convince myself that what had happened was just a bad dream. However, when I woke up the next morning, I had this sick feeling that it was more than dream - no, _nightmare_. I was assured of this when it was the topic at breakfast that morning.

War.

I knew that Voldemort was out there, gaining power, but I never thought it would affect me directly. I didn't even want to fight him, but here were all of my friends, putting their lives in danger just to make the wizarding world safe once again. They weren't in the Order yet – but Dumbledore had asked them in advance. They wouldn't officially be members until after school.

I didn't have worry until after school. However, there was a problem that I didn't factor in – school was ending in a _week._ We had a week to be safe.

And then what was supposed to happen? All the others would go off to fight and I would just stand by and watch? I couldn't join the Order – that's not what I wanted. All of my friends wanted to do this – I wanted to write.

Would I be stuck in a boring, small cubicle writing pages and pages of my latest novel while the others would be dueling with _him_?

I could barely concentrate on my studies – instead, my mind was filled with gruesome images and horrifying scenarios. I wasn't brave enough. The sorting hat _must _have put me in the wrong house – I definitely wasn't a Gryffindor.

It was the night before our first day of exams and I was huddled in an armchair, trying to concentrate on the textbook in front of me. Placing a hand on my aching head, I sighed loudly and shut the book, leaning back and closing my eyes.

This was impossible. I needed a break.

And then something was blocking my light and I opened my eyes slightly to see who it was. He was grinning at me, looking absolutely calm despite having exams that determined our whole future the _very next day_.

"Why-" I began to say, but he promptly cut me off.

"Okay, if you're going to say 'why aren't you studying?', you need to check who you're talking to."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "But it's the night before. Don't you study at all?"

He shrugged carelessly and my heart skipped a beat as his hair fell into his eyes. Too distracting. "Nah," Sirius replied, rocking back and forth on his toes. "Besides, I'd rather spend it having you destress."

"Destress?" I questioned, sitting up and giving him a confused look. "What are you planning?" But before I let him answer, I quickly added, "Oh, of course. You have this whole elaborate scheme planned, right? You're going to ride up on a white horse and apparate us over to Paris for a romantic late night dinner." I grinned at the look on his face. "Am I right?"

He chuckled. "Exactly. We'd better get a move on before it gets too late though." He then outstretched his hand, waiting for me to take it as if he was being serious. Was he being serious?

"What do you _really_ have planned?" I asked, cautiously taking his hand. His fingers curled around mine as he helped me out of the chair.

Sirius just flashed me his grin and began to lead me out of the portrait hole. "Basically, what you just said, just replace riding on a white horse to walking and Paris with the kitchens."

I managed to frown. "No white horse? I'm leaving then; I just have so much more studying to do."

Rolling his eyes, Sirius tightened his fingers around mine and said, "This is the last time I'll ever be able to sneak down to the kitchens and I want to go with you." I hated how his words affected me so greatly. I had to stop myself from letting out a whimper as he continued, "So, please, just take a small, tiny break?"

How could I say no to that? With a sigh, I nodded, making Sirius practically begin to skip down the corridor. I had to jog to keep up with him instead of being dragged along.

I was out of breath and laughing when we reached the portrait of the fruit. Sirius tickled the pear and we were let inside, immediately greeted by the house elves.

"Hot chocolate?" Sirius asked, looking over at me.

I nodded in response and he ordered two.

It was exactly what I needed – a break from all the stress and worry. But as I sat there, facing Sirius, sipping my hot chocolate, I couldn't help but think about what dangerous situations he would find himself in. Would they send them on missions for weeks, months, _years_? How would this affect..._us_?

"Sirius?" I said softly.

He looked up over his drink and his eyes locked with mine. "Do-do you know what you'll be doing?" He just gave me a quizzical look. "In...the Order?" I added.

His gaze broke away from mine as he sat his drink down at the table and looked down. "I don't want you to worry-" he exclaimed.

But that didn't answer my question. Was it really that dangerous? Was I never going to see him again? Was he being sent off to another country? "Just tell me," I pleaded. "I need to know what it means."

I watched as he heaved a great sigh and struggled to find his words. "You know that you mean a lot to me, Ivy-"

I said it before I could stop myself. "But?"

He blinked, clearly caught offguard by my comment. He was beginning to realize that I knew what he was about to do. Why would he want to stay with me outside of school? We would be going our different ways – and it would be difficult...

And then he was slowly interlacing our fingers together and his voice dropped to a mere whisper. "But nothing. I'm not going to let anything get in between us. The Order is something I want to be a part of – to show I'm serious about this fight. With my brother joining his side...I want to show where my loyalties stand. Don't worry. I'm not letting you get away."

I bit the inside of my lip as tears threatened to fall down my cheeks. I didn't know how to respond – why did I want to say "thank you" so badly? Instead, I just nodded softly, as he leaned forward and gently gave me a reassuring kiss.

* * *

WHY MUST THE FLUFF MAKE A RETURN? But it was fluff with a hint of angst. So, I guess it was okay.

School is almost over. I can almost finish this story. FINALLY.

I will practically fawn over you if you get the inside joke in this chapter. (No, Nicole, you can't guess. You know.)

THANK YOU.


	134. Plan

"You really want to be an auror?" I asked the boy walking beside me. We had just finished our Transfiguration exam. It hadn't been as difficult as I thought it would be – probably because I spent most of my free time studying.

Remus looked at me. "Surprised?" he asked with a small smile.

Of course I was surprised. I had no idea that Remus was planning on being one – it just didn't seem possible that the quiet, well-mannered Remus was going to fight in the war. "You just never mentioned it," I exclaimed, shrugging.

I felt out of place – everyone wanted to be an auror. Why didn't I know about this? Why did we never talk about what we wanted to do with our lives? School was over in a couple days and it should have came up before this.

I couldn't stop myself from wondering if I should have been more worried. I was already losing sleep and couldn't stop myself from shaking, but should I want to stop them? Should I say something?

"I want to make a difference," Remus said clearly. "Dumbledore said that my...condition might be helpful. For once."

The smile that lit up his face was so contagious that I couldn't help but smile myself. He was happy that the thing that had been torturing him for years could finally be a help. "That's wonderful," I told him as we made our way into the Great Hall for lunch.

As we sat down at the table, the rest of the Gryffindors around us joined our conversation. "Ivy," Alice caught my attention across from me. "What are you planning to do after school?"

I inwardly cringed. Everyone else knew exactly what they wanted to do – but I just wasn't sure. In a way, I wanted to go to Dumbledore and convince him to let me into the Order. But it wasn't what I was passionate about. How many days could I handle the stress of being in an organization like that?

"Um," I finally said. "I guess I'll just find something that will use my writing skills."

Sirius spoke up from next to me. "You'll write books and get them published and become so famous, you'll be swimming in galleons."

I laughed, glancing over at his grinning face. "That would be perfect, but I doubt that will happen right away, if not at all."

He rolled his eyes playfully, going back to his food. "You need to have more confidence, favorite author of mine."

It was just a joke, but I knew he was right. Biting my lip, I looked back toward the food on my plate.

Mary broke the awkward silence that followed. "So, Ivy, what are you writing right now?"

My journal was still secured safely in my bookbag, ready to be written in at any moment. I had been writing in it on and off for the past couple weeks when I had time, but it was hard to fit in creative writing time with exams.

I still hadn't told anyone what I was writing. Sirius was really the only one who knew about the story. The others just knew that I wrote fiction. But, really, what would it harm if I just told them?

"I'm writing...well, it's sort of a sixteenth century adventure romance," I explained vaguely. I knew Sirius had that knowing grin on his face. I wondered briefly if anyone would see it.

I watched as all of my roommates leaned forward interestedly. I always knew that they were curious as to what I was writing in my journal. "Really?" Dorcas said. "Who are the main characters?"

I snuck a glance at James, who was trying to pretend as though he really wasn't that interested but I knew he was. Peter was leaning forward slightly, his eyes focused on me. Remus was watching me intently, waiting on my next word. And Sirius, of course, was leaning back, arms crossed, eyebrows raised.

"Oh," I said quietly, beginning to twiddle my thumbs. "Sebastian and Anne. Sebastian is a blacksmith's apprentice and Anne is the weaver's daughter. Basically, the whole story is them getting to know each other."

Everyone was _staring _at me. Blushing, I looked down at the table.

"Sounds interesting," Mary suddenly said.

"I'd buy it," I heard James proclaim.

"You'd buy a romance novel?" Lily questioned.

I glanced up to see James shrug. "If Ivy wrote it."

Lily just stared at James for a second and then laughed quietly. "I'll keep you to that then."

Sirius quickly exclaimed, "It's actually really good, mate. You'd enjoy it."

And now everyone knew that Sirius had read it. I didn't know whether or not to worry. My heart beat began to race anyway and my hands shook.

But instead of teasing me, James just shrugged and continued eating. So, no one was going to say anything? It was then I realized that everyone didn't see it as strange because Sirius and I were a couple now, a _team_, and it wasn't unusual that we shared things.

The thought comforted me as I went back to my lunch with a smile on my face.

The rest of exams weren't as awful as I imagined them to be. There was no doubt that all the extra studying had paid off. Almost regrettably, I was sort of glad for the break in the relationship between Sirius and I. It had had its benefits.

As I wrote down the last word of my last exam, I let my quill fall silently onto the desk. The last exam. I was done.

Done with school.

And leaving the classroom, I could only think of one thing. I was leaving the safety of Hogwarts. We were leaving the safety of Hogwarts.

Where we were supposed to go from here?

* * *

The last line reminds me a lot of the Catchlove song "Where Do We Go From Here?". It makes me happy.

So, school is FINALLY over for them. Which means...I get to do all the dark stuff. And I'm so excited that I wrote out an entire outline of the rest of my story. It's going to be so much fun to write. It's going to be about forty more chapters. But I don't know exactly.

Thanks so much for all the reviews and everything. You're amazing.


	135. Leaving

I never really appreciated the intricate details, the moldings, the statues, all the little things that made Hogwarts an amazing castle. And now, when I was standing in front of the castle of the last time, I was trying to take it all in. It was impossible though – seven years at the school and I never really took a look at my home away from home.

And now I was never coming back. I was leaving this place I had just gotten to know. The place where so many of my life experiences happened.

Sighing loudly, I wondered if I would ever come back. Would there be reunions? I didn't just want to leave this place and never see it again. I would have to come back sometime.

"Ivy, there you are!" I turned slightly to see Lily running up behind me. "The train is leaving in ten minutes."

Last look. Forcing myself to tear my gaze away from the building, I looked back at Lily. "All right, let's go," I said, grabbing my bookbag that was sitting on the ground next to me.

We ran into Hogsmeade in record time (seven minutes) and boarded the train with three minutes to spare. Students were crowding the aisles and it took us awhile to get to the back of the train where everyone was. The train started to leave the station before we found the compartment and I had to grab the railing to stop myself from toppling over. I really didn't like trains – maybe it was the motion of the train on the tracks.

The compartment was the last on the train and after pushing aside two young students, Lily and I finally were able to push open the door and squeeze inside. Somehow, we managed to fit eight people in there. Me, Lily, James, Sirius, Peter, Remus, Alice, and Frank. Despite having that many people in the small compartment, it was mostly quiet during the ride home.

I just couldn't find the words to say. There was nothing to say – it wasn't the ending, but just the beginning. We were going to see each other again; there was no doubt about that fact. But was I supposed to say this?

Instead, I watched everyone, memorizing their faces just in case. Alice and Frank were sitting across from me, their fingers intertwined. Peter was next to them, his eyelids drooping as he struggled to stay awake. Remus was next to the window, staring out at the passing landscape. James and Lily were across from him, both staring around the compartment, waiting for someone to say something. The silence was so uncomfortable that they were probably wishing someone would just end it. Sirius was next to me, every so often looking at me, probably wondering what I was doing.

The awkwardness of the situation seemed like a weight pressing down on me. I didn't want the train ride to end, but at the same time, I wanted to get off this train as soon as possible.

"Ivy?" Lily suddenly spoke up, causing most of us to jump slightly in our seats.

I leaned forward to show her I was listening.

"You're staying at your parents' house this summer, right?" she asked.

Where else did I have to stay? "Yep," I replied.

The conversations that took place during the rest of the train ride were similar. Just simple, a couple lines exchange, and then the silence was back. Not even the Marauders tried to break the silence. Maybe, for the first time in their lives, they didn't even know what to say.

When the train began to slow down, everyone began scrambling for their bags. Silence engulfed us again as the train stopped and people began to file out. Sounds of children reuniting with their families filled the air.

I didn't even want to see my parents. I just wanted to stay here with all of my friends surrounding me. It didn't even matter that we weren't talking – as long as they were around me, everything seemed fine.

Sirius was beside me as we walked off the train into the station. Goodbyes – I weren't very good at these.

"Um," I said, turning to him and brushing a piece of my hair back nervously. "You promise to write everyday?"

He just smiled. "Everyday. And since my Uncle Alphard left me money, I'm planning on buying a flat in London. You're invited over any time you want."

I didn't know how hard this relationship was going to be. We went going to see each other everyday anymore and Sirius had his own life to manage. Was I going to get buried in all of his priorities? "Okay," I simply agreed.

For now, I was just going to take this relationship day by day.

Sirius leaned forward and kissed me lightly before giving me another grin. "I'll see you soon," he exclaimed.

"Soon," I repeated, not even caring if that sounded stupid. And then he disappeared in the crowd and I lost sight of him.

Suddenly, I heard a familiar voice, and almost groaned. "Ivy Elizabeth Bennett, what was _that_?"

I turned, cringing, to face my mother. How much did she see? "What?"

"You're going out with that boy," she guessed and then she gasped. "That was the boy from winter break."

The one that she thought was a play boy. I looked over at Eleanor who was standing next to mum and she shrugged sympathetically. "Yes, mum. That's him," I answered.

My mother immediately went into a rant about how I had never told her and how surprised she was that someone like him would fancy me. She didn't seem to care as I slowed, falling behind her to walk next to Eleanor.

"Now you know why I didn't tell her about Liam," Eleanor announced.

I frowned at her words, about to say that since Liam was Eleanor's friend that it wouldn't be the same. Then the scenario played out in my head and I realized it was exactly the same in mum's eyes.

This summer was going to be awful with my mother knowing about Sirius. I couldn't even think of what was bound to happen. I needed to get out as soon as possible.

* * *

Don't worry, Ivy, I'll get you out. Maybe.

I missed yesterday because I'm a lazy author and I needed a break from bothering my brother for computer time. But at least I'm still posting ever other day.

(Did you know if you put together all of my chapters that this story is still about 30,000 words shorter than Half Blood Prince? Take that person who flamed my story saying it was too long!)

Hope all of you are having a great summer!


	136. New

"Did you know what that boy's intentions are? He just doesn't seem like your type. Do you know what he wants from you? What if he's just trying-"

I didn't let my mother finish as I raced up the staircase and into my bedroom. It had been _two _weeks since school had ended and the ranting still hadn't ended. Every time I walked into the room, she would start up another long speech. I never answered her questions – just watched as she paced in front of me, usually multitasking with cleaning at the same time, loudly talking about Sirius.

She didn't even know any details; usually, she just assumed and continued talking to herself. At first, I was able to tune her out but lately, it had been getting really difficult to ignore her.

A movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. Turning, I saw François land on my desk, a letter in front of him.

"Thanks," I said, gently ruffling his feathers.

I immediately recognized the scrawl on the front of the letter. It had only been two days since his last letter but it didn't surprise me – he sent them back quickly.

_Ivy,  
__You say that it would dangerous, but I can handle your mum. She's nice. I don't think she'll mind if I come over. She'll rant for awhile, yes, but I think she'd like to get to know me. I've gone a whole two weeks without seeing you, so, please say you'll forget about your mum and stop worrying...  
__-S  
__P.S. Nice name for your bird, by the way. What's with choosing François?_

My initial reaction was just to reply with 'no'. I _couldn't_ have him come over with my mum the way she was. She would probably rather see Remus anyway. And I didn't want Sirius to come over and subject him to the horror of questioning.

But I missed him. I wanted to see him so _badly._ Was it worth the torturing from my mother to see him again?

The answer was simple.

_Sirius,  
__Fine. I caved. You know I would, didn't you? Can you come over tonight? Try to make it a surprise – that way my mother won't think I planned this entire thing. Write back.  
__-I  
__P.S. It's a...long story. Maybe I'll tell you one day._

It didn't take long for his response – only about an hour. And the letter only said three words. 'I'll be there'. Resisting the urge to break out into one of my father's favorite songs, I waited anxiously on my bed.

For a couple minutes, I swung my legs back and forth. And then I tried reading. But I couldn't keep my mind on the words. Finally, I just sprawled out on my bed, waiting for time to pass.

What was I going to say to my mum? 'Oh, Sirius just came by for a surprise visit.' That might work. But would she be suspicious? Knowing her, yes.

"Sirius is coming over?"

The intruding voice made me roll over, startled, to see who was at the door. Eleanor was standing in the middle of my doorway, staring at me.

I gave her a confused look. "I didn't say that." How would she know if he was coming over or not? Did she intercept my letters? How else would she know?

She shrugged, still staring at me unblinkingly. "You always fidget when he's around and your hands begin to shake. You can't sit still for even a second. And since you're doing that right now, I'm just guessing he's coming over."

She was _so_ good at that! Suddenly, the doorbell rang, interrupting my would-be answer. Eleanor smiled at me. "Is that him?"

Ignoring her question, I bounded down the staircase to get the door before mum got to it. But when I glanced out of the window, I could tell it wasn't Sirius. It was a woman.

Opening the door cautiously, I finally caught a glimpse of the visitor. "Aunt Denise!" I exclaimed.

Aunt Denise was my father's older sister – a witch too – and was the best aunt a girl could ever ask for. Never married, fun, and adventurous – she spent most of her time away from home in other countries. No one would ever guess that she was my down-to-earth father's sister.

She immediately enveloped me in a hug, pulling away to look at me. "You're so much older now, Ivy. It's been too long."

I smiled. "Three years."

"God, you're done with school, aren't you?" she asked, letting me go and closing the door behind her.

"Just finished with my seventh year," I responded. "Are you staying here because my parents didn't say anything-"

Aunt Denise shook her head, letting her short brown hair fly all over the place. "No, no, actually, I'm here for you."

Why would she be here for me? My first thoughts were that she wanted me to go with her somewhere exotic. "Okay..." I said slowly.

We moved to the living room, sitting down on the couch. "I'm planning on taking a two-year trip to South Africa," she began to explain.

So, she wanted me to go with her. But how could I leave everyone for two years? I just couldn't go two years without seeing my friends, my family...it was crazy...

"But I've recently bought a flat across town and I don't want it to stay empty. How would you like to house-sit for me?"

I raised an eyebrow, trying to process this information. "What do you mean?"

She smiled, probably waiting for this reaction. "The flat is your's until I come back. It's your choice – you don't have to stay in it if you don't want to."

My own flat. My own space. My _own _residence. "Are you joking?" I asked, resisting the urge to jump up off the couch and scream.

"Denise! What a surprise!"

My mother walked into the room, wringing her hands with a cloth. Denise gave her an innocent smile. "Hello, Sarah. I was just catching up with Ivy here. I offered to loan her my flat while I'm away."

I could practically see my mother's eyes widen even from where I was. "You're giving Ivy her own place?"

My own place! This was too good to be true. I had to be dreaming again. No, no, I wasn't. It was real. Aunt Denise was giving me her flat.

"Is that a problem?" Aunt Denise asked.

My mum didn't know how to answer that question. She just opened and closed her mouth, finally snapping it closed. She just 'hmm'ed in response, but it was indifferent.

"Please, mum," I decided to beg. This had to happen. I wasn't going to let a chance like this slip through my fingers. "I promise I'll visit often. And I'll only be across town."

There was no doubt about it. The way my mum looked at me and sighed only meant one thing. I was definitely getting this flat. I could have squealed.

Aunt Denise suddenly stood up. "Well, then, I guess that's it. Ivy, here's the address-" She handed out a piece of parchment and I took it from her. "It's already hooked up to the Floo Network so you don't have to worry about that." We began to walk toward the front door. "I have to meet with the others going on this trip in about two minutes but-" And then the doorbell ringing interrupted her in mid-sentence.

We all looked out of the door window and I recognized the person outside before my mum did. Darting in front, I opened the door before she could get there.

Sirius didn't say anything as he noticed my aunt standing next to me. Instead, he just stood there, staring and looking absolutely adorable. I missed him even more than I thought...

I watched as Aunt Denise quickly said goodbye to my mother and then turned to me with a grin. Sirius was still standing behind her just waiting. "I'll see you soon, Ivy." Stopping in front of Sirius, she turned back and added, "And you can invite _him _over any time you want."

My mother's face was priceless.

* * *

Urgh. I lost this chapter and had to restart it. But it's pretty long – I think that should make up for missing a day.

I might be getting my computer back tomorrow. No promises though.

Any poll ideas anyone? DFTBA!


	137. Show

I laughed, taking a few steps back. "You believed her?"

Sirius was standing outside of the door, teetering on the threshold. He looked nervous, glancing at the room around him, even checking the ceiling. "She assured me."

All I could do was laugh again, watching as he clutched onto the sides of the door frame as if he was about to fall to his death. "She was joking," I explained. "She wouldn't put enchantments on the door. She knows to respect my privacy."

But Sirius wasn't convinced. "Your mum hates me. Of course she'd want to respect your privacy, but she also wants to keep me out even more."

I had just moved into Aunt Denise's flat early this morning and, even though my mum had warned Sirius about coming over, I convinced him to come anyway. My mum had officially scared him; she gave him the whole speech. She was going to do everything to try to stop us from being alone in my flat, she didn't trust him, and she was going to watch us every hour of every day.

To Sirius that meant that she put some enchantments on the door to stop him from coming in. It was absurd: my mother hadn't even visited the flat.

I just crossed my arms. "Are you really just going to stand out there the rest of the day then?"

Sirius sighed. "I'm planning on coming in. I'm just mentally preparing myself."

I watched with a strange amusement as Sirius began to crack his knuckles and do a couple stretches as if he was going to back flip or jump a hurtle just to get into the room.

"Any time soon?" I teased him, backing up even more to give him some room.

He chuckled. "Okay," he finally said, brushing his hair out of his eyes. "You ready?"

Really, all he was doing was stepping into the room. I really doubted that alarms were going to start going off and something would attack him. My mother knew better than that. She'd know I'd never forgive her. I just nodded at him.

Sirius took a dramatic deep breath and lifted up one foot, stepping onto the hardwood floors of my entrance.

Nothing happened.

Of course.

He looked up at me triumphantly. "Ha, nothing to worry about," he exclaimed as he stepped into the room fully, stopping in front of me.

And he was the one that was worried. "Oh, I don't know," I replied, shrugging slightly. "You know my mum. She probably has spells all around that watch our every move."

It was the first time we were alone since school – and I was extremely happy. Sirius couldn't hide his happiness either. He looked thoughtful for a second, glancing back up at the ceiling and around the moldings. "What angle do you think she has?"

I raised an eyebrow at the random question. "Probably over there-" I pointed to my left, picking a random spot.

"Good. Then let's give her a show," he replied with a smirk, catching me offguard by practically swooping me off my feet and spinning me around, placing me in front of my "mum's angle". And then he was kissing me again – the first time in _weeks – _and I realized just how much I missed him in that moment.

It felt so right to be back in his arms – to feel him, see him, hear him. I eagerly returned the kiss but he wasn't surprised – almost as if he had suspected I would. Maybe he knew exactly how much I had missed him. Maybe he was feeling the same way.

Suddenly, he was deepening the kiss and his hand was on the exposed part of my skin beneath my skin, slowly moving upward.

I managed to break away, but he didn't want to stop. Instead, he moved down to my neck, leaving quick kisses on my skin. And I couldn't stop shivering.

A horrible thought then occurred to me. What if my mum really _was_ watching? Would she have been here by now? She obviously wouldn't condone this behavior and I could just see her apparating or flooing herself in, prying us apart.

But I couldn't think straight when he was murmuring short phrases between each kiss, his voice sending shivers down my spine.

"I missed you so much," was the latest.

I just whimpered in response. I couldn't respond intelligently – loosing my head, I was loosing my head.

_KNOCK._

Sirius immediately detached himself from me, his gray eyes widening in fright. I turned toward the source of the noise to find my owl. As I picked up the letter he dropped off, I barely could hide the grin on my face from the thought that my _mother_ scared Sirius so badly.

"Stop," Sirius said, pretty weakly, knowing exactly why I grinned.

I didn't respond, instead, just opened the letter to see a nice, cursive belonging to a certain Lily Evans.

_Ivy Bennett,  
__You haven't written me in two weeks – I'm ashamed of you. What am I supposed to think when I don't hear from you for that long. And James told me something interesting – you're writing to Sirius. You can't just write him and not me – please remember to write sometime, okay? You must respond because James and I are planning on going to Diagon Alley soon and we want to meet with you there.  
__Please write back. If not, I'll just intercept one of the letters you send to Sirius.  
__Lily Evans_

Sirius didn't even have to take a second glance at the letter to know who it was from. "She has the worst timing," he groaned.

But what if Lily hadn't interrupted? How far would we have gone? Probably much farther than I wanted to. "Or great timing," I corrected him.

Sirius just stared at me with a blank expression. Was he used to girls saying 'no'? Was this the first time-

"Or great timing," he suddenly agreed.

And as I stared back at him, I wondered why he had agreed. Did he really want to take it slow? Or was he doing this just to make me happy? Was I too boring for him?

Just when I thought I was loosing that pessimistic voice of mine, it came back in full swing.

* * *

Welcome back Ivy's pessimistic voice. I missed you for like...the three chapters you were gone.

I...HAVE...MY...LAPTOP. That means I get to be on the internet whenever I want. And means one chapter a day again. Until probably when I have to move back into my dorm.

Happy birthday Ginny and Eleanor. I like one of you a lot more than the other. I wonder which one.

Merci beaucoup!


	138. Alley

Lily didn't have to do much convincing for me to agree to meet her in Diagon Alley. Remus and Peter were also going to be there and I couldn't just go any longer without seeing them all. It seemed like forever ago that we were in Hogwarts, eating in the Great Hall, studying the library, and joking around in the common room.

Sirius appeared in my flat that morning and watched me scramble to find my shoes (that seemingly went missing). His eyes were scanning over the situation as I basically crawled on the floor to find the missing object.

They were right there last night-

Sighing, I stood up, brushing myself off. Sirius's eyes never left me and he had that amused twinkle in them.

I was just too frustrated to deal with him now. "What?" I snapped.

He grinned. "_Accio Ivy's shoes."_ And then the three pairs of shoes that I had brought over from my parent's house came flying into sight, landing on the floor in front of me.

Oh. "Thanks," I muttered, my cheeks probably turning bright red. I grabbed my black shoes and put them on in record time. When I looked up, that grin was still plastered on his face.

With a sigh, I grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the fireplace. "Shut it, will you?" I murmured, as he grabbed a handful of floo powder.

"You're so cute," he said teasingly, lightly giving me a peck on the lips before disappearing in the flames.

I hated it when I made a fool of myself and Sirius was able to take it so well. I wasn't cute – I was disorganized, frantic, stressed. Living by myself wasn't as easy as I thought it was going to be. I was constantly losing things and forgetting simple spells that could help me. And I had to find a job – but with this whole uprising of Voldemort, people were beginning to get scared and shops were closing.

Brushing my hair back in frustration, I grabbed some floo powder and stepped into the fireplace. "Diagon Alley!"

Spinning, spinning, no air, and then...light.

Finally opening my eyes, I saw a hand outstretched in front of me and I graciously took it. "Took you long enough," Sirius continued his teasing.

"Just making sure everything was situated," I quickly replied, fixing my robes and looking around at my surroundings.

Even though shops were beginning to see the danger, customers were still plenty, bustling down the alley, looking in windows. It looked exactly the same as a year ago, except for the shop on my right was closed, windows completely devoid of any merchandise.

"Where did they say they were meeting us?" I asked Sirius as we began to walk down the alley.

"Florean Fortescue's," he replied. "They should all be there by now."

We were running a bit late but it was only by ten minutes. When the shop came into view, I immediately recognized the four people sitting at the table outside and a bright smile appeared on my face.

Just seeing them again approved my damper mood.

"Ivy!" Lily called out, waving at us. Sirius and I both waved back as everyone at the table began to wave at us.

We were got nearer, everyone immediately stood up to greet us. James tried to grab me and spin me around again, but I successfully stayed out of his way. He pouted, but couldn't stop the grin from ruining his pout.

Seeing Remus's face again made me smile even more, if possible. He also looked happy to see me as he pulled me into a hug. "Hey, how are you?" he said softly into my ear in the midst of the embrace.

"I'm doing fine," I told him. "How about you? I haven't heard from you in awhile."

Remus smiled sheepishly. "I've been distracted with trying to find a place to live. Sirius already has his flat and offered his couch, but I'd rather find something a bit more...nicer."

"I'm sure my couch is nicer if you ever want to come over," I hinted.

James, Peter, and Remus all stared at me. I had told Lily in my response letter that I was living in my Aunt Denise's flat, but I guess she didn't tell anyone else. And Sirius hadn't told them? What a surprise.

"My Aunt Denise gave me her flat for now," I clarified. "And you're all invited to come over at any time."

"Congratulations," Remus exclaimed and then sighed dramatically. "Now I just need to find my own Aunt Denise."

I chuckled at his joking words as we sat down for some icecream. Looking around at the table, it almost felt like Hogwarts again – all sitting down to eat, conversing about our lives. And then I was back home where I belonged and it felt right.

But I couldn't shake the feeling that the war was going to break this all apart. And I couldn't just sit back and watch this happen.

That afternoon I stayed behind, taking in all the buildings in Diagon Alley. There had to be something that would-

My eyes fell on the massive gray building to my right. Windows lined the front on many different stories and a line of doors at the end of a staircase were constantly opening and closing as people kept going in and out. The name of the building was proudly displayed in big, block letters at the top.

And then I knew that I could contribute to the war. I didn't have to fight in the front of the line. I could do this - this was the job for me.

* * *

But what is it? Ooh, it's a cliffhanger!

So, last night, I got banned from ever entering a WalMart near my house again. They threatened to call the cops and everything. If you wish for the details, I have/will have a couple YouTube videos up about it. It was extremely exciting.

Oh, and I love flames! Keep them coming. (In truth, take Ivy's self esteem and drop it drastically. There's mine.)

Thanks for all the support.


	139. Job

I didn't expect a fast reply when I walked into the doors of the Daily Prophet. I didn't expect them to immediately give me a job.

But when I walked in those doors and filled out the papers, it felt _right_. I was finally going to do something – I was going to write about the war. I was going to bring hope to the masses through my words. There was nothing better.

At first I thought that I had nothing to worry about. Of course they would want to hire me. I was perfect for the job – hardworking, top marks in school, and writing was my passion.

But then I began doubting myself. I had just graduated Hogwarts – why would they want to hire someone without experience.

I was right: five weeks passed without a single letter or anything. I had obviously not gotten the job. It was the worst feeling: failure. Just the thought of it made me sick to my stomach.

And then after five whole weeks, post finally came for me. I had an interview – an interview to work on current events articles for the Daily Prophet. That was exactly what I wanted.

The interview was seamless – I put on my best robes, smiled, and managed to answer every question without stuttering or letting my nerves get the best of me.

The end of the interview, I shook hands with the editor and was caught offguard when he said, "Welcome to the Daily Prophet, Miss Bennett." I didn't expect to be hired that easily – right there on the spot.

Sirius was ecstatic for me when he visited that afternoon. A massive smile broke out on his face and he started rambling about how we needed to have a party to celebrate.

And that's why around twenty people were crammed into my little flat, conversing with each other and congratulating me. I even had to dress up for the little party since it was "formal" though it wasn't much – just a nice set of robes and a slightly more time consuming hairstyle. It was pulled back in a twist (finally long enough to get into a ponytail) and pinned up. I was finding it a extreme relief to have my hair out of my face.

"Congratulations, Ivy!" Mary said as soon as I ended my conversation with Frank and Alice.

Just when I was about to look for Sirius too. There hadn't been any exploding objects or loud yells and I was beginning to wonder what he was doing.

"Thanks, Mary," I said, stopping to talk to her.

We began a conversation about the flat and I explained the Aunt Denise story to her. She found it somewhat hilarious that I had an aunt that traveled the world and had empty flats to give to her relatives. I had to admit – it was amusing. We laughed for awhile about the whole situation and then she went to talk to Dorcas, leaving me to look for Sirius again.

Finally, I spotted him standing by himself against a wall. His eyes were already locked on me and I wondered if he had been watching me the whole time.

After being stopped a couple times by my guests, I made my way over to him.

"Why are you standing here by yourself?" I asked him as soon as I was in hearing range. "After all, you're the one who planned this whole thing."

He looked as if he didn't know the answer himself. "I'm just...watching you."

For some reason, that answer made my heart start thudding madly. "Why?"

A smile began to tug at the corner of his lips. He was hiding something from me and he knew it was going to bug me until I found out. "I'll tell you after the party," he said. "Now go mingle."

I wrinkled my nose at the thought of not knowing for that long. With a sigh, I gave Sirius an exasperate look and walked up to the group with Remus, Peter, and James.

"He's been watching you all night," James immediately said, catching my attention.

I looked over at him. "Why?" Honestly, why was Sirius choosing this night to act so strangely? And why wouldn't he tell me what was going on?

"Well, you do look absolutely stunning tonight," Remus spoke up.

I glanced down at the normal dress robes I was wearing. "Um, I'm not that dressed up," I responded. I didn't even spend that long getting ready – with the exception of my hair being up, I looked exactly the same.

"It's not that," James exclaimed. "It's the way you've been acting tonight – total confidence and all. I think Sirius noticed the change."

All of this was just because Sirius thought I looked good? That wasn't strange – I hoped he did since I was his girlfriend. It would be strange if he thought I was ugly.

James had to add one more thing. "Trust me on this. He's completely enthralled with you right now."

I snuck a glance back at him. He was still watching me as if his eyes never strayed away. Did he know what his friends were telling me?

The party was beginning to wind down and I was getting nervous. When was Sirius going to talk to me? Was he going to wait until all the other guests were gone?

He was the last to leave as I had expected. As I thanked everyone for coming and showed them the door, he waited patiently behind me. And when I finally closed the door behind the last person, I turned around abruptly.

He chuckled at my sudden movement. "You really want to know that badly?" he joked. "What if it's something stupid like...I just realized how beautiful you are and you don't even try."

He still had that joking tone but his words caused a lump in throat. I didn't know how to respond; I was speechless and going over the edge.

"Exactly," he murmured, knowing what was going through my mind.

I barely had time to quirk an eyebrow before he pressed his lips to mine.

And then I understood.

* * *

This is the third time I've wrote this chapter and now it's 3 AM and I want to sleep so I'm going to do that.

First, author's note.

I can't wait to write this chapter from Sirius's POV. It's actually based on a song. Lovebug. Look it up.

And the reason I was banned from WalMart is because I brought a camera in and the manager told me if I didn't leave right away, she'd arrest me.

Thanks for all the reviews. They make me really happy. I have the best readers/reviewers.


	140. Offer

Sometimes it felt like Sirius was living with me. He came over everyday in the morning and when I wasn't at work, he was there, always by my side. It just so happened that he had Order meetings when I had to work – it was the perfect set-up. Though there was one thing. He never spent the night and, after much thinking, I had came up with two reasons why.

First one was that he was waiting for me to ask. He didn't want to scare me off with such a serious step to our relationship. He was making sure to take things slow.

And then there was the second reason. He simply did not want to stay the night. Maybe he didn't feel that strongly for me. But then there was that nagging that told me he couldn't be any more in love with me. However, there was always that chance that I was wrong.

It scared me.

I was well into my second month at the Daily Prophet when I was sitting on my couch one night after just saying goodbye to Sirius. There was a sudden knock at my door and I wondered for a second if he had forgotten something. But wouldn't he just apparate inside?

I began to panic. What if it was an intruder? Well, that was kind of stupid. Why would an intruder knock on the door? ...Maybe they were going to hit me with a curse as soon as I opened the door.

Taking the doorknob in my shaking hand, I turned it slowly and pulled the door open.

A familiar face came into view and I let out a breath in relief.

"Remus," I breathed, opening the door fully to let him in. "I'm so glad to see you." And I was – my heartbeat was beginning to drop down to its normal rate at the sight of his friendly face.

"You too," he paused, looking slightly nervous. "Ivy, I have a favor to ask of you and I think Sirius might just kill me because of it."

I closed the door behind him. Why would Sirius kill him because I did a favor for a friend? "What is it?" I asked curiously.

"I don't know if you were only joking or not, but you still up for that offer about your couch?"

I blinked. What offer? Did I say anything about – oh, yes, I had offered my couch to him when we had met in Diagon Alley. I never really thought anything about it – I wasn't really joking but was I being serious? Having another guy sleep over at your house when he's not your boyfriend? Was that smart? Remus was right – Sirius would kill him.

I tried to stall my answer as long as possible. "Haven't found a place yet?"

And that was when I got a really good look at Remus. He looked completely exhausted, bags under his tired eyes and his whole body posture was just falling apart. He let out a slow sigh. "I had an apartment and moved out all my stuff just to find out that it was shut down because of some foundation problems. I told the owner of the building that I could fix it but he insisted that he knew what he was doing and I'd be in my apartment in a few hours...which soon turned into two weeks."

Two weeks to fix the foundation of a building? The guy was a wizard – why couldn't he just fix it like that? "What did he do to the building?"

Remus frowned. "I found out he didn't really get that many O.W.L.S or N.E.W.T.S when he went to school." That explained everything.

He really had nowhere else to go. I couldn't just turn him away – he was one of my best friends and I had offered him the couch before. Sirius would have to understand if I told him the whole story.

"You can stay as long as you like," I finally decided. It had to be the right thing to do – even though it felt somewhat wrong.

A relieved smile appeared on Remus's face. "You're an absolute lifesaver, Ivy." And without even a second thought, he just pulled me into a hug.

It was strange – standing there, awkwardly hugging someone that I should have been hugging back but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't just ignore Remus now that Sirius was in my life. He deserved more than just a passing glance.

Remus didn't seem to mind. I could tell by the smile on his face that he was glad to have some quality time with me and a place to sleep. I couldn't blame him. It had been too long since we had a good, deep conversation.

We spent the night sitting on the floor of my living room, catching up on every single detail in our lives. I had definitely missed out on more than I thought.

"What do you think Sirius is going to say about this?" Remus suddenly brought up when it was four in the morning.

I took awhile before answering. "Hopefully, nothing too bad," I answered. "I mean, he was there when I offered my couch. He didn't say anything about it then."

"He won't be mad?" I was pretty sure that Remus wasn't worrying for his own safety. He was worrying about mine.

There was a short silence. "No," I murmured. "He won't be."

Remus 'hmm'ed in response, practically falling asleep on the floor. And with that, I let sleep claim him as I left the room, anxious about tomorrow and the horrors or surprises it was bound to bring.

A sickening feeling in my stomach told me that this could turn out badly.

* * *

There was going to be more to this chapter, but I'll just elaborate on it in the next chapter instead. Yes, Remus is staying over. How many think Sirius will be mad?

And where do you think Sirius and Ivy's relationship is going?

Someone put this story into a C2 for Mary-Sues. ...(sarcasm)Yay.(/sarcasm)

If you want to find the songs that inspire me, they're all in the forums. Thanks for being the most amazing readers ever.


	141. Else

I was walking toward my bedroom door as I pulled a robe over my nightgown, listening for any sounds from the living room. All seemed quiet, so I opened the door a bit and glanced outside.

No one was in the room.

Curiously, I opened the door the rest of the way and walked into the room, glancing around. Remus's things were still on the couch, so he had to be here. And judging by the water running in the bathroom, I would say he was...in the bathroom. Amazing deduction.

It was then I realized that I had slept in and it was already ten. It was a good thing I had today off of work – it wouldn't have been good if I skipped a day.

A sudden crack behind me caused me to turn around abruptly and come face to face with someone I didn't know if I wanted to see.

I watched as he opened his mouth to greet me, but his eyes wandered over to the couch and stopped there. It was quite obvious that someone had spent the night – blankets were still out and scrunched up at the end and a bag was sitting on the floor.

Sirius then looked back at me, an eyebrow raised in questioning. He didn't look that angry – thank goodness – but if I told him the truth, would he be?

"Oh, um-" I began to explain, but I didn't even need to speak. Remus then came out of the bathroom, thankfully with all clothes on and barely wet. He caught sight of Sirius staring at him with his mouth with a surprised 'o' and stopped in his tracks.

And then I felt Sirius's eyes back on me. I tried to shrug innocently. "Um, uh..." My throat was beginning to close up. I needed to get the explanation out as soon as possible. "Remus needed somewhere to stay. I...uh...offered him my couch."

Remus still didn't move from his spot. He just nodded in agreement, ever so slightly. Was he also worried about how Sirius was going to react? Didn't he know Sirius well enough to judge a reaction?

I almost expected Sirius to yell. When he began to speak, I flinched, though his voice was relatively calm. "Why didn't you just stay with me or James? ...I think even Peter's mum would have let you stay over."

I bit the inside of my lip when I detected the emotion in his voice – hurt. He was hurt that I would let Remus stay over but not him. But it was different – Remus was just a friend.

Remus answered slowly, "Ivy was the most recent person to offer a place to stay. And I just...I don't know..." Remus was even stumbling over his words. It seemed as though he didn't know what to say to make Sirius happy. "I – I can just leave and stay with you if that's better."

Maybe that would be better. It would solve everything. "No," Sirius's voice broke through my thoughts. I looked over at him, startled. "It's fine. You can stay here – it doesn't bother me."

But just by looking at him I could tell that was a lie. He couldn't even disguise the hurt in his voice.

"Uh – okay," Remus said, surprise evident in his voice. "I'll just – um...I'll be right back."

And then, with his hair still wet and without any shoes, he left out of the front door. He didn't have anywhere to go; he was just trying to give me and Sirius some alone time.

"You okay?" I finally asked, waiting to see if Sirius would turn toward me.

Sirius shrugged casually. "I'm fine. I'm not jealous if that's what you're thinking. You can have Remus over – it's no big deal."

But his demeanor told me otherwise. "Yes, it is. You won't even look me at me. You always look at me when you talk to me?"

Sirius's eyes finally flickered to me. "Really. I'm not going to force you to kick Remus out. He needed a place to stay and like a good friend, you offered him one."

"Exactly," I exclaimed, taking a step toward him and clasping his hand in mine. "It's different because he's my friend. He's not my boyfriend and I don't have to worry when he stays the night."

Sirius paused before saying, "You're worried about me staying the night?"

Maybe that was the wrong thing to say. "It's just when friends stay the night, you talk to them and then go to bed. When someone _else_-" I emphasized the word. "-stays the night, you don't do much talking at all and then, well, go to bed, if you understand what I'm saying."

My explanation must have been amusing because Sirius couldn't stop laughing. "You surprise me, Ivy Bennett," he finally calmed down to say. "And you are so utterly adorable at times that you make me laugh."

I rolled my eyes. "I try," I tried to joke with him.

And then he was pulling me even closer to him and grinning down at me. "I don't just have to stay the night as your boyfriend. I can stay the night as your friend and just normal go to sleep instead of the emphasized go to sleep. It doesn't matter just as long as I get to be with you."

I had to bite my lip again because of his words and found myself without a single word to say.

"Besides, I trust you. You can have Remus over anytime you want. I won't go all jealous on you, promise," he finished sincerely.

I never expected such a calm reaction – no yelling, no jealously, no ultimatums. Sirius didn't mind just as long as he got to spend time with me and know that I was his.

Even the time when I wrote my first short story couldn't compare to how I was feeling now.

* * *

Crisis adverted.

Not much to say but I'll be skipping a lot of time in the next chapter. It'll go really fast paced and sadly, this story will be over before you know it.

Random news in your author's life: I'm having my birthday party today, but don't wish me happy birthday because it's not for another week. I'm having it early because of college. If you wish to say happy birthday to someone in your review, it is someone's birthday today. Any guesses? (No, Nicole, you can't...okay, fine, guess.)

Thank you for the amazing reviews.


	142. Candy

"No, no! Don't eat that – it's earwax!" I lunged forward, swiping the jelly bean out of Remus's hand. The jelly bean fell out of his grasp and rolled under the table.

It was almost one in the morning and Remus and I were still awake, sitting on the living room floor eating various types of candy that I had stowed away.

Remus just looked at the fallen piece of candy, finally tearing his eyes away to look back up at me. "That was the last one-" he said seriously.

Rolling my eyes, I handed him a package that my Aunt Denise had sent. "Here, I think these are nougats that my aunt sent from South Africa."

As he worked on getting the box open, I went through the packages littered on the ground around me. Finally I found another box of Bertie Bott's and opened the box to grab a handful.

"These don't have – I don't know – bugs in them or anything, do they?" Remus asked trying to read the foreign language on the box. It didn't seem as though he minded though – he was already chewing on one.

"Why? Something crunchy in it?" I joked with a smile. He frowned, ready to come back to a retort. I held up my hand that was full of jelly beans and cut him off. "Uh-uh, don't say anything or you're not getting these."

It was a long day for both of us – Remus had spent all day at an Order meeting and I worked a twelve-hour shift at the Prophet. He had already been staying for two weeks, and when he had gotten back from work today, he insisted that we needed to have an unwinding party. Which was what we were doing at that moment: eating candy off the floor and laughing with each other. Times like these was when I loved having Remus stay over.

The only problem was in the morning when Remus would get ready for the Order meetings. I would still be in the living room, waiting to say goodbye or gathering my things before leaving when Sirius would come in at nine exactly.

Before Remus was staying, Sirius would always greet me with a kiss and a short conversation before going our separate ways. However, now Sirius waited for Remus and they both left for the meeting in the morning with simple 'goodbyes'.

I hadn't had one single minute alone with my boyfriend in two weeks.

Two weeks! It wasn't as though I was going to die without him (dramatically my heart would stop suddenly from the lack of love and I would fall to the ground gracefully just in time for Sirius to catch me in my arms and his loving words would bring me back to life) but I was getting very frustrated.

I had spent all of my extra time working on my story. I had worked on everything – getting Sebastian and Anne to realize their mutual love for each other, their relationship and the gossip it brought, their struggles with love, and the ever increasing threat of everyone migrating to a different town. It was nice to get this all down finally in my words – their story – but I still finished for time with Sirius.

I looked up and saw that Remus was beginning to pout at me so, with a sigh, I threw one of the jelly beans at him. His hand-eye coordination was absolutely off and it just fell to the ground in front of him.

Before I knew it, he had picked it up and threw it back at me, hitting my shoulder and falling into my lap.

"Why didn't you just eat it?" I asked as I picked it up.

Remus shrugged. "It was on the floor."

Honestly? He wasn't going to eat it because it touched the floor for a second? Rolling my eyes again, I began to throw the handful of jelly beans at him. "Okay, then eat those."

He didn't enjoy my sarcastic comment and instead scowled at me. But he wasn't that effective in scowling because I could see the beginning of a smile tugging at his lips.

"Okay, you're getting too slap-happy for me. Go to bed before you start doing something crazy," I laughed, struggling to stand up.

"You're telling me to go to bed after I had massive amounts of sugar?" He looked up at me from his spot on the floor.

Even though sitting on the floor eating candy in the middle of the night was a great way to forget of all the stresses in life, it was getting pretty late. "We've got to get up early tomorrow. I promise we'll make it an all-nighter one night."

Remus gave me a small smile. "Deal."

The next (very groggy) morning, I watched as Remus and Sirius went through the normal routine and began to get ready for their meeting. They seemed to be leaving a bit later than usual and I watched their solemn faces.

"What's wrong?" I asked from my spot on the couch.

I questioned them right before they were about to apparate away, catching them at the last second.

To my surprise, Sirius walked right up to me and brushed his hands into my hair. "Nothing. I love you." And then he kissed me softly for the first time in a long time, lingering ever so slightly.

But there was something strange about it. I had a feeling that Sirius was lying. Something was wrong.

* * *

Conflict? Drama? Why yes, I do believe there's some conflict and drama coming up to break apart all the fluff. And time will skip in the next chapter...instead of this one like I said.

The person whose birthday was yesterday got a motorcycle with a sidecar as a present. It made me laugh like no other. Thanks for the early birthday wishes by the way.

And, as always, thanks to my faithful and new reviewers. You all make my day.


	143. Strong

I spent the entire day at work dipping my quill in ink over and over, never lifting it to a single piece of parchment to write a word. My mind was somewhere else.

Sirius was lying to me about something. It couldn't be that bad – he had told me he loved me before leaving. Even in front of Remus. What had made him suddenly display his affection like that?

He wasn't trying to make Remus jealous – it wasn't like that. No, it was something more serious. Like that moment was going to be the last -

He was in danger. It had to do with the Order. Something was going to happen – something bad and this morning could have possibly been the last moment I was ever going to see him...

Pushing my chair back, I frantically got up and cleared off my workspace. I had to go see him right away...

Only I had no clue where the meetings were held. Stopping abruptly, I sighed, pushing the hair out of my eyes and falling into my chair again. I would just have to wait until tonight when he would come over.

If he came over, I corrected myself. The thought made me shiver.

I managed to get home early, still trembling and shaking from anticipation. I tried to calm myself by lounging on the couch but it wasn't working. I had to know the whole story before this nagging feeling would go away.

A loud sound interrupted my thoughts and my eyes snapped open to see Remus in front of me. I let out a sigh but I didn't know what for – relief maybe or was I just frustrated that he wasn't Sirius?

He smiled at me and the first thing I noticed that it wasn't forced – maybe everything was just fine and I was overreacting. It was a definite possibility. "Guess what?" he said, grabbing his bag on the side of the couch. I just shrugged in response. "I can finally move into my flat and won't have to bother you with my presence anymore."

I chuckled weakly. "You know you don't bother me."

He continued to smile, packing all of his possessions in the bag. "Thank you for letting me stay over," he said as he packed the final object. "I owe you."

I stood up from the couch to stand in front of him. "I'll remember that and make sure to visit. I don't know what I'm going to do without the jelly bean fights in the middle of the night."

Grabbing the bag in his right hand, he smiled and said goodbye, apparating away before I had the chance to ask him about Sirius.

Did he know about Sirius and decided to leave right away to avoid being questioned? Was I just that paranoid? Yes, I was just that paranoid. I needed just to forget about it and stop worrying.

Bringing my journal out of my bag, I opened it in front of me and began to jot down some ideas in the margin. Soon, I was caught up into Sebastian and Anne's world and pulled out of mine.

"Writing about me?" I jumped as I heard the low voice and felt the warm breath against my neck, bringing me crashing back into reality.

Trying to get my heart rate back to normal, I replied with a short "maybe." I was about to turn to face him but then he began to softly kiss my neck.

"How are you?" I heard him mumble against my skin.

I hesitated before answering, "Fine."

Finally, Sirius broke away from me and let me turn and see him. There was anxiousness in his eyes – I knew he had something to tell me.

"Promise that you won't overreact-" he began and I knew that wasn't the best start. I could only nod in response. "The Order wants a couple of us to go on a mission early next year-"

"To fight him?" I asked without even realizing it.

Sirius paused. "Maybe, I'm not sure yet. I realize that this means I'll be gone for at least two months but I need to do this-"

Two months? He was leaving for two months on a mission where I wouldn't get to know if he was alive or not?

"You're strong," he added. "I need you to say that you'll be strong for me."

He was leaving and there was a chance that I'd never see him again. He wanted to me to say it was okay. He didn't want to loose everything because of this job. Was he scared?

I found myself nodding. He let out a breath of relief. "It's not for awhile – something may happen before then and I won't have to go."

All I could do was nod again.

The next four months passed quickly without any change. Sirius and I were still at the same page in our relationship – nothing had advanced but,surprisingly, he didn't seem to be getting bored with me. In fact, he seemed amused by the whole thing. Maybe he was waiting until I would say something. Maybe he didn't want to pressure me. All in all, it fascinated me.

I was now writing current details about the war in the Daily Prophet. Every time I saw another death, I drew in a long breath and tried to step away. Especially when I saw names I recognized. Just last week I saw someone with the last name of Pritchard. When I asked around, I heard it was Liam's uncle.

James and Lily were becoming pretty serious according to Remus. James kept asking him and Sirius if he should propose. I was sworn to secrecy and couldn't say a word to Lily.

Everything was moving along too easily and I was beginning to wonder when something was going to change it all.

At the end of November, something finally happened.

* * *

I skipped many months but, trust me, there's absolutely nothing that happens except for crazy fluff.

Christmas is coming up soon and including a birthday...hm...

Thanks for everything! (And 300 alerts...wow.)


	144. Snap

There it was again. That awful sound waking me up at eight in the morning. I didn't even need to get up for another half hour, but the constant rumbling outside of my flat wasn't letting me fall back asleep.

Groaning, I began hitting my head against the pillow. It wasn't going to stop – it was just going to continue forever. Throwing my pillow on the floor, I scrambled to my feet, taking my comforter with me. After wrapping myself in the warm blanket, I made my way to the window.

I stared for awhile, not believing my eyes. Was that – no – it wasn't – it couldn't -

Forcing myself away from the window, I quickly made my way out of the door and, in just my night clothes and a blanket, made my way out into the chilly November air, all the while staring incredulously at the thing in front of me.

He was just grinning at me, leaning against the – the _thing_ that was making so much noise.

I couldn't even force words out. Instead, I just continued staring and mouthed "what the-" a couple times. Sirius took this as his time to explain or something.

"It flies too," he announced proudly, patting the contraption.

He charmed a muggle object to fly and make it obvious that to all the muggles that he was clearly not – well, _normal_?

"What were you thinking?" I finally whispered, taking my eyes off of the rumbling noise-maker to look at him. "We don't have time for things like this-" We were in the middle of a war and to buy a motorcycle and fly it around like it was nothing was just stupid.

Sirius blinked. "I wanted something to play around with, you know."

I don't know what exactly happened but his words just made something inside of me snap. Could he be that foolish – putting himself in a dangerous situation like this? Where was his common sense?! "You should return it," I said, beginning to shiver.

He hesitated, blinking once again at me. But the look on his face wasn't any emotion that I had seen recently. "_You_ want _me _to return _my _motorcycle?" Sirius emphasized, his eyes widening.

He was shocked that I was standing up to him – I didn't want him to suffer because of his stupid decision to buy a motorcycle. Having a motorcycle wasn't something that should have been at the top of his list of 'to do's. I nodded in response.

I didn't expect him to push himself off of the motorcycle and sigh in frustration, kicking the pavement as he turned away from me. When he turned around to face me again, there was this anger in his eyes that I hadn't seen before. "Just because you think a motorcycle is dangerous doesn't mean that I have to get rid of it. Just because you're quiet and I'm loud doesn't mean that we need to start agreeing on everything. I don't have to change – I've wanted the motorcycle for awhile and I'm going to keep it, okay? Even if you don't like it."

It was the first time he had ever snapped at me. It was the first time he was telling me how he felt about me except for the little 'I love you's and sappy stuff. And it caught me offguard. It stung. I didn't know how to react.

I let my irrational side cloud my judgment. "At least I'm not buying motorcycles to satisfy a childhood fantasy. I'm stuck in the real world-"

He laughed at me, immediately adopting a sarcastic tone that made me bit my lip in frustration and anger. "Oh yeah, stuck in that little office all day rereading articles and writing about current events while I'm off fighting the Dark Lord and trying to save the wizarding world. I'm definitely just living a childhood fantasy here."

"Stop it," I exclaimed, raising my voice. "I just think you should have thought it through before buying a motorcycle-"

And then he was laughing again, leaning against the motorcycle for support. "See, that's what you do. You overthink every little thing. I can't even touch you half the time because I think you're going to freak out on me. I don't want to think anymore – I just want to do something – be spontaneous. Something you won't ever understand."

I didn't have to listen to this. I didn't want to listen to it. "Fine then. You have a problem with me, great. But I have problems with you too-" Suddenly, when I thought about it, everything I didn't like about Sirius was pushed to the front of my mind.

Sirius bitterly chuckled and rolled his eyes.

And then all of my problems with him were forgotten except for one important one. "You call me different all the time like it was a good thing. And now I understand that you were just saying that I'm _too _different – not for you -"

Where was this conversation going? I didn't even care as long as I said everything I wanted to.

"Maybe I was," Sirius responded, causing me to fall in a stunned silence.

Did he just say that I wasn't right for him?

"Maybe...what?" I asked quietly, holding the blanket closer to me.

He sighed but the anger didn't diminish from his eyes. "Maybe this was just a waste of time. Maybe we're too different to have a real relationship."

I immediately looked down at the ground. "Maybe," I strained to say.

"This was just a bad idea," Sirius announced and I glanced up to see him getting on his motorcycle. "I don't want to do this anymore."

My breath caught in my throat as he revved up the engine and rode away without even a goodbye. Nothing at all except for a 'I don't want to do this anymore'.

So, it was over. Fine and then all because of a stupid motorcycle, it was over. No more Sirius and Ivy. Just Ivy. Rational, reasonable, safe Ivy.

Rational, reasonable and safe. The reasons why Sirius Black didn't love me anymore.

* * *

This chapter is dedicated to tresdrole for being an amazing reviewer and catching onto a problem in Sirius and Ivy's relationship from the start. But, just recently, many others have caught on...nice job.

Yes, they really did breakup. Not a dream, promise. Will they get back together? I don't know – they are very different and it's not like Ivy is suddenly going to become Miss Perfect for Sirius. We'll see.

Thanks for everything. (Almost at 4,000 reviews. It completely shocks me still.)


	145. Learn

I couldn't even think straight all day. I sat at my desk, fuming about everything Sirius had said to me. I didn't care if I wasn't getting any work done; according to Sirius, it didn't even matter anyway. This wasn't a real job. I wasn't doing anything important.

When I got home, I sat in front of my bookcase and took every single book I owned, throwing them on the floor in a massive pile. Picking up the first book and looking at the cover (it was Persuasion), I put it to my right.

I was going to alphabetize every book by hand. I needed something time consuming and tedious to take my mind off my ex-boyfriend.

Ex-boyfriend.

Did it really just happen that fast? He could fall out of love with me because of a simple, innocent comment about his motorcycle? He could tell me that we were too different to have a relationship? I knew we were different; I thought it was what powered our relationship. Opposites were supposed to attract, right?

But, no. We just weren't compatible. He probably never wanted to see my face again and I couldn't blame him. We had said some stupid things that ruined absolutely everything between us.

Everything was going so well too. For months, we were perfect – no fights, no yelling, no...no communication. Were we even as perfect as I thought? Was this a long time coming?

I still had the same book in my hands. No, I couldn't think about Sirius. I had to concentrate on alphabetizing my bookcase. I had to just forget about him. I didn't need to think about him. It was over anyway. He was never going to walk into my flat again.

The unmistakable sound of someone apparating a few feet away interrupted my thoughts.

I was staring up at him. The 'him' that shouldn't have standing right in front of me. The 'him' that had basically told me that he never wanted to see me again. The 'him' that had broken up with me this morning.

"What are you doing?" he asked, as if nothing was down, crouching down beside me.

Like absolutely nothing was wrong. Everything was just fine and dandy and this morning had never happened. I stared at him, forgetting how to form words.

When I didn't answer, he picked up the closest book to him. "This is Jane Austen, right?" He flipped open Emma and began ruffling through the pages. "How many of these books do you have?" He was looking at my massive pile now.

I couldn't think. Why was he in my flat, speaking to me? Wasn't he supposed to be long gone?

Oh, I was dreaming. I was dreaming this whole thing – hoping it never happened. But when did I fall asleep? I didn't fall asleep at work, did I?

"Why are you here?" I finally asked, my voice wavering in confusion. I was relieved when my voice actually produced a sound; I had thought for a moment that I had gone mute.

Sirius had his eyebrow raise. "I always come over."

Yes, but that was when we were together. Was he going to act like we were still best friends and try to continue being friends with me? This was going to be awkward. I couldn't handle this whole awkward new...relationship, if I could even call it that.

I cleared my throat, looking down at the books in front of me. "Since we're not together anymore, I just thought-"

I didn't have time to finish my sentence before Sirius's "whoa, what?" overpowered my voice. Glancing up, I saw him staring at me with a shocked and confused expression. "I didn't break up with you..."

"You told me that we were too different!" I exclaimed, blinking in confusion at his words. "You said that you didn't want to do this anymore!"

Sirius stood up, shaking his head in what seemed to be frustration. "All couples have fights, Ivy-"

That wasn't the point; he had said he didn't want me anymore. I had heard it clearly. "But you said-"

"Are we not allowed to fight?" Sirius raised his voice, staring at me so intently that I was forced to stare back. "Are we supposed to be the perfect couple all the time? I know you read romance novels. The story doesn't just end right after the first kiss and everything works out perfectly. You have to work at things. You can't just give up after a simple fight."

His words seemed fake to me since they were coming from someone who obviously didn't understand relationships. "What do you know about relationships, Sirius? You couldn't even keep a girlfriend for longer than a month in school."

"I kept you!" The three words sounded desperate and angry, just pleading me to just understand. "I learned from you. But you're just not learning in return."

I almost screamed in frustration. "I haven't been in relationships before. I don't know as much as you do."

Sirius didn't say anything. He just stared at me and I began to wonder if I had won this argument. Maybe he was finally going to admit that I was right the whole time. He was going to say he's sorry and everything would be fine.

"Then go. Learn." The intensity of his words made me shiver.

I didn't dare to breathe. "What?"

"You know where to find me." And then, for the second time today, he was gone before I could say another word. Gone before I had a chance to argue.

Letting out a shaking breath, I hid my face in my hands and run my fingers through my hair.

* * *

What exactly is the meaning of Sirius's last words? Good question...

I think this calls for a visit from some people we haven't seen recently. Hmm.

Guess what? You're all awesome.


	146. Other

I woke up the next morning thankful that it was Sunday. I didn't feel like getting dressed or going out; I just wanted to stay in my pajamas all day, hidden under the covers of my bed. I was managing that quite fine actually, until about three in the afternoon.

Then a soft rapping on my door caused me to roll out of bed and clumsily make my way toward the door.

"Who is it?" I asked before grabbing the doorknob. I knew who it wasn't. He wouldn't just come by after what had happened yesterday.

"It's Lily," an answer came quickly.

"And Mary!" another voice chimed in.

What were they doing here? Confused, I opened the door and caught sight of the two of them smiling at me. Did they know?

"We just came by to see how you were doing," Lily explained and I moved slightly to let the two of them in. I probably looked like a mess but I found that I really didn't care.

Mary suspiciously had a large bag with her. "You're not doing anything today, are you?" she asked even more suspiciously.

I hesitated before answering with an unsure tone, "No?"

Mary closed the door behind her and turned to me with a grin. "Good, because we haven't talking in awhile and Lily and I have decided that we're going to have a girls night."

Blinking, I repeated, "Girls night?"

Lily shrugged. "Really just catching up and spending the day together. So, what do you think?" It was then that she really got a good look at me. "First, you might want to get dressed."

I turned away with a giant sigh and slowly began to trudge my way into the bedroom.

"Ivy, you look awful," Mary pointed out from behind me. "What's wrong?"

All morning I had thought about what I was going to tell people. And I knew exactly what I was going to say. I was so ready to tell everyone. "Well, I-"

Lily was suddenly pushing me back into the bedroom. "No, we're going to be talking later. Right now, you need to get dressed."

Ignoring the way Lily was pushing me around, I followed what she said and went into my bedroom, closing the door behind me. I didn't even want to get dressed; I had no energy to do anything, especially not a "girls night".

Instead, I stood for awhile, staring at everything around me. My robes were over in the other corner. If I could just walk over there...

It took around fifteen minutes to finally get my robes on and my hair into a ponytail. I expected both Mary and Lily to have given up on me by the time I had finished, but they were still there, sitting on my couch when I finally walked out.

"You still look like crap," Mary pointed out the minute I walked into her view. She made a beeline for me, stopping only a few centimeters from my face, staring into my eyes and checking every single feature of my face. Maybe she was reading my mind. Maybe when she was this close, she could read everything that was wrong with me.

I was wrong. "You just need something for those bags under your eyes. More sleep should do you well." She just wanted to give me a "doctor's evaluation". Since she had become a healer, it would probably second nature to her.

She was right – I hadn't slept at all last night. Just thinking about Sirius's words and what he meant kept me up into the early morning. I didn't even know how to decipher his words.

I was supposed to go out and learn? Learn what? Go where? And if he was so adamant about working on a relationship, why did he just leave me like that? Why couldn't we just have talked it out? Worked on our communication?

I tried my best to ignore the questions running through my mind and instead, sat on the couch across from Lily and Mary.

Suddenly, I had remembered what I had heard. "Did James propose yet?" From Lily's letters, she had told me that she had seen the ring that James had stowed away but he hadn't asked her yet. The last letter was two weeks ago and I didn't know if anything had changed.

Lily held up her left hand to show me that there was no ring on her ring finger. "He's been freaking out for months now, trying to get everything perfect. I don't understand – he should have proposed by now so that we could get married as soon as possible. But I don't want to come right out and tell him that I know. Huge dent in his ego."

"You're not going to say anything?" I asked. If he was waiting this long, shouldn't she have said something about it?

Lily just smiled. "I think he's waiting for my birthday. It's a bit far away but he's trying to be romantic about it. We'll have to hurry with the wedding afterward, of course, but I'm fine with waiting. I made him wait for years at school – I can wait a couple months."

Mary almost squealed. "That's adorable."

Then they both looked at me. As though I was supposed to tell them a story next. As if I was supposed to tell them that 'oh, yeah, Sirius and I are getting married too'. A thousand goosebumps appeared on my skin at that idea.

And so I began to ramble. "Oh, well, I-" I had a whole speech planned. Why couldn't I just stick to that? "What does it mean when you say that you haven't had much experience with guys and he says to go and learn?"

I got blank stares in return. Lily was the first to break out of her stupor and say, "What? Did Sirius say that to you?"

I just nodded.

"Oh," Mary said slowly. "I think he wants you to see other people."

See other people? Like date other people? Who? When? How? "No, that can't be right. I can't just date someone else. We just had a fight. A litle, didn't-mean-anything fight."

I explained to them in detail the fight he had had. Lily and Mary were good listeners, leaning in and nodding at all the right parts. When I finished, they exchanged a look and glanced back at me. "He wants you to see other people," they both said in unison.

"Other people?" I squeaked out. "I can't see – I'm not good with guys -"

Mary's eyes then lit up, distracting me from my ramble of an excuse. "There's always-"

Lily caught on and she looked back at me sympathetically, as if I wasn't going to like what she was going to say. "Just one date-" she began to reason.

And before she finished her sentence, I knew whose name she was going to say. And I knew this was going to get even more complicated.

* * *

It's not really a cliffhanger. Everyone should be able to guess who they're talking about.

New poll on my profile!

Anyway, yeah, I enjoy your reviews immensely. Keep being awesome and being the best reviewers in the world. I think I'm beginning to know all of you by name now.


	147. Date

"Please tell me you're joking."

That was his response. I had just asked Remus Lupin on a date and in response, all he did was stare at me and ask if I was joking. He knew why I was asking him or at least, I thought so. Lily said she'd talk to him so I assumed that after the Order meeting, I could meet up with him to discuss it further.

"No?" I responded slowly, wondering what he wanted to hear as an answer.

He continued to look at me and then sighed. "Ivy, I can't just go out on a date with you. It's -"

I knew why he was saying no. I suppose it wasn't a good thing when a friend started dating your exgirlfriend. He was worried that Sirius would maul him to death.

"He wants me to date other people!" I tried to reason, walking in front of him to make sure he wouldn't try to run away.

Remus gave me a dubious look. "He might have said that but I'm positive that he didn't mean for you to date _me_."

"He didn't specify!" I guess that wasn't the right thing to say because Remus just looked at me strangely. I decided to continue. "Come on, Remus. You're my best guy friend and the only guy that I can talk to without fainting-"

Remus frowned at me. "Don't you think that it's worse to date a _friend_?"

He just wasn't going to see my way. I had to resort to drastic measures. I knew this wouldn't turn out pretty, but it was the only way. "You know you want to go out with me."

His reaction was a bit surprising. He wrinkled his nose and stopped, looking me in the eye. "You can't use that against me."

"Why not?" I shrugged.

"Because this is going to turn out badly and I don't want to get in the middle between you and Sirius. I've been there before and, trust me, it's not nice."

Even though he was still refusing, his tone was still calm. He wasn't getting frustrated with me just yet. Maybe I had a chance. "You're the only one that knows how to correctly handle a situation like that. You're my only chance I have."

Remus sighed again. "What's Sirius going to do if you don't go out with other people? Honestly, I don't understand this whole thing. He's going to get jealous and will regret this immediately. And I'm not going to be the reason he's jealous."

So, I resorted to my sad face. Remus groaned when he saw it, turning away immediately.

"Please, Remus," I begged, grabbing onto his arm. "Just one date. A couple hours. It won't hurt anything."

"Why don't you just _tell _him you went on dates?"

Knowing Sirius, that wouldn't work. He seemed so adamant about me going out that I was sure he was finding ways to watch me. "But I want to go out with you. I miss the late night candy spulurging."

Remus eyed me wearily. I could just tell he was breaking down. His eyes were softening and there wasn't that awful frown on his face anymore.

"Please," I added for effect.

There was a pause and then after a short sigh, he said, "What are you doing tonight?"

I almost squealed. This was going to work out perfectly. I would go on a "date" with Remus, talk like we usually do, and then _voila_, a date.

We made plans to meet in Diagon Alley to browse through the shops and maybe pick up something to eat. It didn't leave me much time to get ready but I didn't really need to get dressed up. Wrapping myself in a long scarf and placing a comfy, warm hat on my head (I couldn't find my mittens anywhere – I guess I just had to deal with my frozen fingers), I trudged out into the cold weather of early December.

When I arrived, Remus was waiting for me in front of Gringotts with that smile of his. He actually looked like he wanted to be there, which I appreciated. I had momentarily thought that I would have to drag him around all day.

"Hello," he greeted me warmly.

I greeted him in return and we contemplated on which shop to go into first. We quickly decided that we wanted to check out Scribbulus Everchanging Inks.

It was a hesitant gesture but after a few twitches of his hand, he finally reached out and grabbed my hand in his. It felt normal – we had done it so many times before. I was used to the way his hand curled around mine. And I couldn't complain – there was the warmth I was missing.

The whole "date" was...well, _strange_. Because it wasn't a date – it was Remus and Ivy, spending a day in Diagon Alley. There was no awkwardness or nervousness, just us. I had missed this a lot. It just felt so comfortable – like I could forget that my boyfriend had broke up with me and I was waist deep in problems.

No, it was just us, looking at different ink bottles and parchment, trying to pick the right one. Unscrewing the caps of the bottles and dipping our fingers in the ink, staining them immediately.

Why couldn't it be this easy with Sirius? What were were doing wrong?

"What are you thinking about?" Remus suddenly asked as we shook our robes off of the snow that had begun to fall and stepped inside one of the cafés.

And I just smiled at him. "How amazing you are."

Remus just gave me his half smile, showing me that he was amused. "You're too kind."

With Remus, our conversations were never empty; there was always something there. Were Sirius and I missing that key element?

And why did I feel so content with Remus?

* * *

If I had Remus and Ivy kiss, who would kill me and who would rejoice? Not saying I will, but I'm wondering.

I'm excited because the ending of this story is actually in sight even though it doesn't look like it. I'll try for twenty more chapters.

Thanks for the reviews!


	148. Leave

I had noticed something strange as we apparated back to my flat. Remus looked completely nervous for the first time that night. He kept glancing around and twitching his fingers and it was driving me absolutely mad. We were almost done with the date so why was he acting nervous now?

Watching him carefully, I finally questioned him with a quiet "what?".

He was checking his words, taking time to answer. What did he have to say? Did I scare him off with this date? Was he beginning to regret the entire thing? His answer was blurted out quickly. "Are you expecting me to kiss you?"

I blinked. "What?"

Remus shrugged, looking completely at lost for words. "It's just – you wanted me to go on a date with you and I was wondering-"

"No," I cut in. "No, I don't have to kiss you." He let out a very loud sigh of relief. I frowned at him. "Well, I'm glad that's a relief to you," I announced as sarcastically as I could.

That smile appeared on his face. "You know the trouble a kiss would bring. It's not that I repulsed by you, Ivy, I swear."

He put a smile back on my face. "That's a good thing to know." Leaning forward, I quickly gave him a peck on the cheek and whispered, "Thanks Remus. Good night."

"Any time," he responded, saying his goodbyes before apparating to his flat.

I curled up on the couch, wrapping myself in a large blanket. That wasn't the train wreck I had pictured in my mind. Actually, it was quite nice.

The only problem I had was that I still didn't understand how this was supposed to help me learn. Everything that had happened between Remus and I was normal; we always acted like that. I didn't learn a single thing about relationships.

I had my mind made up. Tomorrow, I was going to go see Sirius and tell him that I went on a date with Remus. I was going to tell him that I didn't learn a single thing and I had no clue what I was supposed to get from these dates. I was going to tell him that I missed him. Because I did. I missed him terribly. I missed the laughs and the kisses and the comfort he brought.

He couldn't turn me down after I told him that.

I apparated to the street outside his flat after work the next day. It was freezing, but luckily, I had found my mittens. Trying to hide from the cold in my robes, I made my way down the snow-covered street. The steps leading up to his flat were frozen with ice and it took me a couple minutes to get up them, holding onto the railing for dear life.

And then I knocked on the door, the sound muffled by my mittens. Minutes began to pass and I could hear nothing inside.

He couldn't be at a meeting – Remus had said that they had a meeting early in the morning today. It was now approaching seven and the sun was beginning to set.

Maybe he had gone over James and Lily's (which was actually James's house but Lily was practically living with him anyway). Remus had said that Sirius spent all of his free time over there.

Apparating in front of the small cottage, I made my way across the cobblestone path and to the front door. The lights were all off inside and I was beginning to doubt that anyone was home.

However, after the third knock, the door opened to reveal Lily standing there. She didn't greet me, instead, she said, "He didn't tell you, did he?"

She looked positively worn and it startled me. I had never seen Lily so broken before. I didn't understand what she was talking about. Who told me what? Was Remus supposed to tell me something? Or Sirius? What was this something?

I slowly shook my head.

Lily nodded in understanding, beckoning me inside. We sat in the armchairs in the first room and stared across at each other for a few seconds. I don't even know if I dared to blink.

"James proposed this morning," she finally said, holding up her left hand. I caught the glint of a diamond on her ring finger.

Why was she acting like it was grave news? "Oh, congratulations!" I exclaimed, relieved that it wasn't something awful. Where was James by the way? He was usually lounging on the couch in this room or running around this house doing something.

Lily started twisting the jewel on her finger. I understood immediately – that wasn't all she had to say. "He was planning on waiting until my birthday," she continued in a low voice. "But the Order decided to change the dates of his mission. He left after the meeting today."

Something clicked. "That's not-"

Lily exhaled slowly. "The same one Sirius is on."

That's why he wasn't didn't answer his door. He wasn't home; he had already left on the Order mission. I sat there, trying to let this information sink in.

He was gone – for probably months and there was a chance that he was never coming back. He was out there, fighting the war and risking his life and he didn't have a second to stop by and tell me goodbye. I wasn't important enough for a goodbye. He had just disappeared without my knowledge.

The truth hit me hard. He didn't care about me. It was like I was erased from his priorities. I just didn't have a place in his life.

* * *

Yes, this chapter is a bit shorter but it's my birthday and I can cry if I want to (or write short chapters). I decided that it would be awesome to write an angsty chapter for my birthday. Actually, tomorrow's chapter is even more angsty, but this one starts it all.

I'm also moving into my dorm tomorrow so that means it's college time, and I have no clue when I'll be updating. There's not many chapters left anyway though, so it should turn out fine.

Thanks for everything! (Especially that birthday card! I'm still freaking about it. It took me about an hour to get through each message... Thank you to those who gave me the day off. I actually wrote this chapter on the 21st so I'm not writing on my birthday. I actually bought that card as a poster to hang in my dorm room.)


	149. Live

Christmas wasn't joyous this year. I couldn't even bring myself to spend it with Remus or Lily or even Peter.

Instead, I hid at home, rereading every single book on my shelves.

Mum sent Eleanor over for a couple days after Christmas. She didn't say much, just watched me from her spot on the couch. I knew she wanted to ask what was wrong but I didn't know how to tell her. She was only twelve – she wouldn't understand.

But she knew what questions to ask. "Where's Sirius?" she began one night.

I barely turned to look at her. "Oh, he's working in the war," I answered vaguely.

Eleanor blinked her large eyes. "Is he gone?" I had expected that she would figure it out but that didn't mean she understood. Eleanor only looked at the facts – not the deeper, emotional part of the situation.

"For a bit," I finally told her.

Her mouth formed a silent 'oh' and she looked back down at the couch. Leaning forward, she grabbed one of the Jane Austen novels off the table and accidentally knocked my journal onto the floor.

I just stared at it as she rushed to pick it up. "Oh, sorry." When I didn't say anything, she continued, "Are you still writing this?"

Those words were nothing – meant nothing. Sebastian and Anne had a doomed relationship – why did I even think that two people so different could survive in a relationship with each other?

"No," I said softly, swallowing with difficulty. "I don't think I am."

Eleanor placed the book back down on the table without a word. Curling up under her blanket, she began reading Emma quietly.

Leaning forward slightly, I took my journal in my hands and opened it to the first page. There was my title page, displaying the word 'untitled' in small block letters. I turned the page to see my dedication section, completely devoid of any writing. I would never get to fill out that page...

As I flipped the page, something in the corner of the book caught my eye. Someone had written in it. Who had touched it? Only two people. Eleanor and Sirius.

The familiar, untidy scrawl caused my heart to beat painfully fast and ignoring it, I brought the journal closer to read what the message.

_Always live in the moment even when the future looms ahead.  
__Doesn't that sound wise? It's in one of Remus's quote books (page 34)– don't ask why he has one, I don't even know. He's actually searching for it right now. If he would just look over here...  
__So, live in the moment, Ivy. Stop worrying about what's going to happen, just enjoy the time you have. You're really awful at that, by the way. Always worrying about something little. Forget about those things – just live.  
__Live and learn. (Page 2_

I stared at the series of scribbles that followed the two. There was a quick note below it.

_Remus hit me with a pillow. Sorry. Just because I stole his book..._

There was no signature but there didn't even need to be. He must have written this during our time at Hogwarts. Why hadn't I noticed it before?

My eyes darted back up to the word 'learn'. It was like he was waiting for me to find this message. Maybe it hadn't been here before – maybe it was charmed to show up because of the situation we were in.

Learn. Live and learn. He wanted me to live in the moment and learn from that experience – not force myself to do so.

Closing my journal, I set it back down on the table gently.

"I'm going to bed," I told Eleanor.

"Night," she responded automatically, too enthralled with the book to care.

As I pulled back my covers and slipped underneath, the realization that I finally understood hit me.

But it didn't matter. He was still gone.

January 30th was an awful day. It was a Sunday which meant I could stay at home all day. But I wasn't planning on it – it was Lily's birthday.

I apparated over early in the morning to see Lily making breakfast in the kitchen. I stopped awkwardly on the threshold and watched as she quickly went from charming one thing to another without any hesitancy.

She was on autopilot.

"Happy birthday," I said, catching her attention.

Lily finally snapped out of her autopilot mode and looked over at me with tired eyes. She hadn't slept at all. "Thanks." Even her voice was weak.

"Here," I offered, stepping into the kitchen. "I'll make you breakfast. You just sit down and relax."

She didn't even argue. Instead, she collapsed into a chair with a sigh. There was a long silence as I began cooking the bacon she was working on.

Her voice broke the silence suddenly, startling me. "You think they're coming back, right?"

Glancing at her worried expression, there was only one answer. "Of course."

I watched as she ran her fingers through her hair. "I have these doubts, Ivy, and they won't go away. It's driving me mad." Her voice was wavering dangerously. "Tell me I'm stupid. Tell me that they'll come back."

Ignoring every doubt, I managed to say, "They'll come back, promise."

I could only hope I was right.

* * *

Thank you for the birthday wishes. My birthday was pretty awesome. I went to a restaurant and made the mistake of telling the griller that it was my birthday. Then commenced the loudest rendition of the birthday song I've ever heard. He thought it was hilarious and was all "You didn't think I would make a big deal...". Introverts like me don't like attention...

I also almost got married to Shia LaBeouf by an Elvis impersonator but then Joe Jonas interuppted the wedding and I married him instead...(haha, Nicole!)

And I'm moving into my new dorm today. (Really, it's more of an apartment.) Updating schedules will probably be crazy and I probably won't update at noon anymore. We'll see.

You're all the best.


	150. Forever

I couldn't bear to look at the calendar. I didn't need to – I knew what day it was. February 10th. Four days until Valentine's. Twelve days until my birthday.

And Sirius and James still weren't back yet. They had been gone for months now – two whole months. Everyday that passed just kept adding stress to my aching heart. Doubts filled my mind – they weren't coming back, something happened to them, Voldemort killed them, they were getting tortured...

I would never get a chance to tell him that he was right.

The more I thought about it, the more I had to face the facts. He had been right the whole time; I was the one that was wrong. I had never lived in the moment. I wasn't spontaneous.

And I would never be able to live in the moment. I would never get to spend spontaneous moments with Sirius. Because he was gone. And who knew if he was ever coming back.

What if I never heard his laugh again? Never caught a glimpse of that grin? Never heard my name spoken in a whisper from his lips?

The thoughts were plaguing my mind and I knew of only one way to get rid of them. Going to my bedroom, I hid myself under my covers and tried to let sleep overtake me early.

Tossing...turning...no sleep. Wide awake. With a sigh, I rolled over, facing the window. It was pitch black outside and I couldn't even see a shadow on the street. The whole world was asleep and I should have been too.

And then the absolute quiet surrounded me and I fell – fell deep into the silence, letting it cushion me as I -

What was that?! My eyes snapped open at the sudden sound. I glanced outside the window but I was sure I didn't hear it coming from outside. It had came from the room outside my door – the living room.

What if it was – what were they called? - a Death Eater? What if they had found out where I lived because I was affiliated with the Order? They were coming for me because I knew too much.

Grasping my wand in my shaking hand, I held it in front of me as I slipped out of bed, silently making my way toward the bedroom door. I was strong enough to take them...all I had to do was open the door and get them with a curse before they noticed me.

I slowly opened the door and saw the darkness of my living room. It looked as though there was nothing there. Maybe I had imagined the sound...

My heart skipped a beat as I saw a black mass move. Something or _someone _was there. Slowly moving behind it, I held out my wand.

Suddenly, it turned around, checking me by surprise and causing my wand to jab into the their neck. And they didn't do anything. I could hear their breath, fast-paced and deep, but they just stood there. No curse or anything.

Pulling away slowly, I whispered "_lumos" _and the person's face flooded with light.

My breath caught in my throat as I stared at the person I never expected to see again. And he was here. Standing in my living room in the middle of the night, staring back at me with an uneasy smile, as if he didn't know if I was really going to hex him or not.

"How-how are you?" I saw his lips move but I was too distracted by the thought that I was actually hearing his voice again that I didn't hear separate words.

He was looking at me with those eyes – those eyes I thought I'd never see again. So concerned and thoughtful and staring right at me, only me. Those eyes that kept invading my dreams and my thoughts and wouldn't leave me alone. Those eyes that I missed every single moment of the day.

How did I ever live through these past months without seeing me stare at me like that? How did I ever live without _him_?

Worry flashed through his eyes. "You don't look so well," he murmured softly, each word expressing pain. "I knew this was a bad idea. I'll just...go."

And then he was moving away from me and all I could think of was not again. He couldn't leave me again. I needed him. We needed each other.

"No!" I suddenly said louder than I expected. He turned around, clearly shocked at my outburst. I began stumbling and stuttering over my words. "I mean – that's not – just -"

His attention was all on me now and he was just waiting so patiently for me to say something.

The word was whispered. "Stay." It was weak, harder to say than I thought it would be.

Sirius's eyes widened and he opened his mouth to say something, but I wasn't done. I needed to tell him everything now or I was never going to do it.

"I - I don't want you to go. You're right; you were always right and I just couldn't be able to stand seeing you leave again. I don't live in the moment and I don't have the life experiences yet but I want to learn them with you...here...with me." I gulped, catching a breath and trying to calm my frantic heart. "So, will you stay? Stay the night with me. Stay forever...with me..."

I didn't know what he was thinking. I couldn't tell if he was about to reject me or not. Had he moved on? Did he want me anymore?

And then I felt his hands cupping the side of my face and he let out a low chuckle. "Okay," he whispered against my lips, affirming everything I had just said in that one little word. And when he pressed his lips against mine, I didn't have any doubts about this relationship. Because I needed him in my life. I just needed to take that next step. I had to trust him with it.

* * *

Yes, I implied at the end. It's supposed to be there. I'm not teasing you.

And yeah, I'm at college and my desk likes to squeak and my roommates want to read this 150-chaptered story (WHOA 150 CHAPTERS?!), so it's pretty awesome. Except when classes start tomorrow.

I have to change my poll again. Sigh...


	151. Afterward

Sunlight was beginning to stream through my window and, even with my eyes closed, it startled me awake. Raising a hand to shield my eyes, I suddenly became quite aware of how cold it was without the blanket.

And then I felt a weight pressing lightly on my stomach. Bare stomach. There was something warm brushing against my bare stomach! Why was there-

Last night's memories flooded my memory, replaying in my head. My cheeks began to burn as remembered everything that had happened. So that meant...

Turning my head slightly, I caught only a glimpse of his face, seeing as the majority of his body was hidden under the covers and his head was being swallowed by my pillow. I couldn't see his face because he was facing down, his left arm pinning me down to the bed.

The only way I was going to get out of here was by waking him. We needed to get to work soon anyway.

Pulling the covers close to me, I managed to sit up as far as I could and lean over. "Sirius..." I whispered softly near his ear.

He mumbled something incoherent in the pillow and snuggled deeper into the covers. I held back a soft sigh and instead, leaned even more forward, brushing right against his ear.

"Sirius..." I whispered a bit louder.

He groaned, the sound deep in his throat. Finally, he opened one of his eyes and focused on me. It took him a moment and then he blinked and opened his other eye. "Good morning, Ivy..." His voice was very hoarse, on the verge of cracking. I didn't mention how adorable it was – he probably wanted to hear something along the lines of his voice was the epitome of sexy and I wanted to have him right then and there at the sound of it...not that it was adorable.

Sirius yawned, curling his fingers around me and bringing me closer. He kissed me lightly on the temple and said, after a minute of comforting silence, "What time is it?"

I checked the time. "Nine." It was already nine? I thought it was much earlier, at least an hour earlier to give us time to just lie here. What I would give to spend forever like this...

He let out another groan, kissing me against on the side of the head before pushing the covers down the bed and setting his feet on the floor. I could only watch as he began to look for his clothes.

I was blushing again – I could just feel my cheeks turning red hot and my pulse definitely increased. My mouth was too dry to say anything so I just kept staring.

When he finally found the last article of clothing (his shirt which he was buttoning up), he turned back toward me, leaning over the bed. "You know I'd love to stay but the Order probably thinks I was attacked by now and are going to kill me for not checking in last night," he said, pressing his forehead against mine, his eyes lit up. "We'll talk about this tonight, okay?"

I could only nod as he closed the gap, leaving with just a short peck on the lips. I could tell that he had to use restraint to not let it go further. He apparated away and I was left alone, huddled in my bed covers.

Work was a mess – I couldn't keep my mind at the task in front of me. It kept wandering to last night, what had happened, what was going to happen. I couldn't stop thinking about him.

When I got home, I quickly cleaned up, waiting with shaking hands for him to appear. Just the thought of seeing him again caused goosebumps to erupt on my skin and my face to turn red.

"How was work?" his voice came out of nowhere. I spun around to see him standing behind me, leaning against the armrest of the couch.

"Oh," I said, situating the vase on the table. "It – it was...work. How was your's? Did you get into trouble?"

He flinched. Sirius Black flinched when I said the word 'trouble'. Something wasn't right. The world must have stopped revolving or the oceans were dry. "Well," he began, drawing out his words. "I told everyone that I was too exhausted to check in last night."

He stopped. I knew there was more to the story. "And?" I pried.

Sirius then grimaced. Not good. "And then James exclaimed that he went to my flat this morning and I wasn't there."

I blinked. "Why didn't you say that you got up early?"

"He came over at four," Sirius responded in a hard voice.

My lips formed a silent oh. "And...?"

"He said I was probably over at your house because I had mentioned I wanted to visit you. They speculated from there."

My mind was reeling. "That means everyone thinks that-"

"Yes."

Everyone _knew_. Everyone knew that Sirius and I had spent the night together. How was I ever going to face them again when I knew that _they _knew?

I backed up slowly, falling into the armchair across from the couch. "Oh," was the only sound that escaped from my lips.

"Listen, forget what they think," Sirius exclaimed, sitting down on the couch. "Don't stress over it."

He didn't want me to start to worry like I always did. He knew that it was going to haunt me until it drove me crazy. "I'm not going to worry about it," I announced. "It's in the past anyway."

Sirius tilted his head at me, trying to gage where this was coming from. "_You're _not going to worry?"

I shrugged. "I'm going to try." Which was true. I knew it would bother me, but I wasn't going to let it run my life.

A grin spread across Sirius's face. "You're learning."

I smiled as Sirius leaned forward and began to explain, in detail, his entire mission. I tucked my feet under my legs and listened attentively. And even though he didn't know it, he was learning too. Because we were both sitting there, just listening to each other speak. Just communicating.

* * *

Chapters will probably be updated at eleven in the morning now (for you east coasters). Or maybe earlier. Like this chapter...

A lot of people thought chapter 150 was the last chapter. I guess it could be an ending...but it's not. I still have about 10-15 more chapters to go.

Yeah, I cut out the M-rated scene. I don't know if I'll ever write it...maybe...maybe not. There will be a lot of one-shots from this story though.

NEW POLL! I think the last one too.

Thanks for the reviews!


	152. Out

Someone was frantically knocking on the door. It must have been urgent by the way they were threatening to break down the door. Might as well take my time to let them in. Slowly, I walked toward the door and twisted the doorknob.

"Ivy...just open the door!" Ah, it was Lily. I wonder what she was so excited about.

As soon as the door was opened wide often, she squeezed her way in and started proclaiming that we needed an emergency conversation.

I blinked, letting her whirl around to face me, holding out an envelope. I took it cautiously and she began babbling again.

"Okay, I know it's last minute and all but James and I have set the wedding for Feburary 21st."

I just stared at her. "That's less than two weeks away." And the day before my birthday. But that didn't matter.

She nodded. "I know..." she trailed off, taking in a deep breath.

"But why?" I asked further. Only a couple days to plan a wedding? That was crazy talk. Didn't it take months, years even?

She hesitated to answer, but when she did, her voice was hushed. "He's growing stronger, Ivy. We just don't know how much time we have left."

"Don't say that," I whispered, an uneasy feeling going down my spine at her words.

She ignored my comment. "We both decided to get married as soon as possible. Just a small wedding, a couple close friends and family. As little as possible."

I nodded, my mouth dry.

Lily continued, "Do you want to be maid of honor? Because if it's too much, I'll just ask Mary."

It took me a moment to realize that she asked me that important question like it was nothing. I thought about it for a second; did I want to be bestowed with such an honor? Or should I just let Mary do it.

Mary and Lily seemed like they were greater friends – it wasn't until around sixth year did we finally start spending time with each other. Mary seemed like the better choice.

"I think you should let Mary be your maid of honor," I answered truthfully.

She wasn't hurt or disappointed with my decision. Instead, she just smiled and said, "Okay. Oh, and you can wear whatever you want – any color. We don't really have time to color coordinate everything."

I nodded and smiled to her requests. When she was finally done, a big smile appeared on her face and I could tell just by looking at her that she absolutely loved the idea of her and James getting married.

Who would have thought that a couple years ago?

"You're getting married to James Potter," I proclaimed, duplicating her smile.

Lily just laughed. "And you're going out with Sirius Black," she responded.

She knew what had happened last night; did she expect me to tell her all the details? Were we supposed to gossip about subjects like this? Suddenly, I felt awkward and didn't know what to say.

My face must have changed because she took one look at me and said, "Oh, don't worry. I don't need to hear the details of your personal life." I slowly let out a breath of relief. "James will probably bother Sirius enough as it is." And then my breath of relief turned into a groan. That was bound to be an interesting conversation.

After checking the time, Lily quickly began to explain that she was late for something, and without an explanation, she was gone. I didn't even have to question it; it was probably wedding plans.

And then I realized something that made me bit my lip to hold back a groan. I had to go dress shopping.

It was something I procrastinated. Everyday, I found a reason not to go. It was quite easy with Sirius over every minute. He was the perfect distraction.

Valentine's day came quickly and Sirius began the morning by complaining that he would never be able to top last year. I stole a glance over at the tulips that still were in full blossom, a small smile tugging at my lips.

"You don't have to get me anything," I tried to reason with him but he kept insisting that he did. He didn't want to "waste Uncle Alphard's money on something useless".

We were sitting across from each other at the kitchen table, elbows propped up, hands under our chins. Maybe we would spend all day just having this staring contest.

"Aha!" Sirius lost the game by turning away and setting his hand on the table. I leaned back, grateful that I could blink again. And then he had to say that awful word. Shopping. I cringed inwardly.

"You need to get a dress, Ivy," he said, practically pulling me along the cobbled streets. I don't even know how he got me outside.

I began whining. "But I don't want to go shopping. Can't we just stay inside today?"

He grinned. "No, we're going to find you a dress and I'm going to buy it for you."

Stupid boyfriend with stupid money from an uncle. Now I had to spend the most romantic holiday trying on dresses and having to make a decision to buy one.

We went into the first shop that had dresses in their window display. I wasn't the greatest shopper. The first item of clothing I saw was usually the one I liked the most but something would always be wrong with it. They wouldn't have my size or it wouldn't fit right or it just didn't look good on me.

So when my eyes fell upon the red dress in the display, I tried to ignore it. But I kept seeing it out of the corner of my eye. It was simple: just a short, ruffled dress with straps. The plunging neckline was a worry though; I didn't want to wear something that showed that much.

"Do you like that one?" I turned to see Sirius staring at me. He had caught me staring at it. "You should try it on," he said without waiting for my answer.

And then it was in my hands and I was being whisked away by an employee as she stripped me of my clothing and pulled the dress over my head.

My eyes were tightly shut; I didn't want to look in the mirror. Something was going to be wrong with it...

"Not that one," I heard Sirius suddenly say behind me.

I knew it: I probably looked hideous if Sirius had an opinion like that. My shoulders slumped and I tried to take a breath.

And then his hands were on my arms and his lips against my neck. "Wearing that-" he whispered in low voice, "-I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off you all night."

Without even opening my eyes, I knew that this was the dress I was going to buy.

* * *

Wedding in the next chapter! Time just seems to fly by.

This chapter was originally for yesterday but this website wouldn't let me log in. So, it gave me a day off of writing. Which is good, since I had to read about anthropology all night anyway.

By the way, Suliac Griffin, you get the "Win at Life" prize for today. Because...well, you win at life.

I can't think of anything more to say, so, a million thank yous and be sure to add me on author alert soon. After this story ends, I'm writing a (shorter) companion story from Sirius's POV. And then there'll be some oneshots.


	153. Ready

Winding a tie around my hair, I pulled it into a low ponytail, brushing it to the side. I took a few moments to stare at my reflection in the mirror.

"You look beautiful," my mirror told me. It was a birthday present for my fifth birthday, something that I had grew up with. My parents must have known that I would have low self esteem. The mirror didn't help much but the compliments it gave me from time to time did make me feel a bit better.

I tilted my head to the side, trying to see what was missing. Something was off but what was it-?

It was glinting at me from the side table and caught my eye. I immediately reached for it and held it up against my hair. Perfect.

The door opened behind me when I was in the process of clipping the hair clip next to my ponytail. I didn't have to turn around, instead, I looked in the mirror to see Sirius close the door and glance up at me.

He didn't say anything at first which caused doubts to fill my head and my hands to shake. I finally managed to get the clip he gave me in my hair and slowly put down my hands, all the while staring back into the mirror at him.

Smoothing out the dress in front of me, I took a deep breath and turned around to face him. My eyes immediately went down to look at the floor; his eyes were just too intense to keep a gaze with.

"You look absolutely-" I looked up at the sound of Sirius's voice. He was smiling broadly, his eyes roaming over my entire body. I fidgeted slightly, trying to keep a gaze with his amused eyes. "I can't even find a word for it," he finally decided to say.

The smile on his face helped me relax a bit. "Like the dress?" I asked trying to keep a straight face as I turned around quickly.

Sirius just laughed but I could tell it was a bit uneasy. "Let's go." It was obvious that he was trying to avoid the subject. He couldn't have been mad that I got the dress. Most likely, he was frustrated in a way that I still understand. Frustrated that he couldn't do anything because we were at a wedding.

And I really liked that feeling. I could have giggled.

The wedding was hidden in a small building just on the outskirts of London. There were spells and charms surrounding the place, making it safe for the aurors that were attending the event. I had heard that it was previously a problem: Many aurors in one place, an easy target for Death Eaters. However, Lily had always gotten the best marks in Charms and she immediately went to work, fixing it easily.

We apparated outside of the building and walked through the enchantments easily. Sirius went off to find James and I decided to go find the bride. It was quite easy – I could see Dorcas and Mary walking (no, more like sprinting) down a hallway off to the side. A door suddenly came into view and once they rushed into it, I knew I found the right place.

"Ivy!" Lily spotted me as soon as I rounded the corner into the room. She was standing in front of the door as Mary fixed the bottom of her simple, white dress. Her hair was piled up loosely on her head and a veil was pushed back on top. Her dress was absolutely perfect, just one color of white, simple but radiant. I glanced up at the expression on her face to see her looking frantic.

Oh no.

"Can you please go see how James is doing? I had a dream that he never came and I don't know if it'll end up true-" She began babbling on about how he never showed up because horrible things happened to him as he tried to get to the ceremony.

"Okay, okay!" I had to yell over her rant and then turn away. "I'll go."

I barely heard the 'thank you!' as I made my way up the hallway. It took awhile to find the room where James was residing, but I finally found it in the opposite hallway.

When I walked in, James was lounging on the couch, joking with the other Marauders. I couldn't believe it – he was the opposite of Lily.

"Hey, Ivy!" James caught the first glimpse of me, jumping up and grabbing me into a hug. I patted him nervously on the back, grateful that he didn't start spinning me in circles. Pulling away and taking a good look at me, he exclaimed, "You look stunning," with a massive grin on his face.

"Lily sent me-" I began to say but when I saw Remus's eyes widen, I stopped in the middle of my sentence.

James blinked. "_Lily_ sent you?" He let out a sharp breath.

I didn't know what to say. "Um-"

It was then that James started to hyperventilate, falling back onto the couch and holding his head in his hands. I backed up in fright. "She's not going to want to marry me. What was I thinking?"

Sirius slided over to me. "Remus just got him to calm down. Thanks." His sarcastic tone made me frown.

"Sorry," I said, shrugging slightly. How was I supposed to know?

I left as James started to breath erratically and found the room in which the ceremony was going to be held. Mary was in there so I quickly gave her the news that James was doing fine and she went away to tell Lily. I couldn't just tell Lily that "oh, hey, James is hyperventilating but everything will turn out fine".

Everything had to turn out fine. It was James and Lily's wedding – they deserved their perfect day. They needed a perfect day.

Because who knew if there was time left for another one?

* * *

It was either rush the wedding, reception, and afterward really quickly at the end or give it its own chapter. So, that's where this chapter ends.

Don't worry. Interesting things to happen very soon...there's more surprises in store before the ending.

Thanks for every single review/alert/favorite.


	154. Ceremony

When the ceremony actually began at noon, I was mildly surprised. I had expected the whole behind-the-scenes to be chaotic and the ceremony to be running late. But, no, James was standing where he should have been and Lily was about to walk down the aisle.

I couldn't help but smile as Lily made her way towards James. I could see both of their fears erased the minute they locked eyes on each other. For a minute, I wished I had my journal with me so I could write that down to remember. But it was their moment: not mine, not my characters.

Sirius stole one glance at me at the beginning of the ceremony, flashing me a quick grin before turning his attention back on the vows.

And as Lily and James said their own vows to each other, I found myself lost in their words, their love for each other. It was evident by the way they smiled and said their vows clearly and strongly: this wasn't a false, flimsy love. It was a true, made-just-for-them love.

"I was a bit discouraged when Lily didn't fall in love with me immediately. I thought she would take one look at this face and fall for my handsome features-" James was joking, causing the attendees to laugh. I just watched it all, amused and absolutely taken by this whole new experience (I had never attended a wedding before this one).

Lily was rolling her eyes. "Only a complete idiot would fall in love with an egotistical prat," she responded with a smile on her face.

I chuckled as the banter continued and finally, the exchange of rings took place. James didn't hesitate with the "I do", saying it quite loud and clear. Lily took a deep breath before her's and I could see tears glistening on her cheeks.

The words "you may kiss the bride" were barely said before James had placed his hands on Lily's face, wiping away her tears and catching her in a passionate kiss.

Everyone clapped as "I now present Mr. and Mrs. Potter" was announced over our celebration and during their kiss.

Lily ended up breaking their embrace by letting out a laugh and whispering something in James's ear. He grinned in response and, with interlaced hands, they made their way back down the aisle together.

I didn't understand why people ever cried at weddings but watching the sentimental act take place in front of me was moving. I didn't cry but I looked over to see Mary about to burst into tears.

Sirius immediately bounded over to me and grabbed my hand. "Come on, let's go party."

Now, since I had never been to a wedding, I also had never been to a reception. I knew the stories: there was going to be food and a bar, maybe some games, and, of course, dancing. I had always thought the catching of the bouquet was something that people didn't actually do, but when James forced me to stand with a bunch of girls, I found out I was wrong.

What would happen if you caught the bouquet? Did you immediately have to get married? From what I read, the person had the good fortune to be the next woman to get married. Is it basically roping you into it?

So, when I stood there, I began to back up little by little. I didn't want to catch the bouquet – not when it had consequences like that.

Marriage – Sirius and I had never talked about something like that. I bet it wasn't anywhere on his mind.

Lily ended up throwing it to the right, out of the crowd of girls and into the hands of Remus was standing on the sidelines. He stared down at the flowers and then looked up, a look of complete bewilderment on his face.

Sirius thought it was absolutely hilarious. "Good job, mate. You're soon to be a blushing bride!" Remus just gave Sirius a look and handed the bouquet to Dorcas next to him. She took it awkwardly and shrugged at Lily who was watching the scene play out.

After I managed to escape that fiasco, I sat back down at the table and cautiously sipped the wine I was given. It was bitter and I wasn't sure if I would be able to drink the whole glass.

"Now, be careful with that wine," Sirius exclaimed as he slipped into the seat next to me, picking up his own glass. "I don't want to be taken advantage of later tonight."

I almost snorted into my glass at the reminder of that oh-so-wonderful drunken night about a year ago. "Oh, don't worry. I'm tired anyway – just going to go to bed as soon as I get home," I teased him back.

He frowned at me, a reaction I was expecting to see. "You're not funny," he proclaimed bluntly.

I just chuckled. "Well, at least I amuse myself at times."

After he rolled his eyes at my comment, Sirius finally stood up to make his best man speech (a little late, of course – he was waiting for the perfect moment).

"Prongs, mate, I agree with Lily. You're an absolute prat and I don't understand why anyone would want to marry you-" he began with a grin. James just laughed. "Well, I guess you're both crazy, so-" Lily sent him a glare. "Okay, okay. Honestly, you two were made for each other. You compliment each other so well that I don't think one would be able to live without the other. I don't even know how you managed to be blind to that fact for six years, Lily, but really, seeing you two together is like...well, Bertie Bott's and peanut butter." Almost everyone in the room cringed at the mental picture of jelly beans smothered in the gooey substance. "Trust me, it's good," Sirius added. "James and Lily, I wish you the best. And I hope you live like Bertie Bott's and peanut butter for the rest of your lives. Perfect together."

Everyone in the room couldn't hide their amused smiles. We all grabbed our glasses and chanted "To James and Lily!" before taking a sip.

The whole event was perfect in my eyes. James and Lily were totally lost in each other and no outside threats managed their way in. It was just a normal, perfect wedding featuring two of my best friends. And I couldn't ask for more.

James and Lily Potter had to be the luckiest, happiest people at that moment. And I could only wish that it would stay that way forever.

The reception lasted until late that night and I was completely worn when I finally said my goodbyes and congratulations to James and Lily (fireworks courtesy of the Marauders behind them). Finally, I then apparated back to my flat.

Sirius followed me as we apparated just outside of the front of my building. Suddenly, he was pulling on my hand, leading me up the steps to the front door. He seemed restless – like he couldn't wait another minute to get inside.

Sending him a strange look, I unlocked the door and stepped over the threshold into the room. He didn't waste any time and, without any warning, I found myself against the closest wall and trapped by Sirius pining me there.

"I warned you about wearing that dress," he growled in a rush of words before capturing my lips in a sweltering kiss.

The first thought that entered my mind was 'was he waiting to get me alone all day?' before my mind was blissfully wiped blank by his touch on my arms and his lips crashing over mine. They moved hungrily and greedily, making me whimper and lose myself completely.

I barley could register the fact that he had the straps of my dress between his fingers, pulling them down, exposing my bare shoulders.

And then he was pushing my dress up roughly, over my hips, a red-hot line following his hands on my skin. He rested his hands on the bunched fabric around my hips as he continued to attack my mouth.

My last coherent thought was that I didn't care if he gave me a silly warning: I wanted this just as much as he did. I needed him.

* * *

So, yeah, intense chapter. Pretty fun stuff there.

I'm going to get ready for my Maroon 5 concert...so exciting!

You all know by now that you're all amazing, so, I'll just say that I love each and every one of the reviews I get and even though I might not reply doesn't mean I don't appreciate them. They all make my day. Even the short ones. Don't ever be afraid to leave a review, even if it's something like "I like this chapter". Thanks.


	155. Question

I woke up to a strange tingling feeling on one of my arms. Without even opening my eyes, I concentrated on the pattern the feeling was leaving on my skin. I...V...Y...my name, he was tracing my name on my skin. I shivered at the thought and yawned, opening my eyes slightly to see him watching me.

Moving closer to him, I found a comfortable place in his arms as he sighed into my hair. Then he was leaning forward and breathing a 'happy birthday' in my ear.

I smiled in response and 'mmm'ed softly, barely awake. My eyes were slowly closing again...

He didn't say anything for awhile, just continued to trace words and letters on my bare skin with his fingers. I couldn't pay attention to what he was writing this early in the morning: my mind wasn't working yet.

I barely heard the two words muttered softly in my hair. It took a moment for me to comprehend what he had spoken but when it finally became clear, my eyes snapped open and I rolled over to face him with wide eyes.

"What?" I gasped, my voice catching on the word.

He repeated the words I thought I heard him say. His eyes were cautious but also pleading with me at the same time. He knew that this was taking a risk.

When I didn't say anything, he said it again. "Marry me..." he murmured, brushing back my hair, leaving the gentlest of touches against my skin.

I – I couldn't – what? One word kept repeating in my head: Why? Why me? Why now? Why would he want to do this with _me _at a time like this? Did James and Lily's wedding cause his brain to go into overload? Was he on a wedding high?

I said the word out loud. "Why?" It was almost tearful the way I said it. I just couldn't see the logic behind this. We had _just_ gotten back together. We hadn't been together for a year – well, a year today, but not a straight, full year.

This was crazy talk. It was the sleep talking. It had to be.

"I don't want to lose you again," he was saying only millimeters from my ear. My mind was whirling. "I want to wake up like this everyday. I want you everyday."

He was crazy. Absolutely crazy. That wasn't a basis for a marriage. We could continue that without a marriage. "But the responsibility - we're not ready for that," I tried to reason as I stared up at the ceiling. I couldn't look at him. If I took one look into those eyes, I would agree to this insanity. I was smarter than that.

"If James and Lily can handle it, we can," he said. So it was about James and Lily. I was about to tell him that we couldn't base our relationship off of their's when he added, "Can you see it?"

"No," I responded softly. I couldn't see us getting married. Sirius as my husband? I was still getting used to the idea of him being my boyfriend. "It's not-" I tried to explain, but words were failing me. "I can't see-"

"So?" Sirius exclaimed, his voice getting louder. "It's the great unknown, something exciting. A new adventure for me and you – not the Marauders but just us, together, forever. A different thrill, something amazing." I glanced up at him hesitantly, catching his pleading eyes in the light. Oh no. "And we love each other. Isn't that enough?"

I had to look up in his eyes. He had to make it sound like something we could really do. I let out a frustrated sigh, closing my eyes. "You're making it hard to say no," I told him truthfully.

"Good." I could hear the grin in his voice.

I opened one eye and looked at him, saying the thought that came to mind. "Are you just trying to top last year?" Was every single one of my birthdays going to be crazy like this?

"Maybe," he answered shortly.

I looked away, staring back up at the ceiling. It was a crazy idea – but really, how crazy was it? With the war, everyone was getting married as quickly as possible. It was common for this to happen. But marrying Sirius Black? Who thought that would ever happen?

Biting my lip, I asked myself an important question: Why shouldn't I say yes? And when I thought about it, I realized the only answer I could come up with was "everyone else". Why couldn't it just be about me and him?

And with the final thought in my head, I opened my mouth to give an answer. It took a few tries to finally say an audible answer. "Yes."

His eyes widened. I never thought that he would be surprised I would agree. I had thought that he always knew I would. "Okay," he confirmed, as if he was saying it to himself too. Practically beaming, he rolled over to bring me into a kiss.

A knock on the door cut it short.

Since it was my birthday, I really should have saw this coming. Sirius groaned, getting off of me and rolling back over to his side. I quickly sat up and leaned over to find my clothes.

"Coming!" I shouted to the person who wouldn't stop knocking at the door. Finally pulling on my shirt, I made my way out of the bedroom (closing the door behind me, of course) and to the front door.

I almost had a heart attack. "Mum!" I greeted the person as I opened the door. She was the last person I expected to see.

My mother smiled at me and brought me into an unexpected hug. "Happy birthday, Ivy!" She was definitely way too excited to be here. And she had a present in her hands. Maybe that's why – she had a great gift she couldn't wait to give me. All I had to do was take the gift, unwrap it, and send her on her way. It was a bit harsh, but I couldn't just let her stay here when my boyfriend was naked, sprawled out on my bed.

Shaking my head of _that_ thought, I smiled at my mum. "How are you?"

She smiled back at me. "Good. How are things here?"

This was going to take forever. "Great. My job at the Daily Prophet is really nice."

There was a silence consisting of awkward nods and twiddling of thumbs. "Oh," my mother finally said. "I got you something."

Okay, we were finally getting somewhere. Wondering briefly what Sirius was doing in my bedroom, I grabbed the present from my mother. Taking off the paper, I saw the words 'The Complete Works of Jane Austen' printed on the side of the heavy box.

"Wow, mum," I said, tilting it to the side. "A new set?"

She nodded. "I just thought I would get you your own set so I can finally get my own books back."

Reading the summary on the back of the box, I said without thinking, "Oh, yeah, they're in the bedroom."

And when my mum got up and said "I'll just get them then", I finally realized my mistake. Oh god, oh god, oh god, I was _dead_. And she was already at the bedroom door, twisting the handle, pushing the door open.

I couldn't do anything. My wand was on the table a few yards away. I wouldn't be able to make it in time.

She was going to kill me. Excommunicate me from the family.

Or she was going to kill Sirius for taking away her baby's innocence. Inwardly cringing, I waited for the screaming to begin.

But it didn't. Peeking in behind her, I watched as she walked in a seemingly empty room. Even the bed was made on his side.

What the-?

My mother grabbed the books on the bedside table and turned to face me. "Well, I suppose you have plans with your friends today," she said, surprising me. "I'll see you soon."

She enveloped me into a hug again as I thanked her for the present. She finally left after she said 'happy birthday' to me about a hundred more times.

I heaved a huge sigh the moment she was gone, basking in the silence of the room.

"You have cute feet," I suddenly heard from the floor. Bending down, I caught a glimpse of a hand coming out from underneath the bed, holding up the bed skirt.

I sat down on the floor. "How did you know to hide?" I asked.

"Your mother scares me," he replied instantaneously. "I had to hide."

I couldn't control my laughter at the mental image of Sirius scrambling to hide at the sound of my mother's voice. "Well, thanks for that," I finally managed to say.

"I don't really feel like getting mauled to death by your mother, so it's really no problem." I really wished I could have seen his expression on his face. Ducking underneath the bed frame, I was met a pair of lips, pressing against mine.

Awkward, yes, but I had much experience with awkward. I could handle awkward very well.

* * *

News:

1. This chapter was made of awkward fluff. I think that's my favorite kind.

2. I didn't post yesterday because I had this massive headache and I couldn't think straight. This chapter was obviously a very important one and I didn't want to write a crap chapter. So, instead, I wrote it a day late and it's much better.

3. There's nine chapters left of this story (including the epilogue) as of this moment.

4. There's a link to a picture of Ivy's dress at the top of my profile page. I had to do some creative photoshopping to get the dress I wanted, but I did it. _(High heels, red dress, all by yourself, gotta catch my breath...)_

5. I love my readers. Thank you.


	156. Dinner

"You're doing what?" I gasped in disbelief, watching as a massive grin appeared on his face at my words.

Sirius let out a laugh. "I'm cooking dinner tonight for my lovely birthday girl and Remus is going to help."

I blinked, trying to picture this in my head. "Remus agreed to this?"

The grin was still plastered on his face. "Of course. He even offered his kitchen."

I tried to wrap my mind around the fact that two men were going to cook dinner for my birthday. I knew that since James and Lily were gone that Remus and Sirius would do something unexpected, but this?

I groaned, putting a hand on my head. This couldn't end well.

Sirius laughed again. "What's wrong with wanting to cook my fiancée a birthday meal?"

Involuntarily, I cringed. "Don't call me that," I muttered, still shuddering at the thought of that word. Yes, I agreed to marry him, but I couldn't just bring myself to call Sirius my...fi-no, I couldn't even _think_ it. I wasn't repulsed by the idea – just scared mostly. The word frightened me.

I watched as Sirius gave me a look. "You know you can't just hide the fact that we are engaged."

And then, with that statement, I realized something. We would have to tell everyone the "happy news". Just like in the novels – we would have to get up at some dinner together and say "we have a big announcement!" and some people would end up thinking the wrong thing while others would understand immediately and start squealing. And we would have to say "We're getting married!" and hug and rejoice.

I was going to be sick to my stomach.

Sirius must have noticed. "Or..." he started slowly. "We can wait to tell everyone. Maybe one at a time or something..." He was eying me carefully as if I was about to have a nervous breakdown.

Was I about to have one? It felt like this...no, my breathing was returning to normal. I was fine.

Finally, Sirius got me to agree to this birthday dinner and we apparated over to Remus's flat. Remus immediately greeted us at the door with a huge smile and a joyful 'happy birthday' to me. It lifted my spirits just to see him in a good mood.

"Where's Peter?" I asked, sitting down on a couch in the living room. Sirius and Remus quickly got to work in the kitchen which was connected to the living room, so I could still see them bustling around.

Remus shrugged, turning toward me. "I'm not sure. He said he was busy."

I frowned at the thought. "I don't think he likes me that much."

Sirius let out a sharp gasp, dramatically turning to face me. "No one can not like you. You're too likable."

"Amiable," Remus added a synonym.

I slightly shrugged, uninterested in the topic. It wasn't as if Peter and I talked a lot – maybe he really was busy with something else. Maybe he had finally gotten a girlfriend. I surely wasn't as important.

"What are you making?" I asked, sitting up and trying to see into the kitchen.

Remus shook a spoon at me. "No peeking."

I raised an eyebrow at the action. "Are you doing this without magic?" Taking a quick look around, I saw many muggle kitchen supplies that wizards definitely didn't need to use. And their wands weren't out as far as I could tell.

"Maybe," Sirius responded.

I didn't know if that meant I should have been more worried or not. Remus gave me a reassuring smile and mouthed 'don't worry', before turning around to get to something on the other side of the kitchen. Okay, so maybe I didn't have to worry.

After an hour of waiting and interrogating, plates were set up at a small table and pots were set out. Curiously, I made my way over to sit in the closest chair but, instead, was cut off by Sirius skidding in front of me, grabbing the chair in his hands and pulling it out.

"You have to be kidding me," was my response.

He just grinned. I was beginning to hate that grin. Rolling my eyes, I sat down in the chair and Sirius pushed it back forward, moving to the other side of the table to take a seat himself. Remus sat down on the other side, watching my reaction. They were waiting for me to take a look. Leaning over one of the pots, I caught a glimpse of what was inside.

Spaghetti. They made spaghetti and tomato sauce, complete with a loaf of bread. I should have known by the smell; my father used to make it all the time when I was a child. Knowing my luck, Remus probably found this out by corresponding with my mother through the post.

I chuckled softly, staring at the food. "Thanks," I exclaimed, looking up at them. "This was really sweet of you two."

As I chewed thoughtfully on a piece of bread, I wondered if I could tell Remus the news. He was one of my best friends, but it was also a touchy subject. He was always so level-headed; he would probably think we were crazy.

The end of dinner came too quickly and then Remus was bringing out another box that looked exactly like the one he gave me for Valentine's last year.

"You're not planning to go down on one knee, are you?" Sirius asked, leaning back on his chair with an amused look in his eyes. I knew he wanted to say more but he held his tongue.

Instead, I laughed, remembering that that was exactly what I said last year. "It's a _charm_," I corrected Sirius, taking off the ribbon and the lid of the box. Inside was a charm of another book – _The Iliad_.

I glanced up at Remus, confused. "_The Iliad_?" I questioned.

Remus didn't hesitate before going into his speech. "Your birthday is February 22nd, which means you're a Pisces in astrology. The symbol, an H, is often associated with Helen of Troy from _The Iliad_. Hence, the charm."

Sirius took the charm from me, looking it over in his palm. "You really think these things through, don't you, Moony?"

Remus smiled sheepishly. "I try to be original."

Smiling, I took the charm back from Sirius. "And you succeeded. It's wonderful. Thank you Remus." And then, right there, I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted to tell him that Sirius and I were engaged.

But, instead, I just smiled at him and fastened the charm to my bracelet without a word. No matter how much I tried, the words wouldn't come. With a sickening feeling, I knew it would take more time. I had to keep it a secret for that much longer...

* * *

How long do you think it will be before Remus finds out?

Someone asked me if I had any pictures of Ivy, and I really wish I did, but I can't find someone that looks like her in my mind. Any suggestions?

As always, keep being awesome.


	157. Visiting

The next day I was sitting on my couch, reading the letter I received from Eleanor for my birthday. Sirius was standing against the kitchen counter, watching me, as if he had something to say.

In Eleanor's letter, she spent about four lines describing how school was and how her friends were doing and then spent the rest of the letter explaining to me about how she was planning to reread all of Jane Austen's books. I made a mental note to ask her if she was going to continue with mum's tradition and name her children after the characters, knowing that I wouldn't have time to start writing a letter back right away. Not with Sirius staring at me like that.

Finally, I looked up at him with a quizzical look. He leaned back, never breaking the stare. Now that he had my attention, it was only a matter of time before- "Do you want to go somewhere with me?" he said quickly.

What a strange question. I raised an eyebrow and answered, "Where?" It had to be somewhere I wouldn't want to go if he had to ask like that.

He shrugged, taking his hand off the counter and standing up straight. "I was thinking that I could surprise my cousin with a visit."

I blinked. But that didn't make sense at all. Why would Sirius want to go visit the family that disowned him? He didn't even like his family -

Or was he changing his mind? Maybe he wanted to reconcile with them. Maybe he thought that he was on the wrong side of the war and they were right all along? My heart began to race and my hands were shaking. "You want to visit your _family_?" I had to ask, just to make sure I heard right. Because I couldn't have heard right.

"Andromeda, my cousin-" His eyes widened suddenly. "Oh, no, she's not – she was disowned too. She married a muggle-born wizard and was blasted off the family tapestry, like me." He chuckled as the frightened look on my face faded away. "I would _never_ invite you to meet anybody else in my family. Andromeda, she's my favorite cousin. You'd like her."

I breathed out a sigh of relief but, almost immediately, my fear returned. "So you want me to meet someone in your family?" Meeting Sirius's family – I never thought I had to do that. I thought that I had gotten out of that situation.

But I owed him. He had to deal with my mother. And if Sirius hated his family so much and still loved Andromeda, then what could possibly go wrong?

"I was thinking of visiting her today," Sirius spoke up again. "I haven't seen her since before she got married because of the whole "disloyalty to the Black family name". It'd be nice to visit her again."

And how could I say no to that? I couldn't and found myself saying that I'd go. It would only be a couple hours and, according to Sirius, I had nothing to worry about. And a small part of me was excited to meet someone in his family.

After changing into my good robes, Sirius and I apparated over to a small village, in front of a quaint little cottage with a garden in the back. My heart was pounding furiously against my ribcage, telling me not to go inside. But Sirius immediately grabbed ahold of my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze, quietly leading me to the front door.

There was no turning back now, as we knocked on the door and waited for someone to answer.

To my surprise, the door opened and I saw a little girl with vivid pink hair staring up at us with wide eyes. I didn't know to respond, instead, I just smiled at her uneasily.

And then someone was pulling the little girl away by the hand and scolding her. "Dora, what did I say about opening the door for strangers? You wait until-" Her voice trailed off as the brown-haired woman who grabbed the little girl looked up and saw us.

"Sirius! How nice it is to see you!" she exclaimed, letting go of the girl she called Dora and ushering us in. "The last time I saw you was when you were just a rowdy ten year old!" She smiled and then gave Sirius a look. "And I heard from someone that you ran away."

He was grinning. "When I was sixteen. Went and lived with the Potters."

She nodded, understanding immediately. "And who is this?" Her gaze was now on me, the moment I was dreading.

I took a deep breath and held out my hand. "Hello. I'm Ivy Bennett," I introduced myself. She took my hand and shook it lightly, glancing over at Sirius with a knowing look.

Sirius's grin got wider, giving her an answer without speaking.

"Nice to meet you, Ivy," Andromeda exclaimed and then looked down at the little girl who was now tugging on her sleeve. "This is my daughter, Nymphadora."

The young girl pouted. "Can I be Tonks instead?"

"Do you like the name Tonks?" Sirius asked when Andromeda didn't respond.

Nymphadora smiled. "Anything is better than Nymphadora," she exclaimed, changing her hair purple before running away into another room.

"She's a Metamorphmagus," I stated, my eyes widening with awe. I had never met one before for they were extremely rare. I never thought I would have a chance to meet one.

Andromeda nodded. "Yes, she is. Have you researched them before?" I knew why she was asking; usually, people didn't know about them until they met one. It was strange to meet someone that automatically knew the term.

I shook my head. "No, I just read a lot."

Andromeda's eyebrows raised slightly. "Really? What do you read?"

On the way back to the sitting room, I told her all the books I liked to read and, in addition, how I was writing a novel. She seemed very interested in my hobby as if she had never seen such a thing before. I didn't question this, instead, I just continued with the conversation as if it was normal.

Sirius watched the exchange, occasionally bringing up the fact that he was reading my novel and "helping out".

After finishing my quick explanation of why Jane Austen was my favorite author, we fell into a heavy silence. Andromeda was looking at me, her eyes penetrating mine with an intense stare. I began to feel uncomfortable and shifted in my seat.

Maybe I had said too much. Did she not like me because I liked muggle authors? Was I intruding on her family?

Finally, she spoke, continuing to study me. "You're not what I expected."

I fidgeted. "What do you mean?"

"I never thought Sirius would settle down with a girl like you," she answered me.

My mind whirled. Did she know about the engagement? Why else would she say "settle down"? And did she think that Sirius and I weren't compatible? That we were too different?

She looked up at Sirius. "I never thought you were going to find a girl that you were so serious with. In your letters, it seemed as though you had a different girl every time you wrote. Why didn't you tell me about this girl?"

"She's special," Sirius proclaimed, looking over at me and catching my gaze. "I'm planning on having her around for awhile."

I could tell by the look on Andromeda's face that she understood. She didn't have anything against us. She accepted us – engagement and all. There was no doubt about it – she knew about the engagement. No warnings, no questions, just acceptance.

And if Sirius's cousin could accept it without any questions asked, why couldn't I?

* * *

The next chapter brings in the dark elements of the story once again. Just a fair warning.

Oh, and Ivy will begin to accept the engagement. Like...soon...maybe.

Thanks for reading!


	158. Casualty

When I got the letter telling me to head over to James and Lily's right away, I didn't know what to expect. The note was written in a hurried scrawl, Sirius's messy handwriting: _Come to James and Lily's now._

That's all it said. I knew Sirius was fine since he wrote the note, but I had a sinking suspicion that something was wrong involving someone else. Did something happen to James and Lily? They had just gotten back from a mission together and everything seemed fine. But what if something had turned up-

What if it was Remus? What if something happened to him and he was -

With my heart hammering and my hands shaking, I quickly apparated over to Godric's Hollow. I couldn't think straight and I found myself stumbling up the steps and knocking frantically on the door.

Tears burned my eyes but I refused to let myself cry. I could be wrong and end up crying over nothing. But the ache in my chest knew that that wasn't true. I knew something was wrong.

And when Lily opened the door, visibly shaking with tears in her eyes, my suspicions were proved correct. Something was definitely wrong – and it wasn't little if Lily was in tears over it.

My throat closed up and I let out a slow anxious breath. "What's wrong?" I managed to choke out. Looking behind Lily, I saw James making his way over to us, quickly wrapping his arms around Lily. Sirius was standing next to the armchair, looking down at the floor. Remus and Peter were on the couch, both facing away from me so that I couldn't see their reactions.

Lily didn't answer, just shook her head.

I didn't understand: it didn't seem as if anybody was hurt. Everyone was here in front of me. Everyone was perfectly safe. Except if it was -

"Lily, could you please tell me?" I pleaded and I just couldn't hold it back anymore. I began shaking violently and tried to stop myself by grabbing my arms, hugging them closely to myself. But it wasn't helping...I couldn't breathe...My head was spinning...

There was no response but quick footsteps making their way over to me. My arms fell to my side as Sirius enveloped me into a hug, holding onto me as if he knew I was about to fall apart. My head fell onto his shoulder as I clutched onto him, burying my face away from the world.

The world was about to come crashing down on me. That had to be the reason for the pain in my chest.

"Dorcas is dead," I heard quietly in my ear.

I froze, pushing away from Sirius to look at his face. He had to be joking – Dorcas couldn't be dead. She was – she was Dorcas. "What?" I whispered, my voice cracking.

Sirius looked down at the ground and then back up at me cautiously. "This morning, she was cornered by the Death Eaters. And...she fought but..." He let out a shaky breath, bringing me close to him again.

I just stared straight ahead, refusing to blink to get rid of the tears in my eyes. Instead, I let them fall down my cheeks, onto Sirius's shoulder.

James and Lily didn't say anything but I could see them out of the corner of my eye, comforting each other.

I was frustrated that I couldn't see Remus's reaction. The tears in my eyes blurred my vision and the fact that he was turned away from me wasn't helping. I just wanted to know if he was hurting inside – maybe more than the rest of us...

I went through the motions of that day, forgetting where I was and who I was talking to. I was somewhere else – happily safe inside my own little world where there was no threats or death, just contentment.

Dorcas had died. Sweet, understanding Dorcas – my roommate and friend. I couldn't fathom that I would never hear her speak again, never see her again. It seemed like only yesterday that we were at James and Lily's wedding and she was given the bouquet.

With a sickening feeling, I realized she would never get married.

She would never get married and have children and live to an old age. No, everything was taken away from her in the blink of the eye. She had a whole life to live until someone stepped in the way.

She had died trying to save us. She had died to save _me_. And now, she was gone, and I would never get to see her again.

I shivered, standing next to my bed. I felt a light touch on my arm and turned to see Sirius standing next to me, watching my expression carefully.

Sirius. It seemed like yesterday when Dorcas was here, could it be like that with Sirius? One day he would be lying in bed next to me and the next he was gone? Just like that.

He bent down and gave me a comforting kiss on the forehead. "Everything will be all right," he muttered against my skin.

But I knew that he wasn't even sure himself. The way his voice wavered told me that he was doubting himself.

I tried to fall asleep comfortably in his arms but sleep refused to overtake me. Instead, I remained awake, waiting for time to pass and morning to come.

"Ivy, wake up!" I was being pushed and jostled as someone screamed into my ear. No, I had just fallen asleep. I didn't want to get up yet. "Ivy, please," the person began pleading.

Opening my eyes, I focused on Lily in front of me. Wait – why was Lily here? Turning slightly, I noticed that Sirius wasn't sleeping next to me anymore. He must have gotten up early. Was I late for work?

"What?" I mumbled, trying to find the time.

There was an uncomfortable pause and then the words tumbled out of her mouth. "Sirius is dead."

My heart was beating loudly and it was the only thing I could hear. Slowly, my eyes met her's and I could see by the way tears were streaming down her cheeks that this wasn't a lie.

I thought my voice wasn't working but suddenly, I was screaming, so loud and so much that my throat was burning but I couldn't stop – never stop – as the scream pierced through the air. And then I was thrashing about and someone was trying to grab me.

"Ivy, you're dreaming-" I heard faintly. The voice sounded so familiar.

My eyes snapped open and I gasped for breath, turning to meet his gray eyes. Those eyes that I was never supposed to see again.

A quiet whimper escaped my lips as I wrapped my arms around him. No, I couldn't lose him. I could never lose him...

* * *

Ivy's having dreams again and they're not that good...wonder what it means to the plot.

Since I have three papers due tomorrow, I'm going to skip posting a chapter tomorrow on Thursday. But I'll be back Friday. Honestly though, do you want to see this story end so early?

Thanks for the amazing reviews!


	159. Broken

I tried to ignore the world around me as I went to work on Friday. But I knew it was no use; working at a newspaper forced me to look at what was happening in the wizarding world at every moment.

Reporters and editors ran every which way in front of me. I could only hear snippets of what they were saying – battles, new Ministry statements, causalities.

Closing my eyes, I refused to listen. They were getting information by the minute, up the minute.

"Did you hear? The Potters were-"

I was immediately shaken from my daze at the mention of the Potters. Leaning forward, I listened as closely as possible.

"The Order fought with Voldemort-"

What? My hearing had to be off – that couldn't be right.

"In St. Mungo's-"

No, I was just dreaming again. Every night I had those dreams were all of my friends were brutally killed in the war. I must have fallen asleep at my desk. They weren't hurt, they weren't in St. Mungos; it was all just a bad dream.

Glancing out of my window and trying to get my mind off the horrible topic, I saw St. Mungo's just across the street. The building was right in my vision, practically blinding me on sunny days when the sunlight hit the white brick. Looking down, my heart skipped a beat when I saw the street crowded with people forcing their way into St. Mungo's. It was complete chaos.

Forcing myself to keep breathing, I leaned forward to see more clearly. Tears – I could see tears. Everyone with tears...

It was a nightmare. An awful nightmare that just kept repeating. The nightmare that, after I awoke screaming, would keep me awake into morning hours. I just had to wake myself up and everything would be fine. Sirius was fine. My dreams were wrong...

And then it was getting hot and I couldn't breathe. My hands were shaking, my cheeks were flushed, and I couldn't ignore the way my head was pounding.

This was no dream.

Without any warning, I pushed myself away from my desk, knocking over the chair loudly and rushed down the steps. I just needed to see, needed to get there, no, I couldn't let this happen again, I couldn't go through this...

Squeezing myself through the hysterical crowd, I managed to make my way into the building. A guard at the front momentarily pushed me back, but I brought out my Daily Prophet I.D. (almost dropping it by the way my fingers trembled) and he let me through.

The young woman at the front desk looked annoyed but I approached her anyway, too worried, too frantic to care.

"Is Sirius Black here?" I gasped out, breathing heavily and choking for some air.

She didn't look up at me. "No visitors," the woman answered shortly.

I leaned forward over the desk. "So he's here?"

I could have sworn I saw her roll her eyes and, right then, I almost just reached out and did something violent. "No one is allowed inside."

I didn't know what to do. My mind wouldn't let me form a coherent sentence. Almost slamming my hands down on the counter, I said loudly, "Listen, I'm his girlfriend. I deserve to go see him!"

Another roll of the eyes. "No one is allowed-"

Why couldn't I see him!? I just wanted to make sure he was okay! I was going to go crazy if I couldn't see him! And then I was yelling without even thinking twice. "I'm his fiancée, okay? I want to see him! Just let me see him!"

"Ivy?" I quickly turned around at the familiar voice to see Remus standing only a few yards away.

At first, relief flooded through me. Finally, someone was here to help me – to let me know what was going on. But then I realized what I had just said. How much did he hear? Did he know about the engagement?

And then he was in front of me, hands on my arms, trying to calm me down. "Here, Ivy, I'll take you home..."

Why would I want to go home? Why didn't anyone understand that I wanted to see Sirius? That these dreams were haunting me and they were slowly driving me insane and I just wanted answers? "No!" I protested, shrugging off his hands. "I want to see him."

He hesitated. And there was only one reason that I could come up with. Sirius wasn't here. He was gone...

Gone.

Forever.

"Remus..." I pleaded quietly, tears burning my eyes. Biting my lip, I looked down at the ground, trying to remember how to breathe.

Suddenly, a voice sounded out behind me. "Ivy?" I couldn't even understand my name – just the fact that I was hearing his voice. I didn't understand – was I dreaming? What was reality? My head was pounding so badly.

Someone had their arms around me, pulling me close. "I'm fine, it's okay. Nothing major, a couple scratches. And James and Lily are going to be fine," I faintly heard. Everything sounded so far away. I could barely wrap my mind around any of these facts.

I just wanted to go home.

"I'll take you home..." my comforter said, making me wonder if I had said my thoughts out loud.

I needed sleep. I needed this war to end. I needed everything to be like how it was at Hogwarts: carefree and easy. I couldn't do this anymore.

He never let go of me, even when he set me down on my bed. He continued his hold onto my hand as I shivered and shook violently.

"How much longer?" I whispered, staring down at my comforter.

Sirius let out an audible sigh. Maybe he was frustrated with me. Maybe this was getting to be too much. "Until he's defeated."

I knew that...I understood that...but was it possible? "I can't go through this anymore..." I said brokenly.

"Believe me-" He was struggling with his own words, pausing and stumbling. "-I would do _anything_ to end this. I just...can't. I'm trying, I'm really trying."

Hearing Sirius's raw emotion breaking apart his words, I just broke down, not holding back, allowing sobs to escape my lips. My chest burned and my eyes were stinging but I couldn't stop. There was no way out. We were going to have to live like this and slowly lose each other – it was inevitable.

Sirius immediately pulled me close to him, rocking me back and forth as I cried into his shoulder. How long would I have this until he was forever gone from my life?

And I couldn't waste even a single moment. There was no time for that.

* * *

Will the rest of the chapters be this depressing? Um, I cannot answer that. But I will tell you that the last chapter will be chapter 163. Nice number, don't you think?

If you want to, you can head over to the forums and talk about what you think will happen at the end. I made a thread for it.

Thankyouthankyouthankyou.


	160. Close

I was the first to awaken the next morning. Without making a sound, I removed myself from Sirius's embrace and grabbed my journal on the table next to the bed.

Laying it out in front of me on the pillow, I began to flip through each page. Pages and pages filled with my handwriting, telling a story – _our _story. After a few minutes of ruffling through the pages, I ended at the last word-filled page.

My fingers rested in between the pages, waiting for me to collect my thoughts and turn the page to write more. Slowly rereading the words, I realized something that made my hand withdraw from the paper.

"You're writing?" I heard Sirius's sleepy voice next to me as he stirred.

I didn't turn to look at him, instead I kept my eyes on the journal, deep in thought. Sirius was patient – he didn't say anything as I stared down at my story. Finally, I responded, softly, "It's coming to an end."

Sirius kissed me lightly on my cheek. "Mmm?" he voiced his question.

I ran my finger down the dried ink on the page. "My story. It's ending," I explained, looking over each word.

After yawning, Sirius leaned forward, looking more closely at my journal laid out in front of me. "How is it ending?"

I paused, remembering the plot. "Sebastian and Anne are running away together. Society doesn't want them to be together. I just need to finish the last scene and it's done." I hadn't been paying much attention to my novel. I didn't even know I was close to being finished until I ran through my ideas and noticed there was only one big scene left.

And then nothing. Their story would be told.

With a sigh, I grabbed an ink bottle and quill and slowly began to write the last scene. Sebasian and Anne meeting each other. Not enough time to say goodbye to their families. Going away together...

As the words came naturally to me, I tried to slow myself down. This would be the last time I would ever get to get into the minds of these characters. It would be the last time I would get this close to them. They wouldn't exist anymore in my ideas – but forever to be written down for everyone to see.

I couldn't get the last words – the conclusion to the tale. Instead, I let it at an open ending for now. I still had time to go back and change it.

Sirius was still watching me, propped up on one elbow. When I pushed the journal away, I turned to see him with raised eyebrows. "Are you done?" he asked, a note of surprise in his voice.

"Not entirely," I responded. "I can't get the ending right." The ending of a book had to be one of the most interesting parts of a book. I just couldn't end with something mediocre.

It was Easter vacation – two whole days off of work. Neither one of us had to leave for work. Sirius thought this was brilliant, moving closer to me and holding me close.

"Guys aren't supposed to like to cuddle," I mentioned to him jokingly.

He just chuckled into my hair. "You're special," he said. I sighed to myself; this is what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Just lie here with Sirius and not have to worry about anything. This was what I wanted.

I must have drifted off to sleep because my eyes were opening and the light in the room had changed. My mind was still fuzzy and spinning slightly. Stretching out, I expected to hit Sirius next to me. But my arms came into contact with emptiness.

Turning over, I saw that he wasn't next to me. He must have already gotten up. I checked the bathroom first but the door was open and the lights were off. Then I checked the living room and kitchen but he wasn't in there either.

No note, no anything telling me where he was. He wouldn't just leave without telling me first.

What if something happened when I was asleep? No, if someone had came in then I would have heard them, right? But what if Sirius was called into the Order and something had happened to him?

I wasn't going to worry, no, I couldn't worry. Today was supposed to be a stress-free day. Collapsing into the chair behind me, I tried to calm myself down.

Everything was fine. He just went out to visit James and Lily or something. Maybe buy something to eat. But why wouldn't he tell me? Why would he leave and not even give me a warning?

Checking the time, I realized that I slept away most of the day; it was already seven. How long had Sirius been gone?

As soon as that last thought entered my head, a crack only a few yards away startled me and I looked over to see Sirius standing there.

"Ivy," Sirius said, sounding surprised. "You're awake."

Slowly, I stood up shakily. "Where were you?" I asked, watching as he looked away from me.

"Oh," he hesitated, casually shrugging. "Nowhere important."

I blinked. "You didn't leave a note or anything."

"I thought you'd still be sleeping," Sirius said, looking at me as if he was worried for some unknown reason. But why would he be worried about me? He was the one that went out without notice in the middle of a war.

"Why did you go out?" I questioned softly. "You know it's not safe."

He just stared unblinkingly at me. "There was something I had to get."

Brushing my hair out of my face, I paused before saying, "You still could have told me. I was worried about you."

He moved past me. "Sorry then. I'll give you minute to minute instructions where I'll be next time."

The way he said it was very sarcastic. I didn't know if he fed up or what – but his tone made me cringe. "It's just...my dreams, you know," I tried to explain myself to him.

He sat down on the couch across from me. "Yeah," he answered shortly. He never wanted to know anything more about them and my only guess was that he wasn't interested. He frustrated me a little – I wanted him to know everything about me.

There was an awkward silence in which I sat back down in the chair and looked down at my shaking hands. "Do you want to tell anyone?" Sirius suddenly asked, breaking the silence.

I looked up at him. "About my dreams?" I asked, confused.

"No," he shook his head. "The engagement."

Biting my lip, I wondered why he had brought this up. Did Remus say anything to him? I still didn't know if Remus had heard my outburst in St. Mungo's. "Now?"

He didn't respond to that question. "Are you sure this is what you want?" he said instead.

I didn't know why he was questioning it. Just because I didn't want to tell the whole world? "I don't like people fawning over me. It's not that I don't want to marry you." Looking up into his eyes, I saw doubt. He didn't believe me. "You don't believe me?" I asked, hurt that he would think such a thing.

He began shaking his head, opening his mouth to say something. But just the emotion in his eyes said it all. He still didn't believe me – trust me when I said I loved him.

My mind was going into overload and I couldn't think straight. I needed to get out – just for awhile. "I'm gonna – um...I'll be right back."

I apparated away before he could stop me. I just needed some time alone – a couple hours, maybe more. Just enough to clear my mind. I wasn't mad; I was just confused. I needed time to sort through my thoughts.

Though as I hurried away, I couldn't help but think that I just should have told him that I loved him.

* * *

Ivy may be realizing that running from her problems isn't the best solution after all. Maybe we'll see a change from her.

Yes, Ivy overreacted. She tends to do that.

Where did Sirius go? That's one of the questions that will be answering in his POV. There's a lot of things we'll still learn in the companion story.

What will happen? Good question.


	161. Panic

Staring at the door in front of me, I hesitated, wondering if this was the right thing to do. No, doing the right thing would be going back to Sirius and telling him how I really felt. But I didn't know how I felt. And I had to talk to somebody.

I knocked loudly and waited. About a half of a minute passed and I teetered back and forth on my feet. There was no one home...

Just as I was about to turn away, the door opened suddenly, filling the porch with light. "Ivy, what are you doing here?"

He was surprised to see me. I couldn't blame him. "Remus..." I said, struggling to take in a deep breath. My mind went blank and I couldn't remember what I was going to say to him. Instead, I just stood there, rocking back and forth on my feet, eyes wide.

"Let's go inside," he said, opening the door wider and letting me pass. I was trembling as I sat down on his couch and I knew he was noticing. The way he was looking at me with startled eyes said everything.

It had been awhile since I had seen him (since Dorcas's death) and the dark circles under his eyes darker than I remembered told me that he wasn't sleeping. I watched him intently, watched the way his eyes bore into mine and waited for me to say something, _anything. _Worry and anxiety was etched into his features, but also confusion.

If I didn't know why I was here, then he definitely wouldn't.

"Are you okay?" he said softly, leaning forward a bit.

I stared at him, biting my lip and then looking down at the floor. Was I okay? Nothing was wrong really – I had just overreacted. Ran away, like I always did. Typical Ivy. Nothing to get worked up over.

Maybe it was the war causing me to stress out. Sirius didn't deserve my freak-out. All I had to do was go back and tell him sorry and everything would be fine.

But I didn't want to go back. I didn't want to face him – not just yet. I wanted time to get my thoughts together. I wanted to be able to think for once. Just think clearly.

There was the sound of footsteps and then I looked up to find a cup of tea in front of my face. Looking up at Remus, I gave him a gracious smile. "Thank you," I said, taking the cup out of his hands.

He didn't stare at me this time, just looked out of the window, drinking his tea slowly. I watched him, cautiously sipping at my tea, as I wondered what he could possibly be thinking.

"Remus," I spoke suddenly, catching his attention. "I-"

I didn't know what to say. Did I have to tell him everything? What was I supposed to say? What could I say? My head was beginning to hurt. Setting my cup down, I thought about what Sirius had asked me. He wanted to tell everyone about our engagement.

What if I...just told Remus?

Looking up at the person sitting across from me, I saw him watching me patiently. He would understand. He had to understand and he knew that... But what if he already knew?

With a hammering heart, I managed to ask, "Did you hear what I said in St. Mungo's?"

There was a heavy silence as Remus did even react to what I said. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. "What did you say?"

He didn't know. "I-uh...had a fight with the lady working at the desk. She wouldn't let me see Sirius..." I paused, trying to calm my beating heart with slow, even breaths. "And...I got frustrated with her and yelled that I wanted to see my fiancé." I stared down at my tea in front of me, not ready to see Remus's reaction. "I thought you...um, might have heard." I was biting down so hard on my lip that I was surprised it wasn't already bleeding.

"So, he proposed?" I heard Remus ask. His voice was even, no sign of emotion whatsoever.

I nodded, surprised to feel as though I could breathe again. Actually, telling someone felt...okay. It hadn't been as bad as I thought it would be. Remus finally knew and I didn't have to worry about it anymore. I could have sighed in relief.

"When?" I glanced up to see Remus asking the question with a look of surprise on his face. He probably didn't see it coming.

"After James and Lily's wedding," I answered, and I knew what he was going to ask, so I continued, "It was my idea to not tell anyone. And then, tonight, Sirius asked me again if I wanted to keep it a secret or not...and I think he believes that...I don't love him or something. So, I just left. Ran away like the coward I am."

"You're not a coward," Remus said immediately. "You just needed some time to think." Of course he would know exactly what was going through my mind.

I started shaking my head. "I can't deal with this war. It's controlling my life; ruining everything. I just...can't go on anymore."

"You're not just getting married to Sirius because of the war, are you?" Remus asked softly, as if saying those words would hurt me.

"No," I responded automatically. "I love him...I really do. We haven't even set a date; it's not like we're rushing through this." I paused and then whispered, "I want to get married to him." There was no question about it. The thought, at first scary, was beginning to grow on me.

Remus looked down at his tea. "Then tell him that."

Such an easy notion. However, I just didn't have the strength to go back and say it. I just needed some time alone first.

And then Remus was getting up, heading over to the dark hallway on the right. I watched him curiously as he brought back sheets and pillows.

"What are you doing?" I asked as he set everything down next to me.

He smiled at me softly. "You're welcome to spend the night and figure out everything tomorrow. For now, get some sleep," he answered.

I didn't know what to say; it was almost as if he was in my head, knowing my every thought. How else would he know that I wanted to stay?

"Thank you," I said for the second time that night, giving him a small smile.

As I made a bed for me on the couch, I noticed how Remus never questioned the engagement. Instead, he just accepted it, almost too easily. Maybe Remus was waiting to say something. Or maybe he really did think that it was a good idea.

"Sweet dreams," Remus said to me before heading off to bed.

I almost called him back, remembering the nightmares. I could tell him about them in detail and maybe someone would finally understand. But, instead, I let him head off to sleep, and tried to convince myself that no nightmare was going to come.

It was just wishful thinking. Rather than a peaceful dream, I got familiar flashes of green light and malicious laughter, causing me to wake up in a cold sweat. I sat upright, breathing heavily and waiting for the panic to subside.

But it didn't. My breathing was frantic and-

Oh god, a shadow was moving outside, right out of the window. Kicking off my sheets, I bolted down the hallway, stumbling over my own feet and finally reached the only door on my right.

Pushing it open, I made my way inside, closing the door behind me loudly. I backed up against it, trying to catch my breath and something stirred in front of me.

"Ivy-" the familiar voice questioned before I could scream. "What are you doing in here?"

I didn't care if he took it the wrong way. I just needed someone with me. "Can I sleep with you?"

It was too dark in the room to see his expression. "Uh..." his breathy answer finally came at last. "You-"

He didn't know what I was asking. My whole body was shaking as I said, "I had a bad dream and I just-"

"Of course," Remus's voice cut me off and there was a shuffle of blankets moving. Slowly, I moved away from the door and next to the bed, finally coming into contact with the vacant side.

Slipping under the covers, I felt Remus turn away from me and move to the very edge of the bed. But I didn't care; as long as he was there, next to me, I was content. Curling myself in his covers, I enjoyed the feel of someone next to me.

I could finally sleep.

* * *

I don't know what to say here. But, hey, look, it's Remus/Ivy this late in the story. What's that about?

This website wasn't sending alerts/reviews yesterday, so I wasn't going to post this chapter until late, but I'm slowly beginning to receive my reviews, so I think it's okay to post this!

Thank you for the reviews. Especially the people who are speculating. Some of you are really surprising me.


	162. No

My eyes snapped open at his voice. Turning over, I found that I wasn't hearing things. No, Remus was gone and Sirius was on the bed next to me.

"Sirius?" I asked, blinking my eyes a few times. It wouldn't surprise me that I was just seeing things.

He grinned. "Good morning," he said softly, leaning forward to give me a kiss on the forehead. I waited for the contact but felt nothing.

Nothing at all. But I could have sworn that his lips were...

"What were you _thinking_?!" And then I was laying back down on the bed, opening my eyes for the second time. The loud outburst ripped me from the dream and brought me back down to reality. Who was yelling?

I moved up slightly to see Remus talking to someone with messy dark hair...James. Remus looked uneasy, trying to get a word in as James gestured wildly with his hands and continued yelling.

"What am I supposed to think when I walk in on you two in bed together?" James was currently shouting.

Remus sighed in exasperation. "That maybe I'm a gentleman and wouldn't do anything with my friend's girlfriend?"

I just stared at the conflict in front of me, partially relieved that it wasn't Sirius who found us. But would James go running to tell Sirius?

No, Sirius would trust me. He knew that I wouldn't actually sleep with Remus. I was smarter than that.

"Well, you two did look quite comfy this morning-"

Remus was very patient with the way James was yelling about me. Inside, my heart was pounding. If I just stayed quiet, then James wouldn't notice I was awake...

"That doesn't mean anything," Remus argued. "I'm not stupid. I know there's boundaries and I would never let things get out of hand. Yes, the war is causing people to do crazy things, but I wouldn't take advantage of Ivy."

James still wasn't convinced. I could tell by the way his arms were flailing about. "But there's history between you two, and this was just too good of a chance-"

My eyes widened as Remus actually laughed. "It never crossed my mind-" And then there was a silence in which James crossed his arms across his chest, probably glaring at Remus. "Even if it did," Remus added to James's reaction, "-it still doesn't mean anything."

I meant to just move a little bit, but the bed had other ideas. It let out a loud squeak, causing both James and Remus to look around and notice me. James was glaring daggers in my direction, making me scramble out of the bed.

"I'm just going to...uh, take a walk. Clear my head," I said slowly, backing away from the angry James in front of me. "You two, um, just talk it out for awhile."

Grabbing my robes, I quickly made my way out of the door and out of the inferno. I was safe, at least for now. At least James didn't have the time to start yelling at me.

It was quite chilly outside and I wrapped my arms around me for warmth, walking aimlessly down the cobbled street.

Sirius was probably worried to death about me by now. I hadn't told him how long I would be gone and he probably thought something awful had happened to me. I knew how awful it felt to worry about someone you loved and immediately felt guilty. All I did was put Sirius through the exact feelings that I dealt with. That wasn't right. He probably had enough to worry about with the Order. He didn't need any more worry from me.

This whole running away thing – why did I have to do it? Why couldn't I just face my fears and stay and work things out? Why did I have to be such a coward about everything?

No, I wasn't going to be a coward anymore. I would show Sirius that I wanted to stay by his side, even when times would get rough. It was the basis for marriage and if I was going to get married to him, I would have to get over that fear sooner or later.

Better sooner.

If Sirius Black wanted to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me, then I wasn't going to hide and hope that no one ever found out. I needed to _enjoy _it. I was going to enjoy it and I was going to enjoy enjoying it.

Because I had Sirius Black. And no one else did.

No more running. I wasn't going to overreact anymore, I wasn't going to run away at the first sign of trouble, no, I was going to stand there and fight. This was the start of a brand new Ivy Bennett.

I continued walking down the street, following the signs down to my flat. It was nice outside and I didn't want to just apparate home and ignore all the scenery outside. I hadn't been outside for what seemed like months and the fresh air felt like freedom to me. The bitter sting of winter didn't faze me, instead, I only felt warmth as I continued down a small side road, between two large buildings. My flat was only two streets away, surprising me (I had thought my flat was farther away).

A rough shout broke through my thoughts. "_Imperio!_"

I didn't have time to react. Suddenly, I was frozen, standing in the middle of the alley with someone pointing their wand into my back. My breath stopped and I couldn't think.

_Turn around_. The voice in my head told me, and without even thinking twice, I turned to meet the eyes of my attacker.

Flashes of that night came back to me just seeing their faces again. Being immobile...drowning...saved...

"It's her," Avery, the one who wasn't pointing his wand at me, sneered, looking at Mulciber triumphantly.

"What do you want with me?" I surprised even myself by asking. My eyes immediately widened after I realized what I had said.

_Shut up_. Mulciber's voice echoed in my head. My vocal chords weren't working anymore, instead, I just opened my mouth, trying to force sound to come out.

Avery smirked. "There's only one thing we want." Oh god. I couldn't – what – there wasn't – no... "We suspect you can be a great benefit to us." I began to shake my head, but there was that voice again. _Stop moving._

Mulciber matched Avery's smirk and I could do was stare helplessly at him as he added, "We want names. We want to know where the Order is, we want to know everyone in it. We just want to know everything you know." He leaned forward until I could feel his breath on my face. "Tell us that and we'll let you go."

They could make me do anything under the Imperius curse. I was victim to anything they wanted. But I had one thing they couldn't get to – my knowledge. "No," I mouthed, my voice still gone.

Avery raised an eyebrow at me. "What?"

"No," I repeated silently, staring back into his frustrated eyes. I wasn't going to let them win – no, my friends were more important to me. I loved them too much to reveal everything. I couldn't bring them into danger.

Avery stared back at me, eyes narrowing. "Mulciber, let her have her voice back." I almost breathed out a sigh of relief at his words, but then he continued, "I want to be able to hear her scream."

I couldn't do anything as he pointed his wand at me. "_Crucio!"_ I expected pain but I didn't expect the blinding, white fire dancing across my skin, jabbing me with needles. Biting my lip so hard that I could taste my blood, I refused to let myself scream. Whimpers escaped my throat and hot tears fell down my cheeks but I didn't open my mouth.

_Enough with the silent act. Scream for us. _I had nothing left, no willpower to resist the request. Instead, I let out a short scream, crumpling onto the ground in front of me.

And then the pain was gone. "This could all be over if you give us names, right now," Avery growled, kneeling on the ground in front of me and leaning forward, invading my space.

I struggled to take in a breath. "No," I managed to hiss out, shaking my head. He wasn't going to get to them. I wasn't going to let him near my friends...

"Very well. _Crucio!"_ Just in those few seconds, I had forgotten how awful the pain was. I sobbed as I shook violently, my limbs refusing to work on their own, scalded with white-hot pain.

The pain dissipated again as I heard Avery say, in a sing-song voice, "Aw, look at her tears. She's obviously weak." His voice changed back to its normal, hard tone. "Now, give us the names."

I couldn't find my voice. It was gone with the pain. Slowly, I began to shake my head, wincing at the pain it brought. But this was worth it to keep my friends safe. They meant everything to the wizarding world; they had to stay safe. I wasn't anybody.

"Can you make her tell?" Avery was asking Mulciber.

Mulciber frowned, jamming me with his wand. "Only if I had Veritaserum."

Avery didn't like this answer. He snarled at Mulciber and then at me. "Then she's useless. Won't even say a bloody word," he concluded, still pointing his wand at me, a look of pure hatred on his face. "What are we supposed to do with her then?"

Mulciber frowned, not even glancing down at me. "She's not even worth it. Just get rid of her."

I didn't let the gasp escape my lips. Instead, I stared up at them with a hardened gaze, not letting their words have an effect on me.

Avery pretended not to notice. "All you had to do was give us information but you decided to be all courageous and noble. Well, where does that leave you now?"

I narrowed my eyes at him.

He withdrew his wand, and said, through his nasty smirk, "Nowhere." I didn't hear the two words being said, almost as if I blocked them out from my memory. But I saw the green light and-

* * *

The epilogue will be from someone else's POV, for obvious reasons. Yes, what happened in this chapter happened and it's not a dream.

I know some of you probably hate me now (reviews like "DON'T KILL IVY" come to mind) but I've had this planned since about chapter thirty. I wanted to stay with canon, which meant something had to happen to Ivy. She needed one last scene to show why she was a Gryffindor...and now you know.

There will be Sirius's POV, one-shots, and an alternate AU ending. More information to come after I post the epilogue tomorrow.


	163. Epilogue

_16 Years Later_

There was nothing to do – every single day, I was forced to stay inside this hell-hole that I had once called home. The same hell-hole I had hoped I'd never feet a foot in again. And now I couldn't take a step outside without Molly breathing down my back.

Everyone except for me got to venture out to Diagon Alley yesterday. I spent that day cleaning, trying to get my mind off of the fact that they had the freedom I would never receive.

Not as long as that traitor was still out there.

I had managed to get everyone to help me with cleaning today. They were all bored out of their minds, waiting around until tomorrow when Harry would be picked up by the Order. It didn't take much convincing, just a "I'm cleaning out the spare rooms" and they immediately jumped to their feet, ready to do something. They weren't excited about the cleaning, but at least it was something to pass the time.

It was silent work – nobody said a thing as we dusted off long forgotten books and organized boxes full of old memories.

After a few minutes, I stole a glance at everyone, watching them sort through their stuff with blank faces. I stopped on Ginny, who looked quite puzzled as she held something in her hands.

My eyes widened as I realized what she had uncovered. I had no idea how it ended up in here, the spare bedroom, but I was relieved – I thought it was forever gone with the times. The last time I saw it, it was on my bedside table...November 1st, 1981.

I refused myself to think of that fateful day, and instead, focused back on what Ginny held in her hands. She was opening it, reading the cover – and I could see her eyes light up with recognition.

"_Laurel Hills_?" She looked up at me, puzzlement on her face. "Isn't that the same book that they're selling in Flourish and Blotts? The best-seller?"

I could only nod at her words. Putting down the box in my hand, I made my way over and, without a word, Ginny handed me the journal. I took it from her hands and glanced at the familiar writing.

No one else seemed interested that I had a "best-selling book" stored away in the house. Ginny, however, found this very curious. But I didn't want her to pry. I wanted to look at the journal, touch the journal, read through its pages once again, memorize her handwriting.

"Why do you have the original manuscript?" Ginny's questions began. She wasn't trying to force answers - I could tell by the way she asked gently. She knew it was a complicated subject.

Turning the first page, I found myself staring down at the letter from 'S' to 'I' at the very beginning of the book – the preface to the novel.

_I-  
__Sometimes I wonder why if Sebastian and Anne were able to have their happy ending, why couldn't we have ours? Weren't we supposed to be Sebastian and Anne? Run away together, be together forever?_

_I guess we'll never get that. I still don't understand why you had to leave so soon – you didn't deserve it. You were just so innocent, so you, I don't understand how anyone could hurt you._

_We never had a chance to say goodbye. For months, I just sat awake at night, wondering why I got robbed of just holding you, kissing you goodbye, saying something, anything, to make this separation easier. And then I had an idea._

_This journal, your journal, your book is my present to you. I couldn't let your story disappear for no one to see – no, everyone needed to hear Sebastian and Anne's story – our story. So, here it is, getting published for the world to read._

_Because I want the world to know my favorite author, Ivy Bennett. You deserve to be heard._

_I love you.  
__-S_

'Best-seller', Ginny had said. I had no clue it was a best-seller. It had took me awhile to get Ivy's story published (about a year) and I had never heard anything about its sales. Best-seller, it was a best-seller. People were actually reading her story...

"Sirius?" Ginny asked.

I then realized I never answered her question. As I turned to the end of the book, my lips twitched into a smile, finally stopping at the last page.

_"We're going to run," Sebastian said, holding me close, fingers tangled in my hair._

_I sighed into his embrace, closing my eyes. "How far?"_

_**He grinned and replied, "That doesn't matter. If you're by my side, then there isn't anything I wouldn't do, anywhere I wouldn't go. You are, and always will be, my everything."**_

The very last paragraph was written in my handwriting, scrawled out next to Ivy's cursive font.

"I might have known the author," I replied vaguely, never letting the smile fade from my lips as I found myself lost in memories of her.

* * *

**_THE END_**

* * *

C'est fini! It's the end! I can breathe! I'm freeeeee!! From updating everyyyyy day!!

The ending is a transition to...SIRIUS'S POV.

Yes, Sirius's POV is what I'm working on next. I may be working on it at the same time I'll work on the alternate ending. I don't know when they'll be posted, so just add me on author alert. But I haven't started writing either so give me some time. They won't be updated everyday like this story, but I will be updating AT LEAST once a week, if not more. If I don't update, send me evil e-mails.

Oh, and I will be writing some from Remus's POV, a couple one-shots...people like Remus.Ivy (amazing penname) can breathe at last.

If I remember anything else I have to say, I'll put it on my profile. Check my profile for updates too.

But for now, I'll say that I have the most amazing reviewers in the world, and I'm going to miss you. Until the next story...

Thank you.


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